Fic: No Choice in the Matter, Jensen/Jared, NC-17 5/6
Title No Choice in the Matter
Fandom Supernatural RPF
Pairing Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 5/6
Length: 5683
Warnings/Kinks: Hate-sex, A/B/O, dub-con, masturbation, fantasy, drunk-sex
Summary:Sequel to Intolerable Cruelty. Bonded to someone he loathes, Jared has to navigate a path he never expected to follow, and to fight against something he has no choice in.
He didn't remember how he got home, just remembered being sick into the toilet, and then climbing drunkenly into the shower before clambering into bed. When he woke up the next morning it was with a splitting head, and he groaned and shoved the pillow back over his head, willing the pounding in his skull to subside. When the ache had dulled to manageable proportions, he groped his hand out of bed for his phone, and did the morning-shame check of his sent box. Nothing thank God. In his drafts though, there were four attempts at a message to Jensen saying everything from 'fuck you' to 'God I'm sorry.' He grimaced and deleted them all, dropping his phone down the side.
It took another half hour before he found the wherewithal to actually get up, and even that was just to grab a diet coke from the fridge (and studiously ignore the beer. Hair of the dog was not a good idea while his stomach still felt so delicate.) When the caffeine and aspirin had worked their minor magic, he managed to roll out of bed properly, and after a shower actually felt pretty human. While he was contemplating the effort of a coffee, and boggling at the fact that it was only just nine am his phone flashed and he went for it.
Bryan's number flashed up on the display, and Jared flicked it open feeling his stomach drop. This was the worst part of a night out where you got really trashed- not remembering what the hell you might have done. Bryan had seen him at his worst it was true, but Jared didn't want to give him more ammunition than he had to. "Hey," he said preemptively, "what did I do last night that was so bad you couldn't wait 'til after twelve to mock me?"
Bryan laughed down the phone at him. "You make me sound so cruel. As it happens you didn't do anything terrible last night. I mean you got weepy towards the end, and started moaning about how you should be fucking some dude called Jensen, then you changed your mind and decided to strangle him instead. But compared to that time in Tijuana you were like a monk. I didn't have to wrestle you off the coke or anything. Actually I was letting you know that I have your wallet in my possession for unknown reasons. Dunno how the hell you got home last night without any money, but if it was giving blowjobs to cab drivers that's pretty fucked up."
Jared held the phone away from his head and stared at it for a moment before replying. "Don't tar us all with your brush Bryan," he said with an appropriate quantity of incredulity.
"Yeah man, anyway I turned my head and you were gone, then you phoned me and told me that you were home. Lemme know if you want me to drop your wallet off or if you want to come get it. We're doing a little gathering tonight."
"Jesus," Jared said without any heat. "You're a machine dude, don't you ever get a hangover?"
"Never," Bryan said cheerfully. "And if you worked from seven to ten correcting fucked up legal briefs you'd want to get smashed at the weekends as well. You coming tonight then?"
Jared rubbed a hand across his eyes, and contemplated going back to bed. "Sure man," he said.
"Great stuff. Bring beer, turn up anytime," he said, and rang off noisily. Jared tossed the phone back down on the side, and decided that coffee really was the best decision. As he waited though, footsteps padded into the kitchen behind him, and pure fear ran through him. He hardly dared turn around. What the fuck had he done? Had he got drunk enough to pick somebody up? Cheated on Jensen before they'd even been together a week?
It took strength to turn around, and when he saw who it was, he blinked in utter shock. "Gen?" he said incredulously, and she smiled at him.
"Hope I didn't give you a shock, didn't expect you to be up already after last night to be honest." She stepped forward, and with the brisk easiness of their interaction that had always been there, even in the broken aftermath of them splitting thanks to their complete inability to bond, she got the cups down.
Jared noted she set out three. "Three?" he asked stupidly, his mind finding it difficult enough to comprehend that he might have cheated on Jensen with his ex alpha-friend, let alone a third person.
Gen's eyes softened, and he remembered that she was a five, and probably picking up on a little of what he was broadcasting. "You, me and Tasha," she said, jerking her head to the doorway where a fairly tall girl with brown hair was lurking as though she wasn't quite sure whether she should come in or not. Hearing her name, she slipped in awkwardly and raised her hand in greeting. Jared had actually met her quite a few times- the perils of your social circle overlapping with that of your ex and her bonded.
"Hey," she said quietly. "I like the house."
"Thanks," Jared said a little wildly, looking around for some sort of explanation as to what the hell was going on. It was Tasha who enlightened him, as Gen was digging in the fridge for some milk.
"You were wasted last night when we bumped into you, and you just wanted to go home. You didn't have your wallet on you though, and you were kind of out of it, so me and Gen brought you back. It was like three am by then though, so we kind of just borrowed your spare bed." She smiled at him, and he sort of understood what had got Gen so completely smitten by her that they'd bonded after a few months.
"That's cool," he said. "Thanks I guess," and smiled back. Gen pressed a cup of coffee into his hands, and then passed one to Tasha before securing her own.
"I'm afraid your dreams of a sexy socially forbidden threesome are entirely unfounded," she said drily. "If that's what you're worried about."
It felt kind of weird to admit that he had been a little bit worried about that. Gen wasn't the sort of person who did things like that, and he couldn't imagine that she and Tasha looked anywhere outside of their bonding. "Course not," he said though, and sank onto a chair, his headache already beginning to come back a bit. Gen and Tasha sat down as well, both of them looking a little the worse for wear themselves.
"What are you two up to today?" he asked in an attempt to distract himself.
"Nothing much," Gen said. "Heading back home to get changed, lazy day, then drinks at Bryan's this evening."
Jared grinned. "Same," he said. "Looks like he's getting the old crew back together. You want to stay or something, catch up before the party?"
"God no," said Gen, "I need a shower," and it was that, that broke the icy weird little distance between the three of them, and made it into something more manageable and human. Even after they'd split, he'd counted Gen a friend, as he knew she'd thought of him, but there had still been that gulf between them- the gulf of somebody who'd successfully bonded, and someone who hadn't. Now Jared was bonded, and even if he didn't like Jensen, it broke the tiny tension between him and Tasha. He'd been Gen's first love- he knew that because she'd been his. But that was over and done with now, and having his friend back properly without feeling even a little bit of hopeless jealousy was terrific.
