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[stripsofacid]

So this weekend was pretty good...I had work off all weekend...Me and Maris went to Kennywood...me and Mike were fighting but whats new...I mean I keep letting myself down thinking everything is going to be alright...and it is for a while then we get in another fight and he just ends it...I can't take any of this shit anymore...I feel so useless

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[stripsofacid]

No Amanda...I still love you beyond belief...but I am confused and hurt..and I don't know if people are trying to intentionally hurt me or are and don't realize it...when you are always talking about Carley it hurts...I understand she is the one who is there for you now...but I use to be that person and now I am not...I have so many emotions and I can't explain them on here...we need to talk..but I don't know when we will have time too...thats what makes me so frustrated...we both have so very different lives now..and things are so built up inside of me now...I just feel like crying everyday...like when you talk about having so much fun with Carley...and blah blah blah...its like Amanda use to write this stuff about me...and it gives me little hope that we will never be the same as we were...I want us to be friends again...best friends...sisters...because thats how strong our relationship was...and we both need to say fuck our relationships this is our friendship and it was before you too...so if you don't like it fuck yourself...ya know? I mean I just want "us" back...and thats all I can say..I love you Amanda Joyce Arrigo.