Permanent (twins, PG-13)
Title: Permanent
Pairing: Bill/Tom
Genre: Twincest, established relationship, fluff
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's a wonder Tom is afraid of permanent things that last a lifetime. He is a twin, after all.
Disclaimer: I own everything, twins, cars, even you.
Authors notes: If a twin tattoo rumour can’t pick me up from my writers block, I don’t know what can. Not sure how great of a comeback a plotless babble is, though.
***
Tom wasn't a violent person, but he definitely had a temper.
In the last thirty seconds, he had stomped out of their house, kicked every little stone on their driveway, and slammed his car door with excessive force. But Tom wouldn't have been Tom if he hadn't unconsciously apologized to his darling car immediately by patting the door. That was what he was like; he spoke and acted without thinking first, but within a second tried to make up for it. This came through even in interviews with his unrealistic statements of his heartbreaker ways - after bragging over how many girls he had bent over, and feeling how Bill froze even for a nano-second, Tom always made sure to fix the crack between them by unnoticeable touches. That is, unnoticeable to everyone but Bill who was always soothed by the slightest sign of tenderness from Tom.
“Fuck you,” Tom muttered under his breath as steered off the driveway. There was no need to say it loudly, they had already yelled it back and forth minutes ago. No, to Tom, this silent last curse was like having the final word, letting out some steam with a deep breath.
They fought like they loved, Tom thought and laughed dryly. They were passionate people who went with their feelings, followed their hearts instead of their heads. When their relationship had first shifted from brothers to lovers, years ago, it hadn’t been a smart decision or something that they had thought through at all. It had been a gut feeling, an emotion so overwhelming it had felt like there was no choice. It had been a natural progress of the love that had always been there, and they had just followed through with it.
They loved and fought with passion, all clear thinking aside. The thought made Tom step on the gas a little harder.
This fight, like all their fights, had been like two wild animals getting together, yelling with raw emotions, giving no thought to what horrid words came out of their mouths. It had always been like that, like they were two four-year olds who were screaming out all the bad words they had in their vocabulary.
Tom reached out to search for the half-full bag of gummi bears he knew he had left laying around somewhere. He found the candy bag, only to realize it was empty.
“Fuck you!” Tom now said with quite a bit of more volume, as he threw the empty bag towards the other seat, imagining no doubt that Bill was sitting there.
This is so typical of you, Tom thought. Bill never saw limits between what was Tom’s and what was his. According to Bill, everything either of them owned, the other one had access to as well. Fine, Tom knew he could have anything of Bill’s, but he rarely had needs for nail polish, glitter eye shadow or horribly tight leather trousers. The sharing arrangement was much better for Bill. because Tom owned stuff you’d actually want to borrow. “But Tomi, we share everything, we‘re twins“. That seemed to be the only answer to everything in Bill's world.
And maybe it was the only answer in Tom's world, too. He breathed Bill, Bill knew him inside out, knew exactly how to push his buttons in both good and bad. Tom sometimes caught himself in a moment, trying to imagine it without having Bill in the moment with him. There had never been one moment in his life when Bill hadn't been there to hug him, to comfort him or to have a giggle fit with him. Bill was always there, and even when Tom thought he'd rather not have Bill constantly within reach, it always turned out Bill was the only thing he really needed there to make a moment complete. All the talk about their bond that they'd been feeding the media and fans for years now, it wasn't just talk - it really was how they lived their lives. Life.
Tom lit a cigarette, opening the window slightly. The warm breeze reminded him of why he loved driving so much. Not just for the speed, as he was a definite adrenaline junkie, but because of the feel of freedom. Freedom, peace and quiet. Bill's voice was the soundtrack of his life, but sometimes he wanted to only hear silence.
Driving away by himself was Tom’s choice of escape. It wasn’t always about fighting, but just the need to clear his head - Tom and Bill understood each other on this. They lived in an constant togetherness, truly sharing a life, but every once in a while Tom wanted to have some time with himself. He wouldn't change his life for anything, but sometimes he still needed the reminder that he was a person on his own as well, not just a half of the billandtom.
