GAMING AU, PART 4 (Jared/Jensen, NC-17)
Title: If I recall correctly, you mentioned a Conflict of Interests.
Pairing/Characters: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles, minor Jared/Chace Crawford, some implied Jensen/Danneel Harris, Chad Michael Murray, Kristin Kreuk, Katie Cassidy
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 | graphic slash, alternate universe, real person fiction, geek speak.
Word Count: roughly 40,000
Summary: The first rule of gaming is, you never fall for the competition.
Chapters: Level 1 | Level 2 | Level 3 | Level 4 | Level 5 | Closing Credits & Artwork/Soundtrack
“Whoa,” Chad said, scrolling down. “This guy could really teach Sophia a thing or two about passive-aggressive communication.”
Jared stopped biting his thumbnail long enough to shove Chad out of the way and reread Jensen’s email dismissal. Again. “I’m totally fucked, aren’t I?” he said unhappily.
“Probably not the way you’d like to be.” Chad seemed mystified by Jared’s reaction to this latest turn of events. “I still can’t believe you even care.”
Jared tried to rein in his frustration. After all, it wasn’t Chad’s fault that he didn’t get why Jared was so hung up on some random guy. As far as he knew, Jared didn’t get hung up.
Hell, a month ago the same had been true as far as Jared knew, too.
But things had changed.
“I just gotta talk to him, tell him what happened.” Jared paced over to the window and stared out and over the parking lot. “He’s gonna have to at least listen to me. Eventually. Right?”
“Dude, he kinda just told you to go to hell,” Chad pointed out warily. “More politely than a Cotillion queen, but still…this is totally my territory, Jared. Give him a few days to chill, or else he’s just gonna throw all your shit off a second story balcony.”
Jared huffed, tugged on his hair in frustration. “I can’t just sit here and do nothing. He’s out there, right now, thinking I actually said any of that shit. I can’t fucking sit here.”
“Okay, calm down, Jaredina.” Chad switched off the computer monitor and stood up. “We’ll figure something out.”
“Don’t bust my chops right now,” Jared snapped, but in truth, he was a little glad for the distraction Chad provided. Otherwise, all he had to think about was how Jensen was most likely never going to let him get within ten feet of him ever again.
It was almost laughable, how things had gone from unbelievably amazing to undeservedly horrific in the span of twenty-four hours. After being all but kicked out of the Analog building by Danneel the day before-for his own good, or so she’d said-he’d done nothing but repeatedly call Jensen’s cell phone and drink himself into a slobbering, drooling mess.
Then Chad showed up. And judging by the look on his friend’s face, it really was as bad as Jared had led himself to believe during those few dark and lonely hours. The article hadn’t just been published by AI and featured on their official website-it’d already been picked up by various media outlets throughout the industry. G4 had done a fucking hour-long interest block on it that morning, Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn parodying the situation on Attack of the Show! while Jared watched the horror unfold through blurry, red-rimmed eyes.
Everyone wanted to know the dirty details as to why the infamous J.T. Padalecki was taking on a previously unknown developer like Jensen Ackles. Why it mattered so much. The story was slowly being twisted and shaped into something grisly and filled with more and more lies, and Jared couldn’t stand to see it happening. Couldn’t stand to know Jensen was hearing it, too. God, he couldn’t imagine how Jensen was possibly handling it. Jared would be livid, mortified, sure, but even more than that, he’d feel completely eviscerated.
“Hey, try to look on the bright side,” Chad said, looping an arm around Jared’s neck. “They say any buzz is good buzz, yeah? If nothing else, this is definitely generating some major buzz for Supernatural.”
Yeah. Gamers from across the globe were definitely tuning in. The whole thing was already spinning ridiculously out of control, with no clear end in sight.
Jared shoved Chad away and went in search of another drink. As soon as he’d wrapped his lips around a longneck, the landline in his apartment began to ring. Jared contemplated letting it go to voicemail, but Jensen had this number. He hesitated for all of a second before picking up, barely getting out a breathless, “Hello?”
“Padalecki,” Jeff Morgan’s grizzled tone grated along Jared’s nerves, and his spine stiffened. He set the bottle down on the counter with a sharp clack, drawing Chad’s nervous attention. “What the hell is this I hear about a fucking brawl in my offices?”
“With all due respect, sir,” Jared mocked with returning fury. “What’s this absolute bullshit about having Chace Crawford completely rewrite my E3 article for a fucking feature issue?”
Chad was staring at him now, openmouthed, and the silence on the other end of the phone spoke for itself. Jared didn’t care. His blood was boiling, knuckles white enough to snap at the first given provocation.
“I’ll give you one free pass, Jared,” Jeff finally said, and Jared knew he’d hit a nerve with the use of his given name. “Because you’ve more than pulled your weight for this publication.” The threat remained implied, and set Jared’s teeth on edge.
“Understood. But I’d still like an answer to the question I asked. Sir.”
There was a burst of static over the line, and Jared ground his jaw and waited. Then, “I thought we’d already covered this. The work wasn’t up to par. I had an intern look over it, and Crawford was there with you, had access to your notes. He seemed the easiest choice.”
“The easiest choice,” Jared repeated. “There were no notes, sir. Except the ones I used to create the original article. The one that wasn’t featured anywhere in that particular edition of your magazine. So, I’m not sure why you felt it necessary to have a freaking intern completely jack my work-without even getting into the byline issues-but-”
“Look, I’m not interested in what gets your dick hard, Padalecki.” Jeff’s tone was brusque and unforgiving. “I don’t give two shits what you do in your spare time, but I do expect you to do what the hell you’ve been hired to do.”
“And what’s that?” Jared shot back, glancing toward the corner of the kitchen. Chad had gone from pale, to bright red, to a sickly green color and was shaking his head back and forth. Jared’s stomach dipped and rolled; he couldn’t stop what he’d already started. “Lie? I told the truth about what I saw out there. That game is gonna change the face of gaming as we know it, and you just want me to make up shit that’s wrong with it?”
“Let’s not fool ourselves here, kid. You’ve got a certain appeal with the readers, and no one can deny that,” Jeff said shortly. “But no one wants to hear you talk about how this Jensen Ackles shits rainbows and unicorns. They wanna read what they’ve come to expect from J.T. Padalecki. They want your damn shtick.”
And there it was. The same thing Danneel had said, over and over, during their more vehement encounters. Chad had hinted at it just the day before. And hell, Jared had known it was true all along, too.
Jared Padalecki was nothing more than a goddamn gimmick. A money-grubbing, attention-whoring, pathetic shtick.
“Well, here’s a fresh idea,” he managed through a throat threatening to close up tight. “Why don’t you take my shtick and shove it up your ass? Make sure to use plenty of lube, motherfucker. I quit.”
He slammed the phone down to the satisfying sound of Jeff’s blustering disbelief and slumped against the counter. Scrubbing both hands down his face, he let out a shaky laugh and glanced up to find Chad watching him with what could only be labeled as pity.
“I hope to hell you know what you’re doing,” he said, and Jared laughed again. Closed his eyes.
“Man, I have no fucking clue.”
xxx
Jensen didn’t bother showing up to work the rest of the week. It wasn’t that he couldn’t take the sympathetic looks, the curious whispers, or Mike following him around like a lost puppy all goddamn day-even into the bathroom stall once, for God’s sake. But he just couldn’t bear sitting at his desk and staring at the vague outline of Sam Winchester he’d begun to slowly construct over the course of the past two weeks.
So fucking close. He’d been so close to something. Now everything had gone to hell. And there was no Winchester to save him from it.
The melodramatic thought dragged a hysterical laugh from him, and he buried his face in his hands and rubbed at his eyes as the announcer on the television said his name in passing for the fourth time that hour.
Jensen had always been a bit of a masochist and demonstrated that now by choosing to sit at home and keep up with the media circus surrounding Jared’s article. Even though every time someone so much as mentioned the piece, it felt like they were jerking Jensen’s bloody insides out through his nose.
Jared had finally stopped calling two days ago, after Jensen picked up during a moment of weakness and offered to help Jared achieve something physically impossible regarding his own person. Jensen wasn’t sure how he felt about it. A sure sign of guilt? Innocence? Or had Jared finally just grown bored with it all, with Jensen, and moved onto plotting the downfall of his next ignorant victim?
And Christ, could he sound anymore like a whimpering, whining, spurned lover? Even if it was only in his head, this was ridiculous, and yet he couldn’t stop himself from sitting there sulking, feeling backstabbed and screwed over by the person he’d actually thought he was…well. That was definitely not on the agenda to worry about anymore.
