(no subject)
so, some stuff...
Last night's drunken "I am craaaazyfuckedup so I will be a moron and do stupid shit so that I'm lucky not to get myself killed" session should hold me til I go home, I think. I hope. At least, it should keep me away from crazy amounts of alcohol for the rest of my time here. Whether it'll knock me back to responsibility...well that's pretty much a no. Really, it's a hell no. Restarted too much crap. And I can't remember anything I talked about, or how many people I talked to. Because I apparently have to be incoherantly drunk before I can manage conversation now. Definatley before I pick up the phone.
Oh but this was stupid stupid. I'm tired.
I blew off my shrink week before last week. She said two weeks, but I swear to god I only missed one. I may just stop seeing her for the remaining time here. I don't feel up to talking, and she doesn't want to see me if I'm not talking. I just sortof left this past Wedns. Stopped in, apologized for missing the last session, she asked me waht was going on, I said 'nothing', she said okay then why are you here. I dunno. It seems to me that even if I don't actually do anything I should *come* and have the option of an outlet...but screw it. I don't want to talk to her.
You know, I don't think I particularly need a shrink right now. I just want this to be over. I just want a fucking hug, I want a rest, and I want to go away. What can she tell me? I've self-searched until I am tired of it. I get it. fuck off. Now I need to fix it. I don't have the chance to do it here. I don't have time to breathe...I just have to scrabble to catch up with my work that I skived off of because I was so depressed.
32 more days. God that's a long time. I may go bonkers. wheeeeeeeee. my bad chemicals are making me want to sleep for a thousand years.
Last night's drunken "I am craaaazyfuckedup so I will be a moron and do stupid shit so that I'm lucky not to get myself killed" session should hold me til I go home, I think. I hope. At least, it should keep me away from crazy amounts of alcohol for the rest of my time here. Whether it'll knock me back to responsibility...well that's pretty much a no. Really, it's a hell no. Restarted too much crap. And I can't remember anything I talked about, or how many people I talked to. Because I apparently have to be incoherantly drunk before I can manage conversation now. Definatley before I pick up the phone.
Oh but this was stupid stupid. I'm tired.
I blew off my shrink week before last week. She said two weeks, but I swear to god I only missed one. I may just stop seeing her for the remaining time here. I don't feel up to talking, and she doesn't want to see me if I'm not talking. I just sortof left this past Wedns. Stopped in, apologized for missing the last session, she asked me waht was going on, I said 'nothing', she said okay then why are you here. I dunno. It seems to me that even if I don't actually do anything I should *come* and have the option of an outlet...but screw it. I don't want to talk to her.
You know, I don't think I particularly need a shrink right now. I just want this to be over. I just want a fucking hug, I want a rest, and I want to go away. What can she tell me? I've self-searched until I am tired of it. I get it. fuck off. Now I need to fix it. I don't have the chance to do it here. I don't have time to breathe...I just have to scrabble to catch up with my work that I skived off of because I was so depressed.
32 more days. God that's a long time. I may go bonkers. wheeeeeeeee. my bad chemicals are making me want to sleep for a thousand years.