They talked a little more, before Tasha excused herself to take a shower, and Jared went to find her some towels. While she was showering, he and Gen moved into the front room and sat down for a bit, comfortable silence falling between them. This hadn’t changed between them at least. They only talked of inconsequential things, until Jared touched on her and Tasha’s bonding. He hadn’t gone- he was a reasonable sort of person, but it had been eight months after they’d split and the wounds had still been too deep and raw to reconcile. He kind of regretted that now seeing how happy they were together. Still he’d been twenty two and felt like his world was falling apart when it became evident that no matter how hard they tried it just wasn’t happening. Now he was twenty nine and although he still thought wistfully, occasionally of what he could have had, a little bit of perspective had been brought to bear and he could even acknowledge that his family might’ve been right- trying to bond when you were twenty one and just out of university wasn’t the smartest thing in the world.
Gen’s eyes were bright though, and her smile ecstatic, and that was after six years of her and Tasha being bonded, and the affection in her voice was deep and solid when she mentioned her bonded- which was providing Jared with a whole new set of jealousy issues when he compared that to the jagged edges of him and Jensen.
Still he was surprised when she sat down her cup and curled her legs up underneath her to peer at him. “I hear you’re bonded now,” she said and it wasn’t a question. Bryan must’ve told her last night, or maybe she could sense it off him. Jared had sent his notification off to the appropriate government department, and Jensen had apparently done so as well, but their new ID bracelets hadn’t arrived yet.
“Yeah,” he said. “It was sudden, but you know how these things go. One moment it’s there between you, the next you’re bonded.” He’d been trying to keep it light-hearted, make it sound consensual and fun, like a workplace romance that’d culminated in sex where they’d bonded on the first try like some incredibly cheesy rom-com, but he could hear the bitterness in his own voice, and so could Gen judging by the way she was biting her lip.
“You don’t sound happy,” she said softly.
He bit back the irrational urge to shout at the world just how unhappy he was. This wasn’t Gen’s fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, not even Jensen. It was on his shoulders. “I’m not,” he admitted, “but you know somethings you just have to live with I guess.” He looked at Gen, at her worried face and felt sudden compunction for unloading this onto her. “Sorry,” he said with a half smile. “Things will work out. They always do somehow.”
She looked like she was about to argue, but Tasha came into the room at that moment, and the worry lines smoothed away as though by magic at the sight of her partner. “We’ll talk about this later,” she said to Jared, half promise, half threat.
When they were gone, Jared found the urge to go back to bed had gone with them, but that without the distraction of their presence a nagging itching sensation was spreading through his body, like an ache without a cause. It was bad enough that he couldn’t concentrate on anything productive at all, and pervasive enough that once it had pushed itself to the forefront of his attention it wouldn’t leave. Nothing helped, and for once every search word he pushed into the internet agreed on the reason, a minor miracle in and of itself once he’d discarded the possibility that he was suffering from an invisible rash or mysterious neuropathic pain. Dissatisfaction, itching, emptiness they were all associated with failing to spend skin-time with your newly bonded, and he came across more articles than he’d ever have thought existed concerning the optimal ways to spend your time, which pretty much boiled down to fucking, fucking and more fucking. With occasional breaks to hold hands and eat. Or if he was looking at the romanticised versions, fucking + time spent watching horrible movies in bed.
All that it made him think was that hanging around the house and catching up on TV he’d missed was sounding remarkably appealing, but he was nearly out of groceries and if he was going to Bryan’s he’d need more beer. So with a sigh he got himself out of the house, thankful that he usually left his cards at home on a night out, and for once appreciating the fact that he generally didn’t get IDed for alcohol purchase. Wandering around the supermarket while trying not to think about how he wanted to pull off his shirt and scratch at a non-existent rash, he found his thoughts idly drifting towards Jensen instead, wondering if he was feeling the same thing and tried to drag them away. That was helpful to precisely no-one. Jensen was back home in Texas dealing with the death of a friend, not here.
In a coincidence that was seeming less and likely when his phone rang in his pocket, it was Jensen. Jared stared at it for a second before reluctantly answering. Hiding was for cowards. “Hey,” he said, and determined to retain the moral high ground continued on, “I’m sorry for being a douche last night. I hope you’re okay.” Even saying the words was difficult, but the sound of Jensen’s voice was like cool water on his body, soothing away the ache- not completely but at least a little. If he’d known that was what it took to relieve the sensation, he’d have done it earlier.
Jensen’s voice on the other end sounded embarrassed. “It’s cool,” he said awkwardly. “You were out of it, I could tell. Did you get home okay?”
“Yeah,” Jared said, holding the cell between his neck and his shoulder as he reached for the rice bags, wondering what had prompted this almost unbearably civil exchange. The next moment revealed all.
“I’m getting back home on Tuesday,” Jensen said, and Jared wondered if he was imagining the nervousness behind bravado, or if his weirdly heightened abilities were picking up on it somehow. “I thought we should probably meet and hang out for a bit. A friend of mine recommended a bond therapist who can fit us in for an emergency appointment at the end of the week, and I had a phone conversation with her earlier. She said it’s really important that we cohabit for at least part of the time.” He paused and when Jared didn’t say anything, he continued defensively. “If you don’t believe me you can phone her yourself. Or look her up on the internet or something,” he reeled off her name and location.
“Wow,” said Jared, caught a little off guard by both the proposal and Jensen’s defensiveness. “Uh yeah that sounds do-able I guess. Do you want a lift from the airport or something?”
“Might be a good idea,” Jensen said. “I can come straight to your place if you want.” He sounded almost painfully eager, and Jared was forced to consider the possibility that Jensen was feeling exactly the same burning sensation that he was and had looked up the cause as well.
“Sure,” he said slowly. “What time’s your flight in?” He memorised the details, and rang off, and looked at his cell in pure puzzlement. The relief provided by Jensen’s voice was already wearing off, and the ache returning- deeper and more persistent than ever, like the brief respite had aggravated it into asserting its presence more fully.
Several hours later at Bryan’s house, twisting off a beer-top he was still completely confused as to what the fuck was going on. Luckily (or not) his friends were more than happy to share their own experiences with bonding and the like. Most of them were betas, and omegas that he’d met at university and who’d got jobs in the same city. Most of the bonded ones had brought their alphas along, and sat close by them. None of them seemed unhappy as far as he could tell, but he wasn’t exactly an expert, and besides his group of friends were pretty self selecting. Omegas going to university still wasn’t something commonplace, and they’d all stuck together from self-defence. None of them had opted for a traditional bonding type which was hardly surprising. Why spend so much money and fight so hard to get an education just to throw it aside in favour of the first alpha to look twice at you?