Worst of all was knowing it’d been his own stupid, blind attraction to a well-known jackass that’d cost him the whole Supernatural project. Oh, sure, they could still outsource it to some other house and hope that eventually the stigma of Jared’s negativity would fade away, maybe after months on the shelves.
But there’d be no big, pretty launch. No coverage. No record-making sales and advertisements, or any of the other million things Jensen knew the project, and the people involved, damn well deserved.
He could already feel the phantom Dean Winchester kicking his ass from the figurative grave.
And then the girls showed up.
Jensen had done a fairly good job of avoiding not only Jared, but Kristin and Katie, as well. Which, given Katie’s slightly disturbing propensity for knowing where everyone was at all times-stalking, Jensen had jokingly called it on more than one occasion, but now it really seemed to fit-that was saying something.
There was no hiding anymore. He stared up at twin sets of irritated, heavily-lashed feminine eyes and let out a pathetic coke-and-Doritos burp.
“Oops,” he said. “Hey. I forgot I gave you that key.”
Kristin wrinkled her nose and tucked said key back into her purse. “Um. Yeah. You need a shower like, yesterday.”
Or as Katie more aptly put it… “Smells like someone’s diaretic ass up in here, boss.”
“Ugh,” Kristin said, and Jensen just grunted. Then he looked closer at the two, squinted at Katie’s head.
“What the hell did you do to your hair?”
Katie flipped newly darkened locks and smirked. “Turns out brunettes have more fun. Who knew? By the way, the fact that you even noticed? So, so very gay.”
“Huh.” Jensen determinedly returned his gaze to the television, where Kate Hudson and Matt McConaughey’s characters were making up rather fantastically in the middle of downtown New York traffic. God. He should’ve just stuck with watching the gaming media mock his entire livelihood.
“Okay, since I can see we’re gonna have to bring out the big guns here…” Kristin moved in front of him, effectively blocking his view of the television. She put both hands on her hips and stared down at Jensen. “Katie and I think it’d be best if you called an emergency staff meeting this weekend. I know you’ve probably got a thrilling time lined-up…I hear they’re showing Hairspray and Chicago back to back on HBO Sunday.”
“Gay men do love musicals,” Katie cut in, completely straight-faced, and the corner of Jensen’s eye began to twitch.
With an exasperated look in her direction, Kristin pursed her lips. “Anyway, emergency meeting. We need to sit down and discuss our best options, and move on from there-”
Jensen snorted. “Our options, Kris? Our options are…let’s see. Would we like to be fucked from the front or the back? Which would you prefer, because honestly I’m starting to feel a bit sore myself.”
“Oh, poor you,” Kristin snapped, leaning forward to get right in his face. “Suck it up, Ackles. So you got screwed over and it sucks. But you don’t let that asshole take this away from you, too. Understand?”
Jensen blinked up at her. Even Katie seemed pretty impressed by the unexpected outburst.
“You don’t seem to get it,” he started, annoyance beginning to bridge the gap between depression and utter blankness. “We are officially on the backburner. Or didn’t you get the memo?”
“Hey,” Katie said, and now she looked just as pissed. “We don’t wanna hear any of that loser talk. I played sports in high school, and you don’t score until you score. Or something. Basically, I’m not giving up on this. Or you. Even if you’re being a whiny little dick right now.”
Kristin nodded. “What she said. And so what, about that stupid article. So what if we don’t get the cover of Electronic Gaming Monthly. So fucking what. We’ll let Sam and Dean speak for themselves.”
Jensen stared at them both for a long moment and then couldn’t help it anymore. His eyes blurred, and he lost it right then and there, laughing until he cried at the sight of his two pretty and petite ass-kicking assistants. “I think I’m losing my mind,” he managed. “I don’t…I just don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do. To fix this.”
“Not just you,” Kristin said and reached out to squeeze his knee. “You’ve got us, too. All of us. God, Jensen, don’t you know how much we love this stupid project? Those stupid boys?”
“Even if they’re totally, totally gay,” Katie added with an impish grin. “Kind of like you.”
“Why do you keep saying that?” Jensen finally demanded, scrubbing at his eyes and hoping neither of them could see how close he’d actually been to really breaking down and sobbing like a pathetic fool.
“Just reminding you of the facts, in case you’re thinking of doing something completely stupid. Like going back to Danneel.” Katie’s eyes narrowed, and all previous good humor left her features. “Jensen, it’s time to stop fooling yourself, okay? You liked Jared. I mean, really liked him, and okay, so he turned out to be a bust. But you can’t let that scare you off to what you really want.” She paused. “And somewhere in there is something relevant to Supernatural, too.”
Jensen had to smirk, even though his stomach was currently twisted into every kind of knot imaginable. “God, you’re insane.”
“You love me.”
And damn, it was true. He loved them both and barely deserved either of them.
“So, did you…did you see what he said?” He picked at the edge of the couch cushion and felt sick to his stomach as both girls fell silent again.
“No offense, Jensen,” Kristin finally said. “But I don’t read that shit.”
“What she said,” Katie repeated, and okay, yeah, Jensen really was about to cry like a little girl.
Apparently realizing how close her boss was to embarrassing himself, Kristin gave a heavy, put-upon sigh. “We love you, too. Dork. Now get showered, get dressed, and get on the goddamn phone already.” Her eyes lit up. “As Sam would say, we’ve got work to do.”
They totally did.
xxx
Jared honestly hadn’t been this nervous since getting busted smoking pot in Sandy McCoy’s basement his freshmen year of high school. He really could’ve used a few hits at that particular moment, too, but settled for repeatedly cracking his knuckles and wishing for an IV drip of tequila instead.
He was being made to wait on purpose. He was almost certain of it, judging by the thinly veiled apologies and half-smiles from the receptionist upon giving his name, and had to chalk one up to the staff of Wolfsbane. At least they had remained loyal to Jensen, despite what Jared had heard through the grapevine about a possible (indefinite?) hold being put on the production of Supernatural.
As if this wasn’t already going to suck more than anything else ever. Jared had gotten the unfortunate news that morning, over coffee with Danneel, and had decided then and there it was time for him to stop being a world-class pussy. Jensen was never going to come to him for an explanation. That much was obvious. And admirable.
If their positions had been reversed, Jared wasn’t sure if he would’ve been able to resist seeing the other guy…and setting a bag of flaming shit out on his front doorstep. But he’d known from the beginning that Jensen was a better man, the better man, and way more mature than Jared knew how to be.
Which didn’t necessarily mean Jensen wasn’t going to punch his lights out when he got wind of Jared hiding out in his office. The sad thing was Jared was almost looking forward to it. To just seeing Jensen again. He felt like a junkie being denied a life-long habit.
“Mr. Padalecki.” The voice was pleasant enough, but Jared caught an undercurrent of hostility running through it as he looked up and met the icy-polite gaze of the secretary he’d spoken with before. “I’ve been asked to have you wait in conference room five.”
Wait. Great. Jared smiled anyway, not that it softened the woman’s expression any. “Conference room five…would you mind telling me-”
“Down the hall, take two lefts and a right,” the woman said flatly and then turned back to her Danielle Steele novel. Jared had been quite effectively dismissed.
The receptionist might’ve wanted to see his balls put in a vice, but she hadn’t led him in the wrong direction at least. Jared easily found conference room five and was just settling in for another round of indeterminable waiting when the door was pushed open. He came to his feet immediately, wiping sweaty palms against his slacks and licking his lips as he came face to face with…a pretty brunette in a red dress.
“So, you’re the spawn of Satan. Nice to finally have a face to put with the name,” she said, and Jared winced.
“Katie, be polite.” Another woman had entered behind this Katie, and Jared had been too busy freaking out over Jensen to even notice. She eyed him now, smiling insincerely and folding both arms across her breast. “He probably can’t help that his head’s so far up his ass that he’s peeking through his tonsils.”
Oh yeah. This was gonna be fun.
“I take it you’re the first line of defense,” he said lightly, attempting to ease the tension a bit. “That’s cool.”
“Buddy, we’re the ones who’re gonna have you hung by your dick from the rooftop if you don’t stop smiling and sit the fuck back down,” the first girl said, and whoa. Jared had kind of figured on her as the nice one.
He took a deep breath and schooled his features into what his Mama always called his “get out of jail free card”. “Okay, I get it. I’m persona non grata. But please…is he even going to see me? Or am I just wasting my time?”
His voice cracked embarrassingly on the last word, and all three of them shifted a little uneasily. The two women looked at each other, then back at Jared. The smaller of the two finally sighed and bit her lip. “Shit. He really is kind of adorable.”
