May 2024
5/2
I think when it comes to feeling like a stranger around family/friends you haven't seen in a while, it comes down to a choice of are you content with being a stranger, or are you going to take the action to get reacquainted? Just takes one meeting to dispel the stranger feeling, unless you were never that well acquainted to begin with, I suppose. Yeah, you'll look a lot older than they remember, but then so will they. Most everyone's too worried about their own appearance to care about someone else's. If nothing else, it might bring them comfort that you're not immune to aging either.
I didn't have as much luck with the girls in grade school as it sounds like you did. I remember in 8th grade there was a girl I got along with well. She had a bit of a "dorky" look going on but not unattractive; the idea of dating her didn't cross my mind; in fact the general idea of dating felt foreign to me at the time--I guess my hormones hadn't revved up yet. I remember another kid in our class I knew approached me and asked me if I would be interested in dating her, i.e. he was asking on her behalf because she was too shy to ask me herself. My answer went something like "not really". In hindsight that probably hurt her feelings, and I don't remember talking to her much after that. Perhaps I should have said yes, but I guess being physically involved with someone just didn't make sense to me at the time, and I think by that time I had already adopted the behavior of not doing something just because everyone else was doing it. I never dated in high school; aside from Richard I don't remember having any friends, and I had trouble opening up to girls I found physically attractive. AOL helped me to circumvent that issue somewhat.
The year between high school and college, I remember having dates with a few girls I met online and one coworker's daughter, but nothing came about. One girl I met up with at least twice, once at a park, and a second time several months later for a movie that I thought was purely intended to be platonic but ended in a kiss; that was all I got that year beyond hand-holding. One girl I took to a movie was 13, and I'm pretty sure snuck out so her parents wouldn't know; in hindsight that was very dangerous of her, and not very smart of me. There was a guy I met up because it seemed like we might make good friends, but the meeting was awkward and I'm pretty sure he was gay and looking for something more. I was quite naive back then, needless to say.
In college my luck didn't change until sophomore year when I made an effort to meet a freshman girl I heard playing original songs at the college open mic, so I waited outside her dorm to meet her. Her name was Parthena; what a name. The relationship got intensely physical very quickly and literally lasted only a week when I started having second thoughts and scared her away. I tried to stay friends with her, even suggesting we try a relationship again to no avail, and after a couple months she ghosted me. I came to realize it was because she started dating another sophomore who looked a lot like me, though a little shorter, and from what I can tell they remained that way until I graduated. I had a very similar relationship with a girl I met the summer between junior and senior years. I stayed with Stuart in his apartment that summer and would play the local open mic and met her there; her name was Vickie. Almost a carbon copy of the Parthena relationship, got intense quickly and lasted exactly a week until I scared her away and got (deservedly) ghosted. In hindsight I've come to understand that I didn't really know either of them going into the relationship, hadn't developed a true friendship, which I think is necessary for longevity.
Junior year I met a girl named Jamie who I didn't find that attractive but really enjoyed hanging out with. We became and remained really good friends through senior year. We were at a party together one day junior year and she must have made a move because things got physical that night, so I was like, OK, let's try dating, but after about a week I got signs from her that that wasn't something she wanted to pursue any more, and so without speaking a single word about it the relationship returned to a platonic state, which we both seemed happy with. It's funny to me how that played out. I do regret not keeping in touch with her after college, as I did consider her part of our inner friend circle with Stuart and Tim. Senior year there was a girl in my dorm that I remember talking to quite a bit that, again, I didn't find attractive, but one day toward the end of the school year we were in the stairwell alone talking and she randomly kissed me. It was a nice gesture, though perhaps she got the sense from me that I wasn't interested, because we never spoke of it after that, though I don't think we had many opportunities to see each other after that, and we didn't really hang out that much to begin with; I don't remember her name.
That's pretty much the extent of my romantic life before Liz. With her I was able to circumvent my shutting down around girls I found attractive, since we met and conversed for a couple years online before meeting in person, but maybe that wouldn't have mattered.