Having some time to think, to clear his thoughts, always felt energizing to Tom. It made him feel whole, a few moments alone gave him strength and patience to be a balanced person who could love, and who was loved. Tom was a nervous person, who got fidgety and stressed more than anyone could imagine. Moments alone let him gather himself so he could feel worthy of a relationship again.
Their relationship, despite being very passionate, was well-balanced because Bill and Tom sometimes took the time to themselves separately. It felt easy to give so much love when they felt comfortable on who they were. Tom felt like driving alone gave him that little sense of sanity that he needed in order to be Bill’s counter-balance. There was no use in being together every single second. Allowing some time apart, and understanding that it didn’t mean they were falling apart, made them so much better to each other.
The EMA’s last year had been one of those occasion. Tom and Bill had been almost glued to each other for a while, so they had both thought it’d be a good idea to drive there separately from their house. They had booked a room in their favourite hotel, planning for a private party to celebrate. They hoped to bag an award during the awards gala. Neither of them wanted to admit it, but being apart even for a few hours and seeing each other again gave butterflies to them both. To Tom it felt like coming home no matter where they were. Seeing Bill after a few moments apart, first thought in his mind and heart was always how much he wanted to be with Bill, how much it hurt to not be with the one he was meant to be with.
After Bill’s accident on his way to the EMA‘s, it had taken ages for Tom to let him out of the house alone. He had told Bill to sit on his car on the driveway if he needed time to himself, just as long as he didn’t drive one meter. Tom’s worst fear was losing Bill, and he had been faced with the threat too many times for one life.
Tom’s thoughts got interrupted by a sudden beep from his mobile. It was a text from Bill. I ate all your gummi bears, I’m sorry.
Tom smiled. This was so typical of them: first fighting like there was no tomorrow, at least not for them as a couple, and still at the same time they were so in-tune with each other. They would call each other the worst names, Tom would tell Bill to fuck off, then he himself would fuck off with slamming doors - and today, like every time, he had told Bill he was going for a drive to let off some steam. No matter how pissed they were with each other, they always made sure that the other one wouldn’t have to worry and stay up waiting for them to come home. When it came to things that really mattered, like losing each other which was the biggest fear in the world for both of them, they never used their love against each other.
But apparently, that had been Tom’s mistake today. Using Bill’s love, or mainly the ridiculous hinting of lack of love, against him on his own benefit. At least that’s how Bill had seen it.
Their morning, or what normal people would’ve called afternoon, had started nicely with morning coffee and cigarettes on their terrace. Puppies had been goofing around the backyard, and Tom had felt fully relaxed. That was up until Bill had yet again brought up the twin tattoo.
Bill had first gotten the idea of having similar tattoos shortly after having his neck done. Tom, the needle-phobic, had been incredulous to the whole thing, as he knew Bill was well aware of his phobia. Bill had only laughed, given puppy eyes and asked if Tom wouldn’t do it even for him. Tom had just stared, and Bill had left it at that. Tom had brushed it off as a joke. Bill did bring the idea up after every new tattoo he had inked to his skin, and sometimes randomly out of nowhere. It had never been an issue though, but after one occasion when Tom probably had been half-asleep, Bill had somehow decided that Tom was starting to warm up to the idea. Bill had gone on with a full day of nagging and talking about how good and addictive getting tattooed actually felt. Tom, on his teasing jerk -mode, had then said in an interview that he might consider getting a twin tattoo. He had mainly done it to shut Bill up - in an emergency, he might vaguely promise his brother that they could do it for their 30th birthday or something distant like that. But Bill wouldn’t have been Bill if he hadn’t started a frequent nagging mission on the issue.