“So was Charles Manson, Kristin.” But the taller one-Katie-was watching him with an uncertain frown, too. Then, “Why do you want to see him, anyway? Haven’t you done enough?”
“He won’t take any of my calls,” Jared answered truthfully. “I just want a chance to explain. What happened.”
“It’s kind of obvious, isn’t it?” Katie said, but most of the fight had gone out of her voice. “Look, he doesn’t know you’re here. So, you could leave right now and he’d never know…”
Jared stood tall and finally let some of his frustration out. “I’m not going anywhere until I talk to Jensen.”
There was a long, tense silence. And then Kristin smiled. “Good answer.”
Jared let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. They were going to let him see Jensen. Almost immediately, his hands grew clammy and his heart jumped somewhere up in his throat. Before he could ask again, Katie held up a palm and cleared her throat.
“Let’s get something straight, though. He’s working. We’re all working our asses off right now, to fix a mess that you made. So I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait until he’s ready to see you. We’re not going to distract him while he’s on a roll, so sit down, get comfortable. If you’re really serious about staying.”
“I’m serious,” Jared said lowly, even though he was about ready to jump out of his skin if he didn’t get to see Jensen soon with his own two eyes. “I’ll…I can wait. However long it takes.”
“Awesome.” Kristin tilted her head, narrowed her eyes. “Actually…maybe you can help with something else, too. Katie? Could you go and get me the Messiah print-offs?”
Katie’s brows about disappeared beneath her hair, but she only shrugged and walked out of the room, leaving Jared alone with the pretty girl with the shark smile. She circled him now, slowly, and Jared absolutely did not gulp. He’d deny it until the day he died. Anyway, he could totally take this chick, if it came down to it.
“There’s this character were working on, for Supernatural,” she suddenly said out of the blue. “He’s really getting to Jensen, too. Driving him about crazy, which is pretty much making everyone around him crazy, too.”
“Sam,” Jared said slowly. “Yeah, Jensen’s talked about him.”
“Then you know the issues we’ve had with him,” Kristin said matter-of-factly. She paused, and then gave a little shrug. “Personally, I’ve always thought the problem was that Jensen was just too damn picky to use a real human model. He wanted Sam to be this special, extraordinary creation…really just something that would give the Dean inside of him a reason to basically obsess and work toward this ultimate goal of the two Winchesters together and fighting evil, blah blah…you know the premise, I’m sure.”
Jared didn’t bother to respond. They were both more than aware he knew.
“Thing is,” she continued, and Jared couldn’t get rid of the idea that he was being sized up. Literally, as she reached out and lifted one of his arms, checked the tag on the back of his shirt. Her next words made it hard for him to mind. “I think you could be good for him. I think you were good for him. I’ve never seen him so close to realizing whatever dream’s been in his head this entire time.” She waited for Jared to look at her and said, “I think you could be Sam.”
Whoa now. Jared blinked, unsure of the best way to proceed here. It wasn’t that it was a terrible idea to contemplate. It was more that he didn’t really want to think about it too much, get used to the warm feeling the idea brought to his belly, only to have it squashed like a cockroach when Jensen saw him again and turned him down flat.
Kristin watched him carefully, and Jared opened his mouth several times, only to close it again in helpless frustration. Finally, she took pity on him and added, “He’ll have to figure it out for himself, of course. But in the meantime…”
Katie reappeared on cue, arms filled with what looked to be a pile of folded laundry. Jared stared as Kristin grabbed a pair of baggy, stonewashed jeans and held them against Jared’s waist.
“In the meantime, you can be our real human model.” She grinned, and yeah…Jared had so walked right into that one.
“Him?” Katie said, but she sounded more curious than anything else. She tilted her head, also studying Jared. “Turn around so I can get a good look at your ass.”
“Katie.”
“Hey, my Sam Winchester has a nice ass. Aren’t we going for realism here?”
“Jesus,” Jared said. “This is my punishment, isn’t it?”
Kristin’s eyes gleamed. “Bend over.”
Jesus.
Twenty minutes later, he knew exactly how much he cared about Jensen. Enough to let two crazy chicks use him as a freaking dress-up doll, anyway, which Jared figured meant he cared a whole damn lot. He’d been poked and prodded and fussed over. He was wearing a hoodie, for God’s sake. He felt like the world’s oldest frat boy.
Finally, he’d had more than he could take and snapped out, “When do I get to do you, honey?” as Katie came toward him with an evil grin and what resembled a prop shotgun. At least, he hoped it was a prop.
“You wish.” Katie’s fingers gripped his shoulders; he braced himself for another cutting remark, or possibly, God forbid, cutting fingernails. Instead, her hands smoothed out across his chest. “Wow, you’re…extremely built.” Her gaze took on a faraway expression as Jared blinked dumbly. “I…really need to find you a tighter shirt.”
As she handed the prop-gun over to Kristin, who watched with exasperated patience, and then disappeared from the room again, Jared just had to ask. “So, is she, like…”
“Bipolar?”
Jared hesitated. “Um. Yes?”
Kristin checked over the gun, pursed her lips. “Extremely blunt and egregious?”
“Yeah,” he drew it out; was she even paying attention to him?
“Extraordinarily horny and planning to jump you with her vagina?”
“Ye…wait, what?”
And yeah, she was definitely laughing at him. Jared was still thinking of an appropriate comeback when the door nearly flew off its handle.
“What the hell is going on in here?”
Jared went ramrod straight at the sound of Jensen’s furious voice. Kristin’s expression took on something resembling a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She rushed forward, holding out a placating hand.
“Jen, before you flip out-”
“Before, Kris?” He didn’t even look Jared’s way. Jared wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, do a dance, stand on his head…anything just to get his attention. “Erica told me he’s been here for two hours. And no one thought to, I don’t know, inform me of the situation?”
Katie slinked in behind him and winced when Jensen included her in a dark glare. “Oops,” she said. “We’re totally busted, huh?”
“Please tell me you two haven’t been holding him hostage or something.” Now he flicked the slightest of glances Jared’s way. He lowered his voice, though it still carried enough, unfortunately, for Jared to overhear. “For God’s sake, he’ll probably go back and tell his boss we tied him to a chair and beat him or something. It’ll be all over the Internet in twenty minutes.”
“Ouch,” Jared couldn’t help but say. That one hurt.
And now everyone was staring at him. Not that Jared noticed anyone but Jensen, and those piercing, accusatory green eyes that still couldn’t mask the damage he’d caused. He licked his lips and started forward. “Jensen-”
“Stop.” Jensen’s voice went sharp. “Just…get out of here. I’m not interested, okay? If you have something to say, we do it through human resources. Or better yet, my lawyer.”
Absolute silence fell over the room after his outburst, and Jared’s stomach dropped to his feet. Had Jensen really just threatened to…God. “We can’t do it through the companies,” was all he was able to get out, and his voice sounded like it’d been scraped raw over the pavement. “Since I’m no longer with one.”
Whatever response Jensen had been about to make melted away, and he blinked back at Jared in honest surprise. “What the hell are you talking about?”
But of course he wouldn’t know yet.
“I quit,” Jared admitted, nervously wetting his lips with his tongue. If only Jensen would give him something, some kind of sign that it’d even matter if Jared were the innocent victim, too. Instead, Jensen stared at him like he’d love nothing more than for Jared to turn to vapor and disappear. “I left Analog. I just…it wasn’t where I wanted to be.”
There. That was a start, even though it was hardly even the tip of the iceberg.
Kristin cleared her throat and grabbed Katie by the arm. “We’ll just be…working. Somewhere else. Not here.”
Jared barely noticed them leave.
xxx
Someone out there really, really hated him. Some higher, omniscient power was certainly having a good laugh at Jensen’s expense right about now. There was just no other possible explanation as to why his latest nightmare was currently coming to life right before him.
Jared, showing up to claim his innocence. Looking way too fucking tempting, and saying all the right things-so far, anyway-and Jensen was a hairsbreadth away from losing any pretense of dignity and begging him to stay. How pathetic.
“What are you doing here?” he asked again, the lump in his throat making his voice even harder. He wasn’t anywhere near ready to touch the ticking timebomb Jared had just dropped on him. “What do you want, Jared?”
“That’s a loaded question,” Jared said quietly. He kept watching Jensen through those damned pleading eyes, and Jensen didn’t think he was imagining the faint sheen across hazel. He looked away quickly.
“What, you want to make a fool out of me again? You came for a story?” He forced out a laugh he didn’t feel. “Okay, so you quit Analog…for whatever reason. Some other syndicate picked you up, then. Same old story, right, Jared?”