To be clear, when I say I didn't find a girl attractive, I did consider the girl beautiful, just not someone I personally was physically attracted to, for whatever reason. In reminiscing about this stuff, it reminds me how jaunting and traumatic that time of our lives is, so much flux and people coming in and out. It's a miracle we survive let alone come out with any lasting, meaningful relationships. Perhaps that's why friendships from that period can remain so strong, because the trauma of that age is shared, something survived together, like a war buddy.
That's impressive remembering as many names as you do. I can only remember 3 of my teachers's names: Grimes in 1st, short-haired nice lady; Byrd in 2nd, middle-aged quiet black lady; Cunningham in 5th, I remember her because her daughter was in nearly all my classes at Achilles and my Jewish friend David had a crush on her, and she was in my 5th grade class with me, meaning her mother was her teacher, and I remember one day fervently raising my hand, and I had been holding a pencil and accidentally threw it at Mrs. Cunningham and it hit her in the face, and she said I was lucky it didn't pierce her eye, but I don't remember being reprimanded; I remember feeling terrible about it and I suppose she sensed that. I can picture many other teachers, and college professors, but can't remember their names.
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Emailed above to Dad.
5/4
I handle all the chopping and dicing, except for Sunday dinners although Liz regularly asks me to help, especially if there is a lot of chopping required. We have a Kitchen Aid food processor, but I find with most jobs manual chopping does the job just as efficiently with more reliable results. I do use the processor for pico de gallo, specifically for dicing the garlic and jalapeno together, and then pulse chopping the tomatoes with the cilantro (which I pre-chop manually because I keep the stems).
10+ plus years ago Liz's youngest brother got into the business of selling Cutco knives, although I don't know if he ever actually sold any, and he wanted to get out of it, so we bought the knives he had bought (for the purposes of selling) off of him, including a standard chef's knife and some smaller knives. The chef's knife is really nice quality, light weight, sturdy, maintains its sharpness well. I use the honing steel once each day right before my first use (if I remember). I haven't sharpened it in years, which is inexcusable because I have a good sharpening stone for knife use, however I'm a bit weary to do so because I'm afraid I'm a bit conditioned to use a subpar knife edge, and don't trust myself to be 100% mistake free, and so having a subpar knife edge provides a margin of error when accidentally catching myself with the blade. It rarely happens, but I remember it happening once recently, and I was glad the knife wasn't super sharp, because it didn't break the skin.
My go-to cutting board is a plain white plastic slab, maybe 1/2 inch thick, about 10x13 in. Easy on the blade, easy to carry over to the food-scraps bucket, and fits easily into the dishwasher. I don't remember when and where we got it, or what brand it is. My only complaint is it has a large hole on one side, so that you can use that side like a handle, but I would rather it wasn't there because food scraps fall into it, whereas I want them to stay on the board for easy transport to the bucket. We have another similar plastic board, Oxo brand I believe, but it is smaller (like 9x13) and has black edging along the 9" sides that lift it up off the counter somewhat; I don't like it as much and keep it as a back up. I also have a miniature version of the Oxo that I break out often for single-use small jobs, like chopping up an apple right before bed for overnight oats; it fits in the dishwasher like a small plate. I have a really nice looking wooden cutting board, but I never use it; it's about the same size as the back up (9x13) and bulky at 1-inch thick, just not that practical. I like the size of my go-to, often large enough to hold scraps or finished chops with enough room left to work. I do not own a glass board (I may have at one point and got rid of it) and avoid them if at all possible. Plastic and wood feels receptive to and easy on the blade, while glass feels hard on it and slippery. I'll only use glass when we're traveling and it's the only board available.
May the Fourth be with you, live long and prosper, and na-nu na-nu.
---
Emailed above to Dad.
5/14
Direct seeding strategies/musings:
I think it's important to seed out a couple weeks ahead of schedule. Don't water in but allow nature to germinate. Fall may be tricky, especially in places where I have not prepared the bed well and so soil is dry and of subpar quality. Fall bed prep, specifically with spade-aeration and mulching is critical for moisture-charging soil for next year.
