Coincidence (twins, PG-15)
Title: Coincidence
Pairing(s): Bill/Tom
Rating: PG-15
Disclaimer: Coincidentally, they belong to each other.
Warnings: Twincest, angst, fluff, underage
Summary: You say it’s coincidence. Fate calls it a practical joke.
FQF Prompt: 14. Bill overhears Tom confess that he's in love with him to Georg, as in really in love with him, not like a brother in love. This shakes his foundations for a while, but then he comes to a startling discovery and sets about making Tom's dreams come true. (submitted by beren_writes)
Author's notes: I struggled so much with this, I hope you guys like it. A cazillion thanks to my beta ma_chelle, and to my calming muse peki who has the most beautiful sentences of love. This happens during Devilish times.
***
It was just a coincidence that Bill had lost his lighter; he was always losing things. It was also a coincidence that he had to turn back on his tracks and return to their training house. It was a coincidence that he didn’t burst in through the door like he normally would have, that for some strange reason, he opened the door only slightly, quietly, and listened for a while before entering.
It had, apparently, not been a coincidence that Tom had told him to fuck off so he could talk with Georg about girls. Tom knew that it was a subject that always made Bill roll his eyes and look bored, and that Bill would rather leave the spot.
“It’s just, what the hell am I going to do, Georg?” Bill could clearly hear Tom’s loud voice from inside.
Bill hated it when Tom sounded angry, and he hated it even more when Tom sounded desperate. But the absolute worst part was when Tom felt lost, because Bill had come to trust that Tom would always know what they were to do, how everything would be alright.
Georg blew his breath, and Bill saw his run his hands through his hair, shaking his head. “Fuck if I know.”
It was dead silent for a while, until Georg continued. “Listen, Tom… I’m not saying I understand it, though I do, but for you, it’s weird.”
“No shit, Sherlock.”
“But, I mean, you’re my best friend, and I’m glad you told me, I just…fuck, I have no clever advice to give you.”
Tom laughed and it almost sounded sincere. “I’d have been worried if you did have a clever thing to say to this.”
Bill was feeling more and more worried by the minute. He wanted to burst in and claim the right to know what was wrong with his brother, why he’d tell Georg anything that Bill didn’t know. Or maybe, probably, it was something that Bill already knew, now that he thought of it.
“It’s just…I could never imagine trusting and loving anyone else like this. I don’t even look at anyone else; I don’t give a shit about anyone else. I haven’t in ages. ”
“But you guys are so close anyways, are you sure it’s not just normal?”
“Trust me, there’s nothing brotherly about the way Bill makes me feel,” Tom huffed.
It was probably a coincidence that Bill made it all the way home without tripping, no matter how fast he was running. It was a coincidence that his mum wasn’t home asking stupid questions about his brother, and most of all, it had probably been a blessing that Tom hadn’t come home until Bill had fallen asleep, unable to think about a thing.
***
The house is quiet when Bill wakes up. He’d left his window open when they’d left for the band practise, and now it’s cold in the room. He feels chilled all the way to his insides, including his heart, too.
How can Tom be thinking that about him? Bill shivers a little at the memory of what Tom had said, he feels so betrayed. It feels like his heart is falling to pieces and he has found out that everything in his life, especially the one thing he trusts the most, has been a lie and suddenly he has no solid base to stand on. Bill likes things dramatic, but right now, it doesn’t feel like he’s even exaggerating.
And Tom had said he’d been feeling it for a long time. So he’s been lusting over Bill for ages now, and Bill hasn’t has a clue. They’ve always been so close, and Bill feels so embarrassed of how touchy feely he’s always been with Tom - they’ve never been too private with each other, Bill has been naked in front of Tom in normal situations various times, and it hasn’t felt weird at all.
Bill cringes at the memories. Maybe every time he’d been changing his clothes in front of Tom, Tom had been eyeing him and thinking of things. That thought makes Bill cringe even further.
***
After hiding in his room from Tom for a day, Bill finally gets hungry. It's a coincidence that he bumps into Tom in the kitchen.
"Watch where you're going," Tom snaps and rubs the elbow that made contact with Bill.
Bill just stares, wondering if Tom is really hurt or if he secretly liked the touch. "Where are mum and Gordon?"
"They went to see the Müllers, they'll be gone late."