“If that’s what you want to tell yourself, fine. If it’s easier than dealing with the truth.” Jared seemed to be growing angry himself, and Jensen turned back toward him.
“The truth? Is that a joke?” He curled his hands into fists and bodily restrained himself from rushing forward. To attack Jared with his fists or his mouth, he wasn’t sure. It had him almost shouting, “I’m not interested in hearing whatever stupid excuse you-”
“I came for you, you stubborn shit!”
Jared’s eyes widened comically the second it was out, and he slapped a hand across his mouth. His cheeks went pink, and for the first time since their very choice meeting in an elevator shaft in Santa Monica, Jensen Ackles maybe caught a glimpse of the real Jared Padalecki.
The Jared Padalecki that wasn’t jaded with life, love, and the human spirit. A Jared Padalecki that could actually be embarrassed by showing care for someone else. And God, but it was too perfect to hope for.
“I didn’t write that article, Jensen.” Jared’s voice was a rough whisper now, his expression broken and honest. “I mean, I did write something but nothing like that, I swear to God. I never…I never should’ve said anything at all. I should’ve known Jeff would fuck me over, that he only wanted…” He rambled on, filling Jensen’s head, his heart, with too many thoughts to process. Then, just as abruptly, he seemed to run out of energy. Just held his hands out, before dropping them to his sides. “I never said those things. You have to believe me, please.”
“Says the man who lied to me about himself from the beginning.” Jensen rubbed his forehead wearily. It wasn’t fair of him to put that on Jared; Jared hadn’t known Jensen would even care about J.T. Padalecki. “Really, Jared. What do you want? From me.”
“I want you,” Jared whispered, and Jensen’s heart broke even as he shook his head and stared at somewhere just over Jared’s shoulder.
“That I can’t give you.” Or won’t. “Try again.”
“Fine. I want…I want to help,” Jared said, taking a hesitant step forward. There was no way he was accepting the rejection, Jensen knew, and he steeled himself for anything and everything Jared might use to try and win him over. But Jared only stopped in front of him and looked him square in the eye. “With Sam. You can’t do this by yourself.”
“What? Yes, I can,” Jensen scoffed.
Jared huffed out a breath and reached for Jensen’s shoulders. The first direct contact in far too long, and it sent a shivery jolt through them both. “Well, I don’t want you to!”
“Well, it’s not your damn...” And something inside just, finally, clicked. He stared at Jared like he’d never seen him before. He’d quite possibly lost his entire mind. “What’d you just say?”
Jared was obviously slow on the uptake, looking from where his hands rested, fingers fisted in the cotton of Jensen’s shirt, to his eyes. “I…huh?”
“Again.” Jensen licked his lips. “Say it again.”
“I don’t want you to do this by yourself?”
“Oh, God.” Jensen laughed, a bit hysterically, and caught Jared’s cheeks between his palms. A flash of surprise flew through Jared’s gaze, but he leaned eagerly into Jensen’s touch. “Oh my god, that’s it. It’s perfect, you’re perfect, and it’s. What’s been missing...”
The intimacy of the moment suddenly reared up and slapped him in the face. Jared’s face in his hands, Jared’s hands clenched in his collar. Foreheads practically touching. And Jensen could taste the sad half-smile on Jared’s lips if he just leaned forward…
“Perfect?” Jared asked softly, and Jensen reluctantly let him go.
xxx
“Friends,” Chad repeated, sinking into the couch as Jared navigated his SuperGT through the streets of GTA IV. “You guys are friends.”
“You gotta problem with that?” His character jumped from the car and began running from a police brigade. He knew Chad was smirking without ever having to look at his friend’s face. “Fuck you, Murray.”
“Too bad it ain’t fuck you, right?” Chad grabbed the controller and took over the mission. “Seriously, man. I think it’s great. S’real cute you’re willing to, ya know, exchange friendship bracelets before going steady or whatever.” He jumped with his entire body to soar over an escalation ramp. Then, “And maybe later you can catch up with Wally and the Beav down at the diner for a malt milkshake.”
“Fuck you, motherfucker.” But Jared was laughing. It felt good, like at least something was back to normal. Granted, things weren’t quite as on track as he would’ve liked for them to be, but it was a start.
A new beginning. Jensen was at least returning his calls now and agreeing to be stuck in the same room with him for given amounts of time. Jared just didn’t want to think too hard about how much of that had to do with Jared’s surprising new role as the physics model for Sam Winchester. He wanted to believe deep down inside that Jensen just couldn’t stay away anymore than Jared could.
“Anyway,” he said, watching idly as Chad headed toward the Turismo dealership in Algonquin. “Tell me all the dirty details at the office. Has Jeff killed anybody yet?”
“Dude,” Chad complained. “Seriously. He’s just looking for someone’s head to send home in a box. Ever since you left…I’ve never seen him that riled up. Keeps bitching about next month’s projections and blah blah.” He paused the game and turned to fix Jared with a pointed look. “But I figured you’d already know all about it, what with all the coffee dates you and Danny’re having lately.”
Jared scratched the back of his head sheepishly. Where to even begin to explain? “Yeah, turns out she’s…not so bad.”
In fact, Danneel was pretty fucking amazing. Jared didn’t know why he’d never noticed it until now. Okay, there was more than a little evidence that he’d been a complete fucking dumbass until not so recently, but still. He was glad he’d at least managed to bury that hatchet. Danneel was hilarious, and smart, and totally Jared’s favorite type of company. Without a dick, anyway.
Ever since his untimely departure from Analog, she’d gone out of her way to help him out however she could -- offering to look into possible openings at other publications, and yes, feeding him the daily gossip. They’d quickly and suddenly gone from rivals to hesitant social contacts to outright friends.
But most importantly, she was his absentee ticket to Jensen. Which, speaking of.
“Did you ever know Danny and Jensen were tight?”
“No,” Chad said. “Because I don’t obsess over him like you do. Plus, Danneel wouldn’t ever talk to me before. Because of you. Remember?”
Touché. Still… “It’s kinda weird. They’re like, old friends, I guess. Part of this whole group or whatever, but there’s definitely something weird there.” Jared pulled on his lower lip and thought about the quicksilver flash of something he’d seen in Danneel’s eyes when he’d announced Jensen’s latest decision to slowly let Jared back into his life.
It felt like maybe he was forgetting something, in the midst of the sheer fucking relief that he wasn’t going to be doomed to a Jensen-less life for the rest of his days all because of a stupid fuck-up that hadn’t even been his fault in the first place.
Though, trying telling that to Jensen. Even having gotten the whole story from not only Jared, but Kristin, Katie, and Danneel, Jensen still watched Jared more closely than before. Like he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop at every moment and holding Jared at arm’s length all the while. It was both frustrating as hell and heartbreaking.
“So, what the hell are you gonna do now anyway?” Chad asked, breaking Jared out of his fragmented thoughts. “Being a free man and all.”
“Hell if I know.” Jared leaned back and sighed.
“You should like, sell your mad playin’ skills to the highest bidder,” Chad said. “You know, tips and cheats and stuff. Hell, I’d pay for one of your walk-throughs, and I write them myself every damn day.”
“Yeah, I don’t even know if that’s legal,” Jared tried to let him down gently. It wasn’t that it was necessarily a bad idea. Just. Maybe he finally wanted to take things in a different direction. He loved games, and he loved gaming, but he’d spent the majority of the past five years of his life-and far more unpaid-reviewing and talking about games.
Just the short amount of time he’d spent with Jensen and the Supernatural team, developing Sam Winchester, had shown him there was far more to it than just knowing how to play the game.
“All you’d have to do is sniff in G4’s direction and they’d plug you, whatever it is you decide on. Everyone’s clamoring for a look at your ugly mug.” Chad’s attention was back on Grand Theft Auto, and Jared found himself smiling fondly at his best friend.
For Chad, it’d always just been that easy. And simple.
Jensen had asked him once, during their too-good-to-be-true relationship back in Santa Monica, “What would you be doing if you weren’t into video games?”
Jared’s answer had been something ridiculously flighty and off the top of his head, solely meant to make Jensen laugh: “I’d probably look into that backup singer gig for the Budweiser Real Men of Genius commercials.”
The truth was he’d already found something he was into far more than video games. Now it was just a matter of convincing Jensen that the feeling was mutual.
End Level 4 | Go to Level 5
Pairing/Characters: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles, minor Jared/Chace Crawford, some implied Jensen/Danneel Harris, Chad Michael Murray, Kristin Kreuk, Katie Cassidy
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 | graphic slash, alternate universe, real person fiction, geek speak.