I like the use of parallel sticks or stick piles, with small gap between just enough for seedling to poke through. It does a better job than simply parting woodchips of keeping moisture in the soil, keeping chips from falling on top of the seeds, and marking areas that have been seeded.
Not sure I care about labeling where I seed, as long as it is obvious that I seeded there with the sticks/rocks/net-stapled cups. Yeah, I might forget what I seeded where and when, but I would be able to recognize the seedling once they sprout at this point (except for maybe certain native plants with small seeds); the issue would be if nothing sprouts after a month or so and how long do I wait.
5/19
I'm planning to be in Newport News from June 12 (Wed) until June 16 (Sun) with Grace and Boone this time. If you would like to schedule a meet up while we're there, let me know.
Garden is pumping. In hindsight I wish I had done a better job throwing seeds down to keep the ground covered; we have a certain type of grass that pops up everywhere. It's easy to pull but disrupts the soil when I do, which might affect germinating seeds and seedlings. I think I'm learning that to do this sustainably and efficiently I need to have seeds in place early so that nature can germinate them when rain spells happen etc. Just throw them down and thin as needed; it's easier to manage when plants are too dense rather than too sparse, and more roots make for happier soil. It's getting a little late to start summer crops now, but I will keep trying. I'm going to try to seed out all my fall crops in mid-late July to catch the August rain spell(s) we tend to get. I think I'll be more prepared next winter for spring/summer crops now that I have an infrastructure in place and can focus strictly on planting.
It's that time of year where the deer are around a lot, and I've seen no sign of them jumping in the fenced in area, so I think I can finalize my verdict on this year's strategy as a success. We have a resident bunny now though who's been nibbling off the tops of my pole bean and cucumber seedlings, kind of annoying because I was hoping to have them growing up some of my arched trellises. I may have to implement some chicken wire to keep them off. Slug pressure has been strong too. I'd like to figure out a way to put a small pond in the yard; maybe it will attract frogs/toads, and maybe that will help quell the slug population.
We have a berry bush that's producing heavily this year called goumi berry. It's in the same genus as autumn olive if you've ever heard of it, a pretty well known "invasive". Goumi as far as I know is not so much. Berries are sweet and tart with one big seed that's fun to ptooie. I've been enjoying them. I've found you have to wait until they are a deep red and quite soft, almost overripe. I'll attach a couple pics. The bushes are "nitrogen-fixing", meaning they will develop nodules that will house nitrogen-fixing bacteria, so they're supposedly good for soil building. I have it planted between a pear and a persimmon to "feed" them. I'm not sure how important nitrogen-fixing plants are in gardens well-mulched with wood chips, as from what I've read and seen the fungal network will create their own nodules for accumulating nitrogen, but it can only help.
You had asked if I'm in good spirits in all aspects of life.... it comes and goes. I'd say yes now, but when I originally read it I was not so much. Being preoccupied in the garden and seeing it come together more with accumulating success and being able to eat more from it has helped. A lot of times I am frustrated with my lack of free time, but other times I think if I had the time I would make less efficient use of it, like a goldfish in a bigger fish tank. I'm trying to let go a little more and focus only on what brings me joy.
---
Emailed above to Dad.
5/28
Good on you for trying to shine some light here. Most of these commenters are OK with parting with their term insurance once it stops being affordable and fail to realize that you can keep the policy (i.e. with WL) AND have the investments. Instead of "buy term and invest the difference" (and lose the term when you outlive it), it should be "buy whole and invest the cash value".
There may be less to invest up front with WL, but what a fiscally responsible individual leaves behind will always outpace "buy term etc". A "buy term"er might have $1 million in investments when their $1 million term expires, thus cutting what would be $2-million windfall to their heirs in half, but an infinite banker of the same age will still have that policy and maybe $500K+ in investments, putting them far ahead at that point and potentially free of 3rd-party lenders, with an exponentially growing cash value available for additional investments.
---
Posted in reply to a comment (w/ replies) on a YT video of Dave Ramsey hating on infinite banking.
