we love the victims don't we?

Jan 18, 2010 21:48

i forget what her name was, but i heard an attorney say that most murderers are just a victim of their circumstance. most people on death row are there because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time.

i fell in love with someone who has killed two others. i tried not to, but i know i'd rather look back on these months we have left, acting on how i feel and not letting that burden keep us apart. i've learned to live completely in the moment.

she wrecked the car two years ago. three passengers were in the car with her.  driving straight down the 95, she fell asleep, after having driven down mt. charleston's windy roads.  she was intoxicated with a blood alcohol content just a little higher than mine at my dui.  i had one passenger, but i wasn't speeding down any freeway.

but this isn't why we bonded.  it's everything she is besides this that made me love her.

she doesn't talk about it much, but when she does, she knows the consequences. she accepts that she's going to jail. but she never complains about that. she's strong, she loves, she laughs, she lives, she lives!  that's why i love this girl. she lives life every day she can, knowing that day is a gift.  she lives completely in the moment.

you're forced to in a situation like this.

i know i'm going to have to spend some years without her to hold.  i know the consequence of falling for this one (i love love with a dose of pain, ha.).  but i've thought of forever with this one, and this time apart will only be a blip in our time.

so i see the myspace profiles of the deceased.  one with a mother who updates her daughter's daily statuses somewhat constantly, the other of a boy whose is more stagnant.  what got me was the mother stating, "my daughter should be here, not ___".  and i'm sorry.  i'm sorry for her, and i'm sorry for this whole situation.  but in the moment i read that, i couldn't help but think, "your daughter wanted to drink.  she wanted ___ to take her to drink in the snow."

i might be too rational.

___ doesn't lie to me about this.  she doesn't really have much to lose anyway, so why lie?  they wanted to go and drink in the snow, so they all did.  dumb, drunk, teenagers.  and the least drunk one took the wheel.  drove down the mountain.  remembered the turn onto the freeway, and flipped the car.

they all paid the price.  but she gets the scorn and the blame.  but if she said she didn't feel like driving, it could have been any of them.  and maybe mine could be the dead one, and i would have never met her.  but she isn't, and she will need to face the law.

i've heard the killer's side.  i haven't judged her.  i didn't brand that scarlet letter on her before i knew who she was, through and through, from her soul to her facade.  and like the parents of the deceased, if i had judged this situation without even scratching its surface, i would have blamed her 100%.  but when it comes to life and death, how can anyone make the blame that simple?

situations like this always go a little deeper than 'who killed who'.  some people are just at the wrong place, at the wrong time.
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