Why Do You Let Me Stay Here? - Chapter 10
Story Title: Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?
Chapter: (10) Don't Even Think It
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: MA/NC-17
Details: AU-AH,OOC
Summary: Bella knows two things: she's completely in love with best friend, Edward, and there's no way he could ever love her back. Her feelings of insecurity lead her to make hasty decisions with major consequences. Who will be left standing in the end?
Disclaimer: My birth certificate doesn’t say Stephenie Meyer so I’m not making millions of dollars off this shit.
Edward’s massage and the hot, swirling water had done wonders for my back and I was definitely ready for round two, even if we’d just had a serious discussion about marriage and our relationship. Who cares about commitment when you can have mind-blowing sex? Not me.
“God, I really wanted to make it to the bed this time,” Edward moaned as I began to strategically move my lower half against his.
“It’s ok. We have plenty of time for that,” I quietly replied before attacking his ear with my lips.
He let out little sounds of pleasure, which only amped up my libido even more. Last night he’d been in charge and it was my turn at the plate. Batter up.
“Edward?”
“Hmmm?”
“You know how I really like you talking to me last night?”
His eyes shot open with this question and his body stiffened so much that I pulled away to make sure that I hadn’t done something wrong. When I looked into his eyes, I was met with pure, unadulterated desire. The smirk spread across my lips before I could help it and I knew that Edward would definitely let me take control of this encounter. After a few more moments, he nodded his head in the affirmative and I had no choice but to continue on with my plan.
“Well, I hope you won’t mind me reciprocating.”
He shook his head from side to side while I allowed myself to straddle his lap, my feet flat on the Jacuzzi seat. I knew what he wanted and I knew what I wanted, but I couldn’t help but tease him a little bit. I rubbed against his upper thighs while keeping as far away from his arousal as possible. The growl emanating from his chest became louder the longer I stayed away from him and I couldn’t help but be turned on even more by it.
Growling during foreplay is a definite plus. Must file that note away for future reference.
Finally, I allowed myself to rub up against him, but managed to keep his swollen head as far away from my entrance as possible. Then I began to leave open-mouthed kisses starting behind his ear down to the small valley in between his collar bones. His eyes were closed and his head leaned back against the edge of the tub. If I hadn’t noticed that his knuckles were white, I would have thought that I was barely affecting him. As it was, I knew that this was torture for him…but in the best way. As I looked upon his relaxed face, my mind wondered about different possibilities. I’d been told by every single boyfriend that I was particularly good with my mouth. That’s how many sexual relationships began anyway…rounding the bases in order, but it was one I’d never hit with Edward. We’d gone straight from second to a home run. Would he enjoy it now or did he simply want to fuck my brains out? There was only one way to find out.
“Edward, baby, sit on the ledge for me?” I whispered into his ear. The huskiness of my voice surprised me, but I was pleased with myself because that would make the proposition that much more appealing to him.
He opened his eyes after a moment and his normally light green eyes were dark and heavy lidded with lust. It took every fiber of control I had to not just ram myself onto him right then. Slowly, he nodded and lifted himself to sit up on the ledge, almost completely out of the swirling water. I placed myself in a kneeling position in the seat that he had just occupied and was pleased to be face-to-face with his erect cock.
Upon seeing it up close, I couldn’t help but take him down in one swift movement and sucked as hard as I could. The groans coming from him simply drove me further. I continued to suck on my way back up and massaged his head with my tongue as he was almost completely out of my mouth before diving back down. I did this for a few minutes and when his moans and grunts became louder, I knew that he was close and there was only one thing left for me to do. I took a deep breath through my nose before taking him all the way into my mouth before swallowing him down my throat. Almost instantly, I felt him shoot down my throat with a murmured “fuck!”
I couldn’t help but be pretty pleased with myself. I’d gotten him off and didn’t even need to go for the balls. I’d been told by Alice and Rose that not needing to ‘palm the balls’ was the sign of a good blow job. I’d had to do it for a boyfriend here and there through college, but I was excited that Edward hadn’t needed it - what I’d planned on giving was enough.
