say something clever...
why hello...long time no update. sorry melissa and linda who were supposed to come see me last weekend. i was actually in houston all last week. my aunt passed away, really rough time for the family. its a long story...a long terrible story that still hasnt ended even with her death. i miss her so much. i remember talking to mel and linda last time i was home about how we had never been to a funeral before. well that was my first and it was the worst experience ever. i didnt know how much i was capable of hurting or crying. just seeing my mom like that was enough. and the poor kids...3 of them 12, 11 and 8 year olds. she left so early with so much left here for her it just doesnt make sense. everyone keeps talking about god having a better plan for her but i just cant make myself believe that. espcially with such an untimely, unexpected, mysterious death. im so sad still. and being in san antonio is making it harder, i wanna be home with my family during this time, not up here arguing with my boyfriend. how frivalous. there are more important things in life to worry about and boyfriend is on the bottem of my list.
i hate worthless people.
i also hate counterstrike.
hmmmm play video games or have hot sex? only a fag picks the first.
ive been just so depressed lately and he doesnt understand. am i supposed to get over this overnight and be the same person again? i dont think he understands how close my aunt was to me. nothing feels right, nothing tastes good, and inside i just hurt. i have no desire to do anything or go anywhere. i feel so lonely yet being here i just get ignored. i want to be held and comforted but instead i get casted aside for a fucking game.
i have realized now the mistake i made by requesting to live off campus. its official now and i can't change it. so here we go...a whole year in this tiny little apartment with no space to live, a cat that pisses on the futon and cries all morning, and an unemployed boyfriend. yay. i thought i had thought it thru all the way and it sounded like a good idea somehow. but now...i dont know. maybe itll work out, who knows.
i stopped smoking ciggerettes as of last week, but let me tell you I WOULD FUCKING KILL FOR ONE RIGHT NOW. KILL. in fact, i think i need to carry and emergancy stash somewhere for times like these. im strong i can get over it, but the thing is i dont want to. im depressed. and angry. and i need a fucking ciggerette. hmmm....a trip to the gas station is in call for.
anyways. thats enough ranting. i miss you guys:( i need a hug. ive been a bad friend keeping in touch with everyone. im sorry. talk to you soon.
i hate worthless people.
i also hate counterstrike.
hmmmm play video games or have hot sex? only a fag picks the first.
ive been just so depressed lately and he doesnt understand. am i supposed to get over this overnight and be the same person again? i dont think he understands how close my aunt was to me. nothing feels right, nothing tastes good, and inside i just hurt. i have no desire to do anything or go anywhere. i feel so lonely yet being here i just get ignored. i want to be held and comforted but instead i get casted aside for a fucking game.
i have realized now the mistake i made by requesting to live off campus. its official now and i can't change it. so here we go...a whole year in this tiny little apartment with no space to live, a cat that pisses on the futon and cries all morning, and an unemployed boyfriend. yay. i thought i had thought it thru all the way and it sounded like a good idea somehow. but now...i dont know. maybe itll work out, who knows.
i stopped smoking ciggerettes as of last week, but let me tell you I WOULD FUCKING KILL FOR ONE RIGHT NOW. KILL. in fact, i think i need to carry and emergancy stash somewhere for times like these. im strong i can get over it, but the thing is i dont want to. im depressed. and angry. and i need a fucking ciggerette. hmmm....a trip to the gas station is in call for.
anyways. thats enough ranting. i miss you guys:( i need a hug. ive been a bad friend keeping in touch with everyone. im sorry. talk to you soon.