there moves a thread that has no end [jared padalecki/jensen ackles, nc-17, 20K]
Title: there moves a thread that has no end.
Author: keepaofthecheez
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles (minor Jensen/OMC’s, Jensen/OFC’s)
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 | m/m slash, real person fiction, abuse of schmoop
Word Count: 20,209 words.
Summary: Sometimes you get a second chance to see what’s right in front of you.
Notes: See end of fic. Written for spn_j2_bigbang.
There moves a thread that has no end: Part 3.
By keepaofthecheez.
Take Four.
“Get up, princess. We’re spending the day together!”
This time, Jensen’s too tired to argue. Just grabs Jared by the wrist, tumbling his co-star to the bed and throwing a leg over his hips. “Don’t wanna go to school, mommy,” he groans, and Jared relaxes, lets out a laugh.
“You snuggle with your mom, dude?”
Okay, yeah. He hadn’t really thought that one out yet.
“Don’t judge me.” Jensen pops one eye open to find Jared grinning at him from a few inches away. Ignoring the jump in his pulse, Jensen rolls onto his back and grunts. “What’re you up to, Jay?”
As if he didn’t know.
And just that easily, Jared’s back up and running. “Big plans, Jensen. We’re gonna go out, see the sights.” He rubs his hands together, slants Jensen a mock-reproving glare. “You know, the ones we’ve never bothered with because we live like fucking vampires.”
Jensen just smiles.
“So, get your lazy ass up! Maybe you could wear that green shirt, makes your eyes all pretty,” Jared teases, and Jensen slides both hands behind his head. Watches Jared with hooded eyes, determined not to let the goddamn longing show.
“Green shirt’s dirty.”
“Well, damn, I just bet you can find something else…would you get the hell up--”
“What do you think it means, a person keeps repeating the same mistake over and over?” The words are out before Jensen even realizes he’s thinking them, and he swallows hard when Jared turns around. Stares at him with an expression Jensen’s never really seen his friend wear.
It feels like hours before Jared walks over, sits down on the edge of Jensen’s bed like he’s afraid Jensen might bolt if he gets too close. Which, he’s not exactly wrong. “Maybe sometimes you have to, ‘til you finally get it right.” Calm, reassuring, and Jensen wants to fucking cry.
“Yeah, maybe.” They’re both quiet for so long, Jensen’s afraid maybe he’s missed his chance. Then Jared looks up, cat-eyes full of light and humor and every-fucking-thing that’s made Jensen fall in love with the son of a bitch from day one to day a-thousand-and-one.
“What do you say…” Jensen clears his throat, can’t quite meet Jared’s gaze anymore. Just stares somewhere south of his nose and hopes. “We don’t gotta go anywhere, you know. Could stay here, just you and me.”
It’s slow coming, but Jared’s smile is sure and strong. “Well, hell. S’all I really wanted, Jen.”
xxx
They haven’t gone anywhere but the bed, watching old cartoons and mocking the teenage crowd on MTV. Between blindingly colorful and explicit music videos, Jensen reluctantly admits what he’s been up to for the past month. Expects Jared to go apeshit at the very least, call the mental ward and have him locked up at worst.
But Jared doesn’t say anything at all, and the moment passes by with the start of Nelly’s latest. Jensen’s not sure if it’s a good thing or not, but then Jared’s arm is pressed up against his own, and not a damn bit of it matters.
At least, not until an hour later. Television turned off, the both of them just lying there, staring at the ceiling and bullshitting about every damn thing they can think of that won’t hit too close. Mean too much.
Jensen looks over, catches sight of the happy flush on Jared’s cheeks. The sleepy tilt of his eyes, and he blurts out, “So, I’m completely crazy. You know that, right?”
“Nah,” Jared says after a lingering second. “M’friend from home, swears Sasquatch lives in his grandma’s backyard.”
Something hot bubbles up Jensen’s throat, and then he’s laughing. Fucking giggling, might as well admit, and why the hell had he ever thought it would be a big deal to tell Jared?
Jared’s grinning right back at him, eyes and lips soft, and Jensen’s chuckles eventually die down, thrusting them both back into a somewhat comfortable silence. Jensen’s nearly asleep when he vaguely feels Jared shift, coming closer.
“So, I guess you’ve done this a lot,” Jared says, a bit bashfully. He’s so close now, warm breath fans across Jensen’s cheek. “Must’ve been pretty annoying.”
“Never did this,” Jensen murmurs, and imagines he feels Jared’s lips brush his brow.
xxx
There’s a moment of panic when Jensen comes awake, until he glances at the clock, sees it’s only a few hours later.
Still the same day. Nothing’s changed, not really.
He catches sight of Jared talking on his cell over by the bathroom, soft tones and low drawl. Rubbing his eyes, Jensen sits up on an elbow and Jared glances over. Smiles.
“Yeah, see you soon.” A beat. “I will, ma.”
Oh. Right.
Mood plummeting, Jensen forces an answering smile and waits, struggles to wake up more as Jared finishes his call and comes over to sit on the bed. “You gotta go,” Jensen says without prompting, because hell, apparently he’s picked up Jared’s knack for the obvious.
“Getting close.” Jared doesn’t sound much happier about it, but that could just be Jensen’s wishful thinking again.
“Well.” Jensen swings both legs over, levers himself up. “Lemme get dressed then.”
Jared nods, although it looks like he’s got something else he wants to say. Jensen sticks close, just in case he decides he wants to let it out.
After several seconds, Jared just smiles weakly, and Jensen knows it’s over. He tries not to let it surprise him, or matter, and turns toward the closet. Struggles not to bury himself in there and never come out again, because he’s a gigantic fucking girl.
Then, hesitant, “Jen, I--”
A loud thump at the door interrupts Jared, followed by an all-too-familiar curse, and Jensen hangs his head. Laughs softly, because it’s probably just as well he never gets to hear the end of that sentence.
“Room service!” Mike calls from behind the door, voice high-pitched and ridiculous. “Want me fluff your pillow? Jerk you off? Drive you to airport?”
“You’re a total loser, you know that?” But Tom sounds as amused as always.
Dragging a shirt over his head--the goddamn green one, of course--Jensen walks over, fleetingly catching Jared’s gaze, and opens the door. “Would you lunatics shut the hell up before someone calls security?”