What a coincidence. Bill feels uncomfortable, with Tom staring at him curiously. He's feeling very aware of his skimpy t-shirt, baring his lower abdomen.
"What have you been up to? You're acting weirder than normal," Tom observes.
"You're the weird one," Bill retorts quietly as he opens the fridge door.
Tom laughs a little at that. They used to be comfortable joking about how weird they both actually are. Now Bill feels like he can't really take anything that Tom says seriously. His brother is now the one with the secrets, he's now someone who fakes and Bill can't read him at all.
And that's just it. Tom is acting the way he always does, poking fun at Bill good-naturedly. They have always defended each other against the rest of the world, Tom jumping on anyone who calls Bill a freak, Bill telling Simone that Tom doesn't deserve all the nagging. They won't let anyone say a bad word of either of them, but when it's just them, they could call each other the worst names and it'd be ok, it'd be something that they only allow from each other. They both know neither means it, not really.
Bill is squinting his eyes at Tom, trying to see what has changed. He only sees the brother he's always had, smirking at him like he always does-even his voice sounds the way it always sounds. He wouldn't spot a difference in anything if he hadn't heard Tom's confession to Georg, and it scares him. It scares the hell out of him to think that Tom can think and feel anything without Bill having the slightest idea.
Bill looks at Tom one more time, goofing around with Scotty, and he feels empty inside at the thought of everything changing. He decides on working his best on trying to forget everything.
***
The annoying sound of the spoon screeching the edges of the bowl as Bill is mindlessly circling the spoon in his corn flakes, is filling up the whole quiet kitchen.
“I think we should change our name,” Bill says all of a sudden. It’s the first thing he’s said the whole day.
“What, Kaulitz doesn’t have enough stardom potential for you?” Tom says, without lifting his eyes from the car magazine he’s reading.
Bill huffs. “I meant for the band. Devilish, I’m not feeling it anymore.”
“How about Bill and the Others? That’s how you see it, anyway,” Tom tries to suppress his laugh for his own joke, but fails.
Bill reaches over the table to flip him on the head.
“You ass, I do not. I’m thinking Billandtom and the Others.”
Tom seems to blush a little at this, but it could be that the sun just shines on his face from a funny angle.
“Whatever you want, as long as it gets me rich,” Tom says.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get your big rapper Hummer some day,” Bill smiles and reaches over again, this time to tap Tom in the head.
“Make it an Escalade,” Tom mumbles.
Bill knows nothing about cars, except the colours, but he still makes a mental note.
Bill likes to make Tom smile. Still.
***
It’s dark in the middle of the night in Bill’s room. He has drawn the curtains shut tight, so that even the moon won’t make what he’s doing more visible with its gentle light.
The sheets on the bed are cool, feeling soothing against his flushed skin. Bill is lying on his back, unmoving, but his heart is still beating a mile a minute.
He presses his hand against his heart, and wonders if Tom would like the feel of his heart beating under his touch. Maybe Tom would feel overwhelmed at the thought of being able to make Bill breathe so fast?
Bill touches his lips with his fingers, and lets the touch linger. He knows he’s got full lips; apparently the majority thinks that full lips are kissable. He wonders if Tom thinks that, too, especially about him.
His index finger travels slowly from his lips down his throat, to his nipples, and to his tummy. He has lately come to the conclusion that touching his lower tummy feels really good, giving him butterflies in his stomach. His skin feels soft everywhere, almost hot, and he wonders if Tom would like the way his skin feels under his fingers.
Bill licks his lips, not even realizing he’s doing it. His hand travels lower and lower until it goes under the waistband of his boxer shorts, and he gasps. He closes his eyes and imagines his hand belongs to Tom.
It doesn’t take long for him to be unable to stop his movements. Thinking it’s Tom that is touching him is just a coincidence; surely he was just in need of release.
***
Bill wakes up the next morning and the whole Tom thing feels worse than ever. Not only has Tom made him feel like a weirdo for the first time in his life, he has left Bill all alone in the world, and now that Bill has a clear vision of sex and orgasms relating to Tom, it's the tip of the iceberg.
He can't just go to Tom and crack and be all fragile and emotional, so he works himself up with angry energy before he stomps across the hall and bangs on Tom's door.
It takes ages for Tom to open the door. He's rubbing his eyes, his hair open and messy. Coincidentally he's just wearing boxers and Bill feels so low for accidentally taking in the vision of his bare skin.