Word Count: roughly 40,000
Summary: The first rule of gaming is, you never fall for the competition.
Chapters: Level 1 | Level 2 | Level 3 | Level 4 | Level 5 | Closing Credits & Artwork/Soundtrack
- from Jared Padalecki
to Jensen Ackles jra@wolfsbane.corp.com>
subject: Calls blocked??
I’m so fucking sorry, Jen. Please just…let me explain. Email me at this address or call my cell ASAP. Please, please let me know when you get this.
Jared
- from Jensen Ackles jra@wolfsbane.corp.com
to Jared Padalecki
subject: RE: Calls blocked??
Mr Padalecki,
Message received. No explanation needed, and no further contact required. Good luck in all of your future endeavors. Might I suggest a well-earned vacation?
Perhaps someplace warm. And eternal.
J. R. Ackles
“Whoa,” Chad said, scrolling down. “This guy could really teach Sophia a thing or two about passive-aggressive communication.”
Jared stopped biting his thumbnail long enough to shove Chad out of the way and reread Jensen’s email dismissal. Again. “I’m totally fucked, aren’t I?” he said unhappily.
“Probably not the way you’d like to be.” Chad seemed mystified by Jared’s reaction to this latest turn of events. “I still can’t believe you even care.”
Jared tried to rein in his frustration. After all, it wasn’t Chad’s fault that he didn’t get why Jared was so hung up on some random guy. As far as he knew, Jared didn’t get hung up.
Hell, a month ago the same had been true as far as Jared knew, too.
But things had changed.
“I just gotta talk to him, tell him what happened.” Jared paced over to the window and stared out and over the parking lot. “He’s gonna have to at least listen to me. Eventually. Right?”
“Dude, he kinda just told you to go to hell,” Chad pointed out warily. “More politely than a Cotillion queen, but still…this is totally my territory, Jared. Give him a few days to chill, or else he’s just gonna throw all your shit off a second story balcony.”
Jared huffed, tugged on his hair in frustration. “I can’t just sit here and do nothing. He’s out there, right now, thinking I actually said any of that shit. I can’t fucking sit here.”
“Okay, calm down, Jaredina.” Chad switched off the computer monitor and stood up. “We’ll figure something out.”
“Don’t bust my chops right now,” Jared snapped, but in truth, he was a little glad for the distraction Chad provided. Otherwise, all he had to think about was how Jensen was most likely never going to let him get within ten feet of him ever again.
It was almost laughable, how things had gone from unbelievably amazing to undeservedly horrific in the span of twenty-four hours. After being all but kicked out of the Analog building by Danneel the day before-for his own good, or so she’d said-he’d done nothing but repeatedly call Jensen’s cell phone and drink himself into a slobbering, drooling mess.
Then Chad showed up. And judging by the look on his friend’s face, it really was as bad as Jared had led himself to believe during those few dark and lonely hours. The article hadn’t just been published by AI and featured on their official website-it’d already been picked up by various media outlets throughout the industry. G4 had done a fucking hour-long interest block on it that morning, Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn parodying the situation on Attack of the Show! while Jared watched the horror unfold through blurry, red-rimmed eyes.
Everyone wanted to know the dirty details as to why the infamous J.T. Padalecki was taking on a previously unknown developer like Jensen Ackles. Why it mattered so much. The story was slowly being twisted and shaped into something grisly and filled with more and more lies, and Jared couldn’t stand to see it happening. Couldn’t stand to know Jensen was hearing it, too. God, he couldn’t imagine how Jensen was possibly handling it. Jared would be livid, mortified, sure, but even more than that, he’d feel completely eviscerated.
“Hey, try to look on the bright side,” Chad said, looping an arm around Jared’s neck. “They say any buzz is good buzz, yeah? If nothing else, this is definitely generating some major buzz for Supernatural.”
Yeah. Gamers from across the globe were definitely tuning in. The whole thing was already spinning ridiculously out of control, with no clear end in sight.
Jared shoved Chad away and went in search of another drink. As soon as he’d wrapped his lips around a longneck, the landline in his apartment began to ring. Jared contemplated letting it go to voicemail, but Jensen had this number. He hesitated for all of a second before picking up, barely getting out a breathless, “Hello?”
“Padalecki,” Jeff Morgan’s grizzled tone grated along Jared’s nerves, and his spine stiffened. He set the bottle down on the counter with a sharp clack, drawing Chad’s nervous attention. “What the hell is this I hear about a fucking brawl in my offices?”
“With all due respect, sir,” Jared mocked with returning fury. “What’s this absolute bullshit about having Chace Crawford completely rewrite my E3 article for a fucking feature issue?”
Chad was staring at him now, openmouthed, and the silence on the other end of the phone spoke for itself. Jared didn’t care. His blood was boiling, knuckles white enough to snap at the first given provocation.
“I’ll give you one free pass, Jared,” Jeff finally said, and Jared knew he’d hit a nerve with the use of his given name. “Because you’ve more than pulled your weight for this publication.” The threat remained implied, and set Jared’s teeth on edge.
“Understood. But I’d still like an answer to the question I asked. Sir.”
There was a burst of static over the line, and Jared ground his jaw and waited. Then, “I thought we’d already covered this. The work wasn’t up to par. I had an intern look over it, and Crawford was there with you, had access to your notes. He seemed the easiest choice.”
“The easiest choice,” Jared repeated. “There were no notes, sir. Except the ones I used to create the original article. The one that wasn’t featured anywhere in that particular edition of your magazine. So, I’m not sure why you felt it necessary to have a freaking intern completely jack my work-without even getting into the byline issues-but-”
“Look, I’m not interested in what gets your dick hard, Padalecki.” Jeff’s tone was brusque and unforgiving. “I don’t give two shits what you do in your spare time, but I do expect you to do what the hell you’ve been hired to do.”
“And what’s that?” Jared shot back, glancing toward the corner of the kitchen. Chad had gone from pale, to bright red, to a sickly green color and was shaking his head back and forth. Jared’s stomach dipped and rolled; he couldn’t stop what he’d already started. “Lie? I told the truth about what I saw out there. That game is gonna change the face of gaming as we know it, and you just want me to make up shit that’s wrong with it?”
“Let’s not fool ourselves here, kid. You’ve got a certain appeal with the readers, and no one can deny that,” Jeff said shortly. “But no one wants to hear you talk about how this Jensen Ackles shits rainbows and unicorns. They wanna read what they’ve come to expect from J.T. Padalecki. They want your damn shtick.”
And there it was. The same thing Danneel had said, over and over, during their more vehement encounters. Chad had hinted at it just the day before. And hell, Jared had known it was true all along, too.
Jared Padalecki was nothing more than a goddamn gimmick. A money-grubbing, attention-whoring, pathetic shtick.
“Well, here’s a fresh idea,” he managed through a throat threatening to close up tight. “Why don’t you take my shtick and shove it up your ass? Make sure to use plenty of lube, motherfucker. I quit.”
He slammed the phone down to the satisfying sound of Jeff’s blustering disbelief and slumped against the counter. Scrubbing both hands down his face, he let out a shaky laugh and glanced up to find Chad watching him with what could only be labeled as pity.
“I hope to hell you know what you’re doing,” he said, and Jared laughed again. Closed his eyes.
“Man, I have no fucking clue.”
xxx
Jensen didn’t bother showing up to work the rest of the week. It wasn’t that he couldn’t take the sympathetic looks, the curious whispers, or Mike following him around like a lost puppy all goddamn day-even into the bathroom stall once, for God’s sake. But he just couldn’t bear sitting at his desk and staring at the vague outline of Sam Winchester he’d begun to slowly construct over the course of the past two weeks.
So fucking close. He’d been so close to something. Now everything had gone to hell. And there was no Winchester to save him from it.
The melodramatic thought dragged a hysterical laugh from him, and he buried his face in his hands and rubbed at his eyes as the announcer on the television said his name in passing for the fourth time that hour.
Jensen had always been a bit of a masochist and demonstrated that now by choosing to sit at home and keep up with the media circus surrounding Jared’s article. Even though every time someone so much as mentioned the piece, it felt like they were jerking Jensen’s bloody insides out through his nose.
Jared had finally stopped calling two days ago, after Jensen picked up during a moment of weakness and offered to help Jared achieve something physically impossible regarding his own person. Jensen wasn’t sure how he felt about it. A sure sign of guilt? Innocence? Or had Jared finally just grown bored with it all, with Jensen, and moved onto plotting the downfall of his next ignorant victim?
