[ys] head in the clouds [4/6]
A/N: I don't own Jung Yong-hwa / Seo Joo-hyun.
Also, I promise I don't plan these things, but I think its hilarious that at this post, Moon Lovers has both Jun-ki and Seo-hyun in it. I definitely did not anticipate that. (P.S.: Is anyone as obsessed over Moon Lovers as I am?? Please share the feels (and not spoilers) if you do)
Hope you enjoy!
And just like that, the months segue by in a seamless blur, until it is a year plus gone past and Girls Generation is having its first real fashion show to officially launch the label.
Joo-hyun is a wreck the night before and ostensibly on the morning itself (as informed via text updates from Min-hyuk, who is in town and has been roped in to provide some help during the show). But when Yong-hwa lets himself into the arena a few hours before, nothing appears to be amiss. The runway is set beautifully amidst a sea of fairy lights and dark crushed velvet, lending an ethereal atmosphere to the whole scene. Soft classical music plays in the background and Yong-hwa cannot help but smile, because the whole thing is so very Joo-hyun in essence - elegant and understated.
He figures that he will not be able to catch Joo-hyun or slow her down in any way; she is probably running herself ragged, heedless of what he or Tae-yeon may ask of her, so he simply makes himself useful in the little ways he can - directing the lost caterers and logistics crew, helping in last minute flower arrangement adjustments, assisting Tiffany in passing out the press kits to the assembled media before making a few calls of his own to the few members of high society that he knows personally, asking them to come down and support the show.
He hopes it is enough and when the lights go down, signalling the start of the show, Yong-hwa keeps his own fingers crossed in luck for Joo-hyun.
From the start of their partnership together, Yong-hwa had intentionally kept out of all the artistic and fashion decisions. He had assisted with the sourcing of vendors and production factories, but he had never been involved in the actual designing and production of the clothing line. Even when the first samples had come in, he had begged out of being privy to a ‘private fashion show’ as Tae-yeon had candidly put it. “I don’t have an eye for design and I’m terrible at fashion.” was all he had said then. “You ladies go ahead.”
So Yong-hwa is pleasantly surprised in spite of himself when the first model struts out onto the runway. The little he knows about fashion involves garishly colored feathers, sequins, bizarre concoctions that he wouldn’t expect to see on any female anywhere. But there is none of that in Joo-hyun’s collection. The pieces are down to earth, clothes that he could see women like Joo-hyun, Tae-yeon and Krystal in, but even then, there are little details and twists which give the pieces a distinct style - a particular grace and dignity that Yong-hwa knows personally is characteristic of Joo-hyun herself.
The pacing of the show is beautifully executed too, with a model strutting out in an eye-catching red lace floor length dress that is somehow more elegant than vampy, followed next by another model in a gorgeously classic white shirt dress, accentuated with a chunky necklace of diamonds around the neck, which sates the eye after that explosion of color. She really does have a sense for this, Yong-hwa thinks to himself, even as he watches the next model in a checkered trench coat and knee high socks take the runway.
And from the murmurs of the guests seated around him in the front of the runway, he thinks that he’s not alone in his assessment of Joo-hyun’s fledgling fashion line. Already, he sees a few approving nods from the guests seated around him, some whispering among themselves, even making notes of which pieces have caught their eye and each time he sees that, it makes his heart swell.
Finally, all the models take their final lap on the runway and now it is Joo-hyun who comes sauntering down the runway last, resplendent in a pink, floor length dress paired with yellow chunky heels, in a nod to their brand color. And though he knows that this is silly; this is not a concert, but in spite of all that, he finds himself rising from his seat, giving Joo-hyun a standing ovation. He doesn’t see the rest of the audience joining him; all he sees is Joo-hyun, bright and flushed with all the applause, pressing a hand to her mouth in disbelief and gratitude, her eyes shining with tears even as she dips in many bows to the surrounding audience.
She manages to catch his eye and like an idiot, Yong-hwa claps harder (as if she will hear him) but she drops her hand from her mouth, laughing now, and before she takes one final bow, she blows him a kiss, mouthing the words that he doesn’t need to hear to know what it is.
