(no subject)
I was going to post. But it is late and I may have lost the inspiration. I just read an essay by Neil Gaiman on making stories. Ah, internet wandering. Chris called at 9:08 by the microwave clock and we talked for quite a while, including a bit that was very personal and depth/connection creating. It wasn't supposed to be; I thought it was going to be a disaster. It just turned out that way.
He has tenacity, if nothing else.
So I guess Ariel de-friended me. I need to revamp what I'm doing with this anyway. My friends list is pretty haphazard -- not that I don't like the people on it, but, well, for example Katie's on there and I think I've seen her once in the past two months and it's not like we've ever been close. It was really good to have this when I wasn't here, so I could have some connection to Eliana's and Ariel's lives, but since we've been living together it's seemed a little redundant. Well, that's not really true, there's stuff that gets said there that doesn't always make it into in-person conversation, but I haven't been posting much and, I don't know. I wanted this to be somewhere I could write and share with the world, concepts and understandings and not just this is what I did today and this is how I feel about it kind of things. There's nothing wrong with that, but I don't really have any other means of getting issue-writings to an audience and I can talk about everyday stuff all the time, or write it to myself, and there's no need for a wider audience.
Chris has been a lifesaver. But I have no illusions about how it was.
I returned Ecology of Hope to Alisa Sunday evening and we hung out and talked after. It really rocked -- she's in the same position I am in a lot of ways. I HAVE to find a way to get involved with PSA next semester, even if I can't make meetings that's really only a small part of any group or movement anyway. Saw Daya today or yesterday; just briefly, we didn't talk. Abe Viles a few days ago, same thing. I wish I'd been able to just keep doing what I'd been doing with ACT -- it was so much bigger than the election anyway, but that's what was drawing the money in. Doesn't ANYONE with cash believe in grassroots? I know there's the whole limited self interest thing but, really. People waste so much, go at goals sideways and upside down, don't want to admit even to themselves what the real point is because they think it's too impossible and they can't face the pain. The key factor between freedom and oppression, a life of joy and one of meaninglessness, may yet be willingness to face suffering, risk pain, not bow down and compromise when they've hit your weak spot.
I've been burning tea lights, wonderful things.
If the checks I've ordered don't come in soon I'll have to pay the phone bill from SF, which will be strangely ironic.
SHIT I don't want to live in the dorms. I'll ask around, but I'm not optimistic, mid year and this close to next semester. But, I should give it a fair try; if it's completely nightmarish, well, next year even if I'm still here I can get it together and find SOMEWHERE else.
For a paper I want to write, the final sustainable community paper is going very slowly. Tommorrow.
He has tenacity, if nothing else.
So I guess Ariel de-friended me. I need to revamp what I'm doing with this anyway. My friends list is pretty haphazard -- not that I don't like the people on it, but, well, for example Katie's on there and I think I've seen her once in the past two months and it's not like we've ever been close. It was really good to have this when I wasn't here, so I could have some connection to Eliana's and Ariel's lives, but since we've been living together it's seemed a little redundant. Well, that's not really true, there's stuff that gets said there that doesn't always make it into in-person conversation, but I haven't been posting much and, I don't know. I wanted this to be somewhere I could write and share with the world, concepts and understandings and not just this is what I did today and this is how I feel about it kind of things. There's nothing wrong with that, but I don't really have any other means of getting issue-writings to an audience and I can talk about everyday stuff all the time, or write it to myself, and there's no need for a wider audience.
Chris has been a lifesaver. But I have no illusions about how it was.
I returned Ecology of Hope to Alisa Sunday evening and we hung out and talked after. It really rocked -- she's in the same position I am in a lot of ways. I HAVE to find a way to get involved with PSA next semester, even if I can't make meetings that's really only a small part of any group or movement anyway. Saw Daya today or yesterday; just briefly, we didn't talk. Abe Viles a few days ago, same thing. I wish I'd been able to just keep doing what I'd been doing with ACT -- it was so much bigger than the election anyway, but that's what was drawing the money in. Doesn't ANYONE with cash believe in grassroots? I know there's the whole limited self interest thing but, really. People waste so much, go at goals sideways and upside down, don't want to admit even to themselves what the real point is because they think it's too impossible and they can't face the pain. The key factor between freedom and oppression, a life of joy and one of meaninglessness, may yet be willingness to face suffering, risk pain, not bow down and compromise when they've hit your weak spot.
I've been burning tea lights, wonderful things.
If the checks I've ordered don't come in soon I'll have to pay the phone bill from SF, which will be strangely ironic.
SHIT I don't want to live in the dorms. I'll ask around, but I'm not optimistic, mid year and this close to next semester. But, I should give it a fair try; if it's completely nightmarish, well, next year even if I'm still here I can get it together and find SOMEWHERE else.
For a paper I want to write, the final sustainable community paper is going very slowly. Tommorrow.