sweet charity: there's a piece of a puzzle... [ja/jp, nc-17, 26K]
there's a piece of a puzzle known as life: 3/4
[jensen/jared, nc-17, 26K] *notes at the end of fic
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 & Acknowledgments
there's a piece of a puzzle known as life.
by keepaofthecheez.
“I don’t fucking believe it.” Jensen threw his phone across the room, falling back against the sofa with a sigh of disgust. “Not a single flight in or out of Colorado for the next week.”
Jeff was struggling with his bag, huffing and puffing as he tried to shove what looked suspiciously like a pair of salad tongs inside. Jensen wasn’t about to ask. “Dude, I told you. Snow sucks. Gimme a good ol’ Texas heat wave any day.”
Personally, Jensen pretty much agreed. But the Ackles family always did Christmas up big at Jensen’s aunt’s house in Aspen, and thanks to a freak snowstorm that was grounding all flights “until further notice”, it looked like Jensen was gonna be stuck in Austin all by himself. Which was pretty much the definition of “suck” at the moment.
Jeff grunted and managed to get his bag zipped up, then glanced over at Jensen’s sullen features. “Look, you’re more than welcome at my place. You know that.”
Jensen immediately went stiff, looked away and gave the same answer he’d been giving Jeff every time his friend brought it up. “Yeah, thanks but…I’m cool here.”
“Oh, come on, you’ve been putting me off for four years, dude.” Jeff’s voice was easy enough, but there was a spark of concern, curiosity, shadowing his gaze. “I don’t remember you having had such a bad time back then.”
Which was actually the problem in a nutshell. Not that Jeff would ever know, because Jensen had been damn careful to never think back on what had happened between him and Jared. Hadn’t even spoken to Jeff’s little brother since leaving San Antonio, had ignored the occasional email that made its way into his inbox with variations of Jared’s name.
Of course, even those had trickled off over the past several months, and Jensen refused to admit he was curious, hell, desperate for news on Jared. But the only viable source was Jeff, and it was just too risky to go there. He’d made do, settled for tidbits when Jeff felt like dispensing them, and put up a brave face and moved on in the meantime.
“It’s not that,” Jensen hedged, tempted by warm, dangerous memories. “I just. I don’t wanna intrude, you know? Christmas and everything.”
Jeff made a sound that reminded Jensen of their new across-the-hall neighbor after Warren had consumed a few too many burritos from Taco Heaven. “Jensen. Please. My family loves you, even though you’ve shunned them with your pansy-ass excuses over and over again.”
When he put it that way, yeah, Jensen felt pretty shitty.
“Besides, Jared’s bringing home his boyfriend and it’ll be a huge deal…you can help me grill the poor bastard and make JT’s life a livin’ hell. It’ll be fun.” Jeff sat on his suitcase, rubbed his hands together while looking around to see if he’d forgotten anything. He apparently didn’t notice the look of abject horror on Jensen’s face, or the choking sound Jensen was pretty sure was coming from his throat.
“Whoa, what? Jeff, what? Boyfriend?” And that only came out half-way a squeak, so Jensen counted himself lucky.
Jeff blinked, focusing on Jensen. Frowned a little. “Didn’t I tell you? I swear I told you. Or I meant to.” While Jensen was busy gaping, Jeff stood up again, hefted the bag over his shoulder. “Dude, quit fish-facing at me. Don’t tell me you don’t approve or some shit.”
“I just.” Jensen felt a cold sweat beading across his forehead, and tasted bile on the back of his tongue. “Jared’s gay?”
“Loud and proud.” Jeff grimaced, reached out and grabbed the latest issue of Sports Illustrated from off the top of the TV. “Damn. I would’ve been pissed if I’d forgotten this.” He rolled it up, shoved it in his jacket pocket. “Anyway, maybe not totally gay…I’m pretty sure he still appreciates some good T&A on occasion, the greedy bastard. But he’s wearing all this pink lately and if that doesn’t make his intentions clear, I don’t know what does.”
“Jesus, Jeff.” Jensen rubbed a hand down his face. Imagined sweet, seductive Jared Padalecki coming out to his family and friends. Shacking up with some unknown, sleazy guy he probably met at a damn debate tournament or--God forbid--some sweaty football match. A wave of dizziness rushed through him, and he picked up a cushion. Contemplated smashing it against his face. “Jesus.”
“So, you comin’ or not?” Jeff lifted his brows, grabbed his car keys and faced Jensen with an expression that clearly read I am so dragging your ass with me whether you like it or not. Bitch. To add insult to injury, he added, “I hear Warren’s planning a fantastic holiday feast, if that’s more your speed, man--”
“Just let me grab a bag,” Jensen muttered, brushing past his best friend and ignoring the rumble of laughter that followed.
xxx
Not much had really changed since the last time Jensen’d been there, and he stood in Jeff’s parents’ kitchen and accepted hugs and warm welcome and felt like a total heel.
Megan, however, had completely changed, not that she seemed to adore Jensen any less. She just hid it with more grown-up grace and aplomb, a fact which Jensen teased her for mercilessly when she declined to give him a hug at first.
“C’mere, little girl.” He reached out, gathered her up in his arms and heard her giggle against his shoulder. “You grew up pretty, huh?”
“So did you,” was her smart reply, and Jensen shook his head in exasperation when she tossed him a wink, turning on her heel and heading out of the room.
“That girl will be the death of me,” Mrs Padalecki sighed, although a twinkle in her eyes belied the words. “Well, come here and let me get a look at you, Jensen. You know, Megan’s right. I didn’t think it would be possible, but you’re even more handsome now than you were back then.”
“Aw, Jeez, Mom.” Jeff gagged on a mouthful of God only knew what, and screwed his face up at Jensen. “Like the guy needs any more encouragement?”
“It’s okay, ma’am.” Jensen played it up perfectly, polite voice and shy eyes. “I don’t mind being the attractive one.”
A breadstick flew at his head. “Hey!” Everyone laughed, and Jensen slung an arm around Jeff’s shoulders and grinned as his friend shot dark glares around the room.
After several minutes of casual conversation had passed by, Jensen felt comfortable enough to bring up the question burning on his mind. “So, uh, looks like you guys are missing one.”
Since no one looked at him funny, or ran to call the cops on his cradle-robbing ass, he assumed the question came out sounding normal enough.
“Yes, I just got off the phone with JT…he and Chad are about fifteen minutes away.” Mrs Padalecki wiped her hands with a paper towel, apparently not realizing she’d just put a name to Jensen’s Public Enemy #1. “Jeff, why don’t you take y’all’s bags upstairs. I’m giving Chad the guest room, so I’m afraid you and Jensen will have to bunk together.”
“Oh, how will we ever survive?” Jeff deadpanned, managing to avoid the flick of his mother’s wrist. Then he snuck up behind her, dropped a kiss on the top of her head and said, “I’m glad to be home, Ma.”
She was beaming by the time Jeff started up the stairs, and Jensen just smiled. Considered himself damn lucky to still be included with such ease, especially after his less-than courteous response over the past few years. But that was a Padalecki for you, as he well knew.
The front door flew open, a loud voice called out, “Hello? Anybody home?” and Jensen went from comfortable to on-edge within the span of a second. He jumped up from his seat, hands forming fists at his side as footsteps came closer.
“Kitchen!” Mrs Padalecki called happily, turning in time to be caught up in a whirlwind of arms and laughing eyes.
Jensen stared, took in Jared’s appearance like a starving man finding oasis. He could still see the same young, innocent boy he’d known, but there were also plenty of subtle differences that went straight through him and pierced his heart. For one, Jared was no longer a lanky teenager. He’d filled out nicely, arms flexing as he lifted his mother off the floor and buried his face in her neck.
“Missed you,” he whispered, and Jensen felt a pang at the hushed, sincere words. “I got your package, had maybe a taste of those cookies before the entire dorm got a hold of them and well, that was that. And I called Grandma and wished her a happy holiday, don’t think she heard me, but you know.”
The familiar rapid flow of words made Jensen smile, and that was when Jared suddenly went stock-still. Turned to stare straight at Jensen. Jensen saw a million emotions flash through brown-green before a shutter came down and Jared smiled, surprised but distant. “Jensen?”
“Merry Christmas,” he said, dumbly, and gave a tight little nod that Jared returned. Christ, this was awkward, and where the hell was Jeff anyway?
Jared watched him for another moment, jaw working like he wanted to say something else, and then his gaze traveled past Jensen and lit up. “Hey, baby. Come on in.” He brushed past Jensen and went to a figure standing in the doorway, boxes piled in his arms and an uncertain look across his face that Jensen recognized and would’ve felt sympathy for, had Jared not greeted the guy with a kiss and reached down to squeeze his hand.
“Chad, this is everybody.” Jared swept a hand around the room, including Jensen…much to his surprise. “Everybody, Chad. Be nice.”
