My Big Fat Talladega Weekend
I have been on the road all week and this is the first chance that I have had to write of my Talladega adventure last weekend. So, here is my tale, dumb and juvenile as it is.
I am about to break one of the cardinal rules of Talladega. “What happens in Talladega stays in Talladega”, but since none of you know any of the people involved and I have changed the names to protect the guilty, then I think it will be ok. So here goes...
After a long difficult day I got to my stepson’s (Sean) house about 10-pm Thursday night. We loaded my stuff into the camper and went to pick up the other couple that were staying with us, then finally we were headed south. The trip was pretty uneventful until we got near the exit to the track when we hit a traffic jam. When we worked our way up we realized that there was an old motor home overturned in the middle of the interstate. The state troopers were already there redirecting traffic. That’s when I noticed a guy standing up on the upturned side of the motor home. He had on a pair of cut off jeans, no shirt, one shoe and a Rusty Wallace hat. He was happily waving to all of the cars as they passed. We all waved back at him. He hollered RUSTY! WOOOOOO! This was when I knew that we were in for a crazy weekend.
We finally got into the infield and got the campsite all set up at about 2:00 am. Then we set out to find Sean’s friends. This was when I finally got to meet the gang I was going to be hanging out with for the next three days. We found them all together sitting under a huge canopy they had set up. Introductions were made all around and I found a place to sit and observe the group. I have always been a student of human behavior and it was fun to just sit and watch them. They are all early 30 something and have known each other since high school. I suddenly realized that they were very much like many other groups that I have known over the years. I have included myself in this group. I won’t tell you which one I am. Here they are.
Skinny Hippie Dude, Pretty Boy, Comedian, Smart ass, Weirdo that everyone makes fun of, a couple of Sweet Girls that used to be really pretty but have eaten a little too well since having children and the Good Natured Husbands who love them, Divorced Pretty Girl that shows off what she has, the other girls act like they like her, but really don’t, Quite Guy, Bad ass, Trouble maker, Peace Maker, Average Joe and his Sexy Wife and last but not least the Big Guy with a heart of gold.
The weekend went something like this.
Everyone begins drinking early Friday. We watch the IROC and Bush guys practice then the Winston Cups drivers qualify for Sunday’s race. Good-natured husbands start grill and cook burgers and hotdogs while their wives lay out all the goodies to go with them. Everyone eats and then the heavy drinking starts. The sun sets and the place begins to come alive. Everywhere you walk you can hear music blasting. Skynayrd, Hank Jr., Kid Rock, ZZ Top, every type of rock music and strangely enough hip-hop.
Trouble maker talks Average Joe, Smart Ass, Weirdo and Bad Ass into taking shots of Yaegermeister and they begin to get stupid. Weirdo does a little dance and everyone laughs. Pretty Boy shows up with some girl he has picked up. Quite Guy says nothing. Hippy Dude smokes a joint and wants to talk about the nature of the universe. Divorced Pretty Girl shows up in short shorts and a half top with no bra. The other girls roll their eyes and make sure the husbands are not checking her out. They are. So are all of the other guys. Comedian makes joke and everyone laughs way too much. Weirdo falls over the woodpile. Everyone laughs even harder. Much drinking and dancing. People walking up and down the road in various states of drunkenness. Girls are showing their boobs for beads. There are about 50,000 people in the infield and it is one big party. It is Redneck Mardi Gras.
Trouble Maker, Bad Ass, Smart Ass and Average Joe get into an argument with another group of drunks and everyone wants to fight. Peace Maker tries to break it up with no success and Big Guy finally has to step in and threaten to whip all of their asses. Fight breaks up. Weirdo somehow gets zipped up in a sleeping bag and can’t get out. Smart Ass and Comedian make fun of him. Sexy wife is mad at Average Joe for acting the fool. They make up and go into camper and lock the door. Camper rocking. Weirdo passes out tangled up in the sleeping bag. Trouble Maker, Bad Ass and Smart Ass disappear into the night. Pretty Boy shows up with another girl. Comedian, Peacemaker and Quite Guy crash. Couples go to bed. Big Guy sits with Hippy Dude and explains the nature of the universe to him. Hippie Guy falls asleep in his chair with a confused look on his face. Big Guy sits and looks at the fire and decides that he is too old for this crap. The night finally winds down about 4:00 am and everyone gets some sleep.
Next morning everyone is hung over. Sweet Girls make big breakfast. Someone finally gets Weirdo out of his sleeping bag. Trouble Maker and Bad Ass show up with black eyes. Pretty Boy and another girl crawl out of tent. Divorced Girl shows up in cut-off jeans and bathing suite top. Eyes roll, guys look The rest of group roll out of bed and eat. Cup cars are on the track for happy hour. Then the Bush and IROC races take place. Big dinner cooked again. Steaks with all kinds of trimmings. Great eats. Then the sun begins to go down and the place starts to rock again. Pretty much a repeat of the night before. Party goes on to the wee hours of the morning. Big Guy drinks a little too much and finally lets his hair down, but doesn’t get too crazy, then he is positive that he is too old for this crap. Night ends, everyone crashes.
Sunday is the big day. Winston Cup racing at it’s best. Race is exciting and fun is had by all. Finally the day is over, everything is packed up and everyone heads back to their homes to resume their normal lives....Until the September race that is.
