I still exist
Been away for a while. Things are busy, so this is likely to continue.
For those of you not friended to me on facebook, here's the summary.
Moved six miles away from the last house I was at in April of last year. Sorta got settled in. Stuff happened. In December I had a dental abscess, which had me go to the emergency room at 8 pm Sunday night to see if they thought urgent antibiotics were warranted.
Blood pressure was 200/150, so I was admitted for three days or so under the possible diagnosis of HOLY SHIT, WE THINK SHE'S HAVING A STROKE since I was having some speech impairment. Then after a CT, an echocardiogram, and an MRI, they released me with a diagnosis of "We have NO FUCKING IDEA. Go get some teeth pulled".
Went to the dentist. That poor man. That poor, poor man. I think he was terrified I expected him to *fix* my teeth. I've never heard someone pitch into "let's rip it all out and give you dentures" so fast, ever. I think he was really surprised that I was happy and relieved to hear him say that.
Went to doctor, got BP meds, they are mostly working pretty well.
Got referral to oral surgeon. He did the Tron sounding x-ray and came in rubbing the back of his neck. "Your teeth are... honey, your teeth are bad. They're really *bad*."
Yes, Doc. I know that. They're in MY mouth and it's kinda hard to miss.
Three teeth removed emergently. Versed is some AMAZING SHIT, YO. Insurance took care of most of that, and about used up all the benefits. So it's about 8K for the dentures and having the rest of my teeth extracted and an alveoplasty where they basically take a carpenter's plane to your jawbones (AND IF ONE OF YOU FUCKERS SAYS "DENTAL COLLEGE" WITHOUT GOOGLIN' UP DENTAL COLLEGE LOCATIONS AND CHECKING THE WEBSITE FOR WHAT THEY REQUIRE IN A PATIENT, I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS!!!) So we put up a gofundme me here: http://www.gofundme.com/1w805cf and if you scroll down a bit, we even posted a picture of the Panorex.
Then in April I sneezed.
Big deal, I know, except that I cracked one of my last few molars down to the nerve, so that was another 3 teeth emergently extracted for a cool grand. Yeah, I could probably find someone cheaper, but I'm kind of liking the lack of infection, and the smooth postoperative course. Anyone in Atlanta needs a maxillofacial surgeon, hit me up, THIS GUY IS A GOD.
So then we thought "We are totally out of fucks to give, and so is everyone we know HEY OH MY GOD WE SHOULD SELL THOSE!!!!!"
http://www.fuckstogive.com
You're welcome.
All proceeds stop briefly in my pocket before going to the oral surgeon. When that is done, and I am promoted from Satan's Handjob Mistress (WHAT THE FUCK, EX-HUSBAND? WHAT DOES THAT JOB EVEN ENTAIL? DO I SCHEDULE THE HANDJOBS? DO I GIVE THE HANDJOBS? DO I JUST GIVE PERMISSION FOR THE HANDJOBS? ARE THEY GIVEN BY OR TO SATAN, OR MERELY APPROVED BY HIM? I CANNOT DRESS FOR THE POSITION IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT DOES!!! DO I WEAR LEATHER, OR VINYL, OR WHAT? HELP ME OUT, HERE!!!) anyway, to Toothless Soul Sucking Hag, then Daughterface need 3K in dental work, so... it will be a while before we actually see any monetary profit for fun stuff.
...I'm pretty cool with that.
I've been blessed with a surprising number of gifts on the gofundme, and we're like halfway there.
Then I went to D'Face's doctor and she ran bloodwork and stuff, and she was all OMG YOU AREN'T DIGESTING HAVE YOU CONSIDERED ENZYMES and I was all "HEY, I HEAR MOLARS HELP THAT" and she was all "D'oh! You are so right!" and then we talked about my Vitamin D level (a 6!) and my HbA1c (a 6.4) and we talked about diet vs metformin. So, we decided to try diet and we agreed that basically Paleo would be pretty good, and I got a glucometer to match my blood pressure machine thingy and now I have discovered that carbs are bad.
No, all of them. I can manage about 20 grams a day. So basically, I can have broccoli and cauliflower and turnips and butternut squash and leafy green things and roasted peppers, butter and cheese and heavy cream, and beef and goat.
Because APPARENTLY I wind up with an inflammatory reaction to coffee, chicken, salmon, pork, and swordfish WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK, BODY???? Y U SUCH AN ASSHOLE???
But when I keep the carbs away, my blood sugar is like between 90-120, so that's good, and it means I can probably stave off the need for medication. As long as I stay away from all sugars, and all grains. Seriously, even fucking quinoa jacks my blood glucose up. Also, every artificial sweetener on the planet is disgusting. Yes, even Stevia, Truvia, and monkfruit extract. So I have to drink unsweetened tea now, and water, and ... that's about it, really.
SO THIS IS WHY I HAVEN'T POSTED IN A WHILE. I'VE BEEN BUSY DETERIORATING.
I wonder if that weird funky pain I've been having in my right index bone for the last year or two has been related to the low Vitamin D level, which apparently means I have a ticket to the osteomalacia lottery YAAAAAAAAAAAY. So every night now, I get to practice swallowing. Fish oil, two BP meds, COQ10, Vitamin D, some herbal thing for "brain calm", a multivitamin, and an adrenal gland supplement because apparently I am stressed to the motherfucking eyeballs.
So, now that you've read this essay, I hope you'll forgive me for not having been on LJ. If there's something I need to see, please feel free to tag it in the comments.