Thank you.
+++
He finds her after the show, talking excitedly to Yoo-na, the sales manager backstage. It looks a lot less crowded than earlier, when there were models, make up crew, photographers and managers aplenty. He spots the rest of the GG crew tucked away in different corners of the holding area; Tiffany curled up in a plastic chair, scrolling through something on her phone, Yu-ri, the operations manager, directing the last few members of the crew out of the holding area. Even Joo-hyun’s friends are here: Tae-yeon and Hyo-yeon are moving from station to station, cleaning up the leftover bits of make up and junk, exchanging friendly banter as they do so.
He would pitch in to help out too, but right now his hands are a little full, and he catches Tae-yeon’s knowing wink even as he steps up closer behind Joo-hyun.
Yoo-na spots him over Joo-hyun’s shoulder, and her smile widens as she nudges her boss. “Someone’s here to see you, Seo-hyun.”
Joo-hyun whirls around and the smile on her face is a sight in itself to behold. “Yong-hwa. Hello.”
Her eyes drop to the enormous bouquet in his arms and Yong-hwa feels a sudden, inexplicable wave of shyness sweep over him even as he becomes acutely aware of the many pairs of female (and male) eyes watching him and Joo-hyun. “Hi.” He echoes, meeting her eyes as he proffers the bouquet of baby pink roses and baby’s breath to her. “To the most talented designer and CEO I know. Congratulations on a beautiful show.”
Joo-hyun’s cheeks are pleasantly flushed from his warm words of praise and she shakes her head even as he pours the bouquet into her waiting arms. “Yong-hwa, you shouldn’t have.” But in her gentle admonishment, Yong-hwa can also hear the pleasure that underscores her every word. “Thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful.”
For a brief moment, Yong-hwa actually thinks Seo Joo-hyun is going to do it - to hug him in front of her friends and colleagues - but before he even has a chance to decide how he would feel about such a thing, Joo-hyun seems to decide against it, clutching her flowers all the tighter even as she beams up at him.
Still, it takes a full fifteen minutes for the GG crew and Joo-hyun’s friends to eject the pair of them from the holding area and onto the nearest street. Joo-hyun wants to stay and help pack up, but Yu-ri and Yoo-na are much stronger than they look (shoving the pair of them out of the holding area), and Tae-yeon and Hyo-yeon’s voices shriller than Yong-hwa’s ear drums can stand (“Go home! We’ve got this!”), which is why the two of them find themselves effectively barred from ‘helping to clean up’.
“So,” Yong-hwa rubs his hands together from the cold. “I’m guessing you didn’t have dinner. Burgers? Down the block?”
Joo-hyun’s eyes twinkle even in the darkness of the street. “In this old rag?” She gestures to her striking pink dress and Yong-hwa’s own suit. She pretends to deliberate thoughtfully. “Why not?’
And Yong-hwa loves the way she looks like this; playful, teasing. He loves that this is a side of Joo-hyun that he and a rare handful of people in the world know for themselves firsthand.
He doesn’t know what makes him do it.
But of his own volition, he takes a step towards Joo-hyun, lifting his hand to brush an escaped curl of hair off Joo-hyun’s face. He is close enough to see the way her nostrils flare in sudden surprise, the softness of her hair and skin under his fingers, and the way in which Joo-hyun’s entire body and breath seem to still under his touch.
But Joo-hyun’s eyes, large and lovely, remain steadfastly on him. He doesn’t see fear in her eyes, or outright rejection, but there is something in them, an emotion or thought that Yong-hwa himself cannot decipher.
“It was a beautiful show.” He says softly, biting back what he truly wants to say. He tucks the errant curl softly behind her ear, his hand dropping back to his side as he smiles down at her. “I’m so proud of you, Hyun.”