"Unf," Tom greets.
Bill isn't feeling as gracious. He pushes Tom on his shoulder, feeling like the naked skin burns his finger tips.
"You're a fucking idiot, Tom."
"Huh?" Tom looks up to him with a confused look.
"You've ruined everything," Bill says with a low, menacing voice.
"Oh, well now I get it," Tom is starting to look a bit pissed by now.
"Don't even give me that. I know everything, Tom."
For a second, Tom looks a bit scared. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Go take your meds, Bill."
"I heard you talk to Georg," Bill starts with a calmer voice now. He doesn't want to embarrass Tom. "I know you feel, well, different about me."
All colour has faded from Tom's face. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Tom..." Bill tries to reach to Tom, but Tom slaps his hand away.
"You're crazy, Bill. You're crazy!"
Bill has nothing to reply to that, and soon Tom continues. "You think everything is always about you? Well, it's not. You think that whatever happens to me, it always has something to do with you. Newsflash, you're not the centre of the universe."
This isn't really going the way Bill planned. He was supposed to be angry, Tom was supposed to tell him that it was all a bad dream, and they could go back to normal, an adoring little brother and his hero of a big brother -normal. But not like this-with Tom getting panicky and defensive, which always makes Tom furious too, and Bill feeling completely lost and clueless. The world has come to a stop, and everything he has trusted for his whole life, the one thing that has always made him feel safe and secure, is so close to disappearing.
Whenever Bill feels lost and clueless, he always tends to think of what Tom would do. It feels like a good enough thing to do this time, too.
"Tomi."
Bill feels Tom calm down slightly at the sound of Bill's voice that is only reserved for Tom, only in the tenderest of situations. Bill carefully takes a few steps closer to Tom, and gently puts his hand on his shoulder.
"It's okay, I'm not mad. Well, no, I am, but not…not like that."
Tom looks as far away from Bill as he can, staring at the opposite wall.
"I don't hate you or anything; don't think that, don't be scared."
"I think you should go."
"What? No, we need to talk this through!"
"Really, Bill? Talk about it how?" Tom snaps bitterly. "What, you feel like that about me?"
"Of course I don't!" Bill blurts out, and feels like he might start crying at the hurt way Tom looks at him.
"Then there's really nothing to say. I'll stay away from you, I can move in with dad or I don't..." Tom babbles, still avoiding any eye contact with Bill.
"I don't want that," Bill winces. "You're my brother and you mean the world to me, just, not like that."
It's so silent for a long time, Bill thinks Tom might hear his heartbeat, he's pretty sure he can hear Tom's.
"It's like I don't even know you anymore."
Finally Tom looks at Bill. "What?"
"That's the worst part, feeling like I don't know you at all. All this time you've been feeling that, and I didn't have a clue. I can't feel what you feel anymore," Bill almost sniffs. "I used to know everything you thought and felt. And now you're hiding everything from me, and I didn't even know you were."
Bill walks to the door but stops before leaving. "I have no idea of what's going on with you Tom; I can't feel our connection at all."
At that, he leaves Tom, and hopes it's just a coincidence.
***
It was a coincidence that Gordon's parents had divorced when he was thirteen. He hated all the come-and-go 'stepdads' he had, and he has decided long ago that he would never be a bastard like that. So, when he had first met Simone and her two boys, Gordon had introduced a rule that every possible Saturday would be dedicated to family. They would just slob around and spend quality time together.
But this Saturday evening didn't really feel like an evening of good quality. Bill and Tom weren't speaking; well, Bill tried but Tom kept on giving him the cold shoulder. This had been going on for a few days now, and Simone and Gordon felt a bit puzzled. It wasn't really their issue to mingle with, though; they had both learned that the twins lived in a world of their own when it came to their relationship. So Simone and Gordon just tried to act like nothing was wrong, putting on a silly movie, making a load of popcorn and cuddling up on the couch, with Tom sitting on one of the chairs, and Bill sitting on the one across the room.
The film has been rolling for a good twenty minutes, and Bill couldn’t care less. He’s stealing glimpses at Tom, who is carefully staring directly to the TV screen. They haven’t talked since their confrontation the other day, and it’s killing Bill. He hopes it’s killing Tom, too; that they’re still the same, that their feelings are the same. He’s not sure though.