For those of you not friended to me on facebook, here's the summary.
Moved six miles away from the last house I was at in April of last year. Sorta got settled in. Stuff happened. In December I had a dental abscess, which had me go to the emergency room at 8 pm Sunday night to see if they thought urgent antibiotics were warranted.
Blood pressure was 200/150, so I was admitted for three days or so under the possible diagnosis of HOLY SHIT, WE THINK SHE'S HAVING A STROKE since I was having some speech impairment. Then after a CT, an echocardiogram, and an MRI, they released me with a diagnosis of "We have NO FUCKING IDEA. Go get some teeth pulled".
Went to the dentist. That poor man. That poor, poor man. I think he was terrified I expected him to *fix* my teeth. I've never heard someone pitch into "let's rip it all out and give you dentures" so fast, ever. I think he was really surprised that I was happy and relieved to hear him say that.
Went to doctor, got BP meds, they are mostly working pretty well.
Got referral to oral surgeon. He did the Tron sounding x-ray and came in rubbing the back of his neck. "Your teeth are... honey, your teeth are bad. They're really *bad*."
Yes, Doc. I know that. They're in MY mouth and it's kinda hard to miss.
Three teeth removed emergently. Versed is some AMAZING SHIT, YO. Insurance took care of most of that, and about used up all the benefits. So it's about 8K for the dentures and having the rest of my teeth extracted and an alveoplasty where they basically take a carpenter's plane to your jawbones (AND IF ONE OF YOU FUCKERS SAYS "DENTAL COLLEGE" WITHOUT GOOGLIN' UP DENTAL COLLEGE LOCATIONS AND CHECKING THE WEBSITE FOR WHAT THEY REQUIRE IN A PATIENT, I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS!!!) So we put up a gofundme me here: http://www.gofundme.com/1w805cf and if you scroll down a bit, we even posted a picture of the Panorex.
Then in April I sneezed.
Big deal, I know, except that I cracked one of my last few molars down to the nerve, so that was another 3 teeth emergently extracted for a cool grand. Yeah, I could probably find someone cheaper, but I'm kind of liking the lack of infection, and the smooth postoperative course. Anyone in Atlanta needs a maxillofacial surgeon, hit me up, THIS GUY IS A GOD.
So then we thought "We are totally out of fucks to give, and so is everyone we know HEY OH MY GOD WE SHOULD SELL THOSE!!!!!"
http://www.fuckstogive.com
You're welcome.
All proceeds stop briefly in my pocket before going to the oral surgeon. When that is done, and I am promoted from Satan's Handjob Mistress (WHAT THE FUCK, EX-HUSBAND? WHAT DOES THAT JOB EVEN ENTAIL? DO I SCHEDULE THE HANDJOBS? DO I GIVE THE HANDJOBS? DO I JUST GIVE PERMISSION FOR THE HANDJOBS? ARE THEY GIVEN BY OR TO SATAN, OR MERELY APPROVED BY HIM? I CANNOT DRESS FOR THE POSITION IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT DOES!!! DO I WEAR LEATHER, OR VINYL, OR WHAT? HELP ME OUT, HERE!!!) anyway, to Toothless Soul Sucking Hag, then Daughterface need 3K in dental work, so... it will be a while before we actually see any monetary profit for fun stuff.
...I'm pretty cool with that.
I've been blessed with a surprising number of gifts on the gofundme, and we're like halfway there.
Then I went to D'Face's doctor and she ran bloodwork and stuff, and she was all OMG YOU AREN'T DIGESTING HAVE YOU CONSIDERED ENZYMES and I was all "HEY, I HEAR MOLARS HELP THAT" and she was all "D'oh! You are so right!" and then we talked about my Vitamin D level (a 6!) and my HbA1c (a 6.4) and we talked about diet vs metformin. So, we decided to try diet and we agreed that basically Paleo would be pretty good, and I got a glucometer to match my blood pressure machine thingy and now I have discovered that carbs are bad.
No, all of them. I can manage about 20 grams a day. So basically, I can have broccoli and cauliflower and turnips and butternut squash and leafy green things and roasted peppers, butter and cheese and heavy cream, and beef and goat.
Because APPARENTLY I wind up with an inflammatory reaction to coffee, chicken, salmon, pork, and swordfish WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK, BODY???? Y U SUCH AN ASSHOLE???
But when I keep the carbs away, my blood sugar is like between 90-120, so that's good, and it means I can probably stave off the need for medication. As long as I stay away from all sugars, and all grains. Seriously, even fucking quinoa jacks my blood glucose up. Also, every artificial sweetener on the planet is disgusting. Yes, even Stevia, Truvia, and monkfruit extract. So I have to drink unsweetened tea now, and water, and ... that's about it, really.
SO THIS IS WHY I HAVEN'T POSTED IN A WHILE. I'VE BEEN BUSY DETERIORATING.
I wonder if that weird funky pain I've been having in my right index bone for the last year or two has been related to the low Vitamin D level, which apparently means I have a ticket to the osteomalacia lottery YAAAAAAAAAAAY. So every night now, I get to practice swallowing. Fish oil, two BP meds, COQ10, Vitamin D, some herbal thing for "brain calm", a multivitamin, and an adrenal gland supplement because apparently I am stressed to the motherfucking eyeballs.
So, now that you've read this essay, I hope you'll forgive me for not having been on LJ. If there's something I need to see, please feel free to tag it in the comments.