“Uh, hi.” Chad tried to wave, and Jensen decided his nose was slightly off-center and he had last year’s highlights. Which didn’t necessarily make him unattractive, but it at least made Jensen feel better.
Jeff came clomping down the stairs, eyes falling on the new arrival and devilish anticipation creeping across his face. “And what do we have here?”
Jared sighed as if heavily put-upon. “My brother Jeff. You don’t have to listen to anything he says. Save your brain cells.”
“Now, that hurts, JT.” Jeff came up to stand beside Jensen, leaned until they were shoulder to shoulder and crossed his arms. “Especially since Jensen and I came all this way just to meet your new leading man.”
Jensen’s eyes flicked toward Jared, curious to see what kind of reaction Jeff’s words would produce. But Jared just smiled, albeit a little bit tighter, and Jensen chewed on the inside of his cheek and wished he had a stiff drink.
“Yeah, a whole hour and a half. Congratulations.” Jared glanced toward Jensen, a bit of curiosity finally softening his features. “It’s nice to see you again. Been awhile.”
“Yeah, it has.” Jensen wondered if anyone else could hear the thickness in his voice, could see the goddamn longing in his eyes. “You look good,” he blurted out, then wanted to sink through the floor. Not that anyone seemed to notice, although Jared grinned a little and laughed.
“So do you. Um, I’m glad you’re here,” he said, and Jensen’s belly started to squirm. Then Jared turned toward Chad, beamed so bright it put the sun to shame. “The more the merrier, right?”
Jensen excused himself when Jared leaned in again, figuring Jared had proven his point well enough.
xxx
That first night went better than expected. After the blatant show in the kitchen, Jared apparently calmed down and cooled off on the public displays of affection. Jensen watched him and Chad during dinner, and afterward when Mr and Mrs Padalecki excused themselves for bed and left the “young people” to their own devices.
Jared and Chad sat together on the couch, Jared’s long arm wrapped around his boyfriend’s shoulder as he shouted directions at Megan on how to defeat Jeff at Gran Turismo.
“Shut the hell up, JT!” Megan finally yelled after crashing her Ferrari, and she turned and tossed a handful of popcorn at Jared’s head. “You’re distracting me!”
“You just suck,” Jared decided, slouching back and making faces at the back of his sister’s head. Chad appeared a bit bemused by it all, but Jensen could understand how the Padalecki clan could be a bit overwhelming at first. He wasn’t gonna hold the kid to that…much, anyway.
Then he saw Jared’s hand slide up Chad’s leg, come to rest on his knee, and Jensen’s neutrality went out the fucking window. “I’ll play the winner,” he suddenly announced, wanting anything other than the opportunity to ogle Jared and his new fuck-buddy, boyfriend, whatever in action.
“No way,” Jeff laughed. “Dude, you’re a shark.”
“Oh, what makes you so sure you’re gonna win, anyway?” Megan snapped. “Maybe I’ll win, and maybe I’ll wanna play Jensen!”
“Oh, please. Tell me another one.”
They argued back and forth for a few seconds before Jared said, “I’ll play Jensen. You two need to chill the hell out.”
Jeff and Megan threw their controllers on the floor and shouted, “Fine!” Jensen half-expected them to stick their tongues out at each other, and swallowed a laugh as Megan stormed out of the room. Then caught Jared’s gaze and felt like swallowing something altogether different. Jesus.
“Well?” Jared drawled, sliding off the couch and taking Jeff’s spot on the floor. “You up for it, Ackles?”
How he managed to make that sound so damn dirty and get away with it with three other people in the room, Jensen didn’t know. But he forced a smile, picked up Megan’s abandoned game controls and shrugged his shoulders. “Bring it on…JT.”
Jared’s jaw worked. “First pick?”
“All yours.” Jensen waved a gracious hand, teeth flashing in the darkness. He felt more than saw Jared stiffen up beside him, their shoulders pressed together as Jensen settled in more comfortably with his knees and legs crossed.
Within minutes they were in full-on battle, and Jensen had to admit Jared was no amateur. Jensen was in the lead, but barely, and he could see Jared gaining on him from the toggle-screen. Bit back a curse and took a hairpin curve with tense concentration.
“C’mon, baby, c’mon…” Jared was whispering, skin hot through his shirt as he leaned against Jensen in time with his car. “Oh, yeah. There it is.”
Jensen’s fingers shook at the low hum, causing him to lose several important seconds as he nearly ran his car into the mountain wall. When he glanced over toward Jared, saw the hint of a smile playing along the edges of those lips, he narrowed his eyes. “Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be?” he murmured meaningfully, pressed back into Jared and licked his lips. “Well, come on then. Show me how hard you wanna play.”
It was Jared’s turn to nearly run off course, and Jensen bit back a triumphant smile. Heard Jared’s quiet curse and raced across the finish line with plenty of time to spare.
“And there you have it, folks,” Jeff announced to the room at large. “He’s a fucking shark, I’m tellin’ ya. You only thought you had a chance, JT.”
“Better luck next time,” Jensen offered softly, looking up to meet Jared’s heavy-lidded gaze.
“I don’t think so,” Jared said easily, patting Jensen on the shoulder and coming to his feet. “Anybody want a drink? M’thirsty.”
Jensen watched him leave like his heels were on fire before turning and finding Chad watching him with unreadable eyes. “Wanna play?” he offered, sick, hysterical excitement racing through his veins.
“I’m not big into videogames,” was Chad’s response, but it came out nice enough.
“What the hell are you into?” Jeff asked, and Jensen snickered at the disbelief coloring his voice.
“Sports,” Jared said, coming back into the room with two Cokes in hand. He passed one to Chad and draped an arm around his shoulders. “Chad’s a basketball star back in Buffalo. S’how we met, he schooled me on the court and I was totally and completely infatuated.”
“Or horny,” Jeff coughed into his hand loud enough to wake up the neighbors. Jensen cringed, and Jared grabbed for a handful of Megan’s popcorn.
“Jared’s exaggerating. I’m pretty sure he let me kick his ass just to get a good look at it.” Chad grinned, and Jensen had to admit it did wonders for the guy.
“Well,” Jeff said happily. “I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be sick now, so, whaddya say, Jensen? Heated pool? Skinny dipping?”
Jensen choked a little. “Dude, your parents are upstairs.”
“Eh, they’re on the other side of the house. Besides, this is the one and only time you’ll get to have a willing look at my tight ass. Better enjoy it.” Jeff was already pulling off his shirt, tossing it in a pile in the corner before taking off for the patio doors.
“Wow, see me leap at the chance,” Jensen muttered, but after shooting another look at the Very Happy Couple, he figured there were plenty worse things than getting caught frolicking in the nude by your straight best friend’s parents.
Even in Texas, the middle of December heralded a chill in the air that Jensen couldn’t deny, and he cursed Jeff’s stupid ideas before jumping headfirst into the water. He came up just in time to get clobbered over the head with a noodle and choked on chlorine before leaping at Jeff in an attempt of payback.
They were both waterlogged and exhausted by the time Jeff hauled himself to the shallow end and collapsed against the stairs. “God. We are getting’ old, Jen. All I want’s a glass of milk and a nap.”
Jensen floated on his back, staring up at the stars twinkling like satellites. “Yeah.”
“So, what’d you think?”
Jensen turned his head, dropping his feet to the bottom of the pool as he met Jeff’s curious eyes. “About what?”
“Chad the basketball extraordinaire,” Jeff quoted, pulling a face that let it be known he wasn’t all that impressed.
Jensen dropped his gaze, watching the water ripple around him and shrugging his shoulders as a cool breeze ghosted through the air. “I dunno, man. He seems nice enough.”
“Yeah. Nice. That’s the problem.” Jeff got out of the pool with a heavy sigh, grabbing for a towel and wrapping it around himself. “Fuck nice, dude…that guy’s never gonna keep up with JT. Kid’ll talk a mile around you before you realize he’s said go. Nice ain’t gonna cut it.”
“Aw, look at you.” Jensen smiled a little, wading over toward the ladder. “All concerned and big-brotherly. S’real cute.”
“Don’t tell me you weren’t thinkin’ the same damn thing.” Jeff wagged a finger at him, falling back in a lounge chair and shivering as the chill kicked up again. “I saw you glaring daggers at the guy all through dinner. Thought you were gonna start pelting him with rigatoni for a few minutes there.”
“Was not,” Jensen murmured, but he so had been. Heat crept up his neck, and he thanked God that Jeff had left the patio lights off. Grabbed up a towel and headed for the pile of his clothes. “And it’s none of my business, anyway.”
“Uh-huh. Whatever. I’m your business, and therefore so’s JT.” Jeff followed him, wet feet slicking the ground as Jensen clenched his jaw and struggled not to give into the temptation that was Jeff’s declaration. “Anyway, fine, you be the good cop. I’ll play the bad one.”