So this morning Bill had yet again brought up the twin tattoo. Tom had only grunted half-heartedly, as Bill’s talk hadn’t sounded threatening enough to have his full attention. Tom knew from half a word when Bill was on a mission. These were moments Tom had to be at his sharpest, so he wouldn’t get fooled into promising something he definitely wouldn’t want to live up to. Bill’s light “What do you think the tattoo could be?” hadn’t sounded like a scary mission.
“I don’t know,” Tom had shrugged, scratching one puppy behind its ear.
“We’ll come up with something,” Bill had said happily. “I think it’d be nice to choose the spots for each other.”
“What?” Tom heard a very small change in Bill’s tone that hinted him to pay attention.
“Uh-huh. I think you should decide where I take it, and then I’ll choose a spot where you’ll have yours.”
Tom had bursted laughing. “Right, like I’ll agree with you making me put it on my forehead or something.”
Meeting Bill’s flaming eyes, Tom had realized he’d done the one huge mistake he didn’t realize he had been trying to avoid.
“You think that’s what this is all about? That I’m trying to embarrass you? That this is a joke?” Bill had exploded.
After that, Bill had started yelling about how Tom didn’t get him at all, that what he thought was a very intimate thing was a joke to Tom, and finally gone on to saying that he loved Tom more than Tom loved him. That had been Tom’s cue to leave the house.
People tended to think that Bill was more fire, and Tom was calming water. That while Bill would blow off in a diva fit, Tom would be the calmer one who balanced his temperamental brother. It was actually quite far from the truth; Tom could have a fit just as well, but it took more to push him over the limit. Tom could take teasing and annoyance longer than Bill, but when Bill blew up and soothed down fairly quickly, it took longer for Tom to really lose his temper but once he did, he would burn for quite a long while. It took a lot to get him really mad, but one thing that always drove him beyond angry was Bill claiming he didn’t love him enough.
But it wasn’t because Tom felt like he was a bad lover, or because he was a bad person who couldn’t handle his partner’s insecurity. Bill had hit a rough spot with insecurity issues a few times during their romantic relationship, and that hadn’t been aggressive at all - on the contrary, Bill had been very fragile and Tom had made sure Bill would feel more loved than possible. Tom knew Bill knew they loved each other just as much, and that was exactly why Tom got so mad on these accusations - he knew Bill only used that as his last resort. Bill knew it was the lowest blow possible.
Tom knew the real reason why Bill was so stubborn with the tattoo. It wasn’t about getting his way, or seeing Tom give up on his favour. It really was a very intimate reason, and thinking about it made Tom feel like he was the bad guy in this after all.
Twin tattoo was like a ring in Bill’s mind, a mark of commitment and togetherness. Tom knew that the one thing Bill wanted more than anything in the world was the one thing he could never have - it was Tom’s biggest wish too, to be able to have it and to be able to give it to Bill. His darling soul mate wanted nothing more than to stop hiding their relationship, to be free to show their love and not be ashamed of what they had. Bill wanted to be married, he wanted to be able to celebrate the kind of love other people only dreamt about. Bill wanted to have a ring on his finger, a mark that showed everyone he belonged to someone, that he wanted to belong to someone and that someone belonged to him as well. Tom knew Bill saw the idea of a twin tattoo similar to this, a mark that would show their belonging.
Bill’s evil lie that Tom didn’t love him as much couldn’t have been further from the truth. Tom did admit to loving Bill less openly, though. Bill wasn’t afraid to brag about their relationship and bond and soul mate -status to the whole world. Bill didn’t give a damn how it looked to the rest of the world, he just lived the way he did and loved on Tom no matter who thought what. But Tom did think about other people, their whispers and disgusted looks. He had yo, he had to try and keep a lower profile as long as Bill went around calling him Tomi in public.
Tom woke from his thoughts as he realized he’d driven to a dead end. He’d been driving mindlessly for a few hours now, trying to clear his mind but only realizing he had thought about his significant other the whole time. No wonder he’d ended up here, he thought as he pulled the car to a halt. He stopped the engine and leaned back, flexing his neck a bit.