I think when it comes to feeling like a stranger around family/friends you haven't seen in a while, it comes down to a choice of are you content with being a stranger, or are you going to take the action to get reacquainted? Just takes one meeting to dispel the stranger feeling, unless you were never that well acquainted to begin with, I suppose. Yeah, you'll look a lot older than they remember, but then so will they. Most everyone's too worried about their own appearance to care about someone else's. If nothing else, it might bring them comfort that you're not immune to aging either.
I didn't have as much luck with the girls in grade school as it sounds like you did. I remember in 8th grade there was a girl I got along with well. She had a bit of a "dorky" look going on but not unattractive; the idea of dating her didn't cross my mind; in fact the general idea of dating felt foreign to me at the time--I guess my hormones hadn't revved up yet. I remember another kid in our class I knew approached me and asked me if I would be interested in dating her, i.e. he was asking on her behalf because she was too shy to ask me herself. My answer went something like "not really". In hindsight that probably hurt her feelings, and I don't remember talking to her much after that. Perhaps I should have said yes, but I guess being physically involved with someone just didn't make sense to me at the time, and I think by that time I had already adopted the behavior of not doing something just because everyone else was doing it. I never dated in high school; aside from Richard I don't remember having any friends, and I had trouble opening up to girls I found physically attractive. AOL helped me to circumvent that issue somewhat.
The year between high school and college, I remember having dates with a few girls I met online and one coworker's daughter, but nothing came about. One girl I met up with at least twice, once at a park, and a second time several months later for a movie that I thought was purely intended to be platonic but ended in a kiss; that was all I got that year beyond hand-holding. One girl I took to a movie was 13, and I'm pretty sure snuck out so her parents wouldn't know; in hindsight that was very dangerous of her, and not very smart of me. There was a guy I met up because it seemed like we might make good friends, but the meeting was awkward and I'm pretty sure he was gay and looking for something more. I was quite naive back then, needless to say.
In college my luck didn't change until sophomore year when I made an effort to meet a freshman girl I heard playing original songs at the college open mic, so I waited outside her dorm to meet her. Her name was Parthena; what a name. The relationship got intensely physical very quickly and literally lasted only a week when I started having second thoughts and scared her away. I tried to stay friends with her, even suggesting we try a relationship again to no avail, and after a couple months she ghosted me. I came to realize it was because she started dating another sophomore who looked a lot like me, though a little shorter, and from what I can tell they remained that way until I graduated. I had a very similar relationship with a girl I met the summer between junior and senior years. I stayed with Stuart in his apartment that summer and would play the local open mic and met her there; her name was Vickie. Almost a carbon copy of the Parthena relationship, got intense quickly and lasted exactly a week until I scared her away and got (deservedly) ghosted. In hindsight I've come to understand that I didn't really know either of them going into the relationship, hadn't developed a true friendship, which I think is necessary for longevity.
Junior year I met a girl named Jamie who I didn't find that attractive but really enjoyed hanging out with. We became and remained really good friends through senior year. We were at a party together one day junior year and she must have made a move because things got physical that night, so I was like, OK, let's try dating, but after about a week I got signs from her that that wasn't something she wanted to pursue any more, and so without speaking a single word about it the relationship returned to a platonic state, which we both seemed happy with. It's funny to me how that played out. I do regret not keeping in touch with her after college, as I did consider her part of our inner friend circle with Stuart and Tim. Senior year there was a girl in my dorm that I remember talking to quite a bit that, again, I didn't find attractive, but one day toward the end of the school year we were in the stairwell alone talking and she randomly kissed me. It was a nice gesture, though perhaps she got the sense from me that I wasn't interested, because we never spoke of it after that, though I don't think we had many opportunities to see each other after that, and we didn't really hang out that much to begin with; I don't remember her name.
That's pretty much the extent of my romantic life before Liz. With her I was able to circumvent my shutting down around girls I found attractive, since we met and conversed for a couple years online before meeting in person, but maybe that wouldn't have mattered.
