How To Shut Down A Post Office...
1. Move across the country from your ex, live with your parents, but leave all the baby things (newborn clothes etc.) with him in storage.
2. Get settled into your parents house.
3. Hit your 3rd trimester and start freaking out because you have nothing with you for this new baby.
4. Have your ex start sending you all the old baby clothes from your first daughter and thank the good Lord that you're having another girl.
5. Request that your ex leave all the baby toiletries such as baby powder and lotion in storage.
6. Your ex will interpret this as "Send me all the baby powder you can, but put it in the bottom corner of the box and not in a plastic bag or container.
7. Because your ex is a cheap jerk, he will send the package through parcel post even though something the same weight would only cost $3 more for priority.
8. Your package will get so beaten up in transit that the baby powder container will bust open, leaking white powder from the corner of the box.
9. When said box gets to your local post office, security will immeadiately notice the white powder.
10. Thanks to the new Anthrax laws, your local post office distribution center will be shut down until either party can be contacted. This will lead to late mail all over your city and surrounding areas.
11. Someone from security will call your house at midnight and leave a message saying that they suspect Anthrax was being sent to your address.
12. You call the post office in the morning and find out that they finally did get ahold of your ex and he confirmed that it was just baby powder.
But all is not lost. Because they couldn't get ahold of your ex right away, they contacted his command about the situation. His security clearance will be under a 90 day review and he could very easily lose rank over this. Like my dad always says, If stupidity can't be painful, it should at least be expensive.
It's funny in it's own way though. I mean, I'm not in any trouble and baby powder washes out of clothes. He's the one that's going through hell right now... and it serves him right for being an asshole...
2. Get settled into your parents house.
3. Hit your 3rd trimester and start freaking out because you have nothing with you for this new baby.
4. Have your ex start sending you all the old baby clothes from your first daughter and thank the good Lord that you're having another girl.
5. Request that your ex leave all the baby toiletries such as baby powder and lotion in storage.
6. Your ex will interpret this as "Send me all the baby powder you can, but put it in the bottom corner of the box and not in a plastic bag or container.
7. Because your ex is a cheap jerk, he will send the package through parcel post even though something the same weight would only cost $3 more for priority.
8. Your package will get so beaten up in transit that the baby powder container will bust open, leaking white powder from the corner of the box.
9. When said box gets to your local post office, security will immeadiately notice the white powder.
10. Thanks to the new Anthrax laws, your local post office distribution center will be shut down until either party can be contacted. This will lead to late mail all over your city and surrounding areas.
11. Someone from security will call your house at midnight and leave a message saying that they suspect Anthrax was being sent to your address.
12. You call the post office in the morning and find out that they finally did get ahold of your ex and he confirmed that it was just baby powder.
But all is not lost. Because they couldn't get ahold of your ex right away, they contacted his command about the situation. His security clearance will be under a 90 day review and he could very easily lose rank over this. Like my dad always says, If stupidity can't be painful, it should at least be expensive.
It's funny in it's own way though. I mean, I'm not in any trouble and baby powder washes out of clothes. He's the one that's going through hell right now... and it serves him right for being an asshole...