“It is your calling in life,” Jensen joked, but he suddenly wasn’t feeling very funny. It didn’t help matters when he got inside and found Jared and Chad making out on the couch, all big hands and wet mouths, and Jensen muttered an apology and booked it for upstairs.
xxx
The next day Jensen got roped into Christmas baking. Jeff bowed out, opting instead to sit at the kitchen counter and mock Jensen’s red and green apron with the reindeer ears that Megan had insisted he wear.
“Christmas spirit, Jensen.” She smirked, tossing him a rolling pin and pulling out the cookie cutters. “And red is so your color.”
“Thanks, cutie pie,” Jensen flirted back, harmless and easy, and Megan flushed real pretty and thwapped him on the side as she passed by.
Jensen had flour up his nose and dough in his hands when Jared made an appearance, looking too damn fine in a navy pull-over and jeans. “What’s goin’ on in here?” he asked, raising a brow at Jensen’s current state, laughter lurking in his eyes. “Aw, honey. You baked.”
Jensen was a little thrown by the careless banter, and reached up to scratch his nose. Left behind another smudge of flour that had his nostrils twitching. Jared just grinned, blessing him after a three-sneeze streak and leaning against the counter to watch from under floppy bangs.
“You’re a lazy bum,” he directed toward Jeff, taking in his brother’s immaculate dress and shaking his head. “Don’t worry, Jensen. You can be my best friend instead.”
“Where’s the ball and chain?” Jeff drawled in reply, stretching out his legs, the picture of innocence. “He still getting some beauty sleep?” The implication being he needed it, of course, which was both ridiculous and solely meant to rile Jared up. Jensen bit back a sigh at the subtle twitch in Jared’s cheek.
“I’m allowing him the courtesy of sleeping in, yeah,” Jared answered, straightening and sending Jensen a dirty look, like this was all somehow his fault. Which, what the fuck? “We’ve got a lot to do today.”
Megan called out from somewhere over Jensen’s shoulder, “Don’t forget my shopping list!”
“Checkin’ it twice,” Jared said, tapping his nose and backing out of the room. Jensen pounded the dough a little harder, sniffling when white powder rose up and calling himself ten different kinds of fool.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa…we’re not making flapjacks here.” Megan shooed him away, tossed a rag at his head and yelled at Jeff to get out of the kitchen, too.
“Thank God,” Jeff said. “I didn’t drag you back home with me to see what a pretty, pretty housewife you’d make, man.”
“Fuck off,” Jensen muttered, still stinging from Jared’s dismissal and wondering when he had turned into a goddamn housewife. He rinsed off in the upstairs bathroom, dried his hands and pulled the door open. Only to run nearly head-on into Jared himself.
“Oh. Hey.” Jensen smiled tightly, moved to brush past, find Jeff and demand they get the hell out of Dodge for a few hours. He got pulled up short instead, turned around to meet Jared’s dark, indecipherable stare. “What’s up, Jay?”
“Listen, I just.” Jared scratched his head, sending Jensen a sheepish grin that matched the sudden flush creeping up his neck. God, Jensen had missed that smile. That voice, and who was he even trying to kid anyway? He was sunk, desperate, frozen to the spot until Jared tugged him closer. Dropped his voice. “I just wanted to thank you, you know?”
“Thank me,” Jensen echoed, staring at the dip in Jared’s mouth and trying not to do something completely stupid like…bite it.
“Yeah, for helping me figure things out.” Jared’s fingers squeezed his for the barest of seconds before dropping away. “If it hadn’t been for you, I don’t think I’d’ve ever really come out and admitted the truth about myself. You really inspired me, Jensen, and I want you to know…I appreciate it, a lot.”
Jensen frowned, hearing the words but not able to reconcile them with the almost painful need flashing through his veins. “Jared…” he began, voice coming out uncertain and uncomfortable, and Jared’s eyes widened. He all but jumped away from Jensen, leaving Jensen trailing off on a huff of confusion.
Jared wouldn’t meet his eyes now, two flags of color burning bright in his cheeks. “I mean, I know I pushed you kinda hard back then…I’m sorry about that. You were right,” he said really fast, and Jensen’s left eye started to twitch. “About it being a bad idea. You were right?”
It came out as a question. Jared’s gaze snapped up, shaky, trapping Jensen in memories of muffled heat and hushed emotion. Jensen licked his lips, saw the way Jared’s gaze dipped for the briefest of instances. Then Jared swayed forward, lids looking heavier than before, and Jensen prepared to reacquaint himself with that gorgeous mouth.
“There you are.” Jeff rounded the corner, all bright smile and dimples that were fucking nothing compared to Jared’s. Jensen fell back against the wall and stared at his best friend while Jared murmured something under his breath and turned to leave. He shouldered past Jeff without a word, and Jeff blinked. “Hey, fuck you very much!”
“Sorry,” Jared called over his shoulder, barely catching Jensen’s eye. “Sorry.”
Fuck. Jensen blew out a breath, trying not to glare when he turned his gaze back to Jeff. “Yeah?”
But Jeff knew him all too well and raised his brows at the bitterness Jensen couldn’t manage to swallow. “O…kay. Is everyone having their period today or something? Megan just took my head off, Jared’s got his panties in a twist…and now you.”
Jensen’s jaw worked, and he shot a frustrated look back to where Jared had disappeared. “S’nothing, Jeff.”
Nothing at all.
xxx
Jensen slipped out some time after dinner, haunting the side porch and digging in his pocket for the pack of smokes he’d sworn to Jeff he’d given up six months ago. For the most part, he had, but then there were times…times when it was suck on a cancer stick or shoot himself in the head. So he puffed on the cigarette, fingers shaky with cold and nerves, and scuffed his toe along the bottom step where grass was edging up along the pavement.
Christ, this had all been a horrible idea from the get-go. He’d known that. He should’ve stayed away; that much was made clear when Jared spent the entire evening ignoring him after their conversation in the hallway. Chad, on the other hand, had been the life of the party. Talking about his and Jared’s time at school in New York, how great and wonderful and fantastic Jared was doing and how proud he was and blah blah blah.
The guy had a pretty decent sense of humor, too, although a bit dry and cynical. And he couldn’t tell a damn joke to save his life, but there was a bit of charm in that. Even Jeff had seemed to warm up to him over oven-roasted potatoes and turkey loaf, and Jensen just wasn’t ready to see his best friend welcome Chad into the family with open arms. It was damn hypocritical, but as long as he had Jeff, he could still pretend there was some weird chance Jared would wizen up and realize Chad wasn’t right for him.
Of course, as long as he had Jeff he could never do a thing about it if that happened, either.
“You are so busted,” came a soft voice, and Jensen spun around to find Megan coming toward him. She was wrapped up in a thick, woven blanket. Hair loose and tumbling around her shoulders, big eyes and wry smile, and Jensen suddenly felt too cheap, too dirty, to be around her.
“Uh,” he scrambled to his feet, nearly dropping his cigarette in an effort to hide it. He knew he had to look ridiculous, but hell. “I can explain?”
Megan snorted, reaching out and planting a hand square against Jensen’s chest. A single push, and Jensen was on his ass again. “Oh, shut up. Why the hell do you think I’m out here? Lemme try one of those.” She sat next to him, reaching over and plucking a slim cigarette from Jensen’s pocket. Jensen stared in something akin to horror as she stuck it between her lips, then leaned over to touch the tip to Jensen’s. “God. I fucking hate Christmas.”
Despite himself, Jensen sputtered around a disbelieving laugh and flicked the sprig of holly tucked behind her ear. “Okay. Who are you?”
Megan stretched her legs out. “Seriously, Jensen. Don’t tell me it doesn’t piss you off, too.” She huffed, pulling the cigarette out and coughing just a little. “It’s sick, is what it is.”
Jensen scratched his head, wondering if he could be arrested for watching a minor smoke up and finding it a little hilarious. “Can I buy a vowel?” He lifted his hands, dropped them back into his lap. “I’m completely lost here, Meg.”
“Chad Michael Murray,” Megan drawled it out like an oath, then threw her cigarette on the ground and stomped it out in a fit of teenage frustration. “Nasty habit, Jensen. And God, all of their ‘big city plans’. None of that’s Jared, you know? And yet he just sits there and lets that guy speak for him and say how it’s gonna be, and what is that, Jensen?”
Jensen sucked in a breath, looking sharply away. “You’re asking the wrong person, honey. It’s Jared’s life. Ain’t got nothin’ to do with me.” Same words he’d given Jeff, and yet they still rang as hollow now as they had then.
“Bullshit,” was Megan’s soft reply. After a long beat of silence, she added, “You know. I always kind of…when Jared came out and told us he was gay and all?”
Jensen swung his gaze back to hers, half-afraid to hear anymore.
“I kind of always hoped, maybe it’d be you. Isn’t that silly?” Megan sighed, leaning back and staring up at the sky. “I mean, you guys barely know each other…hell, we barely know each other. Just doesn’t really feel that way.”
