(no subject)
So. I never did manage to get to a library over break (the one closest to my home was CLOSED for renovations; apparently whatever bureaocrat made that ludicrous decision didn't understand that I was going to be there) and I didn't want to use the home computer for LJ checking in case my brother or even my parents decided to explore, so I haven't checked my friends' listings in over three weeks.
This is definitely a transition time. I woke up remembering a dream, strange combination of stress-dream with school and conference and touchy emotional state and high fantasy. Ruth was in it. She didn't understand. More precisely, she was acting in a way that I percieved as very exclusive, shunting me away, and as it was my dream my perception is pretty relevant. I have trouble seeing Ruth actually act that way. But there's the strange thing, how much my emotional state was part of it, and how aware I was of my emotional state. It really felt more like the way I am when I'm spiraling, the bad day dreams, with the implausible scenery of dreams layered on top, than what I usually think of as dreaming. I know I'm stressed because by 11:30 pm yesterday it felt like I'd lived five days instead of just one. I had trouble convincing myself it wasn't at least Tuesday, if not Weds or Thursday. I'm oscillating between feeling I'm in paradise (snow!) and wanting to run and being bored and not really feeling much, just routine, several times over the day with little sense of continuity. It's not uber-bad, some of it's quite fun actually, but it is pretty stressful. I think I'll feel more comfortable in my new room when I've finished unpacking. There's still a lot of stuff taking up floorspace. I realised there's no desk, which bothered me more than I would have thought at first (after all, I didn't have a real desk last semester and I never use the one at home for writing on) but then I realised it was the lack of drawers and horizontal surface space that was getting to me most. There's enough dresser space that I converted some into desk drawers, and all I have to do is ask to move the TV somewhere else and I'll have surface. (The TV doesn't work. It might be able to play DVD's. I see no real reason to have a TV anyway.) I'm half stocked on food for the moment. I'm sleepy.
I'm going to check other people's stuff briefly now.
This is definitely a transition time. I woke up remembering a dream, strange combination of stress-dream with school and conference and touchy emotional state and high fantasy. Ruth was in it. She didn't understand. More precisely, she was acting in a way that I percieved as very exclusive, shunting me away, and as it was my dream my perception is pretty relevant. I have trouble seeing Ruth actually act that way. But there's the strange thing, how much my emotional state was part of it, and how aware I was of my emotional state. It really felt more like the way I am when I'm spiraling, the bad day dreams, with the implausible scenery of dreams layered on top, than what I usually think of as dreaming. I know I'm stressed because by 11:30 pm yesterday it felt like I'd lived five days instead of just one. I had trouble convincing myself it wasn't at least Tuesday, if not Weds or Thursday. I'm oscillating between feeling I'm in paradise (snow!) and wanting to run and being bored and not really feeling much, just routine, several times over the day with little sense of continuity. It's not uber-bad, some of it's quite fun actually, but it is pretty stressful. I think I'll feel more comfortable in my new room when I've finished unpacking. There's still a lot of stuff taking up floorspace. I realised there's no desk, which bothered me more than I would have thought at first (after all, I didn't have a real desk last semester and I never use the one at home for writing on) but then I realised it was the lack of drawers and horizontal surface space that was getting to me most. There's enough dresser space that I converted some into desk drawers, and all I have to do is ask to move the TV somewhere else and I'll have surface. (The TV doesn't work. It might be able to play DVD's. I see no real reason to have a TV anyway.) I'm half stocked on food for the moment. I'm sleepy.
I'm going to check other people's stuff briefly now.