He was in a small hilltop on the outskirts of Hamburg. It was a small landing between leafy trees, and you could see the city lights from there. He and Bill had accidentally found it while randomly driving around when Tom had first gotten his license. Ever since then it had been “their spot”, their little hideaway. As well as driving solo, they often drove together at nights, listening to music and not talking. The silence would be comfortable, with so many silent words going back and forth between them. It was a moment of peace as a couple, filled with small touches and brilliant secret smiles that they only gave to each other. Sometimes they just needed to share a silence, be away from the world that didn’t understand them, even if their hideaway was a four-wheeler. They didn’t play it up for interviews, they rarely needed to talk to understand each other - they talked as much as they did just because they liked each other’s voices. Every word they shared really meant ´I love you´.
Tom stepped out of his car, lighting a cigarette and breathing in the warm summer night air. He looked around, and chuckled to himself. A bit further from his car, closer to the edge of the hill, a white car was parked. A lanky person was sitting on top of the hood, smoking and hugging his arms around his knees.
Tom wondered why he hadn’t realized that of course Bill would be here if he too had felt like this was the right place to be - or maybe he had known, and that’s why he had driven here without realizing it. They really were identical.
Tom stood still, looking at Bill. He hadn’t noticed his arrival yet. This suited Tom just fine, he liked looking at Bill without him realizing it. Bill was amazing, even from a distance. A longing went through Tom, hinting that he’d been apart from Bill for long enough now. He wanted nothing more than to go to Bill, hold him, kiss him. Bill was his person, and all Tom wanted was to make Bill happy, and make him feel like he was loved more than his heart could take.
They didn’t need tattoos, or rings for that matter. Tom already had Bill marked all over himself, he was all over his skin, in every mole, every fingertip, in every tattoo. And every single thing about Tom was all Bill’s. If Bill wanted to add a tattoo to the list of things they owned in each other, Tom would beat every possible needle phobia, or mean laugh, or evil stare for that. The most important thing was to constantly make Bill feel happy about them, that Tom could do something that would make Bill feel like he was so very loved. Fuck everything else.
“Hey,” Bill whispered without looking at Tom, as Tom walked up to him, standing face to face with him.
Tom gently ran his hand through Bill’s hair, and then lifted his hands to Bill’s face, thumbs softly stroking his cheeks.
“I love you”, he said and kissed Bill. He felt warm hands on his waist, fingers gathering the hem of his t-shirt, like they were scared of letting go.
They kissed slowly, without any motives of turning each other on. They’d perfected the art of kissing in all their years together, and this moment required a kiss that was one of two people who just knew they were made for each other. Who knew there was no rush, as they’d have forever.
After their kiss ended, they stayed there quietly for a long time, their foreheads resting against each other. Tom finally sat next to Bill on the hood of the car. The city lights were beautiful on the dark night, and it smelled like summer, and a bit like trees, and at lot like Bill. Just Bill, no cologne, no hairspray, but just like Tom’s Bill. They sat silently for a while, thigh against thigh, with Bill’s fingers entwining with Tom’s. Finally Tom cleared his throat.
“So, have you come up with what our tattoo could be?”
The way Bill’s eyes sparkled as they turned to meet Tom’s were all the reassurance Tom needed to know that this was the best idea ever.
“No,” Bill smiled. “I think you should decide, as it was all my idea.”
“So if you decide what we’ll take, this is like a shared project,” Bill continued.
Tom shrugged, lit a cigarette and breathed deeply. “I don’t really care, just as long as it’s not done by someone random. I think you should sketch mine, and I should do yours. You’re the only one who has any rights to me or my body.”
Bill let out a happy yelp that he didn’t quite manage to control. He leaned to Tom, hugging his arm. “And what could the sketch be?”
“Just write what the tattoo is supposed to show. That we’re united.”