Bill hears a sniff and turns to look at Simone. She’s sobbing over something that probably is a cute scene in the movie. Gordon is smiling at her gently; softly petting her hair and Simone snuggles in a little closer. Bill smiles to himself; it looks so comforting and loving. It reminds him of him and Tom, how Tom automatically always knows when Bill needs a bit of comfort, how Tom has always been there to provide it.
The realization confuses Bill. His mum and Gordon are not him and Tom; they’re not twins but a real couple with real love, the romantic type of love. He thinks of the way they fight, how they seem to make up in a nano-second, how they’re always backing each other up. It’s just like him and Tom.
The thought of Tom being something other than his brother hasn’t ever crossed Bill’s mind. He knows he wants to be with Tom always, that no one could ever mean half of the things that Tom means to him. He tries hard to think about Tom maybe one day getting a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, spending time with them and not doting on Bill. That thought is more disturbing than anything Bill has thought about before.
What’s the difference between his parents and him and Tom? Bill isn’t stupid; he knows the only thing is sex and other physical things his parents get up to. He glances to Tom and tries to imagine kissing him on the lips, like a boyfriend would do. It feels like something he could do, maybe something he’d even like to do.
He knows he loves Tom more than anything, and he has always only wanted for Tom to be happy. And now, there’s something Tom only wants from him, and Bill thinks he can definitely live with making Tom so happy. Taking a step to being more than brothers feels natural, that maybe being so close to Tom in an intimate level would just be the next step on their weird, consuming relationship that is really all they know.
Rising up from his chair feels natural to Bill. He’s certain of what he wants now. He feels confident, and taking the first steps towards Tom feels solid. Then Tom turns to look at him, walking towards him, and suddenly Bill feels like he’s exposed, standing in the middle of their living room completely naked.
Trust it to be Tom who gets Bill back to solid ground. He looks at Bill, and there’s hope in his eyes, and Bill makes it to the chair safely. He nudges Tom.
“Make some room, fatty.”
Tom has locked his eyes on Bill, and Bill squeezes himself against Tom’s side. He leans to whisper to Tom, “You were right”.
Tom looks happier than Bill has ever seen, and it gives him the best kind on tingle in his stomach.
By a coincidence, the movie just reaches a very emotional scene. Simone bursts out full-on crying and sprees to the bathroom. Gordon follows her, making a little hand motion that says 'sorry guys, you know girls' to the boys.
And being snuggled with Tom, side to side, feeling the warmth radiate from his skin, Bill feels amazingly right. He leans his head to Tom's shoulder and closes his eyes. He can feel a careful touch on his cheek, and then the fingers move to his smiling lips. Bill opens his eyes and holds to Tom's shirt. He then leans closer and kisses Tom.
It feels new, a little nerving, and absolutely right. His lips almost prickle a little at the contact with Tom's soft lips. It's just a little peck, and they part soon enough.
Tom chuckles a little to himself and looks so adorable Bill just has to kiss him again. And this time, it feels different. Bill hasn't ever kissed anyone but Tom a few seconds ago, but somehow he just knows how to do it. They both part their lips slightly and Bill gently sucks on Tom's upper lip. He's about to get more and more into it, when they hear a loud bang from the bathroom and quickly apart. Bill presses his forehead against Tom, and feels Tom's breathing against his lips.
***
Tom used to hate it when Bill would tickle him with his own dreadlocks. Bill used to do it only to annoy Tom. Now, it’s something else.
The room is dark, Bill wanted it that way. He knows he’s okay with all of this-with being Tom’s boyfriend and he knows what it will include in the future. But for now, he still gets a little embarrassed at the thought of how Tom’s touches might make him out of breath, make his cheeks turn red, make his eyes glassy and especially have him licking his lips unconsciously all the time.
Lighting a few candles to make it almost romantic was just a coincidence.
“Do you believe in fate?” Bill whispers quietly to Tom, tenderly smoothing the soft hair on the tip of the dreadlock to Tom’s neck. Tom is rubbing his lower tummy slowly, and it’s making Bill feel strange; like he’s so wanted, like the intimate closeness might swallow him, and he likes it. It feels so right to be like this with Tom.
Tom laughs, and presses his head on the nook of Bill’s shoulder. It sends shivers down Bill’s spine and he’s pretty sure he agrees with the answer.
