fuuuuuu
i'm dealing with some serious doubt. why am i leaving? i will never be able to get such a stable job again, such a fantastic set-up, with great insurance, great stability, exactly in the field where i want to be, with the opportunity to advance, making a decent salary, with amazing friends, access to practically anything i could want for, respect, etc., etc. in short, this is about as good as it gets. why do i assume that "everything will work out" - why do i not assume that my career (whether or not i want it, i want the money and stability) will go down the toilet if I do this? god damn it. what am i going to have to show for myself? how am i going to be able to deal with a lack of financial stability long-term? why do i think i can come back and just find a job and buy a house? why am i tainting my reputation by abandoning my post in a time of need? why do i think that if i move away and lack my social connections that i'll be able to indulge in the creative/internal life i crave? maybe it's true what jae said, that i simply can't have both? why do i have such a privileged attitude, assuming i can get what i want? when is my luck going to run out? what have i really learned about myself in the past four months? hard hard hard hard hard