“Well, maybe if we hadn’t had to track you assholes down in the first place, we’d be more inclined to agree with your demands,” Mike says primly.
Jensen fights not to rub his temples. Feels dark eyes burning into his back. “Whatever, look….let’s just go.”
So they do.
xxx
Tom wags a finger. “Call us everyday. Don’t talk to strangers.”
“And don’t drink the water,” Mike says. Everyone groans.
Jared turns toward Jensen, expectant eyes and pursed lips, and Jensen has half a mind to screw it all, everyone, and show Jared exactly why he ought to be rethinking this whole fucking trip to Texas.
There’s plenty for him here, in Vancouver, and Jensen just wishes he could believe it was all that simple.
“Guess this is the end of the line, cowboy.” He doesn’t choke on the words, though it’s a near thing. Wonders why this feels more like a goodbye than his leaving Richardson ever did. It’s not like they won’t be back, like he won’t see Jared again.
Hell, it’s not even like any of this is gonna matter, anyway. Tomorrow’ll be today, and that’s just the fucking way it’s always gonna be. He’s given up hope on it ever changing.
Jared’s smile is more than a bit unreadable, but Jensen doesn’t sense that anything’s really wrong. “Guess so,” he says, almost shy, and Jensen’s belly clenches. They stand there, awkward and holding back…something.
Everything, maybe.
“Aw, come on, guys,” Mike finally wheedles from somewhere behind him. “Jensen, I know you’re not into PDA, but give your boy a damn hug. He’s gonna be gone all--”
He’s got an armful of Padalecki before he can remember moving, closing the distance and wrapping his arms hard around Jared’s neck. He hears a little laugh, Jared’s surprised voice murmuring, “Jensen” and buries his nose down against the collar of Jared’s shirt.
Tom and Mike are making obnoxious kissy sounds behind them, but Jensen knows…it’s no fucking joke. Not when Jared’s got one hand pressed tight to the small of his back, the other tangled up in the short tufts of Jensen’s hair. Not when he can feel how fast Jared’s heart’s beating, and knows his own is gonna leave a mark when this is all said and done.
“Be seeing you.” He pulls back, clearing his throat while Jared’s arms fall limply to his sides.
Then his fist connects with Jensen’s shoulder, eyes glowing bright and hopeful. “Yeah, you will. Asshole.”
“Okay, now you two girls are seriously gonna make me cry.”
“Shut up, Mike,” everyone says at once, but truth be told, Jensen’s more than a little glad for the interruption.
xxx
Jensen’s halfway through the special feature on HBO--Sleepless in fucking Seattle, of course--when there’s a knock on the door.
He contemplates just ignoring it, not like he really wants to see anyone who doesn’t have crazy hair and dimples anyway. Then he figures it might be someone with the hotel come to tell him the place is on fucking fire or whatever.
Maybe if his suite burned down, he’d finally be out of this goddamn mess.
That darkly amusing thought in mind, Jensen pushes up, running a hand through his hair and hitching the loose band of his pants up his hips. Opens the door, wisecrack on the tip of his tongue.
Jared stares back at him, windblown and flushed, and Jensen’s sarcasm curls up into a ball and dies.
“Missed your flight.” He pulls the door shut and leans up against it. Totally unconcerned, except for the thread of fucking hope that just. Won’t. Die.
Jared’s eyes are dark, lips curved. “I needed to take a break.”
“So, then why the hell are you here?” Jensen takes in the bags at Jared’s feet, the worried-yet-determined look highlighting those familiar features. I finally get him to the damn airport, and he fucks it all up.
“Well, seems like I heard somewhere no one can resist the infamous Ackles ass.” Jared’s smile takes a turn for wry mischief, and Jensen’s belly goes warm even as Jared steps forward, trapping him against the door. Wide lips spread apart, and Jensen licks his in return. “Apparently, it’s true.”
“Jay--”
“Shut the fuck up, man.” And then Jared’s mouth is there, right there, and Jensen’s got two seconds to make a decision before they’re both bare-ass naked in the hallway.
Grabbing Jared’s arm, he kicks the door open, shoves Jared inside. Finds himself slammed up against the wall and Jared eating at his mouth like Jensen’s a fucking free buffet and, oh god.
“Fuck.” He’s not sure which one of them says it, groans it, but Jensen’s the one who takes advantage of it. Slides his hand down between them, palming the hard length of dick Jared’s pumping against his fingers.
“You stupid, stupid…” Jared laughs, bottom lip between his teeth and eyes heavy. “Didn’t wanna go, Jensen. You stupid fucking idiot, made me not wanna go.”
Jensen licks up and under his ear, fingers curled and curved around Jared’s cock, dragging out little throaty purrs of satisfaction. “Yeah, well. Don’t get me started on you, asshole.”
Jared grins, forehead against Jensen’s, and just like that, everything slows down. There’s none of that frantic gotta-do-it-now, just a calm sense of oh yeah, this is right.
They wind up on the bed, so much like before, and so completely different.
Jensen glances over, lips curved into a soft grin, and Jared’s watching him. Stroking him with those lazy cat-eyes, and something in Jensen goes hot and tight even before the first husky, “Jen.”
A questioning sound from down deep in his throat, and he pretends not to notice when Jared shifts closer, all body and heat. Then Jared’s hand is resting high on his thigh, and Jensen can’t pretend anymore--doesn’t know how, doesn’t want to. He looks sideways, meets Jared’s gaze, licking his lips as tension scores his nerves raw.
“Jensen, I just.” A pause, sigh of breath as gentle as the breeze blowing in through the open window. “If I could’ve done it all over…”
And just like that, Jensen gets it. He doesn’t waste time on the irony of the situation, just lets the relief rise up and choke him, wash over, squeezes Jared’s hand and whispers back, “Forget about it.”
Come morning, you will anyway.
And That’s a Wrap.
Jensen knows he’s being watched, something slow and sluggish making it hard for him to fully wake up. Denial, probably. He refuses to think about that, to mourn everything that happened and could’ve happened if he’d only done something better. Something more.
He’s had enough of “What if” to last a lifetime.
Waiting on that first gleeful bounce to end it all, thrust him back into the daily loop and grind, he lies there for a moment. Eyes closed, soft words, promises, fading into distant memory.
“Hey.”