Pairing(s): Bill/Tom
Rating: PG-15
Disclaimer: Coincidentally, they belong to each other.
Warnings: Twincest, angst, fluff, underage
Summary: You say it’s coincidence. Fate calls it a practical joke.
FQF Prompt: 14. Bill overhears Tom confess that he's in love with him to Georg, as in really in love with him, not like a brother in love. This shakes his foundations for a while, but then he comes to a startling discovery and sets about making Tom's dreams come true. (submitted by beren_writes)
Author's notes: I struggled so much with this, I hope you guys like it. A cazillion thanks to my beta ma_chelle, and to my calming muse peki who has the most beautiful sentences of love. This happens during Devilish times.
***
It was just a coincidence that Bill had lost his lighter; he was always losing things. It was also a coincidence that he had to turn back on his tracks and return to their training house. It was a coincidence that he didn’t burst in through the door like he normally would have, that for some strange reason, he opened the door only slightly, quietly, and listened for a while before entering.
It had, apparently, not been a coincidence that Tom had told him to fuck off so he could talk with Georg about girls. Tom knew that it was a subject that always made Bill roll his eyes and look bored, and that Bill would rather leave the spot.
“It’s just, what the hell am I going to do, Georg?” Bill could clearly hear Tom’s loud voice from inside.
Bill hated it when Tom sounded angry, and he hated it even more when Tom sounded desperate. But the absolute worst part was when Tom felt lost, because Bill had come to trust that Tom would always know what they were to do, how everything would be alright.
Georg blew his breath, and Bill saw his run his hands through his hair, shaking his head. “Fuck if I know.”
It was dead silent for a while, until Georg continued. “Listen, Tom… I’m not saying I understand it, though I do, but for you, it’s weird.”
“No shit, Sherlock.”
“But, I mean, you’re my best friend, and I’m glad you told me, I just…fuck, I have no clever advice to give you.”
Tom laughed and it almost sounded sincere. “I’d have been worried if you did have a clever thing to say to this.”
Bill was feeling more and more worried by the minute. He wanted to burst in and claim the right to know what was wrong with his brother, why he’d tell Georg anything that Bill didn’t know. Or maybe, probably, it was something that Bill already knew, now that he thought of it.
“It’s just…I could never imagine trusting and loving anyone else like this. I don’t even look at anyone else; I don’t give a shit about anyone else. I haven’t in ages. ”
“But you guys are so close anyways, are you sure it’s not just normal?”
“Trust me, there’s nothing brotherly about the way Bill makes me feel,” Tom huffed.
It was probably a coincidence that Bill made it all the way home without tripping, no matter how fast he was running. It was a coincidence that his mum wasn’t home asking stupid questions about his brother, and most of all, it had probably been a blessing that Tom hadn’t come home until Bill had fallen asleep, unable to think about a thing.
***
The house is quiet when Bill wakes up. He’d left his window open when they’d left for the band practise, and now it’s cold in the room. He feels chilled all the way to his insides, including his heart, too.
How can Tom be thinking that about him? Bill shivers a little at the memory of what Tom had said, he feels so betrayed. It feels like his heart is falling to pieces and he has found out that everything in his life, especially the one thing he trusts the most, has been a lie and suddenly he has no solid base to stand on. Bill likes things dramatic, but right now, it doesn’t feel like he’s even exaggerating.
And Tom had said he’d been feeling it for a long time. So he’s been lusting over Bill for ages now, and Bill hasn’t has a clue. They’ve always been so close, and Bill feels so embarrassed of how touchy feely he’s always been with Tom - they’ve never been too private with each other, Bill has been naked in front of Tom in normal situations various times, and it hasn’t felt weird at all.
Bill cringes at the memories. Maybe every time he’d been changing his clothes in front of Tom, Tom had been eyeing him and thinking of things. That thought makes Bill cringe even further.
***
After hiding in his room from Tom for a day, Bill finally gets hungry. It's a coincidence that he bumps into Tom in the kitchen.
"Watch where you're going," Tom snaps and rubs the elbow that made contact with Bill.
Bill just stares, wondering if Tom is really hurt or if he secretly liked the touch. "Where are mum and Gordon?"
"They went to see the Müllers, they'll be gone late."