Jensen’s jaw worked, throat clogged thick and tight. When it came, his voice was a mixture of pitiful sarcasm that fell just a little too flat. “So silly. How old are you again, baby doll?
Megan clucked her tongue and slugged him in the shoulder. “Old enough to see you’re just as mad about this as I am. Don’t deny it.”
“I’m not,” Jensen said truthfully. “Mad.” His brows drew together, lips curving into a frown as he stared at the cigarette hanging from between his fingers. “I’m not mad.”
“Then what are you?”
Jensen’s neck nearly snapped in two as he turned to see Jared standing there, half-hidden by the shadows. Gaze burning bright as diamonds. “Jared,” he said stupidly, noting Megan going stiff by his side. “Hey, we were just--”
“Yeah, I got it, thanks.” Jared’s voice rang out, cold and like a stranger’s. He held Jensen’s helpless gaze for all of a minute before looking toward Megan. “Do me a favor, and don’t.”
“Shit,” Megan muttered when he stormed off, but her voice shook on the word. “I-I better go after him. He’s been in a bad mood since he got here, and I just--”
“No, I’ll do it.” Jensen stood up and dropped his cigarette, squishing the filter with his toe and sending Megan a reassuring smile that didn’t calm him down one bit. “It’ll be fine, honey. I doubt it’s got anything to do with you, okay?”
He left her sitting on the porch, pulse a rapid drum in his chest as he headed off in the direction Jared had taken. Words sprang to his tongue, apologies, regrets, and then he saw the pool house light and was assaulted with different phrases, snatches of memory.
“Not your fault, I’m real cute.”
He rounded the corner, saw Jared leaning against the side of the pool house and gripping the stone mortar so hard Jensen imagined it cracking between his fingers. He could tell the instant Jared realized he was there, but Jared didn’t make a move toward or away.
Jensen stood there a beat, then sighed. “Look, I’m sorry if you thought…Megan was just runnin’ her mouth. She’s fourteen and worried, nothin’ more than that, Jared.”
Jared’s knuckles went white. “What’re you even doing here, Jensen?” he demanded, voice sounding raw, unused. He turned just a little, just enough so that Jensen could see the anger and frustration coloring his face. Could feel it all just a little bit deeper. “You haven’t bothered showing up in…” He trailed off, gritting his teeth together. “This is all so you and Jeff can have a laugh at my expense or some shit.”
“Is that what this is about? Because Jeff mocked your boyfriend?” Jensen didn’t mean for it to sound so condescending, but he was run ragged, confused, hungry and Jared was right there and yet so far away Jensen couldn’t touch.
“No, it’s because you weren’t here!” It exploded out of Jared’s mouth, his eyes wide and dilated, and Jensen took an instinctive step back just as Jared pressed closer. “You weren’t fucking here, Jensen, so shut up!”
“I’m here now,” Jensen said, soft and inviting, wanting so badly to reach out and smooth away the frustrated wrinkle in Jared’s brow. Mouth along that hard, stubborn jaw until it softened and responded. “You wanna punish me for caring enough to back off, Jay? Go ahead then, I won’t stop you.”
Jared’s eyes gleamed in the dark; their breathing was a harsh melody of suppressed anger and helpless connection. One minute Jensen was standing there, waiting for Jared to throw a punch, storm away, anything, and the next he was on his knees on the cold, stone tile and pressing his cheek to Jared’s thigh.
“God, please, suck me,” Jared hissed, big hands cupping Jensen’s cheeks and fingers brushing over the swell of Jensen’s mouth. “Please, Jen, your lips are so…wanna feel ‘em.”
It was like being catapulted back four years, back to a warm bed and hot sex, and Jensen was lost. Had been the first moment he’d looked up and found Jared staring back at him. On a low groan, he turned his head, hands trailing up the backs of Jared’s thighs. Jared stood straight, stiff, soft oaths burning his tongue when Jensen’s hands found the curve of his ass. Squeezed.
“Don’t fucking tease me.” Gruff, tight, and Jared thrust his hips, let denim drag rough across Jensen’s lips. “Suck my dick.”
The clipped tone shot a pang through Jensen, so at odds with the sweet pleading from moments before. But Jared was so heavy and hard, so fucking ready to be blown by Jensen, and Jensen wasn’t any stronger now than he’d been years before. He hooked his fingers in the waist of Jared’s jeans, pulled hard, and then Jared was against his lips. Hot, wet, full on aching for everything Jensen wanted to give him.
That first taste brought a groan to both of their lips, and Jensen looked up from under his lashes to find Jared staring down at him. Mouth pressed together, eyes dark and slitted. And yet, the flush across his cheeks was so pretty and youthful, made Jensen’s pulse thicken up. He caught Jared by the hips, opened his mouth and pressed a sucking kiss against Jared’s cock.
Jared’s breath hitched, his fingers shaky as he dragged them through the short tufts of Jensen’s hair. “Oh,” he muttered between his teeth, Jensen’s mouth hard at work. “Fuck, Jen.”
Jensen closed his eyes, let Jared’s throaty encouragement wrap around him, and sank into the task of licking Jared’s cock. There was almost too much of him, and not enough, and Jensen shifted on his knees and opened his throat wide.
“Oh, you’re so pretty like that.” It rose up on a sob, Jared’s legs spreading apart to give Jensen more room. His chest rose and fell with each sweep of Jensen’s tongue, hands and fingers softening in Jensen’s hair, around his neck. A quiet keening took up in the back of Jared’s throat, his hips fucking past Jensen’s lips, and soon Jensen tasted thick heat, a warning. Jared seemed dazed, almost sleepy when he murmured, “Hey, I’m gonna come.”
Jensen pulled off, jacking Jared’s cock and gazing up at the curve of Jared’s neck. The tilt of his open mouth. “Then do it,” he said, soft and steady. Sucked Jared all the way down and held his gaze until Jared’s warm come was trickling down his throat. A part of Jensen still waited to be struck down by some heavenly fire; for taking what was forbidden in the first place, and now taking it away from someone else.
Chad was a good guy, loved Jared. And here Jensen was, the villain of the piece on his knees sucking cock and swallowing Jared’s come like it’d somehow force a bind between them no one else could break.
As if on cue, Jared froze. Breath caught up in his chest and palms laid flat against Jensen’s shoulders. “That was, um.” His cheeks pinkened more in the moonlight, a flash of guilt sweeping across his features and twisting in Jensen’s belly. “Oh god.”
Jensen wanted to grind his teeth together, shake them both because fuck, this was good. This was perfect, and right, and how it should be. But instead he found himself backing away, avoiding the horror in those brown-green eyes and giving Jared a way out. “S’okay…heat of the moment. Didn’t mean anything.”
Jared was silent for several long seconds, and Jensen heard crickets chirping in tandem with the erratic thrum of his heart. “Course it didn’t,” Jared finally said, and Jensen figured he was only imagining the hurt layering the words. “Yeah, it didn’t.”
Jensen watched him bend over, tug his pants back up his hips and move past. Just as he made to round the corner, Jared paused. Turned back around. “Please, I.” His throat worked, features unfamiliar and afraid. His voice dropped a few notches, shuddering along Jensen’s skin like goosebumps. “Please, Jen. Don’t say anything. Okay?”
He was gone before Jensen could string two words together. He sat there, knees aching and cold, and finally came to shaky feet and wiped the back of his mouth. Resisted the urge to bang his head repeatedly against the wall, drive his fist through it. “Fuck.”
He went straight to Jeff’s bedroom, did not pass go, did not collect two hundred dollars, and was glad to find his best friend already asleep and none the wiser to Jensen’s after-hours activities. Jensen managed to toss and turn for an hour before he got up under the pretense of taking a piss.
As he passed by the big bay window, he caught a flash out of the corner of his eye. Pulled back and stared down to find a familiar figure swimming laps in the pool, heated and rushed and obviously looking to burn off a head full of steam. Jensen’s jaw began to ache, and he turned back toward the hall and locked himself in the bathroom until he guessed he could leave the room without running right back to Jared.
He wasn’t aware of how long he huddled there, but by the time he stepped out again, there were wet footprints on the carpet and the scent of chlorine filled Jensen’s nose. He didn’t dare take a peek into Jared’s room as he walked by, but paused when he realized the guest room door was cracked open.
He heard the mattress shift, a soft, “Hey, you.”
“Jared? What’re you doing? Time is it?” Chad’s voice came out sleepy and confused, muffled by the sound of wet kissing that made Jensen flinch in on himself.
“Shh…just missed you,” Jared was saying between licks at Chad’s mouth. Bed springs squeaked, followed by a moan Jensen didn’t want to recognize, and he looked away, refused to give into the stinging behind his eyes. It didn’t stop the play of images through his mind, Jared’s lanky muscles flexing, hips grinding down against Chad’s.
“God, that’s it, yeah…feels so good.”
Jensen licked his lips, tasted bitter musk, Jared, and pushed off of the wall without looking back.