His eyes pop open. Scan the clock--morning, all right--before freezing on Jared, on the smile tilting the corners of his lips, lighting up sleep-heavy hazel eyes. Everything breaks apart inside, rushing to put back together, and all Jensen can manage is a stilted, “So you’re still here.”
“Still here,” Jared echoes, rubbing the tip of that upturned nose against Jensen’s neck. A soft brush of lips follows, and Jensen shivers, reaches out and comes up with broad shoulders and lean hips. “Not going anywhere, either,” Jared adds, lower, quieter, and Jensen plans to deny the choked sob that escapes his throat then and there until the day he dies.
“Thank fucking God.” He swallows Jared’s guttural laugh with his mouth. Rolls over onto his side, fingers sinking deep into Jared’s hair and pulling him closer.
Jared mouths up under his jaw, hands crawling the length of Jensen’s back. He finally settles down between Jensen’s spread legs, hips rocking, mouth licking, sucking. Jensen lets out a rumbly growl, lifts up and tries to rub off against Jared’s thigh, hot and desperate and--
“Wait.” It comes out rough and sharp, has Jensen going still, meeting Jared’s gaze. He relaxes a bit upon seeing the mirrored excitement there, then goes back to wondering what the fuck?
“What? Too fast?” It’s hard to get out, flushed, eager, trying not to let any disappointment shine through. He’s near-on throbbing all over, and knows Jared can feel it, too. God help him if Jared’s not ready to…not ready to do something, because Jensen’s barely holding it together and at this point, he’s not above humping the wall.
Jared’s lashes flutter on a slow blink, and he leans down, rests his forehead to Jensen’s. “What are we, a couple of girls?”
Jensen’s a little surprised to realize that the laughter ringing out belongs to him. Slugs Jared in the shoulder and rears up, teeth closing around the lobe of Jared’s ear. “Then fuck me, damn it. Jesus Christ, suffered enough, haven’t I--”
Jared sits up, jerks Jensen’s pants down past his hips. “Don’t worry, Jen. Gon’ fuck you.” Chuckles deep, sending goosebumps scattering up Jensen’s arms. “Just wanted to see your face first, is all.”
“See my face every fucking day.” But Jensen’s not exactly complaining, oh no. Not when Jared slides him a grin from under floppy bangs, peppering kisses down Jensen’s chest and looking like he’s nowhere near stopping.
Dropping a hand down--finally--into that dark mess, Jensen’s fingers clench curls and his voice goes gruff. “Thought I…” Jared’s lips wrap around a nipple, and Jensen gives a playful shimmy. “Thought I wasn’t your type.”
Jared’s laugh is edged with husky mirth, his mouth slick, eyes dancing. “That’s what makes this so much fun.” He presses his face into Jensen’s belly, taking a shallow bite of abdomen and dragging a groan from Jensen’s throat while working his own pants down his hips. “Lucky for you, I’ve got a, uh, open mind.”
Hope that ain’t all that’s open, Jensen thinks dumbly, waiting with bated breath while Jared mouths past his navel, licking a warm, wet stripe down the curve of his waist. When he takes Jensen’s hip into his mouth, sucking a blood-bruise to the surface, Jensen’s head falls back with a desperate, “Oh god, Jay, c’mon.”
Letting go, Jared blinks innocently and rests his chin low on Jensen’s belly. Dick pointing straight toward those pretty pink lips, Jensen bites down on his own and struggles not to buck up, slide right on in where he wants to be.
“Don’t rush me. I’m tryin’ to learn you here.” Jared's fingers tease up Jensen’s thigh. His eyes are lit up, burning hot, and Jensen shudders from the sound of that deep gravel tone skittering down across his skin.
“You teachers’ kids…fucking perfectionists,” he grumbles without heat, and Jared snorts.
And then, christ almighty, Jared’s hand slides over his hip, grasping his dick and squeezing tight. Jensen lets out a throaty moan, fucks snug fist, and through blurred vision he catches sight of the triumph glittering in Jared’s eyes just seconds before slick heat screws down around his cock.
There’s no use denying it…he’s been waiting for exactly this since that moment months ago, with Jared on his knees, eyes squeezed tight, dick in his mouth. The fact that it’s Jensen now, and not some nameless faceless moron who doesn’t fucking deserve the air Jared breathes is just…
Well, thank god.
“So, you, uh, you weren’t kidding.” Jensen swallows, sits up on an elbow and pets Jared on the head. Groans when Jared makes a questioning sound that shoots pleasurable vibrations up Jensen’s dick. “About being totally fucking gay.”
Lips curved, Jared shakes his head. Grabs Jensen’s thighs and settles broad shoulders between his legs. Those dark, sooty lashes come down again, and Jensen chews his lip, watches Jared suck him down like every dirty fantasy he’s entertained for far longer than he cares to admit.
His own eyes close, and he’s just getting into the rhythm of things, little grunts and groans of encouragment--oh yeah, little more…fuck, right there--when he feels the first press of knuckle. Pressing up tight, inviting Jensen to relax, open up. Let him in.
Gaze flying wide open, he finds Jared watching him. Reading every twist and whimper, and Jensen nearly swallows his tongue when Jared’s mouth slides lower. Following the crease of hip and thigh, leaving slick warmth behind. Then he can’t see Jared’s mouth anymore, but he can fucking feel it, for damn sure, and lets loose with sloppy oaths even as he struggles to wrap his mind around what’s happening.
“Jesus,” he gets out, staring at the ceiling, throat working. “Going for the gold or something?”
Jared’s lapping steadily, and doesn’t answer except for to reach up and still Jensen’s twitching hips. Slides his hands up further, past belly and chest, until he finds Jensen’s own fists clenched tight and white-knuckled. The second Jensen looks down again, sees Jared’s gaze locked on him while that talkative tongue plays dirty, things go a bit gray around the edges.
He hears himself crying out, tempting Jared to do more, lick faster. That long finger returns, circling and stretching, and then there’s two. Jensen’s cursing a blue streak, but damned if he wants Jared to stop. Just reaches down, grabs hold of Jared’s wrist and mutters something under his breath that has Jared’s brows lifting.
“You’re real easy, Jen, you know that?”
“Fuck me harder, you fucking fuck,” Jensen grits out, and Jared laughs. Sits up a little, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and, goddamn. Not fair how hot that is.