To be clear, when I say I didn't find a girl attractive, I did consider the girl beautiful, just not someone I personally was physically attracted to, for whatever reason. In reminiscing about this stuff, it reminds me how jaunting and traumatic that time of our lives is, so much flux and people coming in and out. It's a miracle we survive let alone come out with any lasting, meaningful relationships. Perhaps that's why friendships from that period can remain so strong, because the trauma of that age is shared, something survived together, like a war buddy.
That's impressive remembering as many names as you do. I can only remember 3 of my teachers's names: Grimes in 1st, short-haired nice lady; Byrd in 2nd, middle-aged quiet black lady; Cunningham in 5th, I remember her because her daughter was in nearly all my classes at Achilles and my Jewish friend David had a crush on her, and she was in my 5th grade class with me, meaning her mother was her teacher, and I remember one day fervently raising my hand, and I had been holding a pencil and accidentally threw it at Mrs. Cunningham and it hit her in the face, and she said I was lucky it didn't pierce her eye, but I don't remember being reprimanded; I remember feeling terrible about it and I suppose she sensed that. I can picture many other teachers, and college professors, but can't remember their names.
---
Emailed above to Dad.
5/4
I handle all the chopping and dicing, except for Sunday dinners although Liz regularly asks me to help, especially if there is a lot of chopping required. We have a Kitchen Aid food processor, but I find with most jobs manual chopping does the job just as efficiently with more reliable results. I do use the processor for pico de gallo, specifically for dicing the garlic and jalapeno together, and then pulse chopping the tomatoes with the cilantro (which I pre-chop manually because I keep the stems).
10+ plus years ago Liz's youngest brother got into the business of selling Cutco knives, although I don't know if he ever actually sold any, and he wanted to get out of it, so we bought the knives he had bought (for the purposes of selling) off of him, including a standard chef's knife and some smaller knives. The chef's knife is really nice quality, light weight, sturdy, maintains its sharpness well. I use the honing steel once each day right before my first use (if I remember). I haven't sharpened it in years, which is inexcusable because I have a good sharpening stone for knife use, however I'm a bit weary to do so because I'm afraid I'm a bit conditioned to use a subpar knife edge, and don't trust myself to be 100% mistake free, and so having a subpar knife edge provides a margin of error when accidentally catching myself with the blade. It rarely happens, but I remember it happening once recently, and I was glad the knife wasn't super sharp, because it didn't break the skin.
My go-to cutting board is a plain white plastic slab, maybe 1/2 inch thick, about 10x13 in. Easy on the blade, easy to carry over to the food-scraps bucket, and fits easily into the dishwasher. I don't remember when and where we got it, or what brand it is. My only complaint is it has a large hole on one side, so that you can use that side like a handle, but I would rather it wasn't there because food scraps fall into it, whereas I want them to stay on the board for easy transport to the bucket. We have another similar plastic board, Oxo brand I believe, but it is smaller (like 9x13) and has black edging along the 9" sides that lift it up off the counter somewhat; I don't like it as much and keep it as a back up. I also have a miniature version of the Oxo that I break out often for single-use small jobs, like chopping up an apple right before bed for overnight oats; it fits in the dishwasher like a small plate. I have a really nice looking wooden cutting board, but I never use it; it's about the same size as the back up (9x13) and bulky at 1-inch thick, just not that practical. I like the size of my go-to, often large enough to hold scraps or finished chops with enough room left to work. I do not own a glass board (I may have at one point and got rid of it) and avoid them if at all possible. Plastic and wood feels receptive to and easy on the blade, while glass feels hard on it and slippery. I'll only use glass when we're traveling and it's the only board available.
May the Fourth be with you, live long and prosper, and na-nu na-nu.
---
Emailed above to Dad.
5/14
Direct seeding strategies/musings:
I think it's important to seed out a couple weeks ahead of schedule. Don't water in but allow nature to germinate. Fall may be tricky, especially in places where I have not prepared the bed well and so soil is dry and of subpar quality. Fall bed prep, specifically with spade-aeration and mulching is critical for moisture-charging soil for next year.
