The Rare RL Post
1) I admitted today that my grandma was right, I am totally ridiculous about food.
Backstory: I live in the middle of nowhere. You have to drive seven minutes to hit the ege of town. A formative theme in my life? If you're going to town, it'd better be worth it. Aw, we get home and McDonald's gave us the wrong food? Fuck it, I'm not going back to town. You left you book at your mom's? Fuck it, I'm not going back to town.
So today, when I had to go to the library, all the way across town (a whole five minutes extra drive, but whatever), I ended up hitting up five different places for food. Drinks from Sonic, muffins from TK's, cookies from Subway, sammies & salad from Quizno's, and breadsticks from Little Caesar's. This is why I'm always the one who picks up the food.
2) There is a (slim) chance that I may get a better job/escape the Atwoods hellhole. Good thoughts?
3) I am...losing all patience with Atwoods. Do you know how fucking sick I am of having to bite my tongue about customers' rude/inappropriate/racist/liberal-bashing jackassery? But Atwoods is a farm store that caters to a conservative customer base and they make you sign a thing when you get hired that you understand that and no, of course you don't have a problem with it (it's in the handbook; you sign a thing agreeing you've read/will abide by the handbook). So I had to just suck it up and move on when a locally influential asshole joked about "You know how to get the guns out of the South? Tell 'em there's a coon headed for the White House! They'll be there by morning!". ALSO TIRED OF PEOPLE - 99% OF THEM OLDER MEN - ASKING ME PROBINGLY IF I KNOW THAT JESUS LOVES ME, OR WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I WENT TO CHURCH. I DO NOT CARE IF YOU MEAN WELL, KEEP YOUR CULT OUT OF MY WORKPLACE.
3b) PLEASE STOP MAKING ME WATCH YOU PERJURE YOURSELF. Do not ask me "should I sign my name or his?" IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE YOURS. YOU CAN LEGALLY ONLY SIGN YOUR NAME, FUCKWAD. And NO, your Shih Tzu's cans of Science Diet/your daughter's $50 Ariat shirt/your wife's $200 Ferrino boots/your ornamental trees are NOT "for farm use, take the tax off". Farm tax exemptable items must be DIRECTLY USED IN THE PRODUCTION OF AGRICULTURE. Every time you use your exempton, we give you a little piece of paper SAYING THAT and you sign it and YOU ARE IN HERE EVERY WEEK, HOW HAVE YOU NOT READ IT AT LEAST ONCE.
3c) I am pretty sure a disabled veteran's tax exemption is for the veteran/veteran's immediate family, not veteran/wife/children/grandchildren/cousins/friends/former sons-in-law!
4) Wow, that got kind of ranty. Sorry? I also spent a chunk of today thinking about how ridiculously awesome my grandma is? No, guys, she is so funny and mean and amazing that the most common reaction to meeting her is "why can't my grandma be like that?" We got in a slapfight once while driving! Jeannie, Atwoods employee voted Most Likely to Fucking Throw Down, freely admits that my grandma is scary and could kick her ass. Her reaction to open heart surgery? "Screw that, next time just let me die." She cooks better than everyone! She's the one who got me hooked on NCIS and House and CSI: New York and about 15 other shows
5) My yard is SO PRETTY. Dad went crazy one year and planted like 25 trees on top of the ones that came with the house when we bought it?* So there are more trees than anyone's ever counted (the yard is like, an acre-and-a-half, maybe?) and there are seven redbud trees clustered right in front of my north window (which runs basically the whole north wall of my room) and three or four mulberry trees out of my east window (right above my bed). Plus we're on a hill and have pasture (not ours) bordering us to the south and west and basically it is MADE OF GREEN AND GORGEOUSNESS AND PRETTY FLOWERS/WEEDS.
*Hilariously, at least some of this appears to have been so he could later chainsaw the fuck out of them when he's cranky. WE NEVER RUN OUT OF FIREWOOD.
Backstory: I live in the middle of nowhere. You have to drive seven minutes to hit the ege of town. A formative theme in my life? If you're going to town, it'd better be worth it. Aw, we get home and McDonald's gave us the wrong food? Fuck it, I'm not going back to town. You left you book at your mom's? Fuck it, I'm not going back to town.
So today, when I had to go to the library, all the way across town (a whole five minutes extra drive, but whatever), I ended up hitting up five different places for food. Drinks from Sonic, muffins from TK's, cookies from Subway, sammies & salad from Quizno's, and breadsticks from Little Caesar's. This is why I'm always the one who picks up the food.
2) There is a (slim) chance that I may get a better job/escape the Atwoods hellhole. Good thoughts?
3) I am...losing all patience with Atwoods. Do you know how fucking sick I am of having to bite my tongue about customers' rude/inappropriate/racist/liberal-bashing jackassery? But Atwoods is a farm store that caters to a conservative customer base and they make you sign a thing when you get hired that you understand that and no, of course you don't have a problem with it (it's in the handbook; you sign a thing agreeing you've read/will abide by the handbook). So I had to just suck it up and move on when a locally influential asshole joked about "You know how to get the guns out of the South? Tell 'em there's a coon headed for the White House! They'll be there by morning!". ALSO TIRED OF PEOPLE - 99% OF THEM OLDER MEN - ASKING ME PROBINGLY IF I KNOW THAT JESUS LOVES ME, OR WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I WENT TO CHURCH. I DO NOT CARE IF YOU MEAN WELL, KEEP YOUR CULT OUT OF MY WORKPLACE.
3b) PLEASE STOP MAKING ME WATCH YOU PERJURE YOURSELF. Do not ask me "should I sign my name or his?" IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE YOURS. YOU CAN LEGALLY ONLY SIGN YOUR NAME, FUCKWAD. And NO, your Shih Tzu's cans of Science Diet/your daughter's $50 Ariat shirt/your wife's $200 Ferrino boots/your ornamental trees are NOT "for farm use, take the tax off". Farm tax exemptable items must be DIRECTLY USED IN THE PRODUCTION OF AGRICULTURE. Every time you use your exempton, we give you a little piece of paper SAYING THAT and you sign it and YOU ARE IN HERE EVERY WEEK, HOW HAVE YOU NOT READ IT AT LEAST ONCE.
3c) I am pretty sure a disabled veteran's tax exemption is for the veteran/veteran's immediate family, not veteran/wife/children/grandchildren/cousins/friends/former sons-in-law!
4) Wow, that got kind of ranty. Sorry? I also spent a chunk of today thinking about how ridiculously awesome my grandma is? No, guys, she is so funny and mean and amazing that the most common reaction to meeting her is "why can't my grandma be like that?" We got in a slapfight once while driving! Jeannie, Atwoods employee voted Most Likely to Fucking Throw Down, freely admits that my grandma is scary and could kick her ass. Her reaction to open heart surgery? "Screw that, next time just let me die." She cooks better than everyone! She's the one who got me hooked on NCIS and House and CSI: New York and about 15 other shows
5) My yard is SO PRETTY. Dad went crazy one year and planted like 25 trees on top of the ones that came with the house when we bought it?* So there are more trees than anyone's ever counted (the yard is like, an acre-and-a-half, maybe?) and there are seven redbud trees clustered right in front of my north window (which runs basically the whole north wall of my room) and three or four mulberry trees out of my east window (right above my bed). Plus we're on a hill and have pasture (not ours) bordering us to the south and west and basically it is MADE OF GREEN AND GORGEOUSNESS AND PRETTY FLOWERS/WEEDS.
*Hilariously, at least some of this appears to have been so he could later chainsaw the fuck out of them when he's cranky. WE NEVER RUN OUT OF FIREWOOD.