~If this was it would you have admitted it??~
for the first time in so long im actually doing okie. this is quite shocking lol i dunno. i have been gettin frustrated cuz lately ive been having a few dreams about hector in the first one we were just driving around all chilland we kissed like we used to in the second one we were just driving around we were on our way 2 a show but he was dressed all nice like the time i saw him in july but no kiss then in the third on we were just kinda sitting in his car like the go0d old time then in the last and most recent one we were at Chain Reaction and he was there with his GF and i was tryin 2 say hi to him but he was totally blowing me off which pissed me off so much so then he was on his way 2 the bathro0m and i had gone seconds before and we came out at the same time and he pretended not to see me so i lightly pushed him and he was like "oh hey" but totally avoiding my gaze and was talking to me but lo0king over his shoulder like he was being watched or like his GF might see and get mad so then i woke up and my face was wet and i realized i'd been crying. the fact that hhe stopped talking to me hurt alot and i dunno i didnt even kno he'd had a gf i mean last time we'd talked on the phone (about a week b4 they got together)he told me he was completely single which i totally believe but he used to tell me he liked to take it slow and so i cant see him getting a GF within a week. i dunno....thats the only thing im really kinda bummed out about is the dreams they just were kinda disturbing and the last one hurt.i kno i had that one cuz thats how i IMAGINE i'd feel at their shows if i could go i feel like he'd be all avoiding me and shiit i dunno....
i have found someone and he makes me happy but i get the distinct impression he's only here for sex whhich lets face it is great and all but not something i wanna base a relationship off of. and another problem is he lives an hour and a half away :'[ and i dont drive but he does.....he has also hurt me once before and im scared of that happening again....... i want him but on the other hand i cant let go the fear of him hurting me to0 like hector did.... im actually very scared one of them might read this even tho hector's hardly on LJ to my knowledge and im not sure the other guy has one at all.
ahh well i kno im very boring but i mean really...... i cant write this down anywhere without my mom prying and the only people i can talk 2 about this shiit already kno most of it. if i could do it over
i wouldnt have let hector go :[
<33 BeFfAkNeEe
♥