(no subject)
Something that lemony69 said made me start thinking:
Why can't I be happy with the way my body is now? I'm not skinny, but I'm not fat. I'm"normal". I wear a size 12 and I even occasionally look in the mirror and think, this is okay, I can work with this.
It's not the fat. It's the whole thing. I'm tired of being unhealthy and feeling like crap all the time, and the most obvious symptom/result of that stuff has been me gaining weight as a result of feeling way too crappy to excercise...also a result of that has been me getting horrendously, 10 minute mile out of shape.
I love sports. I love soccer and basketball and competitive team sports like that (not that I'm supercompetitive; I just like to play the best I can), and I like individual sports like running and biking (not swimming, sorry! Too much water in my sinuses and not much to see. Might try a triathelon eventually if I ever get myself back, though). I miss them. I can't play the way I love to because I don't have the strength or endurance. I wish that could go away again. I'd keep this body shape if I could just feel good about what I can do with my own power again. God if I could just keep my bloodsugar low enough to stay away from the dangerwhenexcercising zone.
Oh well. I can always do something anaerobic like pushups and stretching...if I can muster the motivation.
*fear fear* Must do better.
Being strong...feeling strong. Nothing like it. The confidence: if I want to run for a bus, I will goddamn run for the bus and I will sprint till I'm out of breath but I'll make it... Or moving boxes, you KNOW that if you can't lift that fucker then it's a two person job, because you have biceps of steel. You can fight people off, or outrun them. You feel coordinated and graceful and together, and ready.
Damn. 370mg/dL.
Why can't I be happy with the way my body is now? I'm not skinny, but I'm not fat. I'm"normal". I wear a size 12 and I even occasionally look in the mirror and think, this is okay, I can work with this.
It's not the fat. It's the whole thing. I'm tired of being unhealthy and feeling like crap all the time, and the most obvious symptom/result of that stuff has been me gaining weight as a result of feeling way too crappy to excercise...also a result of that has been me getting horrendously, 10 minute mile out of shape.
I love sports. I love soccer and basketball and competitive team sports like that (not that I'm supercompetitive; I just like to play the best I can), and I like individual sports like running and biking (not swimming, sorry! Too much water in my sinuses and not much to see. Might try a triathelon eventually if I ever get myself back, though). I miss them. I can't play the way I love to because I don't have the strength or endurance. I wish that could go away again. I'd keep this body shape if I could just feel good about what I can do with my own power again. God if I could just keep my bloodsugar low enough to stay away from the dangerwhenexcercising zone.
Oh well. I can always do something anaerobic like pushups and stretching...if I can muster the motivation.
*fear fear* Must do better.
Being strong...feeling strong. Nothing like it. The confidence: if I want to run for a bus, I will goddamn run for the bus and I will sprint till I'm out of breath but I'll make it... Or moving boxes, you KNOW that if you can't lift that fucker then it's a two person job, because you have biceps of steel. You can fight people off, or outrun them. You feel coordinated and graceful and together, and ready.
Damn. 370mg/dL.