After a few moments, Edward slid back into the tub and brought me back onto his lap.
“Can I tell you a secret?” he asked quietly.
I nodded, too aroused to say anything that wasn’t “fuck me now please.”
“I’ve never had a girl deep throat me before and that was by far the sexiest fucking thing ever.”
With that, he proceeded to stick his tongue into my mouth for a pretty hot make-out session. A few minutes in, I felt his hand traveling towards my happy place and panicked a little bit. It’s not that I didn’t want him to get me off, but I honestly wanted to fuck him. I didn’t care about the whole giving and receiving rule that so often accompanied giving oral right now. So when he palmed me, I began softly trailing my fingers along his semi-hard dick. I figured between my feather-light touches and the water, it wouldn’t be long before he was ready to go again.
He began to slip his fingers into me and I pulled away. The look of confusion on his face made my heart leap - he thought I didn’t want him, which was absurd after what I’d just done to him.
“No baby, I want more. I want your cock. Nothing will ever feel as good as your cock,” I said, remembering my promise from earlier, and fully grabbed onto him and stroked up and down to speed up the process.
I couldn’t stop my snicker upon hearing a loud THUMP! when his head hit the edge of the Jacuzzi. He ignored it completely and started thrusting up into my hand. I’m pretty sure he was ready now.
“You want to stick your big, fat cock in me, don’t you?” I asked as I continued to meet his thrusts with my strokes.
“Y-y-yes. God, yes,” he stuttered.
Having this power over him was overwhelming. This man that I had fantasized about for years was now at my mercy…ready to go less than 30 minutes after being sucked off - and he wasn’t in high school! I couldn’t help that my ego inflated a little when I thought about my ability to do this to him.
“You want to fucking impale me, don’t you? Make it so that I forget every name but yours?”
“Fuck yes!”
“Now tell me, baby, will I be able to walk in the morning?”
With a mangled growl, he grabbed my arms - effectively stopping my strokes - and turned me around so that my back was pressed against his chest.
“You aren’t leaving the fucking bed tomorrow,” he snarled before slamming into me.
Jesus Christ.
He supported me at the hips and helped me bounce up and down on his cock. I tried reaching behind me to grab onto him somehow, but nothing doin’. So I did the next best thing, I palmed my tits and went to town playing with my nipples. No sooner had I started then all movements ceased.
What.
The.
Fuck.
“Isabella, that is my job. Now remove your hands from those glorious tits of yours before I have to remove them for you,” Edward sneered into my ear.
Slowly, I let my hands fall down to my lap. I’d lost control of the situation, but I was totally ok with that at this point.
He took my hands out of my lap and clamped them on the side of the tub, much like his had been earlier. Before I knew what hit me, his hands were all over my breasts, feeling ten times better than my hands ever had.
“Now ride me, baby. Ride me until you fucking come.”
And I did.
After spending some ‘quality time’ together in the Jacuzzi, we finally got dressed for the day. I didn’t exactly want Edward showing back up at Esme and Carlisle’s with sex written all over his face, so I gave him the biggest, baggiest clothes I owned while I washed some of the clothes he had worn the day before and some he found in his trunk - I didn’t even want to think about how long they’d been in there. We spent the rest of the day doing nothing of consequence like renting movies on Pay-Per-View and arguing over what to have for lunch and then dinner.
I felt truly at home that evening while I was preparing some fried potatoes and fresh broccoli when Edward popped his head in from the back porch where he was grilling steaks for dinner.
“Hey baby, can you get me a fresh plate to put the steaks on? They’re almost done,” he said as he set the plate he’d used to take them to the grill that was now stained with blood.
