Insert witty title here
I'm tired, but I'm going to make an effort to write a half-decent post.
===
I think I mentioned how tired I was feeling earlier this week ever since coming back from Victoria. No matter how much sleep I got, I still felt like crap. It didn't help that work was hell this week - running experiments that take two days to complete, fucking them up and then repeating them ad nauseum. It's not fun.
Science is not fun.
I come home frustrated and angry, and I hate it. It's a different job this time around, and I catch myself wondering: do I really want to do this for the next few years? the rest of my life?
It's a scary thought, to second-guess myself after years of committing myself to this discipline.
I hope I'm wrong. I hope that maybe I'm still just trying to find my place in this field.
I'm pretty sure I'm in the wrong lab. I'm surrounded by people I can't comfortably say hi to in the morning without feeling as if I've annoyed them. By people who think less of me, who ignore me, who probably talk behind my back.
I told them that I'll stay if they can guarantee they can keep paying me, but I say that because I'm afraid that I won't be able to find a job elsewhere. Finding jobs, especially in this field, isn't about how smart you are, it's who you know - and I know no one.
I'm attending a career fair Tuesday night. Hopefully it will point me in the right direction. Now all I have to do is brush up my resume and make myself appear better on paper than in reality.
Nice.
===
I attended my very first life drawing class last night at Emily Carr. It was an interesting experience, but terrifying at the same time since I don't know anyone there.
I was nervous too because I've never been to a life drawing class before. No... not because of the nude model, but because I lacked confidence in my artistic ability. Being surrounded by art students and hobbyists is intimidating. Compared to them, my drawings are rather cartoonish.
It was nice to notice though, that I was not that bad, at least compared to some of the people I was sitting with. I definitely need to improve if I want to achieve something close to realism.
The model last night looked uncannily like John Malkovich, except... well, nude. It starts off with one-minute poses, to five-minutes, ten, fifteen, etc.
It was a neat experience, trying to get the gesture down before time ran out. This is probably something I'll continue to do. I need something like this - something that's not in any way related to work. Others do intramural sports, but since I suck at sports, this is the next best thing.
I'd post some drawings, but I don't think anyone would appreciate nude drawings of John Malkovich. It's rather creepy and potentially homo-erotic.
===
I left the drawing session halfway to meet up with Lyle to check out some acoustic performances at a cafe downtown. A friend of his was performing, and a bunch of people from his faculty (pharmacy) were there to support him.
They were nice performances. Not exactly my kind of music, but the last guy was great. His set was short, but I liked his songs the best. He had a good voice, and his guitar work was impressive.
We went to play five-pin bowling afterwards. I realized that I really, really suck at bowling. I kept throwing the ball to the left and hitting the gutter. Needless to say, I lost horrendously.
I figured it out by the second game and did slightly better, but still... bowling is just not for me.
We wandered around downtown afterwards looking for a place to drink, but everywhere there were either lines, or ridiculously expensive cover. We settled in a small bar/restaurant on Davie for some nachos and then went home.
===
In other news, I'm still working on the UVic/faculty t-shirts. I made a quick one to submit for this semester's pubcrawl. I heard nothing back, so I assume I lost the vote. The theme was "biohazard" on a red shirt, so I made this:
It's the poison symbol made with a bunch of little biohazard symbols. I thought it'd make for a cool shirt. Not in red though... It's cool in black, but then that defeats the purpose of writing on pubcrawl shirts. Ah well.
I'm still working on the others. It just sucks that I'm limited to three colours when four would've been perfect...
C'est la vie.
===
Apologies for the long post/rant.
Goodnight.
===
I think I mentioned how tired I was feeling earlier this week ever since coming back from Victoria. No matter how much sleep I got, I still felt like crap. It didn't help that work was hell this week - running experiments that take two days to complete, fucking them up and then repeating them ad nauseum. It's not fun.
Science is not fun.
I come home frustrated and angry, and I hate it. It's a different job this time around, and I catch myself wondering: do I really want to do this for the next few years? the rest of my life?
It's a scary thought, to second-guess myself after years of committing myself to this discipline.
I hope I'm wrong. I hope that maybe I'm still just trying to find my place in this field.
I'm pretty sure I'm in the wrong lab. I'm surrounded by people I can't comfortably say hi to in the morning without feeling as if I've annoyed them. By people who think less of me, who ignore me, who probably talk behind my back.
I told them that I'll stay if they can guarantee they can keep paying me, but I say that because I'm afraid that I won't be able to find a job elsewhere. Finding jobs, especially in this field, isn't about how smart you are, it's who you know - and I know no one.
I'm attending a career fair Tuesday night. Hopefully it will point me in the right direction. Now all I have to do is brush up my resume and make myself appear better on paper than in reality.
Nice.
===
I attended my very first life drawing class last night at Emily Carr. It was an interesting experience, but terrifying at the same time since I don't know anyone there.
I was nervous too because I've never been to a life drawing class before. No... not because of the nude model, but because I lacked confidence in my artistic ability. Being surrounded by art students and hobbyists is intimidating. Compared to them, my drawings are rather cartoonish.
It was nice to notice though, that I was not that bad, at least compared to some of the people I was sitting with. I definitely need to improve if I want to achieve something close to realism.
The model last night looked uncannily like John Malkovich, except... well, nude. It starts off with one-minute poses, to five-minutes, ten, fifteen, etc.
It was a neat experience, trying to get the gesture down before time ran out. This is probably something I'll continue to do. I need something like this - something that's not in any way related to work. Others do intramural sports, but since I suck at sports, this is the next best thing.
I'd post some drawings, but I don't think anyone would appreciate nude drawings of John Malkovich. It's rather creepy and potentially homo-erotic.
===
I left the drawing session halfway to meet up with Lyle to check out some acoustic performances at a cafe downtown. A friend of his was performing, and a bunch of people from his faculty (pharmacy) were there to support him.
They were nice performances. Not exactly my kind of music, but the last guy was great. His set was short, but I liked his songs the best. He had a good voice, and his guitar work was impressive.
We went to play five-pin bowling afterwards. I realized that I really, really suck at bowling. I kept throwing the ball to the left and hitting the gutter. Needless to say, I lost horrendously.
I figured it out by the second game and did slightly better, but still... bowling is just not for me.
We wandered around downtown afterwards looking for a place to drink, but everywhere there were either lines, or ridiculously expensive cover. We settled in a small bar/restaurant on Davie for some nachos and then went home.
===
In other news, I'm still working on the UVic/faculty t-shirts. I made a quick one to submit for this semester's pubcrawl. I heard nothing back, so I assume I lost the vote. The theme was "biohazard" on a red shirt, so I made this:
It's the poison symbol made with a bunch of little biohazard symbols. I thought it'd make for a cool shirt. Not in red though... It's cool in black, but then that defeats the purpose of writing on pubcrawl shirts. Ah well.
I'm still working on the others. It just sucks that I'm limited to three colours when four would've been perfect...
C'est la vie.
===
Apologies for the long post/rant.
Goodnight.