Pairing: Bill/Tom
Genre: Twincest, established relationship, fluff
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's a wonder Tom is afraid of permanent things that last a lifetime. He is a twin, after all.
Disclaimer: I own everything, twins, cars, even you.
Authors notes: If a twin tattoo rumour can’t pick me up from my writers block, I don’t know what can. Not sure how great of a comeback a plotless babble is, though.
***
Tom wasn't a violent person, but he definitely had a temper.
In the last thirty seconds, he had stomped out of their house, kicked every little stone on their driveway, and slammed his car door with excessive force. But Tom wouldn't have been Tom if he hadn't unconsciously apologized to his darling car immediately by patting the door. That was what he was like; he spoke and acted without thinking first, but within a second tried to make up for it. This came through even in interviews with his unrealistic statements of his heartbreaker ways - after bragging over how many girls he had bent over, and feeling how Bill froze even for a nano-second, Tom always made sure to fix the crack between them by unnoticeable touches. That is, unnoticeable to everyone but Bill who was always soothed by the slightest sign of tenderness from Tom.
“Fuck you,” Tom muttered under his breath as steered off the driveway. There was no need to say it loudly, they had already yelled it back and forth minutes ago. No, to Tom, this silent last curse was like having the final word, letting out some steam with a deep breath.
They fought like they loved, Tom thought and laughed dryly. They were passionate people who went with their feelings, followed their hearts instead of their heads. When their relationship had first shifted from brothers to lovers, years ago, it hadn’t been a smart decision or something that they had thought through at all. It had been a gut feeling, an emotion so overwhelming it had felt like there was no choice. It had been a natural progress of the love that had always been there, and they had just followed through with it.
They loved and fought with passion, all clear thinking aside. The thought made Tom step on the gas a little harder.
This fight, like all their fights, had been like two wild animals getting together, yelling with raw emotions, giving no thought to what horrid words came out of their mouths. It had always been like that, like they were two four-year olds who were screaming out all the bad words they had in their vocabulary.
Tom reached out to search for the half-full bag of gummi bears he knew he had left laying around somewhere. He found the candy bag, only to realize it was empty.
“Fuck you!” Tom now said with quite a bit of more volume, as he threw the empty bag towards the other seat, imagining no doubt that Bill was sitting there.
This is so typical of you, Tom thought. Bill never saw limits between what was Tom’s and what was his. According to Bill, everything either of them owned, the other one had access to as well. Fine, Tom knew he could have anything of Bill’s, but he rarely had needs for nail polish, glitter eye shadow or horribly tight leather trousers. The sharing arrangement was much better for Bill. because Tom owned stuff you’d actually want to borrow. “But Tomi, we share everything, we‘re twins“. That seemed to be the only answer to everything in Bill's world.
And maybe it was the only answer in Tom's world, too. He breathed Bill, Bill knew him inside out, knew exactly how to push his buttons in both good and bad. Tom sometimes caught himself in a moment, trying to imagine it without having Bill in the moment with him. There had never been one moment in his life when Bill hadn't been there to hug him, to comfort him or to have a giggle fit with him. Bill was always there, and even when Tom thought he'd rather not have Bill constantly within reach, it always turned out Bill was the only thing he really needed there to make a moment complete. All the talk about their bond that they'd been feeding the media and fans for years now, it wasn't just talk - it really was how they lived their lives. Life.
Tom lit a cigarette, opening the window slightly. The warm breeze reminded him of why he loved driving so much. Not just for the speed, as he was a definite adrenaline junkie, but because of the feel of freedom. Freedom, peace and quiet. Bill's voice was the soundtrack of his life, but sometimes he wanted to only hear silence.
Driving away by himself was Tom’s choice of escape. It wasn’t always about fighting, but just the need to clear his head - Tom and Bill understood each other on this. They lived in an constant togetherness, truly sharing a life, but every once in a while Tom wanted to have some time with himself. He wouldn't change his life for anything, but sometimes he still needed the reminder that he was a person on his own as well, not just a half of the billandtom.