What a coincidence. Bill feels uncomfortable, with Tom staring at him curiously. He's feeling very aware of his skimpy t-shirt, baring his lower abdomen.
"What have you been up to? You're acting weirder than normal," Tom observes.
"You're the weird one," Bill retorts quietly as he opens the fridge door.
Tom laughs a little at that. They used to be comfortable joking about how weird they both actually are. Now Bill feels like he can't really take anything that Tom says seriously. His brother is now the one with the secrets, he's now someone who fakes and Bill can't read him at all.
And that's just it. Tom is acting the way he always does, poking fun at Bill good-naturedly. They have always defended each other against the rest of the world, Tom jumping on anyone who calls Bill a freak, Bill telling Simone that Tom doesn't deserve all the nagging. They won't let anyone say a bad word of either of them, but when it's just them, they could call each other the worst names and it'd be ok, it'd be something that they only allow from each other. They both know neither means it, not really.
Bill is squinting his eyes at Tom, trying to see what has changed. He only sees the brother he's always had, smirking at him like he always does-even his voice sounds the way it always sounds. He wouldn't spot a difference in anything if he hadn't heard Tom's confession to Georg, and it scares him. It scares the hell out of him to think that Tom can think and feel anything without Bill having the slightest idea.
Bill looks at Tom one more time, goofing around with Scotty, and he feels empty inside at the thought of everything changing. He decides on working his best on trying to forget everything.
***
The annoying sound of the spoon screeching the edges of the bowl as Bill is mindlessly circling the spoon in his corn flakes, is filling up the whole quiet kitchen.
“I think we should change our name,” Bill says all of a sudden. It’s the first thing he’s said the whole day.
“What, Kaulitz doesn’t have enough stardom potential for you?” Tom says, without lifting his eyes from the car magazine he’s reading.
Bill huffs. “I meant for the band. Devilish, I’m not feeling it anymore.”
“How about Bill and the Others? That’s how you see it, anyway,” Tom tries to suppress his laugh for his own joke, but fails.
Bill reaches over the table to flip him on the head.
“You ass, I do not. I’m thinking Billandtom and the Others.”
Tom seems to blush a little at this, but it could be that the sun just shines on his face from a funny angle.
“Whatever you want, as long as it gets me rich,” Tom says.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get your big rapper Hummer some day,” Bill smiles and reaches over again, this time to tap Tom in the head.
“Make it an Escalade,” Tom mumbles.
Bill knows nothing about cars, except the colours, but he still makes a mental note.
Bill likes to make Tom smile. Still.
***
It’s dark in the middle of the night in Bill’s room. He has drawn the curtains shut tight, so that even the moon won’t make what he’s doing more visible with its gentle light.
The sheets on the bed are cool, feeling soothing against his flushed skin. Bill is lying on his back, unmoving, but his heart is still beating a mile a minute.
He presses his hand against his heart, and wonders if Tom would like the feel of his heart beating under his touch. Maybe Tom would feel overwhelmed at the thought of being able to make Bill breathe so fast?
Bill touches his lips with his fingers, and lets the touch linger. He knows he’s got full lips; apparently the majority thinks that full lips are kissable. He wonders if Tom thinks that, too, especially about him.
His index finger travels slowly from his lips down his throat, to his nipples, and to his tummy. He has lately come to the conclusion that touching his lower tummy feels really good, giving him butterflies in his stomach. His skin feels soft everywhere, almost hot, and he wonders if Tom would like the way his skin feels under his fingers.
Bill licks his lips, not even realizing he’s doing it. His hand travels lower and lower until it goes under the waistband of his boxer shorts, and he gasps. He closes his eyes and imagines his hand belongs to Tom.
It doesn’t take long for him to be unable to stop his movements. Thinking it’s Tom that is touching him is just a coincidence; surely he was just in need of release.
***
Bill wakes up the next morning and the whole Tom thing feels worse than ever. Not only has Tom made him feel like a weirdo for the first time in his life, he has left Bill all alone in the world, and now that Bill has a clear vision of sex and orgasms relating to Tom, it's the tip of the iceberg.
He can't just go to Tom and crack and be all fragile and emotional, so he works himself up with angry energy before he stomps across the hall and bangs on Tom's door.
It takes ages for Tom to open the door. He's rubbing his eyes, his hair open and messy. Coincidentally he's just wearing boxers and Bill feels so low for accidentally taking in the vision of his bare skin.
