I don't get life....

[strongsiiide]

Walking into the hospital room today broke my heart. I like completely lost it. My grandma looked like she was in so much pain. Like the thing that is making her breath is tied around her head and chin and it so scary looking. I just dont want her to be hurting. Like i walked in saw her turned around looked at my parents and started crying and i ran out into the hallway.

I didnt mean to make my grandma see me cry. I just couldnt help it. I love her so much. Like it was the worst thing i have EVER expierenced. I dont want her to die. Like she just she just smiled at me and is happy to see me. I just i cant pretend that im happy to see her.. when it kills me to see her like that.

And the weirdest part is... my mom was the one that calmed me down. The person in my family that i get along with the least. Like i have so much respect for her. And it had to take something like this to make me realize it.

I can honestly say the next few days i will not feel like doing anything with anyone. I just want to be with my family. Like at least until wednesday. Today was literally the worst day of my life.I feel so bad!

I have NEVER felt like this before EVER... i dont like seeing someone im so close to sick like that. I just i cant handle it...

And the last time something tramatizing or scary happend to me.. 2 days later my car got egged by some stupid TWEETYBIRD AND A TURTLE OFFSPRING LOOKALIKE and one my friends at the time drove her.. and another one called me and asked me how i liked my eggs in the morning. So fuck friends like that.Im sooooo happy we arent freinds anymore.

This entire situation keeps making me think think think...

I just i cant believe this.