“How many?” Jared’s voice is rough like sun-cracked gravel, and he shifts so he’s hovering over Jensen. Fingers buried deep, eyes watchful.
Jensen makes a sound he’s not sure is a reply, and Jared bends lower.
Purrs: “Tell me how you like it.”
Jensen bucks his hips, and when Jared lifts up, he rolls over onto his belly and reaches back. Finds Jared’s hand, pulls it down and around his hip. “Show you instead.”
Luckily, his pants haven’t gone too far, so it’s no big thing to reach down, rummage around in his pocket and find what he needs. Foil packet in hand, Jensen twists his neck, meets Jared’s wide-blown eyes with a devilish smirk. Thrusts the condom into Jared’s hand. “Now, now…don’t be a fool, Jared.”
The curse that follows has Jensen laughing like nothing else, and it’s the first time that’s ever happened when he’s six seconds away from getting fucked into the mattress.
“Gonna fucking come before I even get in you,” Jared’s laughing too, and Jensen hisses through his teeth when Jared’s cock brushes up against his ass. He’s got no illusions--Jared’s fucking huge, and it’s been awhile since he took it like this--it’s probably gonna hurt like hell.
As if he’s reading Jensen’s mind, Jared quiets, goes still. There’s a moment of crackling silence before Jared leans down, nuzzles the side of Jensen’s neck like the overgrown puppy dog Jensen’s often accused him of being. In fact, it actually reminds Jensen a little of Harley, and he can’t decide if that thought’s amusing or disturbing, so he lets it go with a soft snort.
“You okay?” Long fingers at his hips, thick pads circling, and Jensen rolls his neck. Meets concern with blazing intent. “Cause we don’t have to right this minute, Jen. I mean, I’m more’n happy to just--”
“You talk too damn much, Padalecki.” Soft, persuasive. “You don’t wanna do this, then we won’t. But don’t go and turn it around on me because I’m just fine--”
He’s fully expecting the sharp growl, the nip of teeth and swipe of tongue, and grins into the pillow when Jared hisses out a filthy curse and grabs him by the hips. Lines right up and dives on in.
Motherfucking son of a bitch.
Jensen’s just glad Jared got him good and wet first, opened him nice and slow, because that’s the only viable explanation as to how this is even working, and then Jared pulls back. Groans deep, shaking so bad Jensen can feel the vibrations inside.
“S’all right,” he manages through thick tongue and voice, hip-roll and rock. “It’s fine, Jay, keep…keep goin’.”
“Am I hurting you?”
Warm breath against his jaw, and Jensen rolls his shoulders. Shakes his head. Moans a little, because he’s got a fucking Jared-size hole deep inside that needs filling, and this ain’t the time for second thoughts.
“Don’t gimme that hurts-so-good crap, either,” Jared whispers, nipping his chin, and Jensen smirks. “Tell me the truth.”
“Only thing hurts is that you’re still talkin’,” Jensen cracks, although hearing Jared’s bedroom voice is hardly a sin or a punishment.
“Yeah?” Affection weighs down the word, and Jared kisses the nape of his neck. “I think you like it when I talk. Think you always have.”
Jensen opens his mouth, sarcasm deep enough to drown a sailor on his tongue, and then Jared moves. Thrusts, slick-slide of cock and Jensen just groans out, “Yeaaah.”
He’s never really been the pillow-biting type, but damned if Jared hasn’t turned him into one--fingers clawing at the sheets, hips a steady rock and roll. If that’s not good enough, Jared’s making the sweetest, sweetest sounds. Saying Jensen’s name over and over, like some kind of porn video on track-skip.
Before things get too close to call, Jensen raises up on his elbows, looks back best he can to meet that dark, heavy gaze. “Got anything else you wanna say?”
Jared’s teeth flash, his fingers tighten at Jensen’s hips, cock surging deep. “You?”
And Jensen knows just how to turn that smile back on itself. “Yeah. I love you, you fucking freak of nature.”
Sure enough, Jared’s grin slips, his eyes go big and wet, then close on a choked, “Jesus, Jen.”
“Now show me what you got, Padalecki.” Back arched, stretched out, cock near to bursting. Grin a mile wide.
And if there’s one thing Jared Padalecki enjoys, Jensen knows, it’s a challenge. So it’s no time at all before they’re both sweaty and spent, come splashed up the inside of Jensen’s forearm, hot and sticky on his fingers, and that’s about how he likes it.
Jared collapses next to him, features flushed, eyes crossed as he tugs at the condom. “Ugh.”
Jensen rolls over and lets out a sigh, hands behind his head and lips spread. “Hot damn.”
Jared snorts, shifts his hips and pulls Jensen up close. “Yeah, yeah. Love you, too, stumpy.”
“Took ya long enough.” Jensen can’t keep the smug self-satisfaction out of his voice, and doesn’t bother trying to hide his smile when Jared twists his neck to look at him.
“Always loved you, Jensen.” The words are solemn, but Jared’s grinning like a fool and it eases whatever instinctive pressure that wants to weigh Jensen down. And then Jared’s weighing him down, hips up against Jensen’s, nose pressed to his own. Jensen reaches up, tangles his fingers in that mess of hair, and those goddamn adorable dimples flash. “Now’s just…a little bit different.”
Jensen snorts, feeling just how different in the weight of Jared’s cock grinding against his hip. “Shit, I’d say so.” He cocks a brow, feigns a pained sigh. “This gonna be one of things like where I feed you, and fifteen minutes later you’re hungry again--”
Jared clears his throat. “Thin line between love and kicking your scrawny but sexy ass on back to Podunk.”
Jensen rolls his eyes, but can’t wipe the silly grin off his face. Nothing’s changed, everything’s changed, and hell.
Damned if it’s not perfect after all.
The End
Part 2 | Table of Contents
Additional Author’s Notes/Credits:
Author: keepaofthecheez
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles (minor Jensen/OMC’s, Jensen/OFC’s)
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 | m/m slash, real person fiction, abuse of schmoop
Word Count: 20,209 words.
Summary: Sometimes you get a second chance to see what’s right in front of you.
Notes: See end of fic. Written for spn_j2_bigbang.
There moves a thread that has no end: Part 3.
By keepaofthecheez.
Take Four.
“Get up, princess. We’re spending the day together!”