Part 2 | Part 4
[jensen/jared, nc-17, 26K] *notes at the end of fic
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 & Acknowledgments
there's a piece of a puzzle known as life.
by keepaofthecheez.
“I don’t fucking believe it.” Jensen threw his phone across the room, falling back against the sofa with a sigh of disgust. “Not a single flight in or out of Colorado for the next week.”
Jeff was struggling with his bag, huffing and puffing as he tried to shove what looked suspiciously like a pair of salad tongs inside. Jensen wasn’t about to ask. “Dude, I told you. Snow sucks. Gimme a good ol’ Texas heat wave any day.”
Personally, Jensen pretty much agreed. But the Ackles family always did Christmas up big at Jensen’s aunt’s house in Aspen, and thanks to a freak snowstorm that was grounding all flights “until further notice”, it looked like Jensen was gonna be stuck in Austin all by himself. Which was pretty much the definition of “suck” at the moment.
Jeff grunted and managed to get his bag zipped up, then glanced over at Jensen’s sullen features. “Look, you’re more than welcome at my place. You know that.”
Jensen immediately went stiff, looked away and gave the same answer he’d been giving Jeff every time his friend brought it up. “Yeah, thanks but…I’m cool here.”
“Oh, come on, you’ve been putting me off for four years, dude.” Jeff’s voice was easy enough, but there was a spark of concern, curiosity, shadowing his gaze. “I don’t remember you having had such a bad time back then.”
Which was actually the problem in a nutshell. Not that Jeff would ever know, because Jensen had been damn careful to never think back on what had happened between him and Jared. Hadn’t even spoken to Jeff’s little brother since leaving San Antonio, had ignored the occasional email that made its way into his inbox with variations of Jared’s name.
Of course, even those had trickled off over the past several months, and Jensen refused to admit he was curious, hell, desperate for news on Jared. But the only viable source was Jeff, and it was just too risky to go there. He’d made do, settled for tidbits when Jeff felt like dispensing them, and put up a brave face and moved on in the meantime.
“It’s not that,” Jensen hedged, tempted by warm, dangerous memories. “I just. I don’t wanna intrude, you know? Christmas and everything.”
Jeff made a sound that reminded Jensen of their new across-the-hall neighbor after Warren had consumed a few too many burritos from Taco Heaven. “Jensen. Please. My family loves you, even though you’ve shunned them with your pansy-ass excuses over and over again.”
When he put it that way, yeah, Jensen felt pretty shitty.
“Besides, Jared’s bringing home his boyfriend and it’ll be a huge deal…you can help me grill the poor bastard and make JT’s life a livin’ hell. It’ll be fun.” Jeff sat on his suitcase, rubbed his hands together while looking around to see if he’d forgotten anything. He apparently didn’t notice the look of abject horror on Jensen’s face, or the choking sound Jensen was pretty sure was coming from his throat.
“Whoa, what? Jeff, what? Boyfriend?” And that only came out half-way a squeak, so Jensen counted himself lucky.
Jeff blinked, focusing on Jensen. Frowned a little. “Didn’t I tell you? I swear I told you. Or I meant to.” While Jensen was busy gaping, Jeff stood up again, hefted the bag over his shoulder. “Dude, quit fish-facing at me. Don’t tell me you don’t approve or some shit.”
“I just.” Jensen felt a cold sweat beading across his forehead, and tasted bile on the back of his tongue. “Jared’s gay?”
“Loud and proud.” Jeff grimaced, reached out and grabbed the latest issue of Sports Illustrated from off the top of the TV. “Damn. I would’ve been pissed if I’d forgotten this.” He rolled it up, shoved it in his jacket pocket. “Anyway, maybe not totally gay…I’m pretty sure he still appreciates some good T&A on occasion, the greedy bastard. But he’s wearing all this pink lately and if that doesn’t make his intentions clear, I don’t know what does.”
“Jesus, Jeff.” Jensen rubbed a hand down his face. Imagined sweet, seductive Jared Padalecki coming out to his family and friends. Shacking up with some unknown, sleazy guy he probably met at a damn debate tournament or--God forbid--some sweaty football match. A wave of dizziness rushed through him, and he picked up a cushion. Contemplated smashing it against his face. “Jesus.”
“So, you comin’ or not?” Jeff lifted his brows, grabbed his car keys and faced Jensen with an expression that clearly read I am so dragging your ass with me whether you like it or not. Bitch. To add insult to injury, he added, “I hear Warren’s planning a fantastic holiday feast, if that’s more your speed, man--”
“Just let me grab a bag,” Jensen muttered, brushing past his best friend and ignoring the rumble of laughter that followed.
xxx
Not much had really changed since the last time Jensen’d been there, and he stood in Jeff’s parents’ kitchen and accepted hugs and warm welcome and felt like a total heel.
Megan, however, had completely changed, not that she seemed to adore Jensen any less. She just hid it with more grown-up grace and aplomb, a fact which Jensen teased her for mercilessly when she declined to give him a hug at first.
“C’mere, little girl.” He reached out, gathered her up in his arms and heard her giggle against his shoulder. “You grew up pretty, huh?”
“So did you,” was her smart reply, and Jensen shook his head in exasperation when she tossed him a wink, turning on her heel and heading out of the room.
“That girl will be the death of me,” Mrs Padalecki sighed, although a twinkle in her eyes belied the words. “Well, come here and let me get a look at you, Jensen. You know, Megan’s right. I didn’t think it would be possible, but you’re even more handsome now than you were back then.”
“Aw, Jeez, Mom.” Jeff gagged on a mouthful of God only knew what, and screwed his face up at Jensen. “Like the guy needs any more encouragement?”
“It’s okay, ma’am.” Jensen played it up perfectly, polite voice and shy eyes. “I don’t mind being the attractive one.”
A breadstick flew at his head. “Hey!” Everyone laughed, and Jensen slung an arm around Jeff’s shoulders and grinned as his friend shot dark glares around the room.
After several minutes of casual conversation had passed by, Jensen felt comfortable enough to bring up the question burning on his mind. “So, uh, looks like you guys are missing one.”
Since no one looked at him funny, or ran to call the cops on his cradle-robbing ass, he assumed the question came out sounding normal enough.
“Yes, I just got off the phone with JT…he and Chad are about fifteen minutes away.” Mrs Padalecki wiped her hands with a paper towel, apparently not realizing she’d just put a name to Jensen’s Public Enemy #1. “Jeff, why don’t you take y’all’s bags upstairs. I’m giving Chad the guest room, so I’m afraid you and Jensen will have to bunk together.”
“Oh, how will we ever survive?” Jeff deadpanned, managing to avoid the flick of his mother’s wrist. Then he snuck up behind her, dropped a kiss on the top of her head and said, “I’m glad to be home, Ma.”
She was beaming by the time Jeff started up the stairs, and Jensen just smiled. Considered himself damn lucky to still be included with such ease, especially after his less-than courteous response over the past few years. But that was a Padalecki for you, as he well knew.
The front door flew open, a loud voice called out, “Hello? Anybody home?” and Jensen went from comfortable to on-edge within the span of a second. He jumped up from his seat, hands forming fists at his side as footsteps came closer.
“Kitchen!” Mrs Padalecki called happily, turning in time to be caught up in a whirlwind of arms and laughing eyes.
Jensen stared, took in Jared’s appearance like a starving man finding oasis. He could still see the same young, innocent boy he’d known, but there were also plenty of subtle differences that went straight through him and pierced his heart. For one, Jared was no longer a lanky teenager. He’d filled out nicely, arms flexing as he lifted his mother off the floor and buried his face in her neck.
“Missed you,” he whispered, and Jensen felt a pang at the hushed, sincere words. “I got your package, had maybe a taste of those cookies before the entire dorm got a hold of them and well, that was that. And I called Grandma and wished her a happy holiday, don’t think she heard me, but you know.”
The familiar rapid flow of words made Jensen smile, and that was when Jared suddenly went stock-still. Turned to stare straight at Jensen. Jensen saw a million emotions flash through brown-green before a shutter came down and Jared smiled, surprised but distant. “Jensen?”
“Merry Christmas,” he said, dumbly, and gave a tight little nod that Jared returned. Christ, this was awkward, and where the hell was Jeff anyway?
Jared watched him for another moment, jaw working like he wanted to say something else, and then his gaze traveled past Jensen and lit up. “Hey, baby. Come on in.” He brushed past Jensen and went to a figure standing in the doorway, boxes piled in his arms and an uncertain look across his face that Jensen recognized and would’ve felt sympathy for, had Jared not greeted the guy with a kiss and reached down to squeeze his hand.
“Chad, this is everybody.” Jared swept a hand around the room, including Jensen…much to his surprise. “Everybody, Chad. Be nice.”
“Uh, hi.” Chad tried to wave, and Jensen decided his nose was slightly off-center and he had last year’s highlights. Which didn’t necessarily make him unattractive, but it at least made Jensen feel better.