I am about to break one of the cardinal rules of Talladega. “What happens in Talladega stays in Talladega”, but since none of you know any of the people involved and I have changed the names to protect the guilty, then I think it will be ok. So here goes...
After a long difficult day I got to my stepson’s (Sean) house about 10-pm Thursday night. We loaded my stuff into the camper and went to pick up the other couple that were staying with us, then finally we were headed south. The trip was pretty uneventful until we got near the exit to the track when we hit a traffic jam. When we worked our way up we realized that there was an old motor home overturned in the middle of the interstate. The state troopers were already there redirecting traffic. That’s when I noticed a guy standing up on the upturned side of the motor home. He had on a pair of cut off jeans, no shirt, one shoe and a Rusty Wallace hat. He was happily waving to all of the cars as they passed. We all waved back at him. He hollered RUSTY! WOOOOOO! This was when I knew that we were in for a crazy weekend.
We finally got into the infield and got the campsite all set up at about 2:00 am. Then we set out to find Sean’s friends. This was when I finally got to meet the gang I was going to be hanging out with for the next three days. We found them all together sitting under a huge canopy they had set up. Introductions were made all around and I found a place to sit and observe the group. I have always been a student of human behavior and it was fun to just sit and watch them. They are all early 30 something and have known each other since high school. I suddenly realized that they were very much like many other groups that I have known over the years. I have included myself in this group. I won’t tell you which one I am. Here they are.
Skinny Hippie Dude, Pretty Boy, Comedian, Smart ass, Weirdo that everyone makes fun of, a couple of Sweet Girls that used to be really pretty but have eaten a little too well since having children and the Good Natured Husbands who love them, Divorced Pretty Girl that shows off what she has, the other girls act like they like her, but really don’t, Quite Guy, Bad ass, Trouble maker, Peace Maker, Average Joe and his Sexy Wife and last but not least the Big Guy with a heart of gold.
The weekend went something like this.
Everyone begins drinking early Friday. We watch the IROC and Bush guys practice then the Winston Cups drivers qualify for Sunday’s race. Good-natured husbands start grill and cook burgers and hotdogs while their wives lay out all the goodies to go with them. Everyone eats and then the heavy drinking starts. The sun sets and the place begins to come alive. Everywhere you walk you can hear music blasting. Skynayrd, Hank Jr., Kid Rock, ZZ Top, every type of rock music and strangely enough hip-hop.
Trouble maker talks Average Joe, Smart Ass, Weirdo and Bad Ass into taking shots of Yaegermeister and they begin to get stupid. Weirdo does a little dance and everyone laughs. Pretty Boy shows up with some girl he has picked up. Quite Guy says nothing. Hippy Dude smokes a joint and wants to talk about the nature of the universe. Divorced Pretty Girl shows up in short shorts and a half top with no bra. The other girls roll their eyes and make sure the husbands are not checking her out. They are. So are all of the other guys. Comedian makes joke and everyone laughs way too much. Weirdo falls over the woodpile. Everyone laughs even harder. Much drinking and dancing. People walking up and down the road in various states of drunkenness. Girls are showing their boobs for beads. There are about 50,000 people in the infield and it is one big party. It is Redneck Mardi Gras.
Trouble Maker, Bad Ass, Smart Ass and Average Joe get into an argument with another group of drunks and everyone wants to fight. Peace Maker tries to break it up with no success and Big Guy finally has to step in and threaten to whip all of their asses. Fight breaks up. Weirdo somehow gets zipped up in a sleeping bag and can’t get out. Smart Ass and Comedian make fun of him. Sexy wife is mad at Average Joe for acting the fool. They make up and go into camper and lock the door. Camper rocking. Weirdo passes out tangled up in the sleeping bag. Trouble Maker, Bad Ass and Smart Ass disappear into the night. Pretty Boy shows up with another girl. Comedian, Peacemaker and Quite Guy crash. Couples go to bed. Big Guy sits with Hippy Dude and explains the nature of the universe to him. Hippie Guy falls asleep in his chair with a confused look on his face. Big Guy sits and looks at the fire and decides that he is too old for this crap. The night finally winds down about 4:00 am and everyone gets some sleep.
Next morning everyone is hung over. Sweet Girls make big breakfast. Someone finally gets Weirdo out of his sleeping bag. Trouble Maker and Bad Ass show up with black eyes. Pretty Boy and another girl crawl out of tent. Divorced Girl shows up in cut-off jeans and bathing suite top. Eyes roll, guys look The rest of group roll out of bed and eat. Cup cars are on the track for happy hour. Then the Bush and IROC races take place. Big dinner cooked again. Steaks with all kinds of trimmings. Great eats. Then the sun begins to go down and the place starts to rock again. Pretty much a repeat of the night before. Party goes on to the wee hours of the morning. Big Guy drinks a little too much and finally lets his hair down, but doesn’t get too crazy, then he is positive that he is too old for this crap. Night ends, everyone crashes.
Sunday is the big day. Winston Cup racing at it’s best. Race is exciting and fun is had by all. Finally the day is over, everything is packed up and everyone heads back to their homes to resume their normal lives....Until the September race that is.