This time, Jensen’s too tired to argue. Just grabs Jared by the wrist, tumbling his co-star to the bed and throwing a leg over his hips. “Don’t wanna go to school, mommy,” he groans, and Jared relaxes, lets out a laugh.
“You snuggle with your mom, dude?”
Okay, yeah. He hadn’t really thought that one out yet.
“Don’t judge me.” Jensen pops one eye open to find Jared grinning at him from a few inches away. Ignoring the jump in his pulse, Jensen rolls onto his back and grunts. “What’re you up to, Jay?”
As if he didn’t know.
And just that easily, Jared’s back up and running. “Big plans, Jensen. We’re gonna go out, see the sights.” He rubs his hands together, slants Jensen a mock-reproving glare. “You know, the ones we’ve never bothered with because we live like fucking vampires.”
Jensen just smiles.
“So, get your lazy ass up! Maybe you could wear that green shirt, makes your eyes all pretty,” Jared teases, and Jensen slides both hands behind his head. Watches Jared with hooded eyes, determined not to let the goddamn longing show.
“Green shirt’s dirty.”
“Well, damn, I just bet you can find something else…would you get the hell up--”
“What do you think it means, a person keeps repeating the same mistake over and over?” The words are out before Jensen even realizes he’s thinking them, and he swallows hard when Jared turns around. Stares at him with an expression Jensen’s never really seen his friend wear.
It feels like hours before Jared walks over, sits down on the edge of Jensen’s bed like he’s afraid Jensen might bolt if he gets too close. Which, he’s not exactly wrong. “Maybe sometimes you have to, ‘til you finally get it right.” Calm, reassuring, and Jensen wants to fucking cry.
“Yeah, maybe.” They’re both quiet for so long, Jensen’s afraid maybe he’s missed his chance. Then Jared looks up, cat-eyes full of light and humor and every-fucking-thing that’s made Jensen fall in love with the son of a bitch from day one to day a-thousand-and-one.
“What do you say…” Jensen clears his throat, can’t quite meet Jared’s gaze anymore. Just stares somewhere south of his nose and hopes. “We don’t gotta go anywhere, you know. Could stay here, just you and me.”
It’s slow coming, but Jared’s smile is sure and strong. “Well, hell. S’all I really wanted, Jen.”
xxx
They haven’t gone anywhere but the bed, watching old cartoons and mocking the teenage crowd on MTV. Between blindingly colorful and explicit music videos, Jensen reluctantly admits what he’s been up to for the past month. Expects Jared to go apeshit at the very least, call the mental ward and have him locked up at worst.
But Jared doesn’t say anything at all, and the moment passes by with the start of Nelly’s latest. Jensen’s not sure if it’s a good thing or not, but then Jared’s arm is pressed up against his own, and not a damn bit of it matters.
At least, not until an hour later. Television turned off, the both of them just lying there, staring at the ceiling and bullshitting about every damn thing they can think of that won’t hit too close. Mean too much.
Jensen looks over, catches sight of the happy flush on Jared’s cheeks. The sleepy tilt of his eyes, and he blurts out, “So, I’m completely crazy. You know that, right?”
“Nah,” Jared says after a lingering second. “M’friend from home, swears Sasquatch lives in his grandma’s backyard.”
Something hot bubbles up Jensen’s throat, and then he’s laughing. Fucking giggling, might as well admit, and why the hell had he ever thought it would be a big deal to tell Jared?
Jared’s grinning right back at him, eyes and lips soft, and Jensen’s chuckles eventually die down, thrusting them both back into a somewhat comfortable silence. Jensen’s nearly asleep when he vaguely feels Jared shift, coming closer.
“So, I guess you’ve done this a lot,” Jared says, a bit bashfully. He’s so close now, warm breath fans across Jensen’s cheek. “Must’ve been pretty annoying.”
“Never did this,” Jensen murmurs, and imagines he feels Jared’s lips brush his brow.
xxx
There’s a moment of panic when Jensen comes awake, until he glances at the clock, sees it’s only a few hours later.
Still the same day. Nothing’s changed, not really.
He catches sight of Jared talking on his cell over by the bathroom, soft tones and low drawl. Rubbing his eyes, Jensen sits up on an elbow and Jared glances over. Smiles.
“Yeah, see you soon.” A beat. “I will, ma.”
Oh. Right.
Mood plummeting, Jensen forces an answering smile and waits, struggles to wake up more as Jared finishes his call and comes over to sit on the bed. “You gotta go,” Jensen says without prompting, because hell, apparently he’s picked up Jared’s knack for the obvious.
“Getting close.” Jared doesn’t sound much happier about it, but that could just be Jensen’s wishful thinking again.
“Well.” Jensen swings both legs over, levers himself up. “Lemme get dressed then.”
Jared nods, although it looks like he’s got something else he wants to say. Jensen sticks close, just in case he decides he wants to let it out.
After several seconds, Jared just smiles weakly, and Jensen knows it’s over. He tries not to let it surprise him, or matter, and turns toward the closet. Struggles not to bury himself in there and never come out again, because he’s a gigantic fucking girl.
Then, hesitant, “Jen, I--”
A loud thump at the door interrupts Jared, followed by an all-too-familiar curse, and Jensen hangs his head. Laughs softly, because it’s probably just as well he never gets to hear the end of that sentence.
“Room service!” Mike calls from behind the door, voice high-pitched and ridiculous. “Want me fluff your pillow? Jerk you off? Drive you to airport?”
“You’re a total loser, you know that?” But Tom sounds as amused as always.
Dragging a shirt over his head--the goddamn green one, of course--Jensen walks over, fleetingly catching Jared’s gaze, and opens the door. “Would you lunatics shut the hell up before someone calls security?”
“Well, maybe if we hadn’t had to track you assholes down in the first place, we’d be more inclined to agree with your demands,” Mike says primly.
Jensen fights not to rub his temples. Feels dark eyes burning into his back. “Whatever, look….let’s just go.”
So they do.
xxx
Tom wags a finger. “Call us everyday. Don’t talk to strangers.”
“And don’t drink the water,” Mike says. Everyone groans.
Jared turns toward Jensen, expectant eyes and pursed lips, and Jensen has half a mind to screw it all, everyone, and show Jared exactly why he ought to be rethinking this whole fucking trip to Texas.
