Feelings.
Here are the emotions currently running in my veins.
Guilt. I let my little girl down this weekend. She now has a blister the size of a dime on her left cheek and is lobster fucking red all over her face. She trusted me to protect her from all things (including the Evil Florida Sun) and I failed.
Contentment. I know that in spite of her burn, she had the best time in the world this weekend. She chased ducks, watched jousting, danced with belly dancers... She had a blast and Jason and I loved watching her. Every time I see her going after the ducks for the first time, I can't help but smile.
Happiness. I'm still pregnant and Ilse's rolling around in there. She's gotten to the point that she's too big to REALLY kick, but she's still small enough for the movements to be cute, not killer.
But most of all right now, I feel released.
See, this weekend we went to the Renn Faire. I was really nervous because I knew Shawn was going to be there and I didn't know how I'd feel about seeing him again. I've worked through a lot of feelings with Jason's help and let a LOT go, but there was still that little ember burning inside me, wanting revenge for everything he put me through. Well, we sat and watched the show. Shawn was front and center a good portion of the time. And I felt... Nothing. I don't know how, but he just felt like another face in the crowd to me. Now, that doesn't mean I didn't pray for a piece of shrapenal to fly into his head or that a strong breeze would make him fall and break his neck when he was showing off by balancing on the list. But still. I felt GREAT. That was Saturday. I've been in a good mood (for the most part) ever since. Yesterday when we went, we got MUCH better seats so I could take pictures of the falcon show and the joust (http://groups.msn.com/AnnaleighsFavoritePictures). Well, guess who decided to be an asshole and sit right in front of us 90% of the time during the joust. Shawn. BUT, I got a little bit of satisfaction from that. See, everytime he turned to face the crowd, he had to look straight at us. I mean Dead On In Anna's Face at us. I kept catching him glaring at Jason and looking kind of hurtdumbfoundedsurpriseddisappointed when he looked at Anna. The first time he saw her, his mouth dropped and his eyes opened wide for a second. And that's where I got all the revenge I needed.
Thanks to Jason's patience and love and patience and nurturing and PATIENCE, I was able to get the fuck over myself long enough to let go of that part of my life. See, I've been dragging this nasty monster behind me every where I went for the past 2 years. Jason killed it for me. It's as simple as that. Sure it took awhile, but that huge fucking monster is dead now and I feel completely absolved. And it feels good.
Thank you, Baby. You're my knight in Shining Armour, slaying my dragons left and right.
Guilt. I let my little girl down this weekend. She now has a blister the size of a dime on her left cheek and is lobster fucking red all over her face. She trusted me to protect her from all things (including the Evil Florida Sun) and I failed.
Contentment. I know that in spite of her burn, she had the best time in the world this weekend. She chased ducks, watched jousting, danced with belly dancers... She had a blast and Jason and I loved watching her. Every time I see her going after the ducks for the first time, I can't help but smile.
Happiness. I'm still pregnant and Ilse's rolling around in there. She's gotten to the point that she's too big to REALLY kick, but she's still small enough for the movements to be cute, not killer.
But most of all right now, I feel released.
See, this weekend we went to the Renn Faire. I was really nervous because I knew Shawn was going to be there and I didn't know how I'd feel about seeing him again. I've worked through a lot of feelings with Jason's help and let a LOT go, but there was still that little ember burning inside me, wanting revenge for everything he put me through. Well, we sat and watched the show. Shawn was front and center a good portion of the time. And I felt... Nothing. I don't know how, but he just felt like another face in the crowd to me. Now, that doesn't mean I didn't pray for a piece of shrapenal to fly into his head or that a strong breeze would make him fall and break his neck when he was showing off by balancing on the list. But still. I felt GREAT. That was Saturday. I've been in a good mood (for the most part) ever since. Yesterday when we went, we got MUCH better seats so I could take pictures of the falcon show and the joust (http://groups.msn.com/AnnaleighsFavoritePictures). Well, guess who decided to be an asshole and sit right in front of us 90% of the time during the joust. Shawn. BUT, I got a little bit of satisfaction from that. See, everytime he turned to face the crowd, he had to look straight at us. I mean Dead On In Anna's Face at us. I kept catching him glaring at Jason and looking kind of hurtdumbfoundedsurpriseddisappointed when he looked at Anna. The first time he saw her, his mouth dropped and his eyes opened wide for a second. And that's where I got all the revenge I needed.
Thanks to Jason's patience and love and patience and nurturing and PATIENCE, I was able to get the fuck over myself long enough to let go of that part of my life. See, I've been dragging this nasty monster behind me every where I went for the past 2 years. Jason killed it for me. It's as simple as that. Sure it took awhile, but that huge fucking monster is dead now and I feel completely absolved. And it feels good.
Thank you, Baby. You're my knight in Shining Armour, slaying my dragons left and right.