Fic: The End Has No End
Title: The End Has No End
Author: hoshi2063
Pairing: Julian Casablancas/ Nick Valensi
Genre: Angst, Depressing stuff (Fluff if you squint)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Swearing, Slashyness, !Deathfic!
Disclaimer: I wish I did own them, but sadly I do not. :(
Author's note: Saw a 'like' thing on Facebook while listening to 'The End Has No End' by the Strokes and it kinda struck a chord in me. (Best read while listening to that song on repeat.)
Nick loved the feel of riding on a motorcycle. He loved the wind in his hair, no matter the length. He loved the thrum of the motor under him as he sped down the road. The lights speeding past him and the cold air on his cheek. The freedom he felt was like nothing in the world. There was also the thrill. The thrill that anything could happen. It was almost like playing onstage. Almost.
But what Nick loved most about riding on motorcycles was when Julian was there with him. He would sit on the back of the bike, the ‘bitch seat’ as Julian so lovingly called it, and wrap his long, skinny arms around Julian’s waist. Trusting him to lead their way. Every time they rode together, the thrum of Julian’s heart against his ear would always outweigh the thrum of the motorcycle in Nick’s ears. The feeling of Jules’ warm skin beneath his arms would cancel out the cool air speeding past his limbs. He was lost in his own little world where Julian was his, every moment of every day. If he had ever told Jules this, the older man would assure him that he was his. Even if it was true, Nick kept the thought to himself.
They sped down a dark and empty street. The lights of liquor stores and late night pharmacies blurred past them. Nick pressed a soft kiss to Julian’s shoulder and felt a soft hum from under his fingers. Nick couldn’t sleep. It only happened a few times a month, but Julian always helped. Nick would toss and turn in their bed, trying so hard not to wake the snoozing man next to him. Despite his efforts, Julian would always crack his eyes open to see his lover’s troubled look.
Without speaking, he would sit up in bed, take Nick’s hand in his, and lead them out, PJ’s and all, down to their bike. He would settle Nick behind him and start up the bike. With Nick’s warm arms around his waist, he would drive. Just drive on and on until he felt Nick’s tense muscles start to relax and his head start to droop, not enough to fully let go, but to alert him that it was time for sleep.
They would go back to their one bedroom apartment, Julian ushering Nick back into bed. As Nick laid his head on Julian’s chest, the older man would here a soft sigh of content. Not minutes later, Nick’s breathing would even out and soft snores could be heard from his peaceful form.
Tonight, it was a little past 2 in the morning. Every so often, Nick would pepper Julian’s shoulder with kisses to get that desired hum from his chest. Turn after turn, Julian could feel Nick’s muscles begin to relax. About 15 minutes into the ride, they began to tighten again.
“Jules, slow down. You’re going too fast,” Nick mumbled into his shoulder.
“Come on. I know what I’m doing. Just relax like you do every night,” came Julian’s reply.
“No, Jules. Please. Just slow down. I wanna go home now.”
“Tell me you love me.”
“You know I do, idiot.”
“Say you love me.”
“I love you okay? Now please slow down!”
“Give me a hug.”
“Damnit, Jules, I’m not going to give you a fucking hug until you slow the fuck down!”
“C’mon Nickey. Just a hug. Please?”
“You asshole!” Nick screams over the roar of the motorcycle, hugging Julian tight.
“Was that so hard? Now be a doll and take the helmet off me and put it on you, would you? It’s bugging the hell outta me.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nick doesn’t remember much more after that. He remembers waking up in a white room in a stiff bed with beeping machines all around him and a tube down his throat. He remembers another thing; Julian isn’t there.
The machines go wild and there’s a hand on his shoulder, a voice calling for a nurse. It’s Albert. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days, his eyes are red and his voice is scratchy as he hollers out the doors for a nurse.
The nurses arrive and everything goes dark again.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next time Nick wakes up, there’s no tube down his throat, but Julian still isn’t there.
Fab’s there this time, telling Nick to stay calm. Breath deep.
It minutes, hours maybe until he speaks again.
He tells Nick that he’s been in an accident.
The motorcycle crashed into a solid brick wall. 104 fucking miles per hour by the looks of it. Chunks of metal everywhere. Brake failure, they said.
When the police got there, they found Nick and Julian. Nick had been wearing the helmet, as per Julian’s request, still breathing. Julian, however, was not so lucky. He had died upon impact. Nick had been found a few yards away from the wreck. Fab told him there were bruises from where Julian had pushed him off the bike right before it had hit.
There had been one more thing, Fab had said. The forensics had suggested that the brakes had given out early in the ride. Early enough for Julian to be well aware.
‘Tell me you love me,’ Julian had said. ‘Give me a hug. Take the helmet’
He’d known damn well, and he’d made sure that Nick would live. He’d stolen one last hug, one last ‘I love you’ and then he’d just left.
“That fucking bastard,” Nick sobbed into Fab’s shoulder. It was cold, hard. Nothing like Julian’s. “That fucking bastard,” he’d uttered over and over.
“He left me. It’s not fair. That fucking bastard. He knew he would die. He left me here! Without him!”
Nick was screaming now. Screaming out his anger, his sorrow. He sobbed for hours against Fab. He cried until his eyes were dry and his body was just heaving.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That night, Nick slept. That night, Nick dreamed. He dreamed of Julian.
They were alone in their room. The bed was warm and a mess. Julian held Nick tight against him, whispering lyrics from unwritten songs into Nick’s ear.
Nick looked up into Julian’s eyes.
“Give me a hug.”
Julian pulled Nick closer to his chest, placing a kiss in his hair.
“Tell me you love me”
“I love you. So much. Always,” Julian whispered against his lips.
Nick smiled.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fab was awoken from his place in his bedside chair by a long, steady beep.