As I got the plate for him, I couldn’t help but think about how domesticated we were acting - making dinner together, truly together. Edward might have been grilling outside, but we were still preparing the meal together as we were working together like we just had. It was a little frightening at first, but then I realized that we’d known each other for so long that it was only natural for us to act this way. We could have easily been preparing dinner together like this even if we weren’t in a relationship. And thinking about it that way made me realize that there were certain other ‘couple-y’ things that we’d always done well together, movies and meals being prime examples.
I was an avid talker during movies and this had annoyed many a boyfriend past, but Edward talked just as much - if not more. And given that we were both having love affairs with Alpine burgers, it seemed that we were made for each other. Sure, there were other things that go into relationships, but that seemed good enough to me at the time.
A short while later we were sitting at the kitchen table, eating dinner and discussing Edward’s new job.
“So what exactly are you going to be doing for the FBI? I mean, you said you weren’t going to be a field agent…so what else would they need someone like you for?” I asked as I speared some broccoli.
“From what I understand, I’m helping analyze laws passed in the area that may cause problems or something. It honestly doesn’t interest me that much, but it’s hard to turn down a job at the FBI and especially with Charlie as a connection - I have great chances of moving up,” he said as he stared into his plate.
He’d always been so passionate about his job with the attorney general, I was sad that he didn’t seem to be as invested in this one. One he got started, I bet he’d like it a whole lot better, though.
I also realized that I was going to owe Charlie a thank you call. He loved all my friends, but he’d known, practically since the second I knew, that I loved Edward and had shown him favoritism in the least inconspicuous ways he could manage. Besides the job…Edward always got a Christmas present while the others did not. I felt bad, especially when Alice was always there at Christmas dinner, but it was usually only a gift card and he would try and give it to him when no one was looking, but I always saw. I never knew exactly what he got Edward, but one time we went to dinner and he used a gift card to pay and I wondered if that had been Charlie’s plan all along. Either way, my father was due a monstrous thank you whenever I had the balls to talk to him (I’d have to tell him about Edward and I, after all).
The rest of the week passed in a similar fashion. Edward spent the nights with me and we discussed trivial things in between all the bump and grind time. On Friday, he had to go into the city and fill out paperwork with human resources so I was left to my own devices. It was the first time I was really alone since Tuesday evening and I was lonely. I’d always been pretty independent and I never missed Alice too terribly whenever she travelled for work so I was a little surprised to find that I missed Edward, even though I knew he’d be back before dinner time.
Well, I guess this is what it would be like in Boston.
Boston.
Fuck me.
I’d completely forgotten about Boston.
Edward was planning his future around me, with my consent, but I’d entirely spaced on the fact that I would be living on an entirely different coast in four months time. It was times like these that I really wished I wasn’t such a fuck up. Who finally gets together with the supposed love of their life and conveniently forgets that they’re moving across the country? Me, apparently.
I was going to have to tell Edward.
Plain and simple.
He would understand. He would be upset that I hadn’t told him about, oh, four months earlier when I’d made the initial decision in September, but things would be ok in the end. They simply had to be ok.
He’d been upset Sunday morning when I asked him to go back to Carlisle and Esme’s, but I wasn’t ready for anyone to know about our new relationship - let alone Alice. Needless to say, my reluctance to share with our friends and family had already created some tension between us and then Alice kept badgering me about what I’d done with my week off, which didn’t help my temperament either. Then she went on and on about how I had this glow thing going on and wanted to know if I’d gone to this spa she’d heard about that took 10 years off - to which my reply was “I LOOK PUBESCENT TO YOU?”. My nerves were shot to hell as it was. Boston wasn’t just a secret I’d kept from Edward, but one I’d kept from everyone. Once I told him, I’d have to tell them all and I just didn’t think I was ready for that…at all.
“You’re acting funny,” Alice said as we were watching something on the Discovery Channel on Sunday evening.
“Ok…?”
I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to respond to that accusation. I knew I was acting weird, but that was because I felt weird. I’d spent the entire week with Edward, now he was gone and I didn’t know what to do with myself. It’s not like I could put the moves on Alice in hopes of getting a nice little night cap before going to sleep. Well, I could, I guess…but that’s just…ugh.