Jeff came clomping down the stairs, eyes falling on the new arrival and devilish anticipation creeping across his face. “And what do we have here?”
Jared sighed as if heavily put-upon. “My brother Jeff. You don’t have to listen to anything he says. Save your brain cells.”
“Now, that hurts, JT.” Jeff came up to stand beside Jensen, leaned until they were shoulder to shoulder and crossed his arms. “Especially since Jensen and I came all this way just to meet your new leading man.”
Jensen’s eyes flicked toward Jared, curious to see what kind of reaction Jeff’s words would produce. But Jared just smiled, albeit a little bit tighter, and Jensen chewed on the inside of his cheek and wished he had a stiff drink.
“Yeah, a whole hour and a half. Congratulations.” Jared glanced toward Jensen, a bit of curiosity finally softening his features. “It’s nice to see you again. Been awhile.”
“Yeah, it has.” Jensen wondered if anyone else could hear the thickness in his voice, could see the goddamn longing in his eyes. “You look good,” he blurted out, then wanted to sink through the floor. Not that anyone seemed to notice, although Jared grinned a little and laughed.
“So do you. Um, I’m glad you’re here,” he said, and Jensen’s belly started to squirm. Then Jared turned toward Chad, beamed so bright it put the sun to shame. “The more the merrier, right?”
Jensen excused himself when Jared leaned in again, figuring Jared had proven his point well enough.
xxx
That first night went better than expected. After the blatant show in the kitchen, Jared apparently calmed down and cooled off on the public displays of affection. Jensen watched him and Chad during dinner, and afterward when Mr and Mrs Padalecki excused themselves for bed and left the “young people” to their own devices.
Jared and Chad sat together on the couch, Jared’s long arm wrapped around his boyfriend’s shoulder as he shouted directions at Megan on how to defeat Jeff at Gran Turismo.
“Shut the hell up, JT!” Megan finally yelled after crashing her Ferrari, and she turned and tossed a handful of popcorn at Jared’s head. “You’re distracting me!”
“You just suck,” Jared decided, slouching back and making faces at the back of his sister’s head. Chad appeared a bit bemused by it all, but Jensen could understand how the Padalecki clan could be a bit overwhelming at first. He wasn’t gonna hold the kid to that…much, anyway.
Then he saw Jared’s hand slide up Chad’s leg, come to rest on his knee, and Jensen’s neutrality went out the fucking window. “I’ll play the winner,” he suddenly announced, wanting anything other than the opportunity to ogle Jared and his new fuck-buddy, boyfriend, whatever in action.
“No way,” Jeff laughed. “Dude, you’re a shark.”
“Oh, what makes you so sure you’re gonna win, anyway?” Megan snapped. “Maybe I’ll win, and maybe I’ll wanna play Jensen!”
“Oh, please. Tell me another one.”
They argued back and forth for a few seconds before Jared said, “I’ll play Jensen. You two need to chill the hell out.”
Jeff and Megan threw their controllers on the floor and shouted, “Fine!” Jensen half-expected them to stick their tongues out at each other, and swallowed a laugh as Megan stormed out of the room. Then caught Jared’s gaze and felt like swallowing something altogether different. Jesus.
“Well?” Jared drawled, sliding off the couch and taking Jeff’s spot on the floor. “You up for it, Ackles?”
How he managed to make that sound so damn dirty and get away with it with three other people in the room, Jensen didn’t know. But he forced a smile, picked up Megan’s abandoned game controls and shrugged his shoulders. “Bring it on…JT.”
Jared’s jaw worked. “First pick?”
“All yours.” Jensen waved a gracious hand, teeth flashing in the darkness. He felt more than saw Jared stiffen up beside him, their shoulders pressed together as Jensen settled in more comfortably with his knees and legs crossed.
Within minutes they were in full-on battle, and Jensen had to admit Jared was no amateur. Jensen was in the lead, but barely, and he could see Jared gaining on him from the toggle-screen. Bit back a curse and took a hairpin curve with tense concentration.
“C’mon, baby, c’mon…” Jared was whispering, skin hot through his shirt as he leaned against Jensen in time with his car. “Oh, yeah. There it is.”
Jensen’s fingers shook at the low hum, causing him to lose several important seconds as he nearly ran his car into the mountain wall. When he glanced over toward Jared, saw the hint of a smile playing along the edges of those lips, he narrowed his eyes. “Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be?” he murmured meaningfully, pressed back into Jared and licked his lips. “Well, come on then. Show me how hard you wanna play.”
It was Jared’s turn to nearly run off course, and Jensen bit back a triumphant smile. Heard Jared’s quiet curse and raced across the finish line with plenty of time to spare.
“And there you have it, folks,” Jeff announced to the room at large. “He’s a fucking shark, I’m tellin’ ya. You only thought you had a chance, JT.”
“Better luck next time,” Jensen offered softly, looking up to meet Jared’s heavy-lidded gaze.
“I don’t think so,” Jared said easily, patting Jensen on the shoulder and coming to his feet. “Anybody want a drink? M’thirsty.”
Jensen watched him leave like his heels were on fire before turning and finding Chad watching him with unreadable eyes. “Wanna play?” he offered, sick, hysterical excitement racing through his veins.
“I’m not big into videogames,” was Chad’s response, but it came out nice enough.
“What the hell are you into?” Jeff asked, and Jensen snickered at the disbelief coloring his voice.
“Sports,” Jared said, coming back into the room with two Cokes in hand. He passed one to Chad and draped an arm around his shoulders. “Chad’s a basketball star back in Buffalo. S’how we met, he schooled me on the court and I was totally and completely infatuated.”
“Or horny,” Jeff coughed into his hand loud enough to wake up the neighbors. Jensen cringed, and Jared grabbed for a handful of Megan’s popcorn.
“Jared’s exaggerating. I’m pretty sure he let me kick his ass just to get a good look at it.” Chad grinned, and Jensen had to admit it did wonders for the guy.
“Well,” Jeff said happily. “I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be sick now, so, whaddya say, Jensen? Heated pool? Skinny dipping?”
Jensen choked a little. “Dude, your parents are upstairs.”
“Eh, they’re on the other side of the house. Besides, this is the one and only time you’ll get to have a willing look at my tight ass. Better enjoy it.” Jeff was already pulling off his shirt, tossing it in a pile in the corner before taking off for the patio doors.
“Wow, see me leap at the chance,” Jensen muttered, but after shooting another look at the Very Happy Couple, he figured there were plenty worse things than getting caught frolicking in the nude by your straight best friend’s parents.
Even in Texas, the middle of December heralded a chill in the air that Jensen couldn’t deny, and he cursed Jeff’s stupid ideas before jumping headfirst into the water. He came up just in time to get clobbered over the head with a noodle and choked on chlorine before leaping at Jeff in an attempt of payback.
They were both waterlogged and exhausted by the time Jeff hauled himself to the shallow end and collapsed against the stairs. “God. We are getting’ old, Jen. All I want’s a glass of milk and a nap.”
Jensen floated on his back, staring up at the stars twinkling like satellites. “Yeah.”
“So, what’d you think?”
Jensen turned his head, dropping his feet to the bottom of the pool as he met Jeff’s curious eyes. “About what?”
“Chad the basketball extraordinaire,” Jeff quoted, pulling a face that let it be known he wasn’t all that impressed.
Jensen dropped his gaze, watching the water ripple around him and shrugging his shoulders as a cool breeze ghosted through the air. “I dunno, man. He seems nice enough.”
“Yeah. Nice. That’s the problem.” Jeff got out of the pool with a heavy sigh, grabbing for a towel and wrapping it around himself. “Fuck nice, dude…that guy’s never gonna keep up with JT. Kid’ll talk a mile around you before you realize he’s said go. Nice ain’t gonna cut it.”
“Aw, look at you.” Jensen smiled a little, wading over toward the ladder. “All concerned and big-brotherly. S’real cute.”
“Don’t tell me you weren’t thinkin’ the same damn thing.” Jeff wagged a finger at him, falling back in a lounge chair and shivering as the chill kicked up again. “I saw you glaring daggers at the guy all through dinner. Thought you were gonna start pelting him with rigatoni for a few minutes there.”
“Was not,” Jensen murmured, but he so had been. Heat crept up his neck, and he thanked God that Jeff had left the patio lights off. Grabbed up a towel and headed for the pile of his clothes. “And it’s none of my business, anyway.”
“Uh-huh. Whatever. I’m your business, and therefore so’s JT.” Jeff followed him, wet feet slicking the ground as Jensen clenched his jaw and struggled not to give into the temptation that was Jeff’s declaration. “Anyway, fine, you be the good cop. I’ll play the bad one.”