And Christ, could he sound anymore like a whimpering, whining, spurned lover? Even if it was only in his head, this was ridiculous, and yet he couldn’t stop himself from sitting there sulking, feeling backstabbed and screwed over by the person he’d actually thought he was…well. That was definitely not on the agenda to worry about anymore.
Worst of all was knowing it’d been his own stupid, blind attraction to a well-known jackass that’d cost him the whole Supernatural project. Oh, sure, they could still outsource it to some other house and hope that eventually the stigma of Jared’s negativity would fade away, maybe after months on the shelves.
But there’d be no big, pretty launch. No coverage. No record-making sales and advertisements, or any of the other million things Jensen knew the project, and the people involved, damn well deserved.
He could already feel the phantom Dean Winchester kicking his ass from the figurative grave.
And then the girls showed up.
Jensen had done a fairly good job of avoiding not only Jared, but Kristin and Katie, as well. Which, given Katie’s slightly disturbing propensity for knowing where everyone was at all times-stalking, Jensen had jokingly called it on more than one occasion, but now it really seemed to fit-that was saying something.
There was no hiding anymore. He stared up at twin sets of irritated, heavily-lashed feminine eyes and let out a pathetic coke-and-Doritos burp.
“Oops,” he said. “Hey. I forgot I gave you that key.”
Kristin wrinkled her nose and tucked said key back into her purse. “Um. Yeah. You need a shower like, yesterday.”
Or as Katie more aptly put it… “Smells like someone’s diaretic ass up in here, boss.”
“Ugh,” Kristin said, and Jensen just grunted. Then he looked closer at the two, squinted at Katie’s head.
“What the hell did you do to your hair?”
Katie flipped newly darkened locks and smirked. “Turns out brunettes have more fun. Who knew? By the way, the fact that you even noticed? So, so very gay.”
“Huh.” Jensen determinedly returned his gaze to the television, where Kate Hudson and Matt McConaughey’s characters were making up rather fantastically in the middle of downtown New York traffic. God. He should’ve just stuck with watching the gaming media mock his entire livelihood.
“Okay, since I can see we’re gonna have to bring out the big guns here…” Kristin moved in front of him, effectively blocking his view of the television. She put both hands on her hips and stared down at Jensen. “Katie and I think it’d be best if you called an emergency staff meeting this weekend. I know you’ve probably got a thrilling time lined-up…I hear they’re showing Hairspray and Chicago back to back on HBO Sunday.”
“Gay men do love musicals,” Katie cut in, completely straight-faced, and the corner of Jensen’s eye began to twitch.
With an exasperated look in her direction, Kristin pursed her lips. “Anyway, emergency meeting. We need to sit down and discuss our best options, and move on from there-”
Jensen snorted. “Our options, Kris? Our options are…let’s see. Would we like to be fucked from the front or the back? Which would you prefer, because honestly I’m starting to feel a bit sore myself.”
“Oh, poor you,” Kristin snapped, leaning forward to get right in his face. “Suck it up, Ackles. So you got screwed over and it sucks. But you don’t let that asshole take this away from you, too. Understand?”
Jensen blinked up at her. Even Katie seemed pretty impressed by the unexpected outburst.
“You don’t seem to get it,” he started, annoyance beginning to bridge the gap between depression and utter blankness. “We are officially on the backburner. Or didn’t you get the memo?”
“Hey,” Katie said, and now she looked just as pissed. “We don’t wanna hear any of that loser talk. I played sports in high school, and you don’t score until you score. Or something. Basically, I’m not giving up on this. Or you. Even if you’re being a whiny little dick right now.”
Kristin nodded. “What she said. And so what, about that stupid article. So what if we don’t get the cover of Electronic Gaming Monthly. So fucking what. We’ll let Sam and Dean speak for themselves.”
Jensen stared at them both for a long moment and then couldn’t help it anymore. His eyes blurred, and he lost it right then and there, laughing until he cried at the sight of his two pretty and petite ass-kicking assistants. “I think I’m losing my mind,” he managed. “I don’t…I just don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do. To fix this.”
“Not just you,” Kristin said and reached out to squeeze his knee. “You’ve got us, too. All of us. God, Jensen, don’t you know how much we love this stupid project? Those stupid boys?”
“Even if they’re totally, totally gay,” Katie added with an impish grin. “Kind of like you.”
“Why do you keep saying that?” Jensen finally demanded, scrubbing at his eyes and hoping neither of them could see how close he’d actually been to really breaking down and sobbing like a pathetic fool.
“Just reminding you of the facts, in case you’re thinking of doing something completely stupid. Like going back to Danneel.” Katie’s eyes narrowed, and all previous good humor left her features. “Jensen, it’s time to stop fooling yourself, okay? You liked Jared. I mean, really liked him, and okay, so he turned out to be a bust. But you can’t let that scare you off to what you really want.” She paused. “And somewhere in there is something relevant to Supernatural, too.”
Jensen had to smirk, even though his stomach was currently twisted into every kind of knot imaginable. “God, you’re insane.”
“You love me.”
And damn, it was true. He loved them both and barely deserved either of them.
“So, did you…did you see what he said?” He picked at the edge of the couch cushion and felt sick to his stomach as both girls fell silent again.
“No offense, Jensen,” Kristin finally said. “But I don’t read that shit.”
“What she said,” Katie repeated, and okay, yeah, Jensen really was about to cry like a little girl.
Apparently realizing how close her boss was to embarrassing himself, Kristin gave a heavy, put-upon sigh. “We love you, too. Dork. Now get showered, get dressed, and get on the goddamn phone already.” Her eyes lit up. “As Sam would say, we’ve got work to do.”
They totally did.
xxx
Jared honestly hadn’t been this nervous since getting busted smoking pot in Sandy McCoy’s basement his freshmen year of high school. He really could’ve used a few hits at that particular moment, too, but settled for repeatedly cracking his knuckles and wishing for an IV drip of tequila instead.
He was being made to wait on purpose. He was almost certain of it, judging by the thinly veiled apologies and half-smiles from the receptionist upon giving his name, and had to chalk one up to the staff of Wolfsbane. At least they had remained loyal to Jensen, despite what Jared had heard through the grapevine about a possible (indefinite?) hold being put on the production of Supernatural.
As if this wasn’t already going to suck more than anything else ever. Jared had gotten the unfortunate news that morning, over coffee with Danneel, and had decided then and there it was time for him to stop being a world-class pussy. Jensen was never going to come to him for an explanation. That much was obvious. And admirable.
If their positions had been reversed, Jared wasn’t sure if he would’ve been able to resist seeing the other guy…and setting a bag of flaming shit out on his front doorstep. But he’d known from the beginning that Jensen was a better man, the better man, and way more mature than Jared knew how to be.
Which didn’t necessarily mean Jensen wasn’t going to punch his lights out when he got wind of Jared hiding out in his office. The sad thing was Jared was almost looking forward to it. To just seeing Jensen again. He felt like a junkie being denied a life-long habit.
“Mr. Padalecki.” The voice was pleasant enough, but Jared caught an undercurrent of hostility running through it as he looked up and met the icy-polite gaze of the secretary he’d spoken with before. “I’ve been asked to have you wait in conference room five.”
Wait. Great. Jared smiled anyway, not that it softened the woman’s expression any. “Conference room five…would you mind telling me-”
“Down the hall, take two lefts and a right,” the woman said flatly and then turned back to her Danielle Steele novel. Jared had been quite effectively dismissed.
The receptionist might’ve wanted to see his balls put in a vice, but she hadn’t led him in the wrong direction at least. Jared easily found conference room five and was just settling in for another round of indeterminable waiting when the door was pushed open. He came to his feet immediately, wiping sweaty palms against his slacks and licking his lips as he came face to face with…a pretty brunette in a red dress.
“So, you’re the spawn of Satan. Nice to finally have a face to put with the name,” she said, and Jared winced.
“Katie, be polite.” Another woman had entered behind this Katie, and Jared had been too busy freaking out over Jensen to even notice. She eyed him now, smiling insincerely and folding both arms across her breast. “He probably can’t help that his head’s so far up his ass that he’s peeking through his tonsils.”
Oh yeah. This was gonna be fun.
“I take it you’re the first line of defense,” he said lightly, attempting to ease the tension a bit. “That’s cool.”
“Buddy, we’re the ones who’re gonna have you hung by your dick from the rooftop if you don’t stop smiling and sit the fuck back down,” the first girl said, and whoa. Jared had kind of figured on her as the nice one.
He took a deep breath and schooled his features into what his Mama always called his “get out of jail free card”. “Okay, I get it. I’m persona non grata. But please…is he even going to see me? Or am I just wasting my time?”