"Unf," Tom greets.
Bill isn't feeling as gracious. He pushes Tom on his shoulder, feeling like the naked skin burns his finger tips.
"You're a fucking idiot, Tom."
"Huh?" Tom looks up to him with a confused look.
"You've ruined everything," Bill says with a low, menacing voice.
"Oh, well now I get it," Tom is starting to look a bit pissed by now.
"Don't even give me that. I know everything, Tom."
For a second, Tom looks a bit scared. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Go take your meds, Bill."
"I heard you talk to Georg," Bill starts with a calmer voice now. He doesn't want to embarrass Tom. "I know you feel, well, different about me."
All colour has faded from Tom's face. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Tom..." Bill tries to reach to Tom, but Tom slaps his hand away.
"You're crazy, Bill. You're crazy!"
Bill has nothing to reply to that, and soon Tom continues. "You think everything is always about you? Well, it's not. You think that whatever happens to me, it always has something to do with you. Newsflash, you're not the centre of the universe."
This isn't really going the way Bill planned. He was supposed to be angry, Tom was supposed to tell him that it was all a bad dream, and they could go back to normal, an adoring little brother and his hero of a big brother -normal. But not like this-with Tom getting panicky and defensive, which always makes Tom furious too, and Bill feeling completely lost and clueless. The world has come to a stop, and everything he has trusted for his whole life, the one thing that has always made him feel safe and secure, is so close to disappearing.
Whenever Bill feels lost and clueless, he always tends to think of what Tom would do. It feels like a good enough thing to do this time, too.
"Tomi."
Bill feels Tom calm down slightly at the sound of Bill's voice that is only reserved for Tom, only in the tenderest of situations. Bill carefully takes a few steps closer to Tom, and gently puts his hand on his shoulder.
"It's okay, I'm not mad. Well, no, I am, but not…not like that."
Tom looks as far away from Bill as he can, staring at the opposite wall.
"I don't hate you or anything; don't think that, don't be scared."
"I think you should go."
"What? No, we need to talk this through!"
"Really, Bill? Talk about it how?" Tom snaps bitterly. "What, you feel like that about me?"
"Of course I don't!" Bill blurts out, and feels like he might start crying at the hurt way Tom looks at him.
"Then there's really nothing to say. I'll stay away from you, I can move in with dad or I don't..." Tom babbles, still avoiding any eye contact with Bill.
"I don't want that," Bill winces. "You're my brother and you mean the world to me, just, not like that."
It's so silent for a long time, Bill thinks Tom might hear his heartbeat, he's pretty sure he can hear Tom's.
"It's like I don't even know you anymore."
Finally Tom looks at Bill. "What?"
"That's the worst part, feeling like I don't know you at all. All this time you've been feeling that, and I didn't have a clue. I can't feel what you feel anymore," Bill almost sniffs. "I used to know everything you thought and felt. And now you're hiding everything from me, and I didn't even know you were."
Bill walks to the door but stops before leaving. "I have no idea of what's going on with you Tom; I can't feel our connection at all."
At that, he leaves Tom, and hopes it's just a coincidence.
***
It was a coincidence that Gordon's parents had divorced when he was thirteen. He hated all the come-and-go 'stepdads' he had, and he has decided long ago that he would never be a bastard like that. So, when he had first met Simone and her two boys, Gordon had introduced a rule that every possible Saturday would be dedicated to family. They would just slob around and spend quality time together.
But this Saturday evening didn't really feel like an evening of good quality. Bill and Tom weren't speaking; well, Bill tried but Tom kept on giving him the cold shoulder. This had been going on for a few days now, and Simone and Gordon felt a bit puzzled. It wasn't really their issue to mingle with, though; they had both learned that the twins lived in a world of their own when it came to their relationship. So Simone and Gordon just tried to act like nothing was wrong, putting on a silly movie, making a load of popcorn and cuddling up on the couch, with Tom sitting on one of the chairs, and Bill sitting on the one across the room.
The film has been rolling for a good twenty minutes, and Bill couldn’t care less. He’s stealing glimpses at Tom, who is carefully staring directly to the TV screen. They haven’t talked since their confrontation the other day, and it’s killing Bill. He hopes it’s killing Tom, too; that they’re still the same, that their feelings are the same. He’s not sure though.