There’s plenty for him here, in Vancouver, and Jensen just wishes he could believe it was all that simple.
“Guess this is the end of the line, cowboy.” He doesn’t choke on the words, though it’s a near thing. Wonders why this feels more like a goodbye than his leaving Richardson ever did. It’s not like they won’t be back, like he won’t see Jared again.
Hell, it’s not even like any of this is gonna matter, anyway. Tomorrow’ll be today, and that’s just the fucking way it’s always gonna be. He’s given up hope on it ever changing.
Jared’s smile is more than a bit unreadable, but Jensen doesn’t sense that anything’s really wrong. “Guess so,” he says, almost shy, and Jensen’s belly clenches. They stand there, awkward and holding back…something.
Everything, maybe.
“Aw, come on, guys,” Mike finally wheedles from somewhere behind him. “Jensen, I know you’re not into PDA, but give your boy a damn hug. He’s gonna be gone all--”
He’s got an armful of Padalecki before he can remember moving, closing the distance and wrapping his arms hard around Jared’s neck. He hears a little laugh, Jared’s surprised voice murmuring, “Jensen” and buries his nose down against the collar of Jared’s shirt.
Tom and Mike are making obnoxious kissy sounds behind them, but Jensen knows…it’s no fucking joke. Not when Jared’s got one hand pressed tight to the small of his back, the other tangled up in the short tufts of Jensen’s hair. Not when he can feel how fast Jared’s heart’s beating, and knows his own is gonna leave a mark when this is all said and done.
“Be seeing you.” He pulls back, clearing his throat while Jared’s arms fall limply to his sides.
Then his fist connects with Jensen’s shoulder, eyes glowing bright and hopeful. “Yeah, you will. Asshole.”
“Okay, now you two girls are seriously gonna make me cry.”
“Shut up, Mike,” everyone says at once, but truth be told, Jensen’s more than a little glad for the interruption.
xxx
Jensen’s halfway through the special feature on HBO--Sleepless in fucking Seattle, of course--when there’s a knock on the door.
He contemplates just ignoring it, not like he really wants to see anyone who doesn’t have crazy hair and dimples anyway. Then he figures it might be someone with the hotel come to tell him the place is on fucking fire or whatever.
Maybe if his suite burned down, he’d finally be out of this goddamn mess.
That darkly amusing thought in mind, Jensen pushes up, running a hand through his hair and hitching the loose band of his pants up his hips. Opens the door, wisecrack on the tip of his tongue.
Jared stares back at him, windblown and flushed, and Jensen’s sarcasm curls up into a ball and dies.
“Missed your flight.” He pulls the door shut and leans up against it. Totally unconcerned, except for the thread of fucking hope that just. Won’t. Die.
Jared’s eyes are dark, lips curved. “I needed to take a break.”
“So, then why the hell are you here?” Jensen takes in the bags at Jared’s feet, the worried-yet-determined look highlighting those familiar features. I finally get him to the damn airport, and he fucks it all up.
“Well, seems like I heard somewhere no one can resist the infamous Ackles ass.” Jared’s smile takes a turn for wry mischief, and Jensen’s belly goes warm even as Jared steps forward, trapping him against the door. Wide lips spread apart, and Jensen licks his in return. “Apparently, it’s true.”
“Jay--”
“Shut the fuck up, man.” And then Jared’s mouth is there, right there, and Jensen’s got two seconds to make a decision before they’re both bare-ass naked in the hallway.
Grabbing Jared’s arm, he kicks the door open, shoves Jared inside. Finds himself slammed up against the wall and Jared eating at his mouth like Jensen’s a fucking free buffet and, oh god.
“Fuck.” He’s not sure which one of them says it, groans it, but Jensen’s the one who takes advantage of it. Slides his hand down between them, palming the hard length of dick Jared’s pumping against his fingers.
“You stupid, stupid…” Jared laughs, bottom lip between his teeth and eyes heavy. “Didn’t wanna go, Jensen. You stupid fucking idiot, made me not wanna go.”
Jensen licks up and under his ear, fingers curled and curved around Jared’s cock, dragging out little throaty purrs of satisfaction. “Yeah, well. Don’t get me started on you, asshole.”
Jared grins, forehead against Jensen’s, and just like that, everything slows down. There’s none of that frantic gotta-do-it-now, just a calm sense of oh yeah, this is right.
They wind up on the bed, so much like before, and so completely different.
Jensen glances over, lips curved into a soft grin, and Jared’s watching him. Stroking him with those lazy cat-eyes, and something in Jensen goes hot and tight even before the first husky, “Jen.”
A questioning sound from down deep in his throat, and he pretends not to notice when Jared shifts closer, all body and heat. Then Jared’s hand is resting high on his thigh, and Jensen can’t pretend anymore--doesn’t know how, doesn’t want to. He looks sideways, meets Jared’s gaze, licking his lips as tension scores his nerves raw.
“Jensen, I just.” A pause, sigh of breath as gentle as the breeze blowing in through the open window. “If I could’ve done it all over…”
And just like that, Jensen gets it. He doesn’t waste time on the irony of the situation, just lets the relief rise up and choke him, wash over, squeezes Jared’s hand and whispers back, “Forget about it.”
Come morning, you will anyway.
And That’s a Wrap.
Jensen knows he’s being watched, something slow and sluggish making it hard for him to fully wake up. Denial, probably. He refuses to think about that, to mourn everything that happened and could’ve happened if he’d only done something better. Something more.
He’s had enough of “What if” to last a lifetime.
Waiting on that first gleeful bounce to end it all, thrust him back into the daily loop and grind, he lies there for a moment. Eyes closed, soft words, promises, fading into distant memory.
“Hey.”
His eyes pop open. Scan the clock--morning, all right--before freezing on Jared, on the smile tilting the corners of his lips, lighting up sleep-heavy hazel eyes. Everything breaks apart inside, rushing to put back together, and all Jensen can manage is a stilted, “So you’re still here.”
“Still here,” Jared echoes, rubbing the tip of that upturned nose against Jensen’s neck. A soft brush of lips follows, and Jensen shivers, reaches out and comes up with broad shoulders and lean hips. “Not going anywhere, either,” Jared adds, lower, quieter, and Jensen plans to deny the choked sob that escapes his throat then and there until the day he dies.