The nickname slips off his lips without his even thinking of it, but Joo-hyun’s cheeks redden slightly and if anything, her smile widens, which makes Yong-hwa’s own heart sigh in relief. He mentally decides that that is as much intensity that the two of them can handle for one night, and so he coughs a little, stepping back to give her some room even as he gestures down the pavement. “Shall we go? I’m starving.”
But even as he turns, taking a step forward, there is suddenly something cold and soft slipping itself into his hand and Yong-hwa freezes as Joo-hyun intertwines her fingers with his.
When he musters up the courage to look back at her, there is no other word for it than that she looks radiant, looking at him with those eyes and that damnable smile that resonates an emotion of overwhelming gratitude.
Joo-hyun gives their interlocked hands a little tug, so that Yong-hwa is pulled closer to her again and it is now Yong-hwa’s turn to forget how to breathe.
“Thank you, Yong-hwa.” Joo-hyun’s gaze never wavers, nor does her hand in his. She seems to want to say more, but can’t find the words and so she swallows, lifting her face to his. “Thank you. For everything.”
Yong-hwa’s gaze falls to their interlocked fingers. He knows full well that for the normally reticent Joo-hyun, this is a huge deal. This is as much as she can physically give, and she is giving it to him and the thought of it makes his heart ache something fierce and pleasant.
His fingers squeeze hers tighter, holding on. “You’re welcome, Hyun. Anytime.”
++++
Joo-hyun nudges him. “Look at this.”
Her long hair brushes his bare arm gently as he leans over, pulling her laptop screen to face the both of them and Yong-hwa hums to himself in approval, even as he takes in the new advert that’s about to go up on screens all over New York City tomorrow. Although he hates to admit it, time is passing, quicker than he would have liked, and he is now watching as GG releases its second winter line, a year on from their entrance into the fashion world. He nods at the sleek cashmere coats, the fun printed wool leggings and the high boots paired with warm cropped jackets, even as the advertisement rolls to an end with the usual bright pink GG insignia glowing at the end on a black screen.
“What do you think, oppa?” Joo-hyun, after months and almost a year of persuasion, has finally taken to calling him that at his insistence. He has never met a more stubborn girl than Seo Joo-hyun.
Then again, he has never quite met someone like Joo-hyun before this.
He opens his mouth to say something, only to have his words swallowed up a ginormous yawn that escapes his mouth and Joo-hyun laughs, in spite of herself. “Why didn’t you tell me you were tired?”
The both of them look up at the clock hanging in Joo-hyun’s living room. It is a little gone past 12 am and Joo-hyun gets up, brushing herself off. “I’ll make you some tea.”
Yong-hwa tugs at her house coat, shaking his head as if telling her not to go to all that trouble, but Joo-hyun seems to pick up on this wordlessly, swatting his hand away. “It’s no trouble, oppa. I think we should call it a night soon too. Don’t you have a meeting at 8 am tomorrow?”
“I was going to say,” He calls after her halfheartedly as she pads towards the kitchen. “I wanted coffee, not tea.”
He doesn’t actually really want coffee that much, but Joo-hyun halts in her steps, turning around long enough to roll her eyes at him and he beams at her shamelessly. This’ll never get old, Yong-hwa thinks to himself, pulling her proverbial leg, getting that rise out of her that he loves.
And Joo-hyun must know this too, because all she does is to wag a finger in his face. “Stop it. You know what the doctor said about drinking too much coffee! Tea it is.” She disappears from his line of sight, into the kitchen where Yong-hwa can faintly hear her banging around.
“That’s the last time I ever let you accompany me to a medical check up, Seo Joo-hyun.” He calls semi-menacingly, even as he slides loose papers into folders, cleaning up the coffee table that they are currently working at for the tea. “You always take the doctor’s side and not mine.”
Joo-hyun reappears a few minutes later, bearing a huge pot of tea and two tea cups. “Yong choding.” She scolds, even as she lays down the tray. “I’m not on anyone’s side. You know as well as I do, that the doctor is right. Drinking too much coffee is bad for anyone’s health.”