Then there were alphas like Bryan who had no interest in bonding at all, and were meticulous in avoiding it at any costs. Bryan and Gen between them had been the first alphas that Jared had ever got to know properly, and he still cringed a bit to remember how much he’d avoided them in those first terrifying weeks in a strange place, locked in at nights for his own protection, obliged to go for monthly check ups as part of his conditional acceptance, and really not in the mood to meet new people. It’d been hard to imagine back then that really yeah there were alphas who weren’t total dicks, and who were actually on their side. It was hard for anyone to dislike Bryan for long though, his cheerful obliviousness to most things providing a perfect surface to bounce off. Bryan had purposefully sought them out- him and a few other alphas like Gen and betas like Michelle and Tom, dragged them into the social life that college gave, and offered them unspoken back-up. Jared didn’t think he’d have stuck it out without them.
Right now though as they all peered at him in interest and wanted to know details of his mystery bonded he could’ve wished them all to the devil. They already knew, courtesy of Bryan that his bonded was a man called Jensen, but that wasn’t enough to sate their curiosity and he didn’t feel up to explaining the whole sordid story. He batted away the questions with light hearted answers for as long as he could, but at the third expression of surprise that he didn’t even have a picture of Jensen on his phone or something, the combined frustrations of the day got to him, and he set down the beer on the side.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” he said as firmly as he could manage. “Seriously I don’t.” He stood awkwardly, and looked around. “I’ll be back in a bit,” he said and walked out of the room, unable to take the crushing weight of their sympathy on him, cursing the additional sensitivity being bonded had given to him. Wasn’t it supposed to decrease when you bonded, not ramp up? Behind him soft footsteps sounded, and when he turned round Gen was there.
“Hey,” she said softly, and held her hands up like she was soothing an animal. “It’s okay.” The gesture did nothing to calm him down, but she stepped closer. “I just wanted to tell you something. I know us breaking up was difficult for you, and me meeting Tasha so fast, then being bonded in a year was tough to take as well, so I didn’t tell you this at the time, and afterwards it wasn’t something I was proud of or wanted to think of. But I think it might help you to know.”
“Know what?” he said, body still hunched up, the uncomfortable tension that had been ratcheting up all day now at it’s worst level.
“After me and Tasha bonded,” she said as she perched on a chair. “I realised it was way too fast. I couldn’t adjust to it at all. And all the things I thought I had a handle on, that I was better than, just rushed up on me. It was a really shitty time for me and Tasha both. She hugged someone and I went apeshit on them both. Couldn’t handle the jealousy. And I’d never been a jealous person before, you know that. And suddenly I was this massive alpha stereotype. I didn’t even like Tasha going to class because it took her away from me, though that at least I had a handle on. I didn’t like her family so they didn’t get invited around much.”
Jared looked at her disbelievingly. “You’re not like that,” he said slowly. “You were never like that with me.”
“We weren’t bonded,” she replied simply. “I mean I got a grip on it fast, Tasha didn’t let me get away with that sort of shit, but what I’m trying to say is that bonding can really fuck you up. Some people settle in right away, other people are messed up by it. Hormones get out of whack, your psi rating goes haywire, you suddenly start imagining things that haven’t even happened just to have something to feel angry about.” She looked at her hands. “I’m not excusing anything that I did, or that Jensen might be doing right now,” she said, and looked straight up at him. “You don’t need to put up with a jerk or even make allowances for what they do. But maybe try and keep in mind that some of it really might not be him. I mean I got better. I remembered that what I was becoming wasn’t me and never had been, that it was my choice not to let it get the better of me.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” he asked. “Is it that obvious that there’s a problem?”
“You’ve been single for seven years, if you ignore hookups,” she replied dryly. “Then suddenly you turn up bonded to an alpha and you don’t even want to talk about it. There’s only a few explanations for that. I just wanted you to know that you can’t know the full story behind everyone’s bonding. I know it looks like everyone else was always fine, but it isn’t true.”
Jared let that sink in, then looked at her. “He is a jerk,” he admitted. “But I am as well, and it’s my fault that this happened. I can’t blame him for how fucked up the whole situation is and that just makes me angrier. I just want to be free of it.”
Gen let her hand touch his arm in comfort, the lightest touch and only for a second, and still Jared felt something ugly creep up inside him, like Jensen could feel that. “You’re bonded,” she said softly. “You can’t be free of it. You have to work with what you’ve got like me and Tasha did. She probably regretted bonding me for the first two months though I haven’t asked her. That’s long behind us though and everything did work out in the end. I have faith it will for you as well.”
Jared wished he could share that faith, but it did feel good to have someone who believed this could work out on his side. “Thanks,” he said, “for telling me about that. I think it helped.”
“Glad to hear it,” she replied. “Now c’mon back to the party. You’ve got friends, now’s a good time to remember that.” Later, loose from a little bit too much beer and good company, Jared slept easier than he had in the last week with the memory of that conversation to bolster him a little.
When he turned up at the airport though it wasn’t quite enough to shield him from the awkwardness of greeting Jensen amongst the rest of the crowd. They hovered a little, unsure whether they should even attempt the customary kiss. Around them, the rest of the crowd seemed engaged in displaying ridiculous amounts of emotion, and when Jared went in for the kiss on the cheek, Jensen went in for the hug and they collided painfully, clearly mutually deciding that even with the best of intentions in the world they should just let it be. Jensen was tired looking, worn around the edges, and Jared wondered if it was the funeral that had grabbed him like that or being away from their bond. His own face in the rear mirror was pretty haggard looking- the last couple of days had been gradually more and more difficult for him as well. What had started as an almost ignorable itch on the Sunday, had been a gnawing ache on the Monday, and almost a physical pain on the Tuesday, which yeah he was pretty sure wasn’t normal by any standards, but also wasn’t something he could tackle until Jensen was back.
