Addicted
I have written and re-written this blog in my head over the last several weeks. I was trying to decide how to go about doing this, but here it goes...
As the title suggests I am addicted, but not to drugs or anything illegal. I am addicted to any kind of angst/ hurt/comfort type story. The more the main character is in pain the more I absorb the story. I constantly scan the net for any thing containing a main character that is dealing with self-harm and tragedy. But this is not what makes this a bad addiction. There is no harm in reading, right? An over active imagination? The bad part is after I read these stories I feel "the urge"... yes that old familiar feeling... the urge to cut right along with the main character. I haven't acted on these feelings in a very long time, so that is a plus. However I do notice that after having read the stories I want to be alone and I'm quiet grumpy. I have a feeling that the reason I'm grumpy is that I can't act on my feeling, but whatever. Why can't I read happy stories or at least ones that don't involve self- mutilation of some kind?
Its bad enough that for some reason my mind romanticizes the images of scars... even the worst scars to me are beautiful. And I"m not talking road rash or circular scars. I'm talking about straight line scars, they are amazingly hypnotic. I have a few of them and sometimes find myself running my finger back and forth over them. They are so soft. Its like my skin is telling a story...
I dunno why I just shared all this, but maybe you understand and then again maybe you don't and are now thinking that I am insane and need help. Maybe you are right if you are thinking that, but only time will truly tell.
So I guess for now this is good night to those who read this. StrLte
As the title suggests I am addicted, but not to drugs or anything illegal. I am addicted to any kind of angst/ hurt/comfort type story. The more the main character is in pain the more I absorb the story. I constantly scan the net for any thing containing a main character that is dealing with self-harm and tragedy. But this is not what makes this a bad addiction. There is no harm in reading, right? An over active imagination? The bad part is after I read these stories I feel "the urge"... yes that old familiar feeling... the urge to cut right along with the main character. I haven't acted on these feelings in a very long time, so that is a plus. However I do notice that after having read the stories I want to be alone and I'm quiet grumpy. I have a feeling that the reason I'm grumpy is that I can't act on my feeling, but whatever. Why can't I read happy stories or at least ones that don't involve self- mutilation of some kind?
Its bad enough that for some reason my mind romanticizes the images of scars... even the worst scars to me are beautiful. And I"m not talking road rash or circular scars. I'm talking about straight line scars, they are amazingly hypnotic. I have a few of them and sometimes find myself running my finger back and forth over them. They are so soft. Its like my skin is telling a story...
I dunno why I just shared all this, but maybe you understand and then again maybe you don't and are now thinking that I am insane and need help. Maybe you are right if you are thinking that, but only time will truly tell.
So I guess for now this is good night to those who read this. StrLte