I like the use of parallel sticks or stick piles, with small gap between just enough for seedling to poke through. It does a better job than simply parting woodchips of keeping moisture in the soil, keeping chips from falling on top of the seeds, and marking areas that have been seeded.
Not sure I care about labeling where I seed, as long as it is obvious that I seeded there with the sticks/rocks/net-stapled cups. Yeah, I might forget what I seeded where and when, but I would be able to recognize the seedling once they sprout at this point (except for maybe certain native plants with small seeds); the issue would be if nothing sprouts after a month or so and how long do I wait.
5/19
I'm planning to be in Newport News from June 12 (Wed) until June 16 (Sun) with Grace and Boone this time. If you would like to schedule a meet up while we're there, let me know.
Garden is pumping. In hindsight I wish I had done a better job throwing seeds down to keep the ground covered; we have a certain type of grass that pops up everywhere. It's easy to pull but disrupts the soil when I do, which might affect germinating seeds and seedlings. I think I'm learning that to do this sustainably and efficiently I need to have seeds in place early so that nature can germinate them when rain spells happen etc. Just throw them down and thin as needed; it's easier to manage when plants are too dense rather than too sparse, and more roots make for happier soil. It's getting a little late to start summer crops now, but I will keep trying. I'm going to try to seed out all my fall crops in mid-late July to catch the August rain spell(s) we tend to get. I think I'll be more prepared next winter for spring/summer crops now that I have an infrastructure in place and can focus strictly on planting.
It's that time of year where the deer are around a lot, and I've seen no sign of them jumping in the fenced in area, so I think I can finalize my verdict on this year's strategy as a success. We have a resident bunny now though who's been nibbling off the tops of my pole bean and cucumber seedlings, kind of annoying because I was hoping to have them growing up some of my arched trellises. I may have to implement some chicken wire to keep them off. Slug pressure has been strong too. I'd like to figure out a way to put a small pond in the yard; maybe it will attract frogs/toads, and maybe that will help quell the slug population.
We have a berry bush that's producing heavily this year called goumi berry. It's in the same genus as autumn olive if you've ever heard of it, a pretty well known "invasive". Goumi as far as I know is not so much. Berries are sweet and tart with one big seed that's fun to ptooie. I've been enjoying them. I've found you have to wait until they are a deep red and quite soft, almost overripe. I'll attach a couple pics. The bushes are "nitrogen-fixing", meaning they will develop nodules that will house nitrogen-fixing bacteria, so they're supposedly good for soil building. I have it planted between a pear and a persimmon to "feed" them. I'm not sure how important nitrogen-fixing plants are in gardens well-mulched with wood chips, as from what I've read and seen the fungal network will create their own nodules for accumulating nitrogen, but it can only help.
You had asked if I'm in good spirits in all aspects of life.... it comes and goes. I'd say yes now, but when I originally read it I was not so much. Being preoccupied in the garden and seeing it come together more with accumulating success and being able to eat more from it has helped. A lot of times I am frustrated with my lack of free time, but other times I think if I had the time I would make less efficient use of it, like a goldfish in a bigger fish tank. I'm trying to let go a little more and focus only on what brings me joy.
---
Emailed above to Dad.
5/28
Good on you for trying to shine some light here. Most of these commenters are OK with parting with their term insurance once it stops being affordable and fail to realize that you can keep the policy (i.e. with WL) AND have the investments. Instead of "buy term and invest the difference" (and lose the term when you outlive it), it should be "buy whole and invest the cash value".
There may be less to invest up front with WL, but what a fiscally responsible individual leaves behind will always outpace "buy term etc". A "buy term"er might have $1 million in investments when their $1 million term expires, thus cutting what would be $2-million windfall to their heirs in half, but an infinite banker of the same age will still have that policy and maybe $500K+ in investments, putting them far ahead at that point and potentially free of 3rd-party lenders, with an exponentially growing cash value available for additional investments.
---
Posted in reply to a comment (w/ replies) on a YT video of Dave Ramsey hating on infinite banking.