“Thank fucking God.” He swallows Jared’s guttural laugh with his mouth. Rolls over onto his side, fingers sinking deep into Jared’s hair and pulling him closer.
Jared mouths up under his jaw, hands crawling the length of Jensen’s back. He finally settles down between Jensen’s spread legs, hips rocking, mouth licking, sucking. Jensen lets out a rumbly growl, lifts up and tries to rub off against Jared’s thigh, hot and desperate and--
“Wait.” It comes out rough and sharp, has Jensen going still, meeting Jared’s gaze. He relaxes a bit upon seeing the mirrored excitement there, then goes back to wondering what the fuck?
“What? Too fast?” It’s hard to get out, flushed, eager, trying not to let any disappointment shine through. He’s near-on throbbing all over, and knows Jared can feel it, too. God help him if Jared’s not ready to…not ready to do something, because Jensen’s barely holding it together and at this point, he’s not above humping the wall.
Jared’s lashes flutter on a slow blink, and he leans down, rests his forehead to Jensen’s. “What are we, a couple of girls?”
Jensen’s a little surprised to realize that the laughter ringing out belongs to him. Slugs Jared in the shoulder and rears up, teeth closing around the lobe of Jared’s ear. “Then fuck me, damn it. Jesus Christ, suffered enough, haven’t I--”
Jared sits up, jerks Jensen’s pants down past his hips. “Don’t worry, Jen. Gon’ fuck you.” Chuckles deep, sending goosebumps scattering up Jensen’s arms. “Just wanted to see your face first, is all.”
“See my face every fucking day.” But Jensen’s not exactly complaining, oh no. Not when Jared slides him a grin from under floppy bangs, peppering kisses down Jensen’s chest and looking like he’s nowhere near stopping.
Dropping a hand down--finally--into that dark mess, Jensen’s fingers clench curls and his voice goes gruff. “Thought I…” Jared’s lips wrap around a nipple, and Jensen gives a playful shimmy. “Thought I wasn’t your type.”
Jared’s laugh is edged with husky mirth, his mouth slick, eyes dancing. “That’s what makes this so much fun.” He presses his face into Jensen’s belly, taking a shallow bite of abdomen and dragging a groan from Jensen’s throat while working his own pants down his hips. “Lucky for you, I’ve got a, uh, open mind.”
Hope that ain’t all that’s open, Jensen thinks dumbly, waiting with bated breath while Jared mouths past his navel, licking a warm, wet stripe down the curve of his waist. When he takes Jensen’s hip into his mouth, sucking a blood-bruise to the surface, Jensen’s head falls back with a desperate, “Oh god, Jay, c’mon.”
Letting go, Jared blinks innocently and rests his chin low on Jensen’s belly. Dick pointing straight toward those pretty pink lips, Jensen bites down on his own and struggles not to buck up, slide right on in where he wants to be.
“Don’t rush me. I’m tryin’ to learn you here.” Jared's fingers tease up Jensen’s thigh. His eyes are lit up, burning hot, and Jensen shudders from the sound of that deep gravel tone skittering down across his skin.
“You teachers’ kids…fucking perfectionists,” he grumbles without heat, and Jared snorts.
And then, christ almighty, Jared’s hand slides over his hip, grasping his dick and squeezing tight. Jensen lets out a throaty moan, fucks snug fist, and through blurred vision he catches sight of the triumph glittering in Jared’s eyes just seconds before slick heat screws down around his cock.
There’s no use denying it…he’s been waiting for exactly this since that moment months ago, with Jared on his knees, eyes squeezed tight, dick in his mouth. The fact that it’s Jensen now, and not some nameless faceless moron who doesn’t fucking deserve the air Jared breathes is just…
Well, thank god.
“So, you, uh, you weren’t kidding.” Jensen swallows, sits up on an elbow and pets Jared on the head. Groans when Jared makes a questioning sound that shoots pleasurable vibrations up Jensen’s dick. “About being totally fucking gay.”
Lips curved, Jared shakes his head. Grabs Jensen’s thighs and settles broad shoulders between his legs. Those dark, sooty lashes come down again, and Jensen chews his lip, watches Jared suck him down like every dirty fantasy he’s entertained for far longer than he cares to admit.
His own eyes close, and he’s just getting into the rhythm of things, little grunts and groans of encouragment--oh yeah, little more…fuck, right there--when he feels the first press of knuckle. Pressing up tight, inviting Jensen to relax, open up. Let him in.
Gaze flying wide open, he finds Jared watching him. Reading every twist and whimper, and Jensen nearly swallows his tongue when Jared’s mouth slides lower. Following the crease of hip and thigh, leaving slick warmth behind. Then he can’t see Jared’s mouth anymore, but he can fucking feel it, for damn sure, and lets loose with sloppy oaths even as he struggles to wrap his mind around what’s happening.
“Jesus,” he gets out, staring at the ceiling, throat working. “Going for the gold or something?”
Jared’s lapping steadily, and doesn’t answer except for to reach up and still Jensen’s twitching hips. Slides his hands up further, past belly and chest, until he finds Jensen’s own fists clenched tight and white-knuckled. The second Jensen looks down again, sees Jared’s gaze locked on him while that talkative tongue plays dirty, things go a bit gray around the edges.
He hears himself crying out, tempting Jared to do more, lick faster. That long finger returns, circling and stretching, and then there’s two. Jensen’s cursing a blue streak, but damned if he wants Jared to stop. Just reaches down, grabs hold of Jared’s wrist and mutters something under his breath that has Jared’s brows lifting.
“You’re real easy, Jen, you know that?”
“Fuck me harder, you fucking fuck,” Jensen grits out, and Jared laughs. Sits up a little, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and, goddamn. Not fair how hot that is.
“How many?” Jared’s voice is rough like sun-cracked gravel, and he shifts so he’s hovering over Jensen. Fingers buried deep, eyes watchful.
Jensen makes a sound he’s not sure is a reply, and Jared bends lower.
Purrs: “Tell me how you like it.”
Jensen bucks his hips, and when Jared lifts up, he rolls over onto his belly and reaches back. Finds Jared’s hand, pulls it down and around his hip. “Show you instead.”
Luckily, his pants haven’t gone too far, so it’s no big thing to reach down, rummage around in his pocket and find what he needs. Foil packet in hand, Jensen twists his neck, meets Jared’s wide-blown eyes with a devilish smirk. Thrusts the condom into Jared’s hand. “Now, now…don’t be a fool, Jared.”