Now with Jensen beside him, it was reducing, still there, still present in a way that he suspected wasn’t going away until they were naked together. He’d stopped being surprised that he reacted so easily and physically to thoughts like that, but the strength of the want that flooded through him at the throw away thought still had the power to stagger him. Not to mention the weirdness of Jensen looking like he was picking up on it as well, since the instant the thought had flickered across Jared’s mind, Jensen had turned unerringly to face him, eyes over bright, face flushed, and now he wasn’t even sure if he’d thought it first or Jensen had. If his fear of getting stopped by the cops for indecent exposure hadn’t been so strong, he’d almost have been tempted to jump Jensen, if only to get the last of that edge out of his system.
It looked like Jensen had had the same thought pattern, and when Jared stopped at the red lights, he felt Jensen’s hand move roughly over his pants and bit back a curse that threatened to fall. “We can’t do that here,” he said, though what he actually wanted to do was strip off and let Jensen go to town. “We need to get home a-and talk,” the last was barely comprehensible he was sure, because Jensen was unzipping him, leaning against his shoulder and working his hand into Jared’s pants, and this was a really bad idea. Jensen didn’t seem to give a shit about that though, his hand working Jared fast and raw, and this was an even worse idea when Jared had to drive. If he lived to be a thousand, he didn’t think he’d be able to explain how he got home without crashing the car, or coming, given that he was already on a hair-trigger from deprivation and too many dirty dreams.
When they were through the door though, Jensen was struggling out of his shirt, and Jared wasn’t far behind him, stumbling over himself in his haste. Sex had proven itself not to be a problem between them at least, and if it put off yet another awkward talk where they managed to resolve nothing then Jared was all for it. He was possibly more genuinely surprised at Jensen ducking his head to give a pretty reasonable blowjob all things taken into account than he was at most of the things that had happened this week. He hadn’t thought this would be something Jensen would do. Not to an omega man at least. Betas sure, no shame there, but going down on an Omega male or female wasn’t generally done.
The adage about looking a gift Jensen in the mouth seemed to hold true though and he opted for enjoying the moment as it was happening, Jensen’s hot mouth wrapped around his dick felt like more than he could stand, and he couldn’t even really bring himself to care that once again they hadn’t made it to the bed. He was trying not to thrust up with abandon into Jensen’s mouth, trying in fact not to come on the spot, but really that was a lost cause, and he couldn’t even be ashamed of how little time it took for him to come. Jensen didn’t seem bothered, just wiped his mouth and kissed him hard, all tongue and teeth, and Jared couldn’t wait to get fucked, even as the hazy thought crossed his mind that it really was a day of firsts. That was the first time they’d ever kissed. He rolled onto his stomach, spread his legs with little shame, let Jensen go to town on him, fingers sliding in easily, while Jared sunk his teeth into his arm to keep himself from moaning too loudly.
Jensen was apparently on exactly the same brink as Jared because he came nearly as fast, rocking in increasing desperation, fingers digging into Jared’s hips, leaving him flooded with warmth and still so empty, and it felt like heat. It couldn’t be, he knew that logically but the creeping horror of it cut through the haze of orgasm, and he squirmed out from under Jensen, need satisfied for a brief moment, body whole again even if all he wanted to do was climb right back on again, take Jensen into himself until he’d reached completion all over again. On this occasion they hadn’t made it past the hallway, and he grimaced as he looked at the mess that they’d made between them. Jensen looked like he just wanted to fall asleep where he was lying, but eventually crawled upright.
Jared should have felt satisfied, felt like something had been mended, since he’d been feeling so shit from lack of sex and closeness. Instead aggravation was crawling up his limbs, an undying restlessness and irritation that he didn’t even know how to categorise except that he couldn’t control it. It felt like the worst bits of being on heat- that terrible edge of desperation combined with how he’d been mostly feeling for the past week. It just got worse the further he got from Jensen, and he threw Jensen a couple of towels and pointed him in the direction of the guest shower, and flicked through his cell with trembling fingers. This wasn’t natural, not in the least- he wasn’t an expert but he knew that at least. He was dialing the emergency number of the bond therapist that Dr Watary had recommended, and listening to the dilatory call waiting beeps when Jensen tackled him from behind.
Taken off guard, Jared fought back instinctively, knocked Jensen away from him, barely able to keep his balance against the sustained attack. “What the fuck are you doing?” he gasped, phone lying forgotten beside him, dormant instinctual fear flooding through him at the sight of Jensen’s lips drawn back from his teeth in anger.
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” Jensen hissed. “I can stink them all over your bedding you bastard,” and though Jared didn’t have a clue what he was talking about, he knew he had to calm Jensen down- there wasn’t much of a trace of the usual hot-headed and yet fundamentally sensible person he generally was in evidence.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jared said, driving a knee into Jensen’s stomach, sending him wheezing to the floor, and sinking down on top of him, using his height and weight advantage to stop the other man from trying another swing. “Be reasonable,” he said, trying to get through to him.
“Some other alpha,” Jensen practically growled, “you fucking somebody else in the three days that I was gone,” and God Jared knew he should’ve got round to changing that bedding.
He leaned down harder on Jensen, hoping the other man didn’t try forcing the issue with an alpha command voice, “I didn’t fuck Gen,” he said bleakly, “she’s just a friend, I promise.” He knew how weak it sounded, but it was all he could say. Gen’s alpha scent would’ve drowned out Tasha’s omega scent in the same room.
Jensen bucked underneath him, and threw him off on the second try, scrambling upright and circling uneasily around him, clearly torn between believing him or remaining angry, and now Jared felt the same unreasonable swell of vicious terrible anger well up in him like it’d never left from the first time he’d felt it about Jensen, couldn’t combat it. He could feel himself start shake, this was so stupid, some ridiculous misunderstanding tearing its way through any moment of understanding that they managed to build, and he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life building up some tiny shreds of compatibility only to lose them at any second.
It felt like his nails were tearing his hands apart, raw pain splitting through them, but when he looked down he wasn’t even digging his nails in, yet the pain still rolled its way onwards through him, and it hurt more than anything else he’d ever felt. Opposite, Jensen fell to his knees on the floor and Jared watched unbelievingly as his back began to arch, and he began to shake and convulse. When he got to the phone, he realised the receptionist on the other end was talking, and he gasped out basic details and she patched him straight through to the office where the therapist instructed him to call an ambulance and not to touch Jensen until it arrived.
Waiting for the ambulance to arrive was the longest time of Jared’s life- or at least the moments of it that he could remember in between the flashes of pain and confusion he was feeling himself were. Having someone sedate him was actually a blessed relief from it all.