“It is your calling in life,” Jensen joked, but he suddenly wasn’t feeling very funny. It didn’t help matters when he got inside and found Jared and Chad making out on the couch, all big hands and wet mouths, and Jensen muttered an apology and booked it for upstairs.
xxx
The next day Jensen got roped into Christmas baking. Jeff bowed out, opting instead to sit at the kitchen counter and mock Jensen’s red and green apron with the reindeer ears that Megan had insisted he wear.
“Christmas spirit, Jensen.” She smirked, tossing him a rolling pin and pulling out the cookie cutters. “And red is so your color.”
“Thanks, cutie pie,” Jensen flirted back, harmless and easy, and Megan flushed real pretty and thwapped him on the side as she passed by.
Jensen had flour up his nose and dough in his hands when Jared made an appearance, looking too damn fine in a navy pull-over and jeans. “What’s goin’ on in here?” he asked, raising a brow at Jensen’s current state, laughter lurking in his eyes. “Aw, honey. You baked.”
Jensen was a little thrown by the careless banter, and reached up to scratch his nose. Left behind another smudge of flour that had his nostrils twitching. Jared just grinned, blessing him after a three-sneeze streak and leaning against the counter to watch from under floppy bangs.
“You’re a lazy bum,” he directed toward Jeff, taking in his brother’s immaculate dress and shaking his head. “Don’t worry, Jensen. You can be my best friend instead.”
“Where’s the ball and chain?” Jeff drawled in reply, stretching out his legs, the picture of innocence. “He still getting some beauty sleep?” The implication being he needed it, of course, which was both ridiculous and solely meant to rile Jared up. Jensen bit back a sigh at the subtle twitch in Jared’s cheek.
“I’m allowing him the courtesy of sleeping in, yeah,” Jared answered, straightening and sending Jensen a dirty look, like this was all somehow his fault. Which, what the fuck? “We’ve got a lot to do today.”
Megan called out from somewhere over Jensen’s shoulder, “Don’t forget my shopping list!”
“Checkin’ it twice,” Jared said, tapping his nose and backing out of the room. Jensen pounded the dough a little harder, sniffling when white powder rose up and calling himself ten different kinds of fool.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa…we’re not making flapjacks here.” Megan shooed him away, tossed a rag at his head and yelled at Jeff to get out of the kitchen, too.
“Thank God,” Jeff said. “I didn’t drag you back home with me to see what a pretty, pretty housewife you’d make, man.”
“Fuck off,” Jensen muttered, still stinging from Jared’s dismissal and wondering when he had turned into a goddamn housewife. He rinsed off in the upstairs bathroom, dried his hands and pulled the door open. Only to run nearly head-on into Jared himself.
“Oh. Hey.” Jensen smiled tightly, moved to brush past, find Jeff and demand they get the hell out of Dodge for a few hours. He got pulled up short instead, turned around to meet Jared’s dark, indecipherable stare. “What’s up, Jay?”
“Listen, I just.” Jared scratched his head, sending Jensen a sheepish grin that matched the sudden flush creeping up his neck. God, Jensen had missed that smile. That voice, and who was he even trying to kid anyway? He was sunk, desperate, frozen to the spot until Jared tugged him closer. Dropped his voice. “I just wanted to thank you, you know?”
“Thank me,” Jensen echoed, staring at the dip in Jared’s mouth and trying not to do something completely stupid like…bite it.
“Yeah, for helping me figure things out.” Jared’s fingers squeezed his for the barest of seconds before dropping away. “If it hadn’t been for you, I don’t think I’d’ve ever really come out and admitted the truth about myself. You really inspired me, Jensen, and I want you to know…I appreciate it, a lot.”
Jensen frowned, hearing the words but not able to reconcile them with the almost painful need flashing through his veins. “Jared…” he began, voice coming out uncertain and uncomfortable, and Jared’s eyes widened. He all but jumped away from Jensen, leaving Jensen trailing off on a huff of confusion.
Jared wouldn’t meet his eyes now, two flags of color burning bright in his cheeks. “I mean, I know I pushed you kinda hard back then…I’m sorry about that. You were right,” he said really fast, and Jensen’s left eye started to twitch. “About it being a bad idea. You were right?”
It came out as a question. Jared’s gaze snapped up, shaky, trapping Jensen in memories of muffled heat and hushed emotion. Jensen licked his lips, saw the way Jared’s gaze dipped for the briefest of instances. Then Jared swayed forward, lids looking heavier than before, and Jensen prepared to reacquaint himself with that gorgeous mouth.
“There you are.” Jeff rounded the corner, all bright smile and dimples that were fucking nothing compared to Jared’s. Jensen fell back against the wall and stared at his best friend while Jared murmured something under his breath and turned to leave. He shouldered past Jeff without a word, and Jeff blinked. “Hey, fuck you very much!”
“Sorry,” Jared called over his shoulder, barely catching Jensen’s eye. “Sorry.”
Fuck. Jensen blew out a breath, trying not to glare when he turned his gaze back to Jeff. “Yeah?”
But Jeff knew him all too well and raised his brows at the bitterness Jensen couldn’t manage to swallow. “O…kay. Is everyone having their period today or something? Megan just took my head off, Jared’s got his panties in a twist…and now you.”
Jensen’s jaw worked, and he shot a frustrated look back to where Jared had disappeared. “S’nothing, Jeff.”
Nothing at all.
xxx
Jensen slipped out some time after dinner, haunting the side porch and digging in his pocket for the pack of smokes he’d sworn to Jeff he’d given up six months ago. For the most part, he had, but then there were times…times when it was suck on a cancer stick or shoot himself in the head. So he puffed on the cigarette, fingers shaky with cold and nerves, and scuffed his toe along the bottom step where grass was edging up along the pavement.
Christ, this had all been a horrible idea from the get-go. He’d known that. He should’ve stayed away; that much was made clear when Jared spent the entire evening ignoring him after their conversation in the hallway. Chad, on the other hand, had been the life of the party. Talking about his and Jared’s time at school in New York, how great and wonderful and fantastic Jared was doing and how proud he was and blah blah blah.
The guy had a pretty decent sense of humor, too, although a bit dry and cynical. And he couldn’t tell a damn joke to save his life, but there was a bit of charm in that. Even Jeff had seemed to warm up to him over oven-roasted potatoes and turkey loaf, and Jensen just wasn’t ready to see his best friend welcome Chad into the family with open arms. It was damn hypocritical, but as long as he had Jeff, he could still pretend there was some weird chance Jared would wizen up and realize Chad wasn’t right for him.
Of course, as long as he had Jeff he could never do a thing about it if that happened, either.
“You are so busted,” came a soft voice, and Jensen spun around to find Megan coming toward him. She was wrapped up in a thick, woven blanket. Hair loose and tumbling around her shoulders, big eyes and wry smile, and Jensen suddenly felt too cheap, too dirty, to be around her.
“Uh,” he scrambled to his feet, nearly dropping his cigarette in an effort to hide it. He knew he had to look ridiculous, but hell. “I can explain?”
Megan snorted, reaching out and planting a hand square against Jensen’s chest. A single push, and Jensen was on his ass again. “Oh, shut up. Why the hell do you think I’m out here? Lemme try one of those.” She sat next to him, reaching over and plucking a slim cigarette from Jensen’s pocket. Jensen stared in something akin to horror as she stuck it between her lips, then leaned over to touch the tip to Jensen’s. “God. I fucking hate Christmas.”
Despite himself, Jensen sputtered around a disbelieving laugh and flicked the sprig of holly tucked behind her ear. “Okay. Who are you?”
Megan stretched her legs out. “Seriously, Jensen. Don’t tell me it doesn’t piss you off, too.” She huffed, pulling the cigarette out and coughing just a little. “It’s sick, is what it is.”
Jensen scratched his head, wondering if he could be arrested for watching a minor smoke up and finding it a little hilarious. “Can I buy a vowel?” He lifted his hands, dropped them back into his lap. “I’m completely lost here, Meg.”
“Chad Michael Murray,” Megan drawled it out like an oath, then threw her cigarette on the ground and stomped it out in a fit of teenage frustration. “Nasty habit, Jensen. And God, all of their ‘big city plans’. None of that’s Jared, you know? And yet he just sits there and lets that guy speak for him and say how it’s gonna be, and what is that, Jensen?”
Jensen sucked in a breath, looking sharply away. “You’re asking the wrong person, honey. It’s Jared’s life. Ain’t got nothin’ to do with me.” Same words he’d given Jeff, and yet they still rang as hollow now as they had then.
“Bullshit,” was Megan’s soft reply. After a long beat of silence, she added, “You know. I always kind of…when Jared came out and told us he was gay and all?”
Jensen swung his gaze back to hers, half-afraid to hear anymore.
“I kind of always hoped, maybe it’d be you. Isn’t that silly?” Megan sighed, leaning back and staring up at the sky. “I mean, you guys barely know each other…hell, we barely know each other. Just doesn’t really feel that way.”