“Did anything happen while I was gone?”
Yes. Everything.
“Nothing important really.”
“Are you sure?”
“Alice, what are you getting at? Just spit it out, already.”
“You have the same look on your face that you normally have when you get a new boyfriend. So do you have a new boyfriend?”
I stared at the TV screen and pretended like we weren’t just having a conversation.
“ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND! AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!”
I cringed at the squeal that came from my best friend. I wanted to say that she was overreacting, but this would have been an appropriate response if she knew who said boyfriend actually was. If she did know, no doubt, the squealing would reach glass shattering peaks. This was something I’d grown used to with Alice a long time ago.
Tuesday Afternoon, Mid-January, Six Years Earlier
“Bella, a little birdie told me that they saw you at Dean and DeLuca with a scrumptious piece of manmeat,” Alice said as she plopped down onto our couch next to me.
God, Rose had a big mouth. I should have never introduced the two of them.
“He’s not manmeat,” I simply replied.
“Oh, so it’s true! I thought Rose was totally bluffing to get me off her back about Emmett! Ok, spill. I need details.”
“His name is Asher. We had poli sci together.”
She wasn’t getting anything out of me voluntarily.
“BEL-UH! You have to give me more than that!”
“More than what?” Edward asked as he walked through our front door.
I froze next to Alice. His fucking spare key. Goddamnit.
“Bella’s been spotted around town with a piece of manmeat dubbed Asher,” Alice replied.
I heard Edward stop dead in his tracks behind me. So he remembered the name…great.
“Um…you know what, I just remembered that I forgot something at the dorm. I’ll catch you guys for dinner.”
He scurried out the door before Alice could get a word in edgewise. Damnit, I was totally in for it now.
“What was that about Bella?”
“What?”
“Edward. He recognized the name Asher. Did something happen?”
“I don’t know, Alice. God, lay off, will you?”
Worst maneuver ever.
“I will not lay off! You just confirmed my suspicions. You and Edward haven’t been talking since we got back from New Year’s and, with his reaction right now, I bet it has something to do with this Asher character. Now…tell me.”
I sighed before beginning my embarrassing story.
“Well, you know that Sunday we got back and we went out?” she nodded her head. “When I kind of left you at Forum, I kind of…camebackherewithasher.”
“You what?”
Another sigh.
“I came back here with Asher.”
“Oh my god, Bella! How could you not tell me your cherry got popped!? That’s like the biggest news in best friend world!”
“Yeah, well, I was pretty gone so I don’t really remember much. Besides, I’m pretty sure a horse popped my cherry on your little horseback riding kick sophomore year,” I said, glaring at her. That experience had been pretty fucking horrific.
“Beside the point, Bella. You had sex! With Asher!”
“I did.”
“So where does Edward come into the picture?”
“Well, like I said, we came back here and…um…afterwards, well I wasn’t just going to kick him out into the cold so he stayed here. Sunday morning rolls around and Edward shows up, for Sunday brunch I suppose, and wakes Asher and I up by basically threatening Asher’s life. I was surprised he wasn’t holding a cleaver, the way he was acting.”
“Why was he so upset?”
“Your guess is as good as mine. I coaxed him into the living room and tore him a new one. He never got around to giving a real explanation as to why he was so upset.”
“And that’s why you guys haven’t been hanging around each other?”
“Yep. I don’t know what his problem is, but once he gets his head out of his ass, then we can talk.”
“Well, I have some ideas, but they’re moot at this point.”
I shot my eyebrow up at this. She had ideas? I wanted to know what they were, but I didn’t really want to prolong this conversation any more than I had to.
“So Asher was still interested after Edward’s lame attempt at death threats?” Alice asked after a moment of thinking.