Chapter Six (Final) found here
Fandom Supernatural RPF
Pairing Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 5/6
Length: 5683
Warnings/Kinks: Hate-sex, A/B/O, dub-con, masturbation, fantasy, drunk-sex
Summary:Sequel to Intolerable Cruelty. Bonded to someone he loathes, Jared has to navigate a path he never expected to follow, and to fight against something he has no choice in.
He didn't remember how he got home, just remembered being sick into the toilet, and then climbing drunkenly into the shower before clambering into bed. When he woke up the next morning it was with a splitting head, and he groaned and shoved the pillow back over his head, willing the pounding in his skull to subside. When the ache had dulled to manageable proportions, he groped his hand out of bed for his phone, and did the morning-shame check of his sent box. Nothing thank God. In his drafts though, there were four attempts at a message to Jensen saying everything from 'fuck you' to 'God I'm sorry.' He grimaced and deleted them all, dropping his phone down the side.
It took another half hour before he found the wherewithal to actually get up, and even that was just to grab a diet coke from the fridge (and studiously ignore the beer. Hair of the dog was not a good idea while his stomach still felt so delicate.) When the caffeine and aspirin had worked their minor magic, he managed to roll out of bed properly, and after a shower actually felt pretty human. While he was contemplating the effort of a coffee, and boggling at the fact that it was only just nine am his phone flashed and he went for it.
Bryan's number flashed up on the display, and Jared flicked it open feeling his stomach drop. This was the worst part of a night out where you got really trashed- not remembering what the hell you might have done. Bryan had seen him at his worst it was true, but Jared didn't want to give him more ammunition than he had to. "Hey," he said preemptively, "what did I do last night that was so bad you couldn't wait 'til after twelve to mock me?"
Bryan laughed down the phone at him. "You make me sound so cruel. As it happens you didn't do anything terrible last night. I mean you got weepy towards the end, and started moaning about how you should be fucking some dude called Jensen, then you changed your mind and decided to strangle him instead. But compared to that time in Tijuana you were like a monk. I didn't have to wrestle you off the coke or anything. Actually I was letting you know that I have your wallet in my possession for unknown reasons. Dunno how the hell you got home last night without any money, but if it was giving blowjobs to cab drivers that's pretty fucked up."
Jared held the phone away from his head and stared at it for a moment before replying. "Don't tar us all with your brush Bryan," he said with an appropriate quantity of incredulity.
"Yeah man, anyway I turned my head and you were gone, then you phoned me and told me that you were home. Lemme know if you want me to drop your wallet off or if you want to come get it. We're doing a little gathering tonight."
"Jesus," Jared said without any heat. "You're a machine dude, don't you ever get a hangover?"
"Never," Bryan said cheerfully. "And if you worked from seven to ten correcting fucked up legal briefs you'd want to get smashed at the weekends as well. You coming tonight then?"
Jared rubbed a hand across his eyes, and contemplated going back to bed. "Sure man," he said.
"Great stuff. Bring beer, turn up anytime," he said, and rang off noisily. Jared tossed the phone back down on the side, and decided that coffee really was the best decision. As he waited though, footsteps padded into the kitchen behind him, and pure fear ran through him. He hardly dared turn around. What the fuck had he done? Had he got drunk enough to pick somebody up? Cheated on Jensen before they'd even been together a week?
It took strength to turn around, and when he saw who it was, he blinked in utter shock. "Gen?" he said incredulously, and she smiled at him.
"Hope I didn't give you a shock, didn't expect you to be up already after last night to be honest." She stepped forward, and with the brisk easiness of their interaction that had always been there, even in the broken aftermath of them splitting thanks to their complete inability to bond, she got the cups down.
Jared noted she set out three. "Three?" he asked stupidly, his mind finding it difficult enough to comprehend that he might have cheated on Jensen with his ex alpha-friend, let alone a third person.
Gen's eyes softened, and he remembered that she was a five, and probably picking up on a little of what he was broadcasting. "You, me and Tasha," she said, jerking her head to the doorway where a fairly tall girl with brown hair was lurking as though she wasn't quite sure whether she should come in or not. Hearing her name, she slipped in awkwardly and raised her hand in greeting. Jared had actually met her quite a few times- the perils of your social circle overlapping with that of your ex and her bonded.
"Hey," she said quietly. "I like the house."
"Thanks," Jared said a little wildly, looking around for some sort of explanation as to what the hell was going on. It was Tasha who enlightened him, as Gen was digging in the fridge for some milk.
"You were wasted last night when we bumped into you, and you just wanted to go home. You didn't have your wallet on you though, and you were kind of out of it, so me and Gen brought you back. It was like three am by then though, so we kind of just borrowed your spare bed." She smiled at him, and he sort of understood what had got Gen so completely smitten by her that they'd bonded after a few months.
"That's cool," he said. "Thanks I guess," and smiled back. Gen pressed a cup of coffee into his hands, and then passed one to Tasha before securing her own.
"I'm afraid your dreams of a sexy socially forbidden threesome are entirely unfounded," she said drily. "If that's what you're worried about."
It felt kind of weird to admit that he had been a little bit worried about that. Gen wasn't the sort of person who did things like that, and he couldn't imagine that she and Tasha looked anywhere outside of their bonding. "Course not," he said though, and sank onto a chair, his headache already beginning to come back a bit. Gen and Tasha sat down as well, both of them looking a little the worse for wear themselves.
"What are you two up to today?" he asked in an attempt to distract himself.
"Nothing much," Gen said. "Heading back home to get changed, lazy day, then drinks at Bryan's this evening."
Jared grinned. "Same," he said. "Looks like he's getting the old crew back together. You want to stay or something, catch up before the party?"
"God no," said Gen, "I need a shower," and it was that, that broke the icy weird little distance between the three of them, and made it into something more manageable and human. Even after they'd split, he'd counted Gen a friend, as he knew she'd thought of him, but there had still been that gulf between them- the gulf of somebody who'd successfully bonded, and someone who hadn't. Now Jared was bonded, and even if he didn't like Jensen, it broke the tiny tension between him and Tasha. He'd been Gen's first love- he knew that because she'd been his. But that was over and done with now, and having his friend back properly without feeling even a little bit of hopeless jealousy was terrific.
