(no subject)
now... stuff. i feel like utter crap. i feel like i look like crap. and i HAVE NOT been myself these past few whatevers. i dunno what it is. i just don't feel like myself. i think it may have something to do with the people around me, people who aren't around me anymore, the music i listen to, the music i don't listen to, the fact that everyone is doing everything i want to, and i have to wait... for a long itme... and the fact that matt is so beyond my reach i don't even care anymore. Its wierd, cause he'd been such a huge influence in my life for like... a really intense time. and now i realise that it was more illusion that i had hung onto. its just that he is what everyone who knows him deems "perfect" hes so adorable, and kind, and flippin great. one of those people you want to hang onto. too bad i am REALLY bad at keeping those conenctions. I think a lot of the emotion in this entry is coming from the music i am listening to "all i've got is empty pockets now" cabaret music by this wicked singer Ute Lemper. I want to see her in concert so bad. but its so melancholy and at times angry "i spill myself another drink... the orchestra is blind" its a brilliant song,
Anyway. i really do miss that friendship with matt. he was my boi, in the NOT boyfriend way. he was like... mmm skin... and my horse can jump higher than yours and random inside joke buddy. i just wish that i can find someone remotely like him to be my beau. that would make me so happy. so happy. so happy.
"streets of berlin, i must leave you soon...oh will you forget me? was i really here? Find me a bar on the cobblestone streets where the boys are pretty. I cannot love for more than one day, but one day enough in the city. find me a boy with two ocean blue eyes that show no pity. Take out his eyes he never needs to see how they eat you alive in the city! streets of berlin will you miss me? streets of berlin do you care? streets of berlin will you cry out if i vanish into thin air?"- Ute Lemper, streets of berlin, punishing kiss.
"i favor a good punishing kiss that helps pass the afternoons"
Anyway. i really do miss that friendship with matt. he was my boi, in the NOT boyfriend way. he was like... mmm skin... and my horse can jump higher than yours and random inside joke buddy. i just wish that i can find someone remotely like him to be my beau. that would make me so happy. so happy. so happy.
"streets of berlin, i must leave you soon...oh will you forget me? was i really here? Find me a bar on the cobblestone streets where the boys are pretty. I cannot love for more than one day, but one day enough in the city. find me a boy with two ocean blue eyes that show no pity. Take out his eyes he never needs to see how they eat you alive in the city! streets of berlin will you miss me? streets of berlin do you care? streets of berlin will you cry out if i vanish into thin air?"- Ute Lemper, streets of berlin, punishing kiss.
"i favor a good punishing kiss that helps pass the afternoons"