His voice cracked embarrassingly on the last word, and all three of them shifted a little uneasily. The two women looked at each other, then back at Jared. The smaller of the two finally sighed and bit her lip. “Shit. He really is kind of adorable.”
“So was Charles Manson, Kristin.” But the taller one-Katie-was watching him with an uncertain frown, too. Then, “Why do you want to see him, anyway? Haven’t you done enough?”
“He won’t take any of my calls,” Jared answered truthfully. “I just want a chance to explain. What happened.”
“It’s kind of obvious, isn’t it?” Katie said, but most of the fight had gone out of her voice. “Look, he doesn’t know you’re here. So, you could leave right now and he’d never know…”
Jared stood tall and finally let some of his frustration out. “I’m not going anywhere until I talk to Jensen.”
There was a long, tense silence. And then Kristin smiled. “Good answer.”
Jared let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. They were going to let him see Jensen. Almost immediately, his hands grew clammy and his heart jumped somewhere up in his throat. Before he could ask again, Katie held up a palm and cleared her throat.
“Let’s get something straight, though. He’s working. We’re all working our asses off right now, to fix a mess that you made. So I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait until he’s ready to see you. We’re not going to distract him while he’s on a roll, so sit down, get comfortable. If you’re really serious about staying.”
“I’m serious,” Jared said lowly, even though he was about ready to jump out of his skin if he didn’t get to see Jensen soon with his own two eyes. “I’ll…I can wait. However long it takes.”
“Awesome.” Kristin tilted her head, narrowed her eyes. “Actually…maybe you can help with something else, too. Katie? Could you go and get me the Messiah print-offs?”
Katie’s brows about disappeared beneath her hair, but she only shrugged and walked out of the room, leaving Jared alone with the pretty girl with the shark smile. She circled him now, slowly, and Jared absolutely did not gulp. He’d deny it until the day he died. Anyway, he could totally take this chick, if it came down to it.
“There’s this character were working on, for Supernatural,” she suddenly said out of the blue. “He’s really getting to Jensen, too. Driving him about crazy, which is pretty much making everyone around him crazy, too.”
“Sam,” Jared said slowly. “Yeah, Jensen’s talked about him.”
“Then you know the issues we’ve had with him,” Kristin said matter-of-factly. She paused, and then gave a little shrug. “Personally, I’ve always thought the problem was that Jensen was just too damn picky to use a real human model. He wanted Sam to be this special, extraordinary creation…really just something that would give the Dean inside of him a reason to basically obsess and work toward this ultimate goal of the two Winchesters together and fighting evil, blah blah…you know the premise, I’m sure.”
Jared didn’t bother to respond. They were both more than aware he knew.
“Thing is,” she continued, and Jared couldn’t get rid of the idea that he was being sized up. Literally, as she reached out and lifted one of his arms, checked the tag on the back of his shirt. Her next words made it hard for him to mind. “I think you could be good for him. I think you were good for him. I’ve never seen him so close to realizing whatever dream’s been in his head this entire time.” She waited for Jared to look at her and said, “I think you could be Sam.”
Whoa now. Jared blinked, unsure of the best way to proceed here. It wasn’t that it was a terrible idea to contemplate. It was more that he didn’t really want to think about it too much, get used to the warm feeling the idea brought to his belly, only to have it squashed like a cockroach when Jensen saw him again and turned him down flat.
Kristin watched him carefully, and Jared opened his mouth several times, only to close it again in helpless frustration. Finally, she took pity on him and added, “He’ll have to figure it out for himself, of course. But in the meantime…”
Katie reappeared on cue, arms filled with what looked to be a pile of folded laundry. Jared stared as Kristin grabbed a pair of baggy, stonewashed jeans and held them against Jared’s waist.
“In the meantime, you can be our real human model.” She grinned, and yeah…Jared had so walked right into that one.
“Him?” Katie said, but she sounded more curious than anything else. She tilted her head, also studying Jared. “Turn around so I can get a good look at your ass.”
“Katie.”
“Hey, my Sam Winchester has a nice ass. Aren’t we going for realism here?”
“Jesus,” Jared said. “This is my punishment, isn’t it?”
Kristin’s eyes gleamed. “Bend over.”
Jesus.
Twenty minutes later, he knew exactly how much he cared about Jensen. Enough to let two crazy chicks use him as a freaking dress-up doll, anyway, which Jared figured meant he cared a whole damn lot. He’d been poked and prodded and fussed over. He was wearing a hoodie, for God’s sake. He felt like the world’s oldest frat boy.
Finally, he’d had more than he could take and snapped out, “When do I get to do you, honey?” as Katie came toward him with an evil grin and what resembled a prop shotgun. At least, he hoped it was a prop.
“You wish.” Katie’s fingers gripped his shoulders; he braced himself for another cutting remark, or possibly, God forbid, cutting fingernails. Instead, her hands smoothed out across his chest. “Wow, you’re…extremely built.” Her gaze took on a faraway expression as Jared blinked dumbly. “I…really need to find you a tighter shirt.”
As she handed the prop-gun over to Kristin, who watched with exasperated patience, and then disappeared from the room again, Jared just had to ask. “So, is she, like…”
“Bipolar?”
Jared hesitated. “Um. Yes?”
Kristin checked over the gun, pursed her lips. “Extremely blunt and egregious?”
“Yeah,” he drew it out; was she even paying attention to him?
“Extraordinarily horny and planning to jump you with her vagina?”
“Ye…wait, what?”
And yeah, she was definitely laughing at him. Jared was still thinking of an appropriate comeback when the door nearly flew off its handle.
“What the hell is going on in here?”
Jared went ramrod straight at the sound of Jensen’s furious voice. Kristin’s expression took on something resembling a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She rushed forward, holding out a placating hand.
“Jen, before you flip out-”
“Before, Kris?” He didn’t even look Jared’s way. Jared wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, do a dance, stand on his head…anything just to get his attention. “Erica told me he’s been here for two hours. And no one thought to, I don’t know, inform me of the situation?”
Katie slinked in behind him and winced when Jensen included her in a dark glare. “Oops,” she said. “We’re totally busted, huh?”
“Please tell me you two haven’t been holding him hostage or something.” Now he flicked the slightest of glances Jared’s way. He lowered his voice, though it still carried enough, unfortunately, for Jared to overhear. “For God’s sake, he’ll probably go back and tell his boss we tied him to a chair and beat him or something. It’ll be all over the Internet in twenty minutes.”
“Ouch,” Jared couldn’t help but say. That one hurt.
And now everyone was staring at him. Not that Jared noticed anyone but Jensen, and those piercing, accusatory green eyes that still couldn’t mask the damage he’d caused. He licked his lips and started forward. “Jensen-”
“Stop.” Jensen’s voice went sharp. “Just…get out of here. I’m not interested, okay? If you have something to say, we do it through human resources. Or better yet, my lawyer.”
Absolute silence fell over the room after his outburst, and Jared’s stomach dropped to his feet. Had Jensen really just threatened to…God. “We can’t do it through the companies,” was all he was able to get out, and his voice sounded like it’d been scraped raw over the pavement. “Since I’m no longer with one.”
Whatever response Jensen had been about to make melted away, and he blinked back at Jared in honest surprise. “What the hell are you talking about?”
But of course he wouldn’t know yet.
“I quit,” Jared admitted, nervously wetting his lips with his tongue. If only Jensen would give him something, some kind of sign that it’d even matter if Jared were the innocent victim, too. Instead, Jensen stared at him like he’d love nothing more than for Jared to turn to vapor and disappear. “I left Analog. I just…it wasn’t where I wanted to be.”
There. That was a start, even though it was hardly even the tip of the iceberg.
Kristin cleared her throat and grabbed Katie by the arm. “We’ll just be…working. Somewhere else. Not here.”
Jared barely noticed them leave.
xxx
Someone out there really, really hated him. Some higher, omniscient power was certainly having a good laugh at Jensen’s expense right about now. There was just no other possible explanation as to why his latest nightmare was currently coming to life right before him.
Jared, showing up to claim his innocence. Looking way too fucking tempting, and saying all the right things-so far, anyway-and Jensen was a hairsbreadth away from losing any pretense of dignity and begging him to stay. How pathetic.
“What are you doing here?” he asked again, the lump in his throat making his voice even harder. He wasn’t anywhere near ready to touch the ticking timebomb Jared had just dropped on him. “What do you want, Jared?”
“That’s a loaded question,” Jared said quietly. He kept watching Jensen through those damned pleading eyes, and Jensen didn’t think he was imagining the faint sheen across hazel. He looked away quickly.