“Yeah. I met him the next day and apologized for Edward. For some reason, he said that it was ok…as long as I didn’t care. I don’t know, I didn’t really understand what he meant. But, in the end, he said that he really liked me so we’ve been seeing each other a couple times a week since then. No biggie.”
“It is too a biggie! This is your first boyfriend, Ms. Swan!”
“I wouldn’t call him my boyfriend, Alice…”
“You’ve fucked. You’ve gone on dates. He’s your boyfriend.”
Well, when she put it like that…
Present Day
“Well!?” she shrieked impatiently.
“Well what?” I responded.
“Who is he? Do I know him?”
“It’s really new, Alice and we decided to keep it low key at first. When we’re ready, you’ll be the first to know.”
“I better be, damn it. I told you about Jazz 5 minutes after the fact, remember?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory.
“Yes, I remember and I promise, Alice…first to know.”
Miraculously, she let the subject be for the rest of the night and I enjoyed spending time with my best friend after a week apart.
I didn’t get any work done all morning on Monday, dreading the conversation I would be having with Edward in a few hours. It wasn’t going to be easy at all. I was going to surprise him for lunch from his favorite deli and break it to him then. I knew that if I tried to make plans beforehand, he would hear something in my voice to let him know that something was up.
When I saw the large digital clock on the wall change from 12:14 to 12:15, I halfheartedly left the office and went to pick up lunch. The line wasn’t too terrible for a Monday, but it was still January on the bay and a lot of people chose to have their lunches brought in during the winter months to avoid the cold winds coming in off the water. I didn’t like cold weather that much, but I always found the cold wind invigorating. Hair would fly in all directions, leaves would dance across the ground and into the air, trees would bend and sway to the soundless rhythm of the wind. It was one of the few natural beauties I appreciated. If there was snow involved, I hated that shit as much as anyone.
Luckily the deli was close to Edward’s branch offices on Golden Gate Avenue and it didn’t take me long to get there on foot. When I was a block or two away, I called up the secretary that covered all the agents in his office.
“FBI-San Francisco, Legislative Analysis. This is Matilda, how may I help you?”
“Hi, Matilda. I’m a friend of Edward Cullen’s - my name’s Bella - and I was wondering if he’s left for lunch already?” I asked in the most pleasant, non-anxious voice I could muster.
“I believe he was taking something to be filed right now and then said he was going to grab a bite to eat,” she replied.
“Thank you, Matilda. Have a good day.”
“You’re welcome. Good day.”
I ended the call and sped up as I began to make out the American flag in front of the my destination. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest at the mere thought of seeing Edward again. I wasn’t even worried about what I was going to tell him about Boston - I just wanted to see him. 16 hours without seeing him had been pure torture. I should have realized at that point that something wasn’t right.
Finally, I rounded the building next to Edward’s and could clearly see the entrance and the few benches sitting out front. I noticed that a couple was sitting close to the door, but their identities didn’t register with me. The closer I got, the more the couple stood out to me. The color of the man’s hair was so unique. Maybe it was because I was about to see him, but I thought it looked exactly like Edward’s. This observation made me study the couple closer.
The man WAS Edward.
And he was holding hands with the blonde woman sitting next to him.
They were staring intently at each other, exchanging animated words, oblivious to my presence.
I was frozen in place…some 30 yards away…incapable of forming thoughts.
This wasn’t necessarily what I thought it was. I was overreacting. I was insecure about our new relationship and reading too much into the situation.
Then she threw her arms around his neck.
And he returned the embrace.
My breathing got heavier and stopped all together when her lips touched his. I slammed my eyes shut, dropped the bag of food I was carrying, and ran in the direction I had just come from.
I ran the mile and a half back to my offices.
A 12-minute run that should have taken me 30 minutes.
Once inside the lobby, I rushed to the bathroom and purged everything I’d eaten in the past 24 hours along with all hopes I ever had of having a romantic relationship with Edward Cullen.
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Chapter Song: "Ache For You" - Ben Lee.