above every single cloud..
Its kinda sureal when I think about how different my life is, thinking back to April 11th 2006, the day of my last real entry.. Im sitting here trying to sort through all the different memories, trying to really understand everything for what its worth.. I take a deep breath, going from one end of my mind to the other, images of the past year, people I care about, smiles, laughter, people I've hurt, the pain I never meant to cause..
Its an amazing thing the mind is, it'll lead you in so many different directions, sometimes leaving you in places you'd rather not be.. But it also brings you the kinda love & peace of mind that most of us strive for.. I've been on a journey this year, really for the first time, finding out what exactly Im capable of, putting myself out there for the world to see.. Trying to find balance in your life can be an extremely lonely road, there's certain people I have to thank for seeing through me, understanding me when not a word was said, the kinda things you'll never be able to repay..
My love is something that stems from an amazing power source, it was planted long ago by my mother, & year by year she showed an amazing face, leaving inside of me the instructions on how to give love, how to open your heart for the better.. Its something my son feels now, you can see it when he sleeps next to you, when he smiles at you & through his eyes tells you how much you mean to him.. Its a complete trust that shines from that source..
When I think about where these last few years have gone, the choices I've made & everything inbetween, I almost dont know what to think.. I just think.. entirely too much sometimes... Its amazing the response I usually get when I say that, 90% of people say they agree completly.. We're all moving at such a fast pace, our minds never wanting to stop for a second & look around.. Learning to stop & breathe, to take everything in around you and always remember that this is all a gift, that your just a small star in the universe, that everythings unfolding as it should, is something Im so proud of..
I feel so far away sometimes, at night mostly. Lately I tend to just live in my head, dreams upon dreams that never seem to end.. I get lost in the moon, seeing each phase, week after week, its become an obsession, wondering if the people I love are looking up at the same time... I was flying to Texas earlier this month, having a beer at 34,000 feet, it was probably the best one I've ever had, I sipped on it for an hour.. I'd never seen the moon so bright in my life, I held onto my necklace, the small turqouise piece I found in my mothers jewerly box the day after she died. Holding it, being so high in the sky, above every single cloud, I wondered how much higher I had to go to get to heaven, that maybe you could see it if you just opened your heart & looked closely..
Till my next chapter.. I love u all
Its an amazing thing the mind is, it'll lead you in so many different directions, sometimes leaving you in places you'd rather not be.. But it also brings you the kinda love & peace of mind that most of us strive for.. I've been on a journey this year, really for the first time, finding out what exactly Im capable of, putting myself out there for the world to see.. Trying to find balance in your life can be an extremely lonely road, there's certain people I have to thank for seeing through me, understanding me when not a word was said, the kinda things you'll never be able to repay..
My love is something that stems from an amazing power source, it was planted long ago by my mother, & year by year she showed an amazing face, leaving inside of me the instructions on how to give love, how to open your heart for the better.. Its something my son feels now, you can see it when he sleeps next to you, when he smiles at you & through his eyes tells you how much you mean to him.. Its a complete trust that shines from that source..
When I think about where these last few years have gone, the choices I've made & everything inbetween, I almost dont know what to think.. I just think.. entirely too much sometimes... Its amazing the response I usually get when I say that, 90% of people say they agree completly.. We're all moving at such a fast pace, our minds never wanting to stop for a second & look around.. Learning to stop & breathe, to take everything in around you and always remember that this is all a gift, that your just a small star in the universe, that everythings unfolding as it should, is something Im so proud of..
I feel so far away sometimes, at night mostly. Lately I tend to just live in my head, dreams upon dreams that never seem to end.. I get lost in the moon, seeing each phase, week after week, its become an obsession, wondering if the people I love are looking up at the same time... I was flying to Texas earlier this month, having a beer at 34,000 feet, it was probably the best one I've ever had, I sipped on it for an hour.. I'd never seen the moon so bright in my life, I held onto my necklace, the small turqouise piece I found in my mothers jewerly box the day after she died. Holding it, being so high in the sky, above every single cloud, I wondered how much higher I had to go to get to heaven, that maybe you could see it if you just opened your heart & looked closely..
Till my next chapter.. I love u all