Having some time to think, to clear his thoughts, always felt energizing to Tom. It made him feel whole, a few moments alone gave him strength and patience to be a balanced person who could love, and who was loved. Tom was a nervous person, who got fidgety and stressed more than anyone could imagine. Moments alone let him gather himself so he could feel worthy of a relationship again.
Their relationship, despite being very passionate, was well-balanced because Bill and Tom sometimes took the time to themselves separately. It felt easy to give so much love when they felt comfortable on who they were. Tom felt like driving alone gave him that little sense of sanity that he needed in order to be Bill’s counter-balance. There was no use in being together every single second. Allowing some time apart, and understanding that it didn’t mean they were falling apart, made them so much better to each other.
The EMA’s last year had been one of those occasion. Tom and Bill had been almost glued to each other for a while, so they had both thought it’d be a good idea to drive there separately from their house. They had booked a room in their favourite hotel, planning for a private party to celebrate. They hoped to bag an award during the awards gala. Neither of them wanted to admit it, but being apart even for a few hours and seeing each other again gave butterflies to them both. To Tom it felt like coming home no matter where they were. Seeing Bill after a few moments apart, first thought in his mind and heart was always how much he wanted to be with Bill, how much it hurt to not be with the one he was meant to be with.
After Bill’s accident on his way to the EMA‘s, it had taken ages for Tom to let him out of the house alone. He had told Bill to sit on his car on the driveway if he needed time to himself, just as long as he didn’t drive one meter. Tom’s worst fear was losing Bill, and he had been faced with the threat too many times for one life.
Tom’s thoughts got interrupted by a sudden beep from his mobile. It was a text from Bill. I ate all your gummi bears, I’m sorry.
Tom smiled. This was so typical of them: first fighting like there was no tomorrow, at least not for them as a couple, and still at the same time they were so in-tune with each other. They would call each other the worst names, Tom would tell Bill to fuck off, then he himself would fuck off with slamming doors - and today, like every time, he had told Bill he was going for a drive to let off some steam. No matter how pissed they were with each other, they always made sure that the other one wouldn’t have to worry and stay up waiting for them to come home. When it came to things that really mattered, like losing each other which was the biggest fear in the world for both of them, they never used their love against each other.
But apparently, that had been Tom’s mistake today. Using Bill’s love, or mainly the ridiculous hinting of lack of love, against him on his own benefit. At least that’s how Bill had seen it.
Their morning, or what normal people would’ve called afternoon, had started nicely with morning coffee and cigarettes on their terrace. Puppies had been goofing around the backyard, and Tom had felt fully relaxed. That was up until Bill had yet again brought up the twin tattoo.
Bill had first gotten the idea of having similar tattoos shortly after having his neck done. Tom, the needle-phobic, had been incredulous to the whole thing, as he knew Bill was well aware of his phobia. Bill had only laughed, given puppy eyes and asked if Tom wouldn’t do it even for him. Tom had just stared, and Bill had left it at that. Tom had brushed it off as a joke. Bill did bring the idea up after every new tattoo he had inked to his skin, and sometimes randomly out of nowhere. It had never been an issue though, but after one occasion when Tom probably had been half-asleep, Bill had somehow decided that Tom was starting to warm up to the idea. Bill had gone on with a full day of nagging and talking about how good and addictive getting tattooed actually felt. Tom, on his teasing jerk -mode, had then said in an interview that he might consider getting a twin tattoo. He had mainly done it to shut Bill up - in an emergency, he might vaguely promise his brother that they could do it for their 30th birthday or something distant like that. But Bill wouldn’t have been Bill if he hadn’t started a frequent nagging mission on the issue.