The curse that follows has Jensen laughing like nothing else, and it’s the first time that’s ever happened when he’s six seconds away from getting fucked into the mattress.
“Gonna fucking come before I even get in you,” Jared’s laughing too, and Jensen hisses through his teeth when Jared’s cock brushes up against his ass. He’s got no illusions--Jared’s fucking huge, and it’s been awhile since he took it like this--it’s probably gonna hurt like hell.
As if he’s reading Jensen’s mind, Jared quiets, goes still. There’s a moment of crackling silence before Jared leans down, nuzzles the side of Jensen’s neck like the overgrown puppy dog Jensen’s often accused him of being. In fact, it actually reminds Jensen a little of Harley, and he can’t decide if that thought’s amusing or disturbing, so he lets it go with a soft snort.
“You okay?” Long fingers at his hips, thick pads circling, and Jensen rolls his neck. Meets concern with blazing intent. “Cause we don’t have to right this minute, Jen. I mean, I’m more’n happy to just--”
“You talk too damn much, Padalecki.” Soft, persuasive. “You don’t wanna do this, then we won’t. But don’t go and turn it around on me because I’m just fine--”
He’s fully expecting the sharp growl, the nip of teeth and swipe of tongue, and grins into the pillow when Jared hisses out a filthy curse and grabs him by the hips. Lines right up and dives on in.
Motherfucking son of a bitch.
Jensen’s just glad Jared got him good and wet first, opened him nice and slow, because that’s the only viable explanation as to how this is even working, and then Jared pulls back. Groans deep, shaking so bad Jensen can feel the vibrations inside.
“S’all right,” he manages through thick tongue and voice, hip-roll and rock. “It’s fine, Jay, keep…keep goin’.”
“Am I hurting you?”
Warm breath against his jaw, and Jensen rolls his shoulders. Shakes his head. Moans a little, because he’s got a fucking Jared-size hole deep inside that needs filling, and this ain’t the time for second thoughts.
“Don’t gimme that hurts-so-good crap, either,” Jared whispers, nipping his chin, and Jensen smirks. “Tell me the truth.”
“Only thing hurts is that you’re still talkin’,” Jensen cracks, although hearing Jared’s bedroom voice is hardly a sin or a punishment.
“Yeah?” Affection weighs down the word, and Jared kisses the nape of his neck. “I think you like it when I talk. Think you always have.”
Jensen opens his mouth, sarcasm deep enough to drown a sailor on his tongue, and then Jared moves. Thrusts, slick-slide of cock and Jensen just groans out, “Yeaaah.”
He’s never really been the pillow-biting type, but damned if Jared hasn’t turned him into one--fingers clawing at the sheets, hips a steady rock and roll. If that’s not good enough, Jared’s making the sweetest, sweetest sounds. Saying Jensen’s name over and over, like some kind of porn video on track-skip.
Before things get too close to call, Jensen raises up on his elbows, looks back best he can to meet that dark, heavy gaze. “Got anything else you wanna say?”
Jared’s teeth flash, his fingers tighten at Jensen’s hips, cock surging deep. “You?”
And Jensen knows just how to turn that smile back on itself. “Yeah. I love you, you fucking freak of nature.”
Sure enough, Jared’s grin slips, his eyes go big and wet, then close on a choked, “Jesus, Jen.”
“Now show me what you got, Padalecki.” Back arched, stretched out, cock near to bursting. Grin a mile wide.
And if there’s one thing Jared Padalecki enjoys, Jensen knows, it’s a challenge. So it’s no time at all before they’re both sweaty and spent, come splashed up the inside of Jensen’s forearm, hot and sticky on his fingers, and that’s about how he likes it.
Jared collapses next to him, features flushed, eyes crossed as he tugs at the condom. “Ugh.”
Jensen rolls over and lets out a sigh, hands behind his head and lips spread. “Hot damn.”
Jared snorts, shifts his hips and pulls Jensen up close. “Yeah, yeah. Love you, too, stumpy.”
“Took ya long enough.” Jensen can’t keep the smug self-satisfaction out of his voice, and doesn’t bother trying to hide his smile when Jared twists his neck to look at him.
“Always loved you, Jensen.” The words are solemn, but Jared’s grinning like a fool and it eases whatever instinctive pressure that wants to weigh Jensen down. And then Jared’s weighing him down, hips up against Jensen’s, nose pressed to his own. Jensen reaches up, tangles his fingers in that mess of hair, and those goddamn adorable dimples flash. “Now’s just…a little bit different.”
Jensen snorts, feeling just how different in the weight of Jared’s cock grinding against his hip. “Shit, I’d say so.” He cocks a brow, feigns a pained sigh. “This gonna be one of things like where I feed you, and fifteen minutes later you’re hungry again--”
Jared clears his throat. “Thin line between love and kicking your scrawny but sexy ass on back to Podunk.”
Jensen rolls his eyes, but can’t wipe the silly grin off his face. Nothing’s changed, everything’s changed, and hell.
Damned if it’s not perfect after all.
The End
Part 2 | Table of Contents
Additional Author’s Notes/Credits:
- • For the record, this isn't really how I see either of the boys characterized. Or at least, not Jensen. I don't think he's a raging asshole or anything of the sort, but for the story I wanted to tell, it was necessary. At the end of the day, this is a story about redemption, learning one's self, and LOVE. It's a love story, man! So, you know, keep that in mind and enjoy! :D
• Beta extraordinaire credits go to technosage, who not only keeps me honest, but keeps my dialogue tags from taking over the world. <3 you, Allie. Further thanks go to affectingly, lostt1, estrella30, __tiana__, and mkitty03 for audiencing at various stages while I lost my mind over this whole thing. We're talking full on panic attacks and the like, okay? *breathes* SO. Did I leave anyone out? <3
• Title comes from the Led Zeppelin song “All My Love”. It just sort of fit perfectly with what I was going for within the story. :)
• Originally inspired by the Bill Murray movie, Groundhog Day. There’s a small shoutout to the film within the story, see if you can find it. *g*
• Lovely cover art and music for this story created/compiled by lostt1.
• Comments are always greatly appreciated! I hope you all enjoyed! <3