We've hit a slump: Exploits on Live, Too Human, Mad World, The English
I've done a string of short posts, but haven't done a long blog post in a while. And now, I've got some stuff that really moves me to write about it.
Too Human (Maybe TOO Human)
*Ba-dum-che!*
Everyone and their mother (and me!) downloaded the demo of Too Human. In case you don't know, this game has existed before Jesus walked the Earth and rode on a velociraptor to chase off the German occupation of Poland.
Back in 1999, Silicon Knights promised PS1 owners everywhere an epic 5 disc sci-fi, Norse mythology inspired game (In an age when developers could use the number of discs as a preverbial dick wanking contest).
Unfortunately (or fortunately, for Nintendo at least) Silicon Knights got sidetracked into making Eternal Darkness. The world waited with bated and confused breath, wanting to see where is this Too Human they promised? Personally, I remembered every year, Too Human had a cover feature on EGM, Gamepro, Tips & Tricks (when it was still around), Play, and Cosmo Girl, and I wondered, "It's still not out?"
Cut to present day, and we can now expect Too Human to be released on our shiny (if not overheating) 360s. They let loose a demo on the marketplace and scans were leaked of the first review ever. So how's a game that's literally 9 years in the making?
It definitely felt that old. I'll be honest and say I'm naturally biased against hack n slashers because I find them boring. The only exception to this were Dynasty Warriors: Gundam (for the gundam) and No More Heroes (because Suda is a cool and hip man).
Too Human does things right by having your right stick translate into multi-directional attacks a la Ape Escape. However, as the demo goes, it commits what I feel is a cardinal sin of demos: long cut scenes. I didn't download a video, I downloaded a demo. I expect to get some gameplay to see how the game plays, and yet I'm not only bombarded by cut scenes, but also cinematic gameplay where I'm still in control, but am expect to not hack n slash yet in this distinctly hack n slash game.
The menus were a problem for me too. Where have I seen them before?
FUCKING MASS EFFECT
The equipment and status screens were relatively small with proportionally small text, and lots of times, the process off equipping was unexplained in some details. Things aren't helped when we find leaked review scans giving it a 6/10 essentially. 9 years of development have paid for for a game that equals your barnyard Dynasty Warriors game.
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Nintendo's demographic juggling act
On one hand, you have cutesy shovelware like Kung Fu Panda and Ninja Gingerbread Man (I am not kidding) and Balls of Fury ("Tell your grandma to turn the car around"). On the other hand you have something like Mad World coming out. The last thing I'm going to stand for is another damn Ubisoft game revolving around a mammalian species with a damn Z swapped in for it's plural form. But we have English watchdog groups and press going into a media frenzy like GTA IV: 2nd Coming has been released (I apologize for that one!)
We have your usual violence and depravity banter going on here that close listeners of Jackie Thompson should be familiar with. The hook here though is that this is Nintendo we're talking about. Since day one, it's touted to have reached a broader and unexpected demographic with stuff like Wii Sports and Mario Party XIII. Enter 2008 and Nintendo is also going to defend itself, saying it's still about being bros before hoes and hasn't forgotten the hardcore demographic.
Ok, ok, ok, I understand you're trying to be accomodating, but at this point, you can't possibly bow out gracefully. The only way to soften the media backlash at this point is to have a shooter starring a baby soldier where headshots spout out candy pink soda (dibs on the intellectual rights!)
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You are going to need MUCH bigger gun!
Valve is readying the Heavy update as we speak, and I personally cannot wait to see his last item (though it's probably a sandwich. No, that's not a joke).
I can't play TF2 like I can play Halo 3 and CoD4, but I still play those two. In fact, it's been nearly 6 months, and I've finally reached skill rank 30 on Halo 3, officially becoming a Major. I'm now in the upper echelons of the Halo ranks, having proven myself on the playlists, completed Legendary, and breaking the 30 rank barrier.
CoD4? Yeah, still fighting that nade spam, but I'm almost at the end of my 2nd prestige, lvl 51 on my first prestige, but no, I'm not doing it again. Prestige may be about bragging rights, but at in Halo, you've earned that skill rank. In CoD4, you've just grinded (ground?) your way to a shiny badge.
Swat is great fun, plus it's ranked. Only thing in my way is low ping. Damn you Verizon and your cruddy modem with restrictive NAT!
My Bungie/Halo profile
Great personalization. Infinity Ward's website for CoD4? Essentially a commercial website hawking positive quotes and reviews with just a forum for it's community. Bungie? You can submit your own news if it's worthy. Regular playlist changes and Double EXP Weekends. I love visiting Bungie.net periodically.