Fic: O sea-starved, hungry sea, Sam/Dean, NC-17

[stripytights]

Title: O sea-starved, hungry sea
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Length: 8.3K
Content notes: sex, mentions of background characters death
Author notes: written for quickreaver for spn_j2_xmas . You had amazing prompts, and there were so many fics I wanted to write, but this is the one that happened. Many thanks to tebtosca for the extension. Title owed to

Comments

[themegalosaurus]

I loved this SO MUCH and there were so many bits of it and reasons why but here are some of them:

- The paragraph where Sam is wondering how to tell Dean what is happening, trying it out in his head. I don't know why I like it so much, it just feels very Sam to me, very internalised and careful and self-conscious. I like the phrases that catch in his mind as well - and beyond that, the way that you trail maritime imagery all the way through the fic, it's beautiful (the timber-creak of Sam's bones, for instance).

- I love the quiet way that Sam's wanting of Dean creeps into the story, all the way back to adolescence but just held under, suppressed.

- I like the inevitability of Sam's change - slow but predictable, Sam starting out not wanting the sea but waiting for it to begin and then it does, of course and he can't do anything to stop it.

- What really got me though - what made me well up, and I NEVER cry at fic - was the whole narrative of Sam's emotion, like when Bobby tells him and he says 'Dean's enough' but then it doesn't seem to actually be enough and Sam's worried that he's just emotionally stunted, coming off the back of the soullessness (post-soulless Sam is so vulnerable it hurts me): this bit

He wants it so damn badly that it hurts, the thought of the darkness, the empty solitary deep an adequate push to Dean's pull. He doesn't how to want anything more than this, wonders if even this, more than he's felt in months, is enough, if it's a pathetic parody of how actual people feel. He doesn't trust anything he is anymore, any diagnosis he gives himself. Soullessness is still lurking so close.

and this

Something in him that's been dead and dormant too long stretches itself out, and while Dean grips his teeth into Sam's neck, licks the salt from his skin, kisses warm and wet as much of Sam as he can reach, Sam sees for a long second the reason the sea took him so far before it gave him back. He's been so fucking empty, squashed everything so deep down that he hadn't felt anything at all.

UGH it hurt me but I loved it. Like I felt it so viscerally, Sam letting his emotions out properly for the first time in so long. Because he's always had to be squashed down for so many reasons.

- I also loved Dean in the ocean, terrified but faking it ('the milk paleness of Dean's face, and the despair in his shoulders, none of which is in his voice now, authoritative, insistent') and the sex was lovely, just brutal enough and intimate and oh, the ending is lovely.

Basically I loved it a lot a lot a lot and I'm gonna definitely rec it to a lot of people!! Thank you for writing this lovely thing!