(no subject)
i cant stand being alive
im not cut out for this
i cant be the selish, mean, uncaring, manipulative person you need to be to get anywhere in this world.
i cant think only of myself.
my skin isnt thick enough to deal with anyone and my face isnt pretty enough to be thrown even a second glance
i want to start a fight with someone very dangerous so that the last time im tossed aside its merely my body in some dumpster.
and i dont really care if there's life after death becuase i probably wouldnt be able to take that either. i dont want eternal damnation or happiness. i dont like extremes.
id like to find someone similar to me. just one person to relate to. someone i dont need to be constantly telling my thoughts to becuase theyve already had similar ones before. so the details dont need to be filled in. i dont need to spend too long trying to explain how i came up with this all to have the point get lost in conversation. id like a friend
and my lover id like similar to my friend. except... i just want to read books with him. i want him to be able to critque my philosophy papers. i NEED him to understand philosophy, and logic, and reasoning. an appreciation for art and music is necessary. and a slight awkwardness about him too, becuase i like awkwardness. and because im awkward. so we can be awkward together. i dont want him to agree with me about everything, and i want him to be able to argue with me. and to enjoy arguing with me. i need to be challenged. i need someone to get piss drunk with and someone to get lung shatteringly high with. id like him to know alot about nothing and be really hilarious. and i mean both truely funny as well as not funny at all.
im not cut out for this
i cant be the selish, mean, uncaring, manipulative person you need to be to get anywhere in this world.
i cant think only of myself.
my skin isnt thick enough to deal with anyone and my face isnt pretty enough to be thrown even a second glance
i want to start a fight with someone very dangerous so that the last time im tossed aside its merely my body in some dumpster.
and i dont really care if there's life after death becuase i probably wouldnt be able to take that either. i dont want eternal damnation or happiness. i dont like extremes.
id like to find someone similar to me. just one person to relate to. someone i dont need to be constantly telling my thoughts to becuase theyve already had similar ones before. so the details dont need to be filled in. i dont need to spend too long trying to explain how i came up with this all to have the point get lost in conversation. id like a friend
and my lover id like similar to my friend. except... i just want to read books with him. i want him to be able to critque my philosophy papers. i NEED him to understand philosophy, and logic, and reasoning. an appreciation for art and music is necessary. and a slight awkwardness about him too, becuase i like awkwardness. and because im awkward. so we can be awkward together. i dont want him to agree with me about everything, and i want him to be able to argue with me. and to enjoy arguing with me. i need to be challenged. i need someone to get piss drunk with and someone to get lung shatteringly high with. id like him to know alot about nothing and be really hilarious. and i mean both truely funny as well as not funny at all.