She hands him a steaming cup with a sprinkle of sugar, just the way he likes it and he takes it from her, smiling his thanks at her. “Alright, alright.” He mock-grouses as a means of closing the topic and he closes his eyes even as he takes a long sip of hot tea, letting it seep through his tired body.
“You’ve been working very hard, oppa.” He hears the concern in Joo-hyun’s voice from where she’s seated on the couch next to him. “Has work been tough?”
Joo-hyun is obviously not as involved in his day job as much as he is in hers, but she likes to ask, likes to listen, and even as Yong-hwa shares with her, he can see how she assimilates the information provided by him quickly and sensibly to come to some kind of understanding about what he does. It never fails to amaze him how much Joo-hyun likes to learn, how much she can understand and remember from what she tells him.
“Oh.” He hums. “It’s just been a bit busy. Jong-hyun has been away, negotiating the release of the SX model in China, so I’ve just been covering his duties. Plus, there have been some complaints about the model, so I’ve also been talking to the factories, seeing what’s going on and dealing with the media.”
He opens his eyes to the feel of Joo-hyun’s hand on his shoulder and her sympathetic eyes. “You should get more rest, oppa,” is all she says, but the warmth in her eyes and her hand on his shoulder is more than enough for him and he nods contentedly, the two of them lapsing into a contented silence.
“Speaking of which,” Yong-hwa says casually after a few minutes. “I got sent two tickets for opening night for that new musical… what was it called again?”
“Incarnate?” Joo-hyun’s eyes are wide now and she sets down her cup of tea in obvious excitement. “I thought it was completely sold out! Even Tae-yeon couldn’t pull any strings for tickets.”
Yong-hwa shrugs. No point mentioning the many strings I had to pull, not to mention arms to twist too, for those tickets. “Do you want to go?” I know you’ve been wanting to go, since posters and advertisements for it started popping up months ago.
Joo-hyun’s eyes are alight and her hands are pressed together like she might be thanking the gods for these tickets, which is why Yong-hwa is appropriately surprised when her shoulders sag and she picks up her cup of tea again, turning it around in her hand. “No… I… I don’t think we should.”
Yong-hwa tries to cover his disappointment even though he is sure he fails miserably. “Why not?”
Joo-hyun’s eye lock on his briefly, before darting away. “Incarnate is one of the most talked about musicals to hit New York City after its first run in London.” She says slowly. “It’s going to be big here in New York too. Everyone is going to be there.”
Ah. So it’s ‘everyone’ that she’s afraid of.
Joo-hyun had once shared with him, that she no longer attended big society events ever since her divorce if she could help it. “I lost my appetite for it,” She had laughed wryly then, and Yong-hwa had simply let it go then, changing the subject soon after. He knows that Joo-hyun had silently borne the brunt of the biting mockery and backhanded gossip that had succeeded her very public divorce. It is something that he, having never experienced it, will never understand and so Yong-hwa always tries to keep silent about it, tries to move on and change the subject to spare Joo-hyun the pain of reliving those awful months.
It is something that Yong-hwa usually understands, but for some reason tonight, his mouth betrays his true feelings. “You wouldn’t be alone. I would be there with you.”
Joo-hyun’s eyes flit to him, and then away again. Yong-hwa shouldn’t be surprised at her next words, but they still hurt when she delivers them. “No… I… I would like to go with you, but… I... I... “
“I just think it wouldn’t be wise for the both of us to be seen together.”
Joo-hyun takes a sip of her tea, but the saucer rattles when she sets the cup back down with unnecessary force and Yong-hwa knows full well that her hands are shaking.
There is silence between the two of them again, but it is no longer the peaceful placid silence of a few minutes ago; it is filled with something so uncertain and painful that Yong-hwa can barely stand it.
“You know how I feel about you, Hyun.” He says into the quiet. “I think you’ve always known.” He doesn’t let himself look at her; this is something he needs to get out in the open, finally.
“And I know you’re still working through stuff about Jun-ki,” He can feel her stiffen from her perch on the couch next to him, but why pretend that stuff from the past never existed? That would be a lie. “I know you’re still hurt, and it’s hard for you to trust just anyone. I know it was hard for you. It still is.”