Author: hoshi2063
Pairing: Julian Casablancas/ Nick Valensi
Genre: Angst, Depressing stuff (Fluff if you squint)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Swearing, Slashyness, !Deathfic!
Disclaimer: I wish I did own them, but sadly I do not. :(
Author's note: Saw a 'like' thing on Facebook while listening to 'The End Has No End' by the Strokes and it kinda struck a chord in me. (Best read while listening to that song on repeat.)
Nick loved the feel of riding on a motorcycle. He loved the wind in his hair, no matter the length. He loved the thrum of the motor under him as he sped down the road. The lights speeding past him and the cold air on his cheek. The freedom he felt was like nothing in the world. There was also the thrill. The thrill that anything could happen. It was almost like playing onstage. Almost.
But what Nick loved most about riding on motorcycles was when Julian was there with him. He would sit on the back of the bike, the ‘bitch seat’ as Julian so lovingly called it, and wrap his long, skinny arms around Julian’s waist. Trusting him to lead their way. Every time they rode together, the thrum of Julian’s heart against his ear would always outweigh the thrum of the motorcycle in Nick’s ears. The feeling of Jules’ warm skin beneath his arms would cancel out the cool air speeding past his limbs. He was lost in his own little world where Julian was his, every moment of every day. If he had ever told Jules this, the older man would assure him that he was his. Even if it was true, Nick kept the thought to himself.
They sped down a dark and empty street. The lights of liquor stores and late night pharmacies blurred past them. Nick pressed a soft kiss to Julian’s shoulder and felt a soft hum from under his fingers. Nick couldn’t sleep. It only happened a few times a month, but Julian always helped. Nick would toss and turn in their bed, trying so hard not to wake the snoozing man next to him. Despite his efforts, Julian would always crack his eyes open to see his lover’s troubled look.
Without speaking, he would sit up in bed, take Nick’s hand in his, and lead them out, PJ’s and all, down to their bike. He would settle Nick behind him and start up the bike. With Nick’s warm arms around his waist, he would drive. Just drive on and on until he felt Nick’s tense muscles start to relax and his head start to droop, not enough to fully let go, but to alert him that it was time for sleep.
They would go back to their one bedroom apartment, Julian ushering Nick back into bed. As Nick laid his head on Julian’s chest, the older man would here a soft sigh of content. Not minutes later, Nick’s breathing would even out and soft snores could be heard from his peaceful form.
Tonight, it was a little past 2 in the morning. Every so often, Nick would pepper Julian’s shoulder with kisses to get that desired hum from his chest. Turn after turn, Julian could feel Nick’s muscles begin to relax. About 15 minutes into the ride, they began to tighten again.
“Jules, slow down. You’re going too fast,” Nick mumbled into his shoulder.
“Come on. I know what I’m doing. Just relax like you do every night,” came Julian’s reply.
“No, Jules. Please. Just slow down. I wanna go home now.”
“Tell me you love me.”
“You know I do, idiot.”
“Say you love me.”
“I love you okay? Now please slow down!”
“Give me a hug.”
“Damnit, Jules, I’m not going to give you a fucking hug until you slow the fuck down!”
“C’mon Nickey. Just a hug. Please?”
“You asshole!” Nick screams over the roar of the motorcycle, hugging Julian tight.
“Was that so hard? Now be a doll and take the helmet off me and put it on you, would you? It’s bugging the hell outta me.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nick doesn’t remember much more after that. He remembers waking up in a white room in a stiff bed with beeping machines all around him and a tube down his throat. He remembers another thing; Julian isn’t there.
The machines go wild and there’s a hand on his shoulder, a voice calling for a nurse. It’s Albert. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days, his eyes are red and his voice is scratchy as he hollers out the doors for a nurse.
The nurses arrive and everything goes dark again.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next time Nick wakes up, there’s no tube down his throat, but Julian still isn’t there.
Fab’s there this time, telling Nick to stay calm. Breath deep.
It minutes, hours maybe until he speaks again.
He tells Nick that he’s been in an accident.
The motorcycle crashed into a solid brick wall. 104 fucking miles per hour by the looks of it. Chunks of metal everywhere. Brake failure, they said.
When the police got there, they found Nick and Julian. Nick had been wearing the helmet, as per Julian’s request, still breathing. Julian, however, was not so lucky. He had died upon impact. Nick had been found a few yards away from the wreck. Fab told him there were bruises from where Julian had pushed him off the bike right before it had hit.
There had been one more thing, Fab had said. The forensics had suggested that the brakes had given out early in the ride. Early enough for Julian to be well aware.
‘Tell me you love me,’ Julian had said. ‘Give me a hug. Take the helmet’
He’d known damn well, and he’d made sure that Nick would live. He’d stolen one last hug, one last ‘I love you’ and then he’d just left.
“That fucking bastard,” Nick sobbed into Fab’s shoulder. It was cold, hard. Nothing like Julian’s. “That fucking bastard,” he’d uttered over and over.
“He left me. It’s not fair. That fucking bastard. He knew he would die. He left me here! Without him!”
Nick was screaming now. Screaming out his anger, his sorrow. He sobbed for hours against Fab. He cried until his eyes were dry and his body was just heaving.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That night, Nick slept. That night, Nick dreamed. He dreamed of Julian.
They were alone in their room. The bed was warm and a mess. Julian held Nick tight against him, whispering lyrics from unwritten songs into Nick’s ear.
Nick looked up into Julian’s eyes.
“Give me a hug.”
Julian pulled Nick closer to his chest, placing a kiss in his hair.
“Tell me you love me”
“I love you. So much. Always,” Julian whispered against his lips.
Nick smiled.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fab was awoken from his place in his bedside chair by a long, steady beep.