Bill hears a sniff and turns to look at Simone. She’s sobbing over something that probably is a cute scene in the movie. Gordon is smiling at her gently; softly petting her hair and Simone snuggles in a little closer. Bill smiles to himself; it looks so comforting and loving. It reminds him of him and Tom, how Tom automatically always knows when Bill needs a bit of comfort, how Tom has always been there to provide it.
The realization confuses Bill. His mum and Gordon are not him and Tom; they’re not twins but a real couple with real love, the romantic type of love. He thinks of the way they fight, how they seem to make up in a nano-second, how they’re always backing each other up. It’s just like him and Tom.
The thought of Tom being something other than his brother hasn’t ever crossed Bill’s mind. He knows he wants to be with Tom always, that no one could ever mean half of the things that Tom means to him. He tries hard to think about Tom maybe one day getting a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, spending time with them and not doting on Bill. That thought is more disturbing than anything Bill has thought about before.
What’s the difference between his parents and him and Tom? Bill isn’t stupid; he knows the only thing is sex and other physical things his parents get up to. He glances to Tom and tries to imagine kissing him on the lips, like a boyfriend would do. It feels like something he could do, maybe something he’d even like to do.
He knows he loves Tom more than anything, and he has always only wanted for Tom to be happy. And now, there’s something Tom only wants from him, and Bill thinks he can definitely live with making Tom so happy. Taking a step to being more than brothers feels natural, that maybe being so close to Tom in an intimate level would just be the next step on their weird, consuming relationship that is really all they know.
Rising up from his chair feels natural to Bill. He’s certain of what he wants now. He feels confident, and taking the first steps towards Tom feels solid. Then Tom turns to look at him, walking towards him, and suddenly Bill feels like he’s exposed, standing in the middle of their living room completely naked.
Trust it to be Tom who gets Bill back to solid ground. He looks at Bill, and there’s hope in his eyes, and Bill makes it to the chair safely. He nudges Tom.
“Make some room, fatty.”
Tom has locked his eyes on Bill, and Bill squeezes himself against Tom’s side. He leans to whisper to Tom, “You were right”.
Tom looks happier than Bill has ever seen, and it gives him the best kind on tingle in his stomach.
By a coincidence, the movie just reaches a very emotional scene. Simone bursts out full-on crying and sprees to the bathroom. Gordon follows her, making a little hand motion that says 'sorry guys, you know girls' to the boys.
And being snuggled with Tom, side to side, feeling the warmth radiate from his skin, Bill feels amazingly right. He leans his head to Tom's shoulder and closes his eyes. He can feel a careful touch on his cheek, and then the fingers move to his smiling lips. Bill opens his eyes and holds to Tom's shirt. He then leans closer and kisses Tom.
It feels new, a little nerving, and absolutely right. His lips almost prickle a little at the contact with Tom's soft lips. It's just a little peck, and they part soon enough.
Tom chuckles a little to himself and looks so adorable Bill just has to kiss him again. And this time, it feels different. Bill hasn't ever kissed anyone but Tom a few seconds ago, but somehow he just knows how to do it. They both part their lips slightly and Bill gently sucks on Tom's upper lip. He's about to get more and more into it, when they hear a loud bang from the bathroom and quickly apart. Bill presses his forehead against Tom, and feels Tom's breathing against his lips.
***
Tom used to hate it when Bill would tickle him with his own dreadlocks. Bill used to do it only to annoy Tom. Now, it’s something else.
The room is dark, Bill wanted it that way. He knows he’s okay with all of this-with being Tom’s boyfriend and he knows what it will include in the future. But for now, he still gets a little embarrassed at the thought of how Tom’s touches might make him out of breath, make his cheeks turn red, make his eyes glassy and especially have him licking his lips unconsciously all the time.
Lighting a few candles to make it almost romantic was just a coincidence.
“Do you believe in fate?” Bill whispers quietly to Tom, tenderly smoothing the soft hair on the tip of the dreadlock to Tom’s neck. Tom is rubbing his lower tummy slowly, and it’s making Bill feel strange; like he’s so wanted, like the intimate closeness might swallow him, and he likes it. It feels so right to be like this with Tom.
Tom laughs, and presses his head on the nook of Bill’s shoulder. It sends shivers down Bill’s spine and he’s pretty sure he agrees with the answer.