They talked a little more, before Tasha excused herself to take a shower, and Jared went to find her some towels. While she was showering, he and Gen moved into the front room and sat down for a bit, comfortable silence falling between them. This hadn’t changed between them at least. They only talked of inconsequential things, until Jared touched on her and Tasha’s bonding. He hadn’t gone- he was a reasonable sort of person, but it had been eight months after they’d split and the wounds had still been too deep and raw to reconcile. He kind of regretted that now seeing how happy they were together. Still he’d been twenty two and felt like his world was falling apart when it became evident that no matter how hard they tried it just wasn’t happening. Now he was twenty nine and although he still thought wistfully, occasionally of what he could have had, a little bit of perspective had been brought to bear and he could even acknowledge that his family might’ve been right- trying to bond when you were twenty one and just out of university wasn’t the smartest thing in the world.
Gen’s eyes were bright though, and her smile ecstatic, and that was after six years of her and Tasha being bonded, and the affection in her voice was deep and solid when she mentioned her bonded- which was providing Jared with a whole new set of jealousy issues when he compared that to the jagged edges of him and Jensen.
Still he was surprised when she sat down her cup and curled her legs up underneath her to peer at him. “I hear you’re bonded now,” she said and it wasn’t a question. Bryan must’ve told her last night, or maybe she could sense it off him. Jared had sent his notification off to the appropriate government department, and Jensen had apparently done so as well, but their new ID bracelets hadn’t arrived yet.
“Yeah,” he said. “It was sudden, but you know how these things go. One moment it’s there between you, the next you’re bonded.” He’d been trying to keep it light-hearted, make it sound consensual and fun, like a workplace romance that’d culminated in sex where they’d bonded on the first try like some incredibly cheesy rom-com, but he could hear the bitterness in his own voice, and so could Gen judging by the way she was biting her lip.
“You don’t sound happy,” she said softly.
He bit back the irrational urge to shout at the world just how unhappy he was. This wasn’t Gen’s fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, not even Jensen. It was on his shoulders. “I’m not,” he admitted, “but you know somethings you just have to live with I guess.” He looked at Gen, at her worried face and felt sudden compunction for unloading this onto her. “Sorry,” he said with a half smile. “Things will work out. They always do somehow.”
She looked like she was about to argue, but Tasha came into the room at that moment, and the worry lines smoothed away as though by magic at the sight of her partner. “We’ll talk about this later,” she said to Jared, half promise, half threat.
When they were gone, Jared found the urge to go back to bed had gone with them, but that without the distraction of their presence a nagging itching sensation was spreading through his body, like an ache without a cause. It was bad enough that he couldn’t concentrate on anything productive at all, and pervasive enough that once it had pushed itself to the forefront of his attention it wouldn’t leave. Nothing helped, and for once every search word he pushed into the internet agreed on the reason, a minor miracle in and of itself once he’d discarded the possibility that he was suffering from an invisible rash or mysterious neuropathic pain. Dissatisfaction, itching, emptiness they were all associated with failing to spend skin-time with your newly bonded, and he came across more articles than he’d ever have thought existed concerning the optimal ways to spend your time, which pretty much boiled down to fucking, fucking and more fucking. With occasional breaks to hold hands and eat. Or if he was looking at the romanticised versions, fucking + time spent watching horrible movies in bed.
All that it made him think was that hanging around the house and catching up on TV he’d missed was sounding remarkably appealing, but he was nearly out of groceries and if he was going to Bryan’s he’d need more beer. So with a sigh he got himself out of the house, thankful that he usually left his cards at home on a night out, and for once appreciating the fact that he generally didn’t get IDed for alcohol purchase. Wandering around the supermarket while trying not to think about how he wanted to pull off his shirt and scratch at a non-existent rash, he found his thoughts idly drifting towards Jensen instead, wondering if he was feeling the same thing and tried to drag them away. That was helpful to precisely no-one. Jensen was back home in Texas dealing with the death of a friend, not here.
In a coincidence that was seeming less and likely when his phone rang in his pocket, it was Jensen. Jared stared at it for a second before reluctantly answering. Hiding was for cowards. “Hey,” he said, and determined to retain the moral high ground continued on, “I’m sorry for being a douche last night. I hope you’re okay.” Even saying the words was difficult, but the sound of Jensen’s voice was like cool water on his body, soothing away the ache- not completely but at least a little. If he’d known that was what it took to relieve the sensation, he’d have done it earlier.
Jensen’s voice on the other end sounded embarrassed. “It’s cool,” he said awkwardly. “You were out of it, I could tell. Did you get home okay?”
“Yeah,” Jared said, holding the cell between his neck and his shoulder as he reached for the rice bags, wondering what had prompted this almost unbearably civil exchange. The next moment revealed all.
“I’m getting back home on Tuesday,” Jensen said, and Jared wondered if he was imagining the nervousness behind bravado, or if his weirdly heightened abilities were picking up on it somehow. “I thought we should probably meet and hang out for a bit. A friend of mine recommended a bond therapist who can fit us in for an emergency appointment at the end of the week, and I had a phone conversation with her earlier. She said it’s really important that we cohabit for at least part of the time.” He paused and when Jared didn’t say anything, he continued defensively. “If you don’t believe me you can phone her yourself. Or look her up on the internet or something,” he reeled off her name and location.
“Wow,” said Jared, caught a little off guard by both the proposal and Jensen’s defensiveness. “Uh yeah that sounds do-able I guess. Do you want a lift from the airport or something?”
“Might be a good idea,” Jensen said. “I can come straight to your place if you want.” He sounded almost painfully eager, and Jared was forced to consider the possibility that Jensen was feeling exactly the same burning sensation that he was and had looked up the cause as well.
“Sure,” he said slowly. “What time’s your flight in?” He memorised the details, and rang off, and looked at his cell in pure puzzlement. The relief provided by Jensen’s voice was already wearing off, and the ache returning- deeper and more persistent than ever, like the brief respite had aggravated it into asserting its presence more fully.
Several hours later at Bryan’s house, twisting off a beer-top he was still completely confused as to what the fuck was going on. Luckily (or not) his friends were more than happy to share their own experiences with bonding and the like. Most of them were betas, and omegas that he’d met at university and who’d got jobs in the same city. Most of the bonded ones had brought their alphas along, and sat close by them. None of them seemed unhappy as far as he could tell, but he wasn’t exactly an expert, and besides his group of friends were pretty self selecting. Omegas going to university still wasn’t something commonplace, and they’d all stuck together from self-defence. None of them had opted for a traditional bonding type which was hardly surprising. Why spend so much money and fight so hard to get an education just to throw it aside in favour of the first alpha to look twice at you?