Jensen’s jaw worked, throat clogged thick and tight. When it came, his voice was a mixture of pitiful sarcasm that fell just a little too flat. “So silly. How old are you again, baby doll?
Megan clucked her tongue and slugged him in the shoulder. “Old enough to see you’re just as mad about this as I am. Don’t deny it.”
“I’m not,” Jensen said truthfully. “Mad.” His brows drew together, lips curving into a frown as he stared at the cigarette hanging from between his fingers. “I’m not mad.”
“Then what are you?”
Jensen’s neck nearly snapped in two as he turned to see Jared standing there, half-hidden by the shadows. Gaze burning bright as diamonds. “Jared,” he said stupidly, noting Megan going stiff by his side. “Hey, we were just--”
“Yeah, I got it, thanks.” Jared’s voice rang out, cold and like a stranger’s. He held Jensen’s helpless gaze for all of a minute before looking toward Megan. “Do me a favor, and don’t.”
“Shit,” Megan muttered when he stormed off, but her voice shook on the word. “I-I better go after him. He’s been in a bad mood since he got here, and I just--”
“No, I’ll do it.” Jensen stood up and dropped his cigarette, squishing the filter with his toe and sending Megan a reassuring smile that didn’t calm him down one bit. “It’ll be fine, honey. I doubt it’s got anything to do with you, okay?”
He left her sitting on the porch, pulse a rapid drum in his chest as he headed off in the direction Jared had taken. Words sprang to his tongue, apologies, regrets, and then he saw the pool house light and was assaulted with different phrases, snatches of memory.
“Not your fault, I’m real cute.”
He rounded the corner, saw Jared leaning against the side of the pool house and gripping the stone mortar so hard Jensen imagined it cracking between his fingers. He could tell the instant Jared realized he was there, but Jared didn’t make a move toward or away.
Jensen stood there a beat, then sighed. “Look, I’m sorry if you thought…Megan was just runnin’ her mouth. She’s fourteen and worried, nothin’ more than that, Jared.”
Jared’s knuckles went white. “What’re you even doing here, Jensen?” he demanded, voice sounding raw, unused. He turned just a little, just enough so that Jensen could see the anger and frustration coloring his face. Could feel it all just a little bit deeper. “You haven’t bothered showing up in…” He trailed off, gritting his teeth together. “This is all so you and Jeff can have a laugh at my expense or some shit.”
“Is that what this is about? Because Jeff mocked your boyfriend?” Jensen didn’t mean for it to sound so condescending, but he was run ragged, confused, hungry and Jared was right there and yet so far away Jensen couldn’t touch.
“No, it’s because you weren’t here!” It exploded out of Jared’s mouth, his eyes wide and dilated, and Jensen took an instinctive step back just as Jared pressed closer. “You weren’t fucking here, Jensen, so shut up!”
“I’m here now,” Jensen said, soft and inviting, wanting so badly to reach out and smooth away the frustrated wrinkle in Jared’s brow. Mouth along that hard, stubborn jaw until it softened and responded. “You wanna punish me for caring enough to back off, Jay? Go ahead then, I won’t stop you.”
Jared’s eyes gleamed in the dark; their breathing was a harsh melody of suppressed anger and helpless connection. One minute Jensen was standing there, waiting for Jared to throw a punch, storm away, anything, and the next he was on his knees on the cold, stone tile and pressing his cheek to Jared’s thigh.
“God, please, suck me,” Jared hissed, big hands cupping Jensen’s cheeks and fingers brushing over the swell of Jensen’s mouth. “Please, Jen, your lips are so…wanna feel ‘em.”
It was like being catapulted back four years, back to a warm bed and hot sex, and Jensen was lost. Had been the first moment he’d looked up and found Jared staring back at him. On a low groan, he turned his head, hands trailing up the backs of Jared’s thighs. Jared stood straight, stiff, soft oaths burning his tongue when Jensen’s hands found the curve of his ass. Squeezed.
“Don’t fucking tease me.” Gruff, tight, and Jared thrust his hips, let denim drag rough across Jensen’s lips. “Suck my dick.”
The clipped tone shot a pang through Jensen, so at odds with the sweet pleading from moments before. But Jared was so heavy and hard, so fucking ready to be blown by Jensen, and Jensen wasn’t any stronger now than he’d been years before. He hooked his fingers in the waist of Jared’s jeans, pulled hard, and then Jared was against his lips. Hot, wet, full on aching for everything Jensen wanted to give him.
That first taste brought a groan to both of their lips, and Jensen looked up from under his lashes to find Jared staring down at him. Mouth pressed together, eyes dark and slitted. And yet, the flush across his cheeks was so pretty and youthful, made Jensen’s pulse thicken up. He caught Jared by the hips, opened his mouth and pressed a sucking kiss against Jared’s cock.
Jared’s breath hitched, his fingers shaky as he dragged them through the short tufts of Jensen’s hair. “Oh,” he muttered between his teeth, Jensen’s mouth hard at work. “Fuck, Jen.”
Jensen closed his eyes, let Jared’s throaty encouragement wrap around him, and sank into the task of licking Jared’s cock. There was almost too much of him, and not enough, and Jensen shifted on his knees and opened his throat wide.
“Oh, you’re so pretty like that.” It rose up on a sob, Jared’s legs spreading apart to give Jensen more room. His chest rose and fell with each sweep of Jensen’s tongue, hands and fingers softening in Jensen’s hair, around his neck. A quiet keening took up in the back of Jared’s throat, his hips fucking past Jensen’s lips, and soon Jensen tasted thick heat, a warning. Jared seemed dazed, almost sleepy when he murmured, “Hey, I’m gonna come.”
Jensen pulled off, jacking Jared’s cock and gazing up at the curve of Jared’s neck. The tilt of his open mouth. “Then do it,” he said, soft and steady. Sucked Jared all the way down and held his gaze until Jared’s warm come was trickling down his throat. A part of Jensen still waited to be struck down by some heavenly fire; for taking what was forbidden in the first place, and now taking it away from someone else.
Chad was a good guy, loved Jared. And here Jensen was, the villain of the piece on his knees sucking cock and swallowing Jared’s come like it’d somehow force a bind between them no one else could break.
As if on cue, Jared froze. Breath caught up in his chest and palms laid flat against Jensen’s shoulders. “That was, um.” His cheeks pinkened more in the moonlight, a flash of guilt sweeping across his features and twisting in Jensen’s belly. “Oh god.”
Jensen wanted to grind his teeth together, shake them both because fuck, this was good. This was perfect, and right, and how it should be. But instead he found himself backing away, avoiding the horror in those brown-green eyes and giving Jared a way out. “S’okay…heat of the moment. Didn’t mean anything.”
Jared was silent for several long seconds, and Jensen heard crickets chirping in tandem with the erratic thrum of his heart. “Course it didn’t,” Jared finally said, and Jensen figured he was only imagining the hurt layering the words. “Yeah, it didn’t.”
Jensen watched him bend over, tug his pants back up his hips and move past. Just as he made to round the corner, Jared paused. Turned back around. “Please, I.” His throat worked, features unfamiliar and afraid. His voice dropped a few notches, shuddering along Jensen’s skin like goosebumps. “Please, Jen. Don’t say anything. Okay?”
He was gone before Jensen could string two words together. He sat there, knees aching and cold, and finally came to shaky feet and wiped the back of his mouth. Resisted the urge to bang his head repeatedly against the wall, drive his fist through it. “Fuck.”
He went straight to Jeff’s bedroom, did not pass go, did not collect two hundred dollars, and was glad to find his best friend already asleep and none the wiser to Jensen’s after-hours activities. Jensen managed to toss and turn for an hour before he got up under the pretense of taking a piss.
As he passed by the big bay window, he caught a flash out of the corner of his eye. Pulled back and stared down to find a familiar figure swimming laps in the pool, heated and rushed and obviously looking to burn off a head full of steam. Jensen’s jaw began to ache, and he turned back toward the hall and locked himself in the bathroom until he guessed he could leave the room without running right back to Jared.
He wasn’t aware of how long he huddled there, but by the time he stepped out again, there were wet footprints on the carpet and the scent of chlorine filled Jensen’s nose. He didn’t dare take a peek into Jared’s room as he walked by, but paused when he realized the guest room door was cracked open.
He heard the mattress shift, a soft, “Hey, you.”
“Jared? What’re you doing? Time is it?” Chad’s voice came out sleepy and confused, muffled by the sound of wet kissing that made Jensen flinch in on himself.
“Shh…just missed you,” Jared was saying between licks at Chad’s mouth. Bed springs squeaked, followed by a moan Jensen didn’t want to recognize, and he looked away, refused to give into the stinging behind his eyes. It didn’t stop the play of images through his mind, Jared’s lanky muscles flexing, hips grinding down against Chad’s.
“God, that’s it, yeah…feels so good.”
Jensen licked his lips, tasted bitter musk, Jared, and pushed off of the wall without looking back.
Part 2 | Part 4