“What, you want to make a fool out of me again? You came for a story?” He forced out a laugh he didn’t feel. “Okay, so you quit Analog…for whatever reason. Some other syndicate picked you up, then. Same old story, right, Jared?”
“If that’s what you want to tell yourself, fine. If it’s easier than dealing with the truth.” Jared seemed to be growing angry himself, and Jensen turned back toward him.
“The truth? Is that a joke?” He curled his hands into fists and bodily restrained himself from rushing forward. To attack Jared with his fists or his mouth, he wasn’t sure. It had him almost shouting, “I’m not interested in hearing whatever stupid excuse you-”
“I came for you, you stubborn shit!”
Jared’s eyes widened comically the second it was out, and he slapped a hand across his mouth. His cheeks went pink, and for the first time since their very choice meeting in an elevator shaft in Santa Monica, Jensen Ackles maybe caught a glimpse of the real Jared Padalecki.
The Jared Padalecki that wasn’t jaded with life, love, and the human spirit. A Jared Padalecki that could actually be embarrassed by showing care for someone else. And God, but it was too perfect to hope for.
“I didn’t write that article, Jensen.” Jared’s voice was a rough whisper now, his expression broken and honest. “I mean, I did write something but nothing like that, I swear to God. I never…I never should’ve said anything at all. I should’ve known Jeff would fuck me over, that he only wanted…” He rambled on, filling Jensen’s head, his heart, with too many thoughts to process. Then, just as abruptly, he seemed to run out of energy. Just held his hands out, before dropping them to his sides. “I never said those things. You have to believe me, please.”
“Says the man who lied to me about himself from the beginning.” Jensen rubbed his forehead wearily. It wasn’t fair of him to put that on Jared; Jared hadn’t known Jensen would even care about J.T. Padalecki. “Really, Jared. What do you want? From me.”
“I want you,” Jared whispered, and Jensen’s heart broke even as he shook his head and stared at somewhere just over Jared’s shoulder.
“That I can’t give you.” Or won’t. “Try again.”
“Fine. I want…I want to help,” Jared said, taking a hesitant step forward. There was no way he was accepting the rejection, Jensen knew, and he steeled himself for anything and everything Jared might use to try and win him over. But Jared only stopped in front of him and looked him square in the eye. “With Sam. You can’t do this by yourself.”
“What? Yes, I can,” Jensen scoffed.
Jared huffed out a breath and reached for Jensen’s shoulders. The first direct contact in far too long, and it sent a shivery jolt through them both. “Well, I don’t want you to!”
“Well, it’s not your damn...” And something inside just, finally, clicked. He stared at Jared like he’d never seen him before. He’d quite possibly lost his entire mind. “What’d you just say?”
Jared was obviously slow on the uptake, looking from where his hands rested, fingers fisted in the cotton of Jensen’s shirt, to his eyes. “I…huh?”
“Again.” Jensen licked his lips. “Say it again.”
“I don’t want you to do this by yourself?”
“Oh, God.” Jensen laughed, a bit hysterically, and caught Jared’s cheeks between his palms. A flash of surprise flew through Jared’s gaze, but he leaned eagerly into Jensen’s touch. “Oh my god, that’s it. It’s perfect, you’re perfect, and it’s. What’s been missing...”
The intimacy of the moment suddenly reared up and slapped him in the face. Jared’s face in his hands, Jared’s hands clenched in his collar. Foreheads practically touching. And Jensen could taste the sad half-smile on Jared’s lips if he just leaned forward…
“Perfect?” Jared asked softly, and Jensen reluctantly let him go.
xxx
“Friends,” Chad repeated, sinking into the couch as Jared navigated his SuperGT through the streets of GTA IV. “You guys are friends.”
“You gotta problem with that?” His character jumped from the car and began running from a police brigade. He knew Chad was smirking without ever having to look at his friend’s face. “Fuck you, Murray.”
“Too bad it ain’t fuck you, right?” Chad grabbed the controller and took over the mission. “Seriously, man. I think it’s great. S’real cute you’re willing to, ya know, exchange friendship bracelets before going steady or whatever.” He jumped with his entire body to soar over an escalation ramp. Then, “And maybe later you can catch up with Wally and the Beav down at the diner for a malt milkshake.”
“Fuck you, motherfucker.” But Jared was laughing. It felt good, like at least something was back to normal. Granted, things weren’t quite as on track as he would’ve liked for them to be, but it was a start.
A new beginning. Jensen was at least returning his calls now and agreeing to be stuck in the same room with him for given amounts of time. Jared just didn’t want to think too hard about how much of that had to do with Jared’s surprising new role as the physics model for Sam Winchester. He wanted to believe deep down inside that Jensen just couldn’t stay away anymore than Jared could.
“Anyway,” he said, watching idly as Chad headed toward the Turismo dealership in Algonquin. “Tell me all the dirty details at the office. Has Jeff killed anybody yet?”
“Dude,” Chad complained. “Seriously. He’s just looking for someone’s head to send home in a box. Ever since you left…I’ve never seen him that riled up. Keeps bitching about next month’s projections and blah blah.” He paused the game and turned to fix Jared with a pointed look. “But I figured you’d already know all about it, what with all the coffee dates you and Danny’re having lately.”
Jared scratched the back of his head sheepishly. Where to even begin to explain? “Yeah, turns out she’s…not so bad.”
In fact, Danneel was pretty fucking amazing. Jared didn’t know why he’d never noticed it until now. Okay, there was more than a little evidence that he’d been a complete fucking dumbass until not so recently, but still. He was glad he’d at least managed to bury that hatchet. Danneel was hilarious, and smart, and totally Jared’s favorite type of company. Without a dick, anyway.
Ever since his untimely departure from Analog, she’d gone out of her way to help him out however she could -- offering to look into possible openings at other publications, and yes, feeding him the daily gossip. They’d quickly and suddenly gone from rivals to hesitant social contacts to outright friends.
But most importantly, she was his absentee ticket to Jensen. Which, speaking of.
“Did you ever know Danny and Jensen were tight?”
“No,” Chad said. “Because I don’t obsess over him like you do. Plus, Danneel wouldn’t ever talk to me before. Because of you. Remember?”
Touché. Still… “It’s kinda weird. They’re like, old friends, I guess. Part of this whole group or whatever, but there’s definitely something weird there.” Jared pulled on his lower lip and thought about the quicksilver flash of something he’d seen in Danneel’s eyes when he’d announced Jensen’s latest decision to slowly let Jared back into his life.
It felt like maybe he was forgetting something, in the midst of the sheer fucking relief that he wasn’t going to be doomed to a Jensen-less life for the rest of his days all because of a stupid fuck-up that hadn’t even been his fault in the first place.
Though, trying telling that to Jensen. Even having gotten the whole story from not only Jared, but Kristin, Katie, and Danneel, Jensen still watched Jared more closely than before. Like he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop at every moment and holding Jared at arm’s length all the while. It was both frustrating as hell and heartbreaking.
“So, what the hell are you gonna do now anyway?” Chad asked, breaking Jared out of his fragmented thoughts. “Being a free man and all.”
“Hell if I know.” Jared leaned back and sighed.
“You should like, sell your mad playin’ skills to the highest bidder,” Chad said. “You know, tips and cheats and stuff. Hell, I’d pay for one of your walk-throughs, and I write them myself every damn day.”
“Yeah, I don’t even know if that’s legal,” Jared tried to let him down gently. It wasn’t that it was necessarily a bad idea. Just. Maybe he finally wanted to take things in a different direction. He loved games, and he loved gaming, but he’d spent the majority of the past five years of his life-and far more unpaid-reviewing and talking about games.
Just the short amount of time he’d spent with Jensen and the Supernatural team, developing Sam Winchester, had shown him there was far more to it than just knowing how to play the game.
“All you’d have to do is sniff in G4’s direction and they’d plug you, whatever it is you decide on. Everyone’s clamoring for a look at your ugly mug.” Chad’s attention was back on Grand Theft Auto, and Jared found himself smiling fondly at his best friend.
For Chad, it’d always just been that easy. And simple.
Jensen had asked him once, during their too-good-to-be-true relationship back in Santa Monica, “What would you be doing if you weren’t into video games?”
Jared’s answer had been something ridiculously flighty and off the top of his head, solely meant to make Jensen laugh: “I’d probably look into that backup singer gig for the Budweiser Real Men of Genius commercials.”
The truth was he’d already found something he was into far more than video games. Now it was just a matter of convincing Jensen that the feeling was mutual.
End Level 4 | Go to Level 5