Then there were alphas like Bryan who had no interest in bonding at all, and were meticulous in avoiding it at any costs. Bryan and Gen between them had been the first alphas that Jared had ever got to know properly, and he still cringed a bit to remember how much he’d avoided them in those first terrifying weeks in a strange place, locked in at nights for his own protection, obliged to go for monthly check ups as part of his conditional acceptance, and really not in the mood to meet new people. It’d been hard to imagine back then that really yeah there were alphas who weren’t total dicks, and who were actually on their side. It was hard for anyone to dislike Bryan for long though, his cheerful obliviousness to most things providing a perfect surface to bounce off. Bryan had purposefully sought them out- him and a few other alphas like Gen and betas like Michelle and Tom, dragged them into the social life that college gave, and offered them unspoken back-up. Jared didn’t think he’d have stuck it out without them.
Right now though as they all peered at him in interest and wanted to know details of his mystery bonded he could’ve wished them all to the devil. They already knew, courtesy of Bryan that his bonded was a man called Jensen, but that wasn’t enough to sate their curiosity and he didn’t feel up to explaining the whole sordid story. He batted away the questions with light hearted answers for as long as he could, but at the third expression of surprise that he didn’t even have a picture of Jensen on his phone or something, the combined frustrations of the day got to him, and he set down the beer on the side.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” he said as firmly as he could manage. “Seriously I don’t.” He stood awkwardly, and looked around. “I’ll be back in a bit,” he said and walked out of the room, unable to take the crushing weight of their sympathy on him, cursing the additional sensitivity being bonded had given to him. Wasn’t it supposed to decrease when you bonded, not ramp up? Behind him soft footsteps sounded, and when he turned round Gen was there.
“Hey,” she said softly, and held her hands up like she was soothing an animal. “It’s okay.” The gesture did nothing to calm him down, but she stepped closer. “I just wanted to tell you something. I know us breaking up was difficult for you, and me meeting Tasha so fast, then being bonded in a year was tough to take as well, so I didn’t tell you this at the time, and afterwards it wasn’t something I was proud of or wanted to think of. But I think it might help you to know.”
“Know what?” he said, body still hunched up, the uncomfortable tension that had been ratcheting up all day now at it’s worst level.
“After me and Tasha bonded,” she said as she perched on a chair. “I realised it was way too fast. I couldn’t adjust to it at all. And all the things I thought I had a handle on, that I was better than, just rushed up on me. It was a really shitty time for me and Tasha both. She hugged someone and I went apeshit on them both. Couldn’t handle the jealousy. And I’d never been a jealous person before, you know that. And suddenly I was this massive alpha stereotype. I didn’t even like Tasha going to class because it took her away from me, though that at least I had a handle on. I didn’t like her family so they didn’t get invited around much.”
Jared looked at her disbelievingly. “You’re not like that,” he said slowly. “You were never like that with me.”
“We weren’t bonded,” she replied simply. “I mean I got a grip on it fast, Tasha didn’t let me get away with that sort of shit, but what I’m trying to say is that bonding can really fuck you up. Some people settle in right away, other people are messed up by it. Hormones get out of whack, your psi rating goes haywire, you suddenly start imagining things that haven’t even happened just to have something to feel angry about.” She looked at her hands. “I’m not excusing anything that I did, or that Jensen might be doing right now,” she said, and looked straight up at him. “You don’t need to put up with a jerk or even make allowances for what they do. But maybe try and keep in mind that some of it really might not be him. I mean I got better. I remembered that what I was becoming wasn’t me and never had been, that it was my choice not to let it get the better of me.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” he asked. “Is it that obvious that there’s a problem?”
“You’ve been single for seven years, if you ignore hookups,” she replied dryly. “Then suddenly you turn up bonded to an alpha and you don’t even want to talk about it. There’s only a few explanations for that. I just wanted you to know that you can’t know the full story behind everyone’s bonding. I know it looks like everyone else was always fine, but it isn’t true.”
Jared let that sink in, then looked at her. “He is a jerk,” he admitted. “But I am as well, and it’s my fault that this happened. I can’t blame him for how fucked up the whole situation is and that just makes me angrier. I just want to be free of it.”
Gen let her hand touch his arm in comfort, the lightest touch and only for a second, and still Jared felt something ugly creep up inside him, like Jensen could feel that. “You’re bonded,” she said softly. “You can’t be free of it. You have to work with what you’ve got like me and Tasha did. She probably regretted bonding me for the first two months though I haven’t asked her. That’s long behind us though and everything did work out in the end. I have faith it will for you as well.”
Jared wished he could share that faith, but it did feel good to have someone who believed this could work out on his side. “Thanks,” he said, “for telling me about that. I think it helped.”
“Glad to hear it,” she replied. “Now c’mon back to the party. You’ve got friends, now’s a good time to remember that.” Later, loose from a little bit too much beer and good company, Jared slept easier than he had in the last week with the memory of that conversation to bolster him a little.
When he turned up at the airport though it wasn’t quite enough to shield him from the awkwardness of greeting Jensen amongst the rest of the crowd. They hovered a little, unsure whether they should even attempt the customary kiss. Around them, the rest of the crowd seemed engaged in displaying ridiculous amounts of emotion, and when Jared went in for the kiss on the cheek, Jensen went in for the hug and they collided painfully, clearly mutually deciding that even with the best of intentions in the world they should just let it be. Jensen was tired looking, worn around the edges, and Jared wondered if it was the funeral that had grabbed him like that or being away from their bond. His own face in the rear mirror was pretty haggard looking- the last couple of days had been gradually more and more difficult for him as well. What had started as an almost ignorable itch on the Sunday, had been a gnawing ache on the Monday, and almost a physical pain on the Tuesday, which yeah he was pretty sure wasn’t normal by any standards, but also wasn’t something he could tackle until Jensen was back.
