lost control again
I am looking for work every morning. Checking up on old applications and talking to managers. I can only hit so many each morning. I WAS planning on looking for new places to apply today, only mom and dad started bothering me to do just that before i could do it myself, so now i cant do it at all. and yes, i know that is retarted. believe me
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There’s nothing like being told what to do, when you had already planned on doing it. It’s a bitch. Been there… screamed and yelled at my parents for it too… slammed some doors… try not to ruin your stuff though, or hurt yourself. I know, easier said than done when control is lost…
It took me awhile to learn this, so I am going to share it with you… it will either piss you off or make you think, k? We have choices in life. Whether or not our parents are “controlling” us. At the moment that you felt the anger and resentment and frustration and/or whatever it was that you were feeling towards them… you had a choice. Listen or fight… fight or flight, right? I learned that the best way to deal was to just listen and agree ;) even if you are madder than hell. They might be wrong… they might be right… who knows. Maybe it’s about pride… I had a lot of pride and I’m stubborn and I hate backing down, especially when I am sure that I am right and know that they are wrong.
Another thing? I learned that I treat my friends way better than I treat my own parents. My friends may say the exact same thing to me that my parents would and I’ll sit there and listen and thank them… but when my parents say it I yell and scream… they don’t deserve that kind of treatment from me… it’s about respect. Oddly enough, I started to respect my parents and listen to them… and truthfully, we got along a lot better, because then it became mutual respect. I also respected myself more, because I was out there working, had goals and I enjoyed making them proud of me… still do.
I’m probably going on about this too much, but Stuart, seriously, my heart goes out to you… I’m worried and I want to help you, and I wish I could help you see that things will get better… and that you are such a smart, good person, with so much talent… and have lots of people who love you, and things just happen to be shitty right now… you are family, and we have a pretty small family… we are pretty close… my parents care about you, I care about you… and I know your parents care about you too. They are trying… call it parental worrying for their children…
If a child fails to “succeed” in life (in relation to what a parent thinks success is)… then that parent feels as though they have failed their children. There’s a lot of guilt there… does that make sense?
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I don’t know though, I could be wrong.
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You wanted me to find me voice? I found it.
I was being Stuart's cousin. I'm family. He doesn't have to listen but dammit I care, and I am allowed to give him advice, he doesn't have to take it or listen to me, but fuck you for thinking you could step in and insult me and my advice like that.
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I still feel the same way… that won’t change, but I suppose I should apologize for going off on you Nathan. Agree to disagree… I’m not going to change your mind, and you can’t change mine…
I was being delicate and thoughtful as it is… no one wants to know how I really feel about the whole situation anyway…
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