So this morning Bill had yet again brought up the twin tattoo. Tom had only grunted half-heartedly, as Bill’s talk hadn’t sounded threatening enough to have his full attention. Tom knew from half a word when Bill was on a mission. These were moments Tom had to be at his sharpest, so he wouldn’t get fooled into promising something he definitely wouldn’t want to live up to. Bill’s light “What do you think the tattoo could be?” hadn’t sounded like a scary mission.
“I don’t know,” Tom had shrugged, scratching one puppy behind its ear.
“We’ll come up with something,” Bill had said happily. “I think it’d be nice to choose the spots for each other.”
“What?” Tom heard a very small change in Bill’s tone that hinted him to pay attention.
“Uh-huh. I think you should decide where I take it, and then I’ll choose a spot where you’ll have yours.”
Tom had bursted laughing. “Right, like I’ll agree with you making me put it on my forehead or something.”
Meeting Bill’s flaming eyes, Tom had realized he’d done the one huge mistake he didn’t realize he had been trying to avoid.
“You think that’s what this is all about? That I’m trying to embarrass you? That this is a joke?” Bill had exploded.
After that, Bill had started yelling about how Tom didn’t get him at all, that what he thought was a very intimate thing was a joke to Tom, and finally gone on to saying that he loved Tom more than Tom loved him. That had been Tom’s cue to leave the house.
People tended to think that Bill was more fire, and Tom was calming water. That while Bill would blow off in a diva fit, Tom would be the calmer one who balanced his temperamental brother. It was actually quite far from the truth; Tom could have a fit just as well, but it took more to push him over the limit. Tom could take teasing and annoyance longer than Bill, but when Bill blew up and soothed down fairly quickly, it took longer for Tom to really lose his temper but once he did, he would burn for quite a long while. It took a lot to get him really mad, but one thing that always drove him beyond angry was Bill claiming he didn’t love him enough.
But it wasn’t because Tom felt like he was a bad lover, or because he was a bad person who couldn’t handle his partner’s insecurity. Bill had hit a rough spot with insecurity issues a few times during their romantic relationship, and that hadn’t been aggressive at all - on the contrary, Bill had been very fragile and Tom had made sure Bill would feel more loved than possible. Tom knew Bill knew they loved each other just as much, and that was exactly why Tom got so mad on these accusations - he knew Bill only used that as his last resort. Bill knew it was the lowest blow possible.
Tom knew the real reason why Bill was so stubborn with the tattoo. It wasn’t about getting his way, or seeing Tom give up on his favour. It really was a very intimate reason, and thinking about it made Tom feel like he was the bad guy in this after all.
Twin tattoo was like a ring in Bill’s mind, a mark of commitment and togetherness. Tom knew that the one thing Bill wanted more than anything in the world was the one thing he could never have - it was Tom’s biggest wish too, to be able to have it and to be able to give it to Bill. His darling soul mate wanted nothing more than to stop hiding their relationship, to be free to show their love and not be ashamed of what they had. Bill wanted to be married, he wanted to be able to celebrate the kind of love other people only dreamt about. Bill wanted to have a ring on his finger, a mark that showed everyone he belonged to someone, that he wanted to belong to someone and that someone belonged to him as well. Tom knew Bill saw the idea of a twin tattoo similar to this, a mark that would show their belonging.
Bill’s evil lie that Tom didn’t love him as much couldn’t have been further from the truth. Tom did admit to loving Bill less openly, though. Bill wasn’t afraid to brag about their relationship and bond and soul mate -status to the whole world. Bill didn’t give a damn how it looked to the rest of the world, he just lived the way he did and loved on Tom no matter who thought what. But Tom did think about other people, their whispers and disgusted looks. He had yo, he had to try and keep a lower profile as long as Bill went around calling him Tomi in public.
Tom woke from his thoughts as he realized he’d driven to a dead end. He’d been driving mindlessly for a few hours now, trying to clear his mind but only realizing he had thought about his significant other the whole time. No wonder he’d ended up here, he thought as he pulled the car to a halt. He stopped the engine and leaned back, flexing his neck a bit.
