(no subject)
This week's been a huge failure. Last weekend I found myself on youtube watching this guy play blind playthroughs of the Half-Life series, and it snowballed into this week as I caught myself up and fully broke my Lent fast, and just didn't care to do anything this week, and didn't exercise. Hardly worked in the yard except to mow it and trim the front hedges on Monday (or Tuesday?). It's like my body lashed out at itself for withholding it's precious addiction, not unlike Krystina's behavior spiraling out of control the more we clamped down on her privileges. I'm currently typing this on my work computer because I don't want to touch my personal laptop, because I know I won't be able to stop myself. I found myself wanting to outright break the thing to get it out of life.
So Friday I emailed my team lead about getting more hours (to get up 32/week for full time benefits), and I found out Monday that the offer was reneged because the work just isn't there to justify my getting more hours, but that they are pursuing more clients and the situation could change in a few months. I can't say I was surprised, but it sure didn't help me the rest of the week. So I'm wondering if it's a sign that I shouldn't be pursuing more hours, that it's time to go on a new path. But I can't do it on my own and I sure as hell can't figure it out on my own.
About Half-Life, this week I've been trying to piece together how I understand the G-man and the Combine. The vortigaunts experience a true hive-mind; they have one eye as each is an eye for the same mind, and that mind does not perceive the passage of time in relation to each individual vortigaunt's perceptions. The Combine advisors (or Shu'ulathoi pre-Combine) do not seem to share a pure hive-mind as the vortigaunts do, but are able to communicate telepathically and value knowledge above all; they are grub-looking creatures, in a larval stage, and should they ever cocoon and so-called "hatch", in their adult form they are only bent on reproducing, purely animalistic, but they are able to imprint on themselves the form they take upon hatching. One youtuber posits that G-man is a hatched adult, but if the adults are "mindless" I don't see how that can be so. He is some other god-like creature, someone like Q in Star Trek (not that I watched much Star Trek) but powers being limited to teleporting to and from wherever he likes and manipulating the speed by which time passes--also based on the new game he can also view time similar to the vorts, especially being able to see future events. But even though he can foresee the future does not mean it is not capable of being nudged. He cannot do the nudging himself but can set the pieces (specifically, extraordinary humans) in place to facilitate. The vorts have similar powers but perhaps because they lack any experience of uniqueness or individuality, it makes them slow to wake, or perhaps they are one of the ones he speaks of that believes the fate to the worlds is fixed, although as their experience with humanity grows they see the potential of humans to alter the course of the future; perhaps their ability to perceive the future has gotten fuzzy at the end of Episode 2, as did G-man's, who speaks of the times as being extraordinary.
So Friday I emailed my team lead about getting more hours (to get up 32/week for full time benefits), and I found out Monday that the offer was reneged because the work just isn't there to justify my getting more hours, but that they are pursuing more clients and the situation could change in a few months. I can't say I was surprised, but it sure didn't help me the rest of the week. So I'm wondering if it's a sign that I shouldn't be pursuing more hours, that it's time to go on a new path. But I can't do it on my own and I sure as hell can't figure it out on my own.
About Half-Life, this week I've been trying to piece together how I understand the G-man and the Combine. The vortigaunts experience a true hive-mind; they have one eye as each is an eye for the same mind, and that mind does not perceive the passage of time in relation to each individual vortigaunt's perceptions. The Combine advisors (or Shu'ulathoi pre-Combine) do not seem to share a pure hive-mind as the vortigaunts do, but are able to communicate telepathically and value knowledge above all; they are grub-looking creatures, in a larval stage, and should they ever cocoon and so-called "hatch", in their adult form they are only bent on reproducing, purely animalistic, but they are able to imprint on themselves the form they take upon hatching. One youtuber posits that G-man is a hatched adult, but if the adults are "mindless" I don't see how that can be so. He is some other god-like creature, someone like Q in Star Trek (not that I watched much Star Trek) but powers being limited to teleporting to and from wherever he likes and manipulating the speed by which time passes--also based on the new game he can also view time similar to the vorts, especially being able to see future events. But even though he can foresee the future does not mean it is not capable of being nudged. He cannot do the nudging himself but can set the pieces (specifically, extraordinary humans) in place to facilitate. The vorts have similar powers but perhaps because they lack any experience of uniqueness or individuality, it makes them slow to wake, or perhaps they are one of the ones he speaks of that believes the fate to the worlds is fixed, although as their experience with humanity grows they see the potential of humans to alter the course of the future; perhaps their ability to perceive the future has gotten fuzzy at the end of Episode 2, as did G-man's, who speaks of the times as being extraordinary.