Now with Jensen beside him, it was reducing, still there, still present in a way that he suspected wasn’t going away until they were naked together. He’d stopped being surprised that he reacted so easily and physically to thoughts like that, but the strength of the want that flooded through him at the throw away thought still had the power to stagger him. Not to mention the weirdness of Jensen looking like he was picking up on it as well, since the instant the thought had flickered across Jared’s mind, Jensen had turned unerringly to face him, eyes over bright, face flushed, and now he wasn’t even sure if he’d thought it first or Jensen had. If his fear of getting stopped by the cops for indecent exposure hadn’t been so strong, he’d almost have been tempted to jump Jensen, if only to get the last of that edge out of his system.
It looked like Jensen had had the same thought pattern, and when Jared stopped at the red lights, he felt Jensen’s hand move roughly over his pants and bit back a curse that threatened to fall. “We can’t do that here,” he said, though what he actually wanted to do was strip off and let Jensen go to town. “We need to get home a-and talk,” the last was barely comprehensible he was sure, because Jensen was unzipping him, leaning against his shoulder and working his hand into Jared’s pants, and this was a really bad idea. Jensen didn’t seem to give a shit about that though, his hand working Jared fast and raw, and this was an even worse idea when Jared had to drive. If he lived to be a thousand, he didn’t think he’d be able to explain how he got home without crashing the car, or coming, given that he was already on a hair-trigger from deprivation and too many dirty dreams.
When they were through the door though, Jensen was struggling out of his shirt, and Jared wasn’t far behind him, stumbling over himself in his haste. Sex had proven itself not to be a problem between them at least, and if it put off yet another awkward talk where they managed to resolve nothing then Jared was all for it. He was possibly more genuinely surprised at Jensen ducking his head to give a pretty reasonable blowjob all things taken into account than he was at most of the things that had happened this week. He hadn’t thought this would be something Jensen would do. Not to an omega man at least. Betas sure, no shame there, but going down on an Omega male or female wasn’t generally done.
The adage about looking a gift Jensen in the mouth seemed to hold true though and he opted for enjoying the moment as it was happening, Jensen’s hot mouth wrapped around his dick felt like more than he could stand, and he couldn’t even really bring himself to care that once again they hadn’t made it to the bed. He was trying not to thrust up with abandon into Jensen’s mouth, trying in fact not to come on the spot, but really that was a lost cause, and he couldn’t even be ashamed of how little time it took for him to come. Jensen didn’t seem bothered, just wiped his mouth and kissed him hard, all tongue and teeth, and Jared couldn’t wait to get fucked, even as the hazy thought crossed his mind that it really was a day of firsts. That was the first time they’d ever kissed. He rolled onto his stomach, spread his legs with little shame, let Jensen go to town on him, fingers sliding in easily, while Jared sunk his teeth into his arm to keep himself from moaning too loudly.
Jensen was apparently on exactly the same brink as Jared because he came nearly as fast, rocking in increasing desperation, fingers digging into Jared’s hips, leaving him flooded with warmth and still so empty, and it felt like heat. It couldn’t be, he knew that logically but the creeping horror of it cut through the haze of orgasm, and he squirmed out from under Jensen, need satisfied for a brief moment, body whole again even if all he wanted to do was climb right back on again, take Jensen into himself until he’d reached completion all over again. On this occasion they hadn’t made it past the hallway, and he grimaced as he looked at the mess that they’d made between them. Jensen looked like he just wanted to fall asleep where he was lying, but eventually crawled upright.
Jared should have felt satisfied, felt like something had been mended, since he’d been feeling so shit from lack of sex and closeness. Instead aggravation was crawling up his limbs, an undying restlessness and irritation that he didn’t even know how to categorise except that he couldn’t control it. It felt like the worst bits of being on heat- that terrible edge of desperation combined with how he’d been mostly feeling for the past week. It just got worse the further he got from Jensen, and he threw Jensen a couple of towels and pointed him in the direction of the guest shower, and flicked through his cell with trembling fingers. This wasn’t natural, not in the least- he wasn’t an expert but he knew that at least. He was dialing the emergency number of the bond therapist that Dr Watary had recommended, and listening to the dilatory call waiting beeps when Jensen tackled him from behind.
Taken off guard, Jared fought back instinctively, knocked Jensen away from him, barely able to keep his balance against the sustained attack. “What the fuck are you doing?” he gasped, phone lying forgotten beside him, dormant instinctual fear flooding through him at the sight of Jensen’s lips drawn back from his teeth in anger.
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” Jensen hissed. “I can stink them all over your bedding you bastard,” and though Jared didn’t have a clue what he was talking about, he knew he had to calm Jensen down- there wasn’t much of a trace of the usual hot-headed and yet fundamentally sensible person he generally was in evidence.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jared said, driving a knee into Jensen’s stomach, sending him wheezing to the floor, and sinking down on top of him, using his height and weight advantage to stop the other man from trying another swing. “Be reasonable,” he said, trying to get through to him.
“Some other alpha,” Jensen practically growled, “you fucking somebody else in the three days that I was gone,” and God Jared knew he should’ve got round to changing that bedding.
He leaned down harder on Jensen, hoping the other man didn’t try forcing the issue with an alpha command voice, “I didn’t fuck Gen,” he said bleakly, “she’s just a friend, I promise.” He knew how weak it sounded, but it was all he could say. Gen’s alpha scent would’ve drowned out Tasha’s omega scent in the same room.
Jensen bucked underneath him, and threw him off on the second try, scrambling upright and circling uneasily around him, clearly torn between believing him or remaining angry, and now Jared felt the same unreasonable swell of vicious terrible anger well up in him like it’d never left from the first time he’d felt it about Jensen, couldn’t combat it. He could feel himself start shake, this was so stupid, some ridiculous misunderstanding tearing its way through any moment of understanding that they managed to build, and he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life building up some tiny shreds of compatibility only to lose them at any second.
It felt like his nails were tearing his hands apart, raw pain splitting through them, but when he looked down he wasn’t even digging his nails in, yet the pain still rolled its way onwards through him, and it hurt more than anything else he’d ever felt. Opposite, Jensen fell to his knees on the floor and Jared watched unbelievingly as his back began to arch, and he began to shake and convulse. When he got to the phone, he realised the receptionist on the other end was talking, and he gasped out basic details and she patched him straight through to the office where the therapist instructed him to call an ambulance and not to touch Jensen until it arrived.
Waiting for the ambulance to arrive was the longest time of Jared’s life- or at least the moments of it that he could remember in between the flashes of pain and confusion he was feeling himself were. Having someone sedate him was actually a blessed relief from it all.
Chapter Six (Final) found here