He was in a small hilltop on the outskirts of Hamburg. It was a small landing between leafy trees, and you could see the city lights from there. He and Bill had accidentally found it while randomly driving around when Tom had first gotten his license. Ever since then it had been “their spot”, their little hideaway. As well as driving solo, they often drove together at nights, listening to music and not talking. The silence would be comfortable, with so many silent words going back and forth between them. It was a moment of peace as a couple, filled with small touches and brilliant secret smiles that they only gave to each other. Sometimes they just needed to share a silence, be away from the world that didn’t understand them, even if their hideaway was a four-wheeler. They didn’t play it up for interviews, they rarely needed to talk to understand each other - they talked as much as they did just because they liked each other’s voices. Every word they shared really meant ´I love you´.
Tom stepped out of his car, lighting a cigarette and breathing in the warm summer night air. He looked around, and chuckled to himself. A bit further from his car, closer to the edge of the hill, a white car was parked. A lanky person was sitting on top of the hood, smoking and hugging his arms around his knees.
Tom wondered why he hadn’t realized that of course Bill would be here if he too had felt like this was the right place to be - or maybe he had known, and that’s why he had driven here without realizing it. They really were identical.
Tom stood still, looking at Bill. He hadn’t noticed his arrival yet. This suited Tom just fine, he liked looking at Bill without him realizing it. Bill was amazing, even from a distance. A longing went through Tom, hinting that he’d been apart from Bill for long enough now. He wanted nothing more than to go to Bill, hold him, kiss him. Bill was his person, and all Tom wanted was to make Bill happy, and make him feel like he was loved more than his heart could take.
They didn’t need tattoos, or rings for that matter. Tom already had Bill marked all over himself, he was all over his skin, in every mole, every fingertip, in every tattoo. And every single thing about Tom was all Bill’s. If Bill wanted to add a tattoo to the list of things they owned in each other, Tom would beat every possible needle phobia, or mean laugh, or evil stare for that. The most important thing was to constantly make Bill feel happy about them, that Tom could do something that would make Bill feel like he was so very loved. Fuck everything else.
“Hey,” Bill whispered without looking at Tom, as Tom walked up to him, standing face to face with him.
Tom gently ran his hand through Bill’s hair, and then lifted his hands to Bill’s face, thumbs softly stroking his cheeks.
“I love you”, he said and kissed Bill. He felt warm hands on his waist, fingers gathering the hem of his t-shirt, like they were scared of letting go.
They kissed slowly, without any motives of turning each other on. They’d perfected the art of kissing in all their years together, and this moment required a kiss that was one of two people who just knew they were made for each other. Who knew there was no rush, as they’d have forever.
After their kiss ended, they stayed there quietly for a long time, their foreheads resting against each other. Tom finally sat next to Bill on the hood of the car. The city lights were beautiful on the dark night, and it smelled like summer, and a bit like trees, and at lot like Bill. Just Bill, no cologne, no hairspray, but just like Tom’s Bill. They sat silently for a while, thigh against thigh, with Bill’s fingers entwining with Tom’s. Finally Tom cleared his throat.
“So, have you come up with what our tattoo could be?”
The way Bill’s eyes sparkled as they turned to meet Tom’s were all the reassurance Tom needed to know that this was the best idea ever.
“No,” Bill smiled. “I think you should decide, as it was all my idea.”
“So if you decide what we’ll take, this is like a shared project,” Bill continued.
Tom shrugged, lit a cigarette and breathed deeply. “I don’t really care, just as long as it’s not done by someone random. I think you should sketch mine, and I should do yours. You’re the only one who has any rights to me or my body.”
Bill let out a happy yelp that he didn’t quite manage to control. He leaned to Tom, hugging his arm. “And what could the sketch be?”
“Just write what the tattoo is supposed to show. That we’re united.”