(Private)
Maybe it's time I admitted it ... I've got a real fuckin' fear of commitment. Well .... not so much commitment as betrayal or rejection. I got enough of that when I broke it off with Maureen. I mean, I was living the little small-town life up in Maine for Christsakes. And then, all of a sudden, GASP! "What do you mean you're divorcing Maureen? WHY? ... You're what?? You're GAY? ... Excuse me ..." And then I didn't hear a damn thing from anyone I knew there ever again.
Except Maureen, of course. I'm still amazed how cool she is with it, now. I mean, yah, it took her a couple of months, but all of a sudden the FBI routed me a letter from her, saying that she accepted it, still thought I was a good guy, and would I want to meet for lunch sometime at that little place across from Pie in the Sky in York ...
We've been doing lunch at least once a year ever since.
But that's really about it.
I mean ... every place I've gone, I get shit from people. So I give it back. And everyone gets this impression that I'm a hardass. Which really comes in handy. And yeah, to a point, I am. I want decent work done so that there'll be justice, so the guys'll get caught ... but ...
It shouldn't matter who the fuck you're working with, whether they're gay, straight, bi, or fuck animals for crying out loud. (Ok, maybe the animals thing was a bit over the top, but ... I was making a point.)
And I just ...
Sometimes I really WISH I could just belong somewhere ... know where I belong ... and be totally at peace with it.
Some days, the mood just hits me ...
And I'd give anything for it.
But that's ridiculous. It's not like it's ever going to miraculously happen.
Except Maureen, of course. I'm still amazed how cool she is with it, now. I mean, yah, it took her a couple of months, but all of a sudden the FBI routed me a letter from her, saying that she accepted it, still thought I was a good guy, and would I want to meet for lunch sometime at that little place across from Pie in the Sky in York ...
We've been doing lunch at least once a year ever since.
But that's really about it.
I mean ... every place I've gone, I get shit from people. So I give it back. And everyone gets this impression that I'm a hardass. Which really comes in handy. And yeah, to a point, I am. I want decent work done so that there'll be justice, so the guys'll get caught ... but ...
It shouldn't matter who the fuck you're working with, whether they're gay, straight, bi, or fuck animals for crying out loud. (Ok, maybe the animals thing was a bit over the top, but ... I was making a point.)
And I just ...
Sometimes I really WISH I could just belong somewhere ... know where I belong ... and be totally at peace with it.
Some days, the mood just hits me ...
And I'd give anything for it.
But that's ridiculous. It's not like it's ever going to miraculously happen.