Can't. Stand. It.
I'm pretty mad at my mum. I just... can't stand her anymore. Can't. Now she basically drags me to work with her, she just makes me come with her and... I don't really know what to say or how to explain this.
I've worked here for a month. And she said we'd have vacation time in August. Right, to me it meant I wouldn't work this month, and that's what I told her. I've been doing mornings only, lately, but this place drives me insane. To make it clear, I have an "artistic soul" - I'm not used to being trapped in the same place for too long, or to do the same job for a lot of time, or to be extremely organised, or to do paper/office work and all that's involved in it. It just sucks, I feel sleepy, and bad tempered. I can't, just can't.
And it's my vacations. Holiday time. Two months and a half all for myself and I've already wasted July. It's not like I don't work hard at school, she can't complain - my average is 17.5 and it's the highest in my class. And I do the housework she tells me to do and all. But noooo, I have to come here and sit in this stupid chair for four hours and stare at a computer screen and put sheets on archives and send faxes and all that crap. It's hideous.
And I haven't had fun. Holidays are supposed to be a time to relax and to be with friends - at least according to the teenager definition of it. I've only been to beach half a dozen times, only once with my friends. I haven't seen some of my best friends since June 22 or something like it. And oh yeah, maybe yesterday I went to this concert - the Minister for Culture of Brazil came to my little town; the place was packed (which was incredible, the Monastery has never seen so much people together in front of it) yet no one knew any of his songs. I saw loads of people there and it just made me sad, you know; Summer holidays, because of this, make me loose contact with so many people. Really, a lot. And then, I know the others are having fun while I'm stuck here at work or home... and I feel lonely.
(And this concert was another excuse for my mom to criticise every single one of my friends. I hate her for that, she has no right to do it; well, maybe she does, but I hate the fact that she's stuck in the old times and that she can't see that I like these people, really. And if there's someone from whom I hate critical behaviour, it's my mum. Oh, and then she goes on and on about how I dress, how I this, how I that. Can't stand her, too much tension. I should get a piercing on my 16th birthday just to annoy her, like I wanted, but I'm not ready to be kicked out of home yet.)
I need to get away from here, from my parents especially, for a while. Just don't know how, or where to go - I don't want to go to my godmother's, because I got a bit sick of being there last year and I'm afraid I'll go through the same now; oh and she's at work, hell yeah. And my aunt... can't, she'll be off to Lisbon aswell and she might not want to take me. This leaves, hmmm, no one. So cool. -.-
I really don't know what to do. I just need to escape routine - and not even the acoustic guitar my godmother gave me as an early birthday gift can do that. I can't stand being here, doing nothing, being away from people who I miss so much...
It's crazy. I'm going mad.
BTW, the situation I referred on the last post... Not anymore, thank God. To make it simple, I believe in teh Powah of Teh Mind and that helped a lot; I don't like anyone of them and all I need is to minimise the intimacy and contact and whatever. Yep, my heart is kind of cold and cruel at times, but mainly it's because I've sufered quite a lot for people who didn't seem worth it.
AND I wanna learn how to sew. I wanna change my clothes, as in 'surgery'-type, and do purses and stuffed animals - problem is, how? I think I suck at it, and I'm horrible at hand-sewing. My grandma has a sewing machine, but I dunno if it's a good idea.
Sorry for the rather annoying post, I kind of needed to get it out.
I've worked here for a month. And she said we'd have vacation time in August. Right, to me it meant I wouldn't work this month, and that's what I told her. I've been doing mornings only, lately, but this place drives me insane. To make it clear, I have an "artistic soul" - I'm not used to being trapped in the same place for too long, or to do the same job for a lot of time, or to be extremely organised, or to do paper/office work and all that's involved in it. It just sucks, I feel sleepy, and bad tempered. I can't, just can't.
And it's my vacations. Holiday time. Two months and a half all for myself and I've already wasted July. It's not like I don't work hard at school, she can't complain - my average is 17.5 and it's the highest in my class. And I do the housework she tells me to do and all. But noooo, I have to come here and sit in this stupid chair for four hours and stare at a computer screen and put sheets on archives and send faxes and all that crap. It's hideous.
And I haven't had fun. Holidays are supposed to be a time to relax and to be with friends - at least according to the teenager definition of it. I've only been to beach half a dozen times, only once with my friends. I haven't seen some of my best friends since June 22 or something like it. And oh yeah, maybe yesterday I went to this concert - the Minister for Culture of Brazil came to my little town; the place was packed (which was incredible, the Monastery has never seen so much people together in front of it) yet no one knew any of his songs. I saw loads of people there and it just made me sad, you know; Summer holidays, because of this, make me loose contact with so many people. Really, a lot. And then, I know the others are having fun while I'm stuck here at work or home... and I feel lonely.
(And this concert was another excuse for my mom to criticise every single one of my friends. I hate her for that, she has no right to do it; well, maybe she does, but I hate the fact that she's stuck in the old times and that she can't see that I like these people, really. And if there's someone from whom I hate critical behaviour, it's my mum. Oh, and then she goes on and on about how I dress, how I this, how I that. Can't stand her, too much tension. I should get a piercing on my 16th birthday just to annoy her, like I wanted, but I'm not ready to be kicked out of home yet.)
I need to get away from here, from my parents especially, for a while. Just don't know how, or where to go - I don't want to go to my godmother's, because I got a bit sick of being there last year and I'm afraid I'll go through the same now; oh and she's at work, hell yeah. And my aunt... can't, she'll be off to Lisbon aswell and she might not want to take me. This leaves, hmmm, no one. So cool. -.-
I really don't know what to do. I just need to escape routine - and not even the acoustic guitar my godmother gave me as an early birthday gift can do that. I can't stand being here, doing nothing, being away from people who I miss so much...
It's crazy. I'm going mad.
BTW, the situation I referred on the last post... Not anymore, thank God. To make it simple, I believe in teh Powah of Teh Mind and that helped a lot; I don't like anyone of them and all I need is to minimise the intimacy and contact and whatever. Yep, my heart is kind of cold and cruel at times, but mainly it's because I've sufered quite a lot for people who didn't seem worth it.
AND I wanna learn how to sew. I wanna change my clothes, as in 'surgery'-type, and do purses and stuffed animals - problem is, how? I think I suck at it, and I'm horrible at hand-sewing. My grandma has a sewing machine, but I dunno if it's a good idea.
Sorry for the rather annoying post, I kind of needed to get it out.