He stares dead forward for a minute, hands tightening around his cup, even as he chooses his words carefully.
“I know all of that, Seo Joo-hyun.” He tells her. “But most of all, I know you. I’m not saying it’ll be easy from the start to the finish, but I think it could be something worthwhile, if you and I are ready to make this work. And I’m willing and ready.”
“I just want to know if you feel the same,” Yong-hwa finishes quietly. “I just want to know if you’re ready to give this a shot and…” Yong-hwa’s lips quirk up in an ironic grin. “If you don’t want to watch a musical with me, that’s fine. But would you go out with me? On a proper date?”
He is surprised at the way he feels after that little speech - breathless, not because he has spoken too quickly, but it is perhaps due to the way he is feeling in this exact moment; like his heart is in his throat and it will jump right out of his mouth if he is not careful.
Yong-hwa is not a fool. He knows that Joo-hyun in her own way, cares deeply for him and that he is one of the rare male friends that she has let in since her divorce. And the two of them have spent so much time together in the past year, in each other’s apartments doing work, going out, having meals together, visiting exhibitions and shows. It would almost feel like they were dating, in the loosest sense of the word.
But Yong-hwa’s heart won’t let him cheat himself and Joo-hyun like that. While his feelings have been growing less and less platonic day by day, he also knows full well that Joo-hyun does all of these because she feels comfortable with him as a friend, and not because she sees him as a man.
Yet, there are moments, moments where she looks at him a little too long, rare moments even when she slides her arm through his, where she tells him something that is so deeply personal about her that it makes Yong-hwa believe that Joo-hyun does care for him in the same way that he does for her. However, such gray areas, such uncertainty can only breed for so long.
Yong-hwa can no longer bear to cheat his own heart and he needs to know.
Joo-hyun is still. Way too still.
It makes the sudden warmth in Yong-hwa’s heart turn to ice, especially when Joo-hyun tips her head back, letting out a frustrated breath of air.
“Oh, Yong-hwa.” She says softly, and in those two words is her answer.
“I… I really want to.” She breathes, blithely unaware that there is one heart breaking in her living room at this point. “I want to, but it’s such a bad time. GG is really taking off now, and I think we could really stand a chance at making it big. It’s just such a crucial point right now for the business… I can’t… I couldn’t just throw it away or get distracted right now…”
Yong-hwa tries his best to make the logical part of his being understand this. He really, really understands where Joo-hyun is coming from. GG is practically her life. And they are doing really well business-wise, surpassing expectations almost. Of course Joo-hyun can’t afford to invite any new things into her life at this point of time.
Except… it’s him. And he’s not new. He’s been here for a while now and has shown in his own way that he will continue to be.
It's just not enough. Will it ever be? Will she ever give me a chance?
And just like that, the hurt rushes up strong in his chest, like a monster that can’t be tamed, and Yong-hwa knows that no amount of rational understanding will ever make him feel better about this right now.
It is pride that keeps him from immediately rushing out but he does set his cup back on the coffee table. All the while, he is acutely aware of Joo-hyun’s eyes watching him sharply, waiting for his reaction to her words and so Yong-hwa makes himself take his time, rubbing his nose hard and letting out a brief discomforted cough from the emotion that is gathering in his chest.
He needs to leave, now.
He reaches for his file of papers on the coffee table, and Joo-hyun’s hand touches his forearm, cool and soft. Yong-hwa almost jerks away, like he’s been burned. “Yong-hwa…”
He doesn’t say anything, just swallows. It takes a moment before he can find the right words in his head, before he can make his voice sound anywhere remotely close to being normal.
“I think I should leave now, Joo-hyun.” He says quietly. “Okay?”
Her hand falls away from his forearm and if Yong-hwa’s last hope is for her to stop him, for her to say something to make things right, he is sorely wrong when he finds himself out in the hallway, her door closing behind him with a final click.