(no subject)
i just did my finaces and im really fucked. its like the never ending black hole of debt! im getting shit from the irs again. i dont know why. i've been sending them money every month. they JUST cashed the last check a couple of days ago. what the fuck is their problem? and of course the hospital bills. cant forget about those fuckers. i'm so over it!!!!!! it never gets any better, no matter how hard i try. GOD DAMNIT!!!! and i have to come with move in rent money and uhaul money. and car insurance is due, and old navy, and i have my sisters baby shower. so that will be expensive too. and i need meds and birthcontrol. provided im not pregnant. im taking a test in the morning. bren picked me up one cause i cant afford it.. and i have a med check on thursday. i really think i need to go back on the mood stabilizers. cause if im not knocked up, angry mania is the only other excuse. and my doctor better give me a shit load of sammples cause other wise there is no way i can afford it right now and if dont take it then i ll slit my wrist. ahhhhhhh.
im back at work today. it sucks ass. but hey im poor right. so i should stop fucking complaining. im in shut down mode. i feel so deafted. i get like this and then i dont want to bother doing anything. cause what the fuck is the point? its not getting me anywhere. i slept all day. and im off tommorow so ill probably sleep all day again. provided the bitch downstairs doesnt wake me. i had to call the office twice today. they always come up right when she turns it off. so i know they think im crazy. exspecially since i had that episode last year. they act like im lying. yea. i have nothing better to do then call the fucking office all goddanmed day and complain about the whore downstairs. the guy came to my door today and was like "i dont hear anything, and last time i was here i didnt hear anything". go fuck yourself buddy. shes probably sucking your dick for free and thats why you dont ever do anything. trashy goddamned whore. i really need some mood statbilisers. ive been like this for weeks now! and its just getting worse. im going to end up killing someone at this rate.
ok so things arent really that bad. im probably just a raging bitch, but i cant help it. i just have absolutly no patients right now. im trying, i really am. as much as it doesnt seem like it. im just so pissed off. good thing im managing tonight. i dont have to talk to anyone. and its almost over. i really dont want to take mood stabilizers again. but if im not pregnant, which hopefully im not. then this isnt going to go away without any mood stabilizers. i dont want to get use to a new drug again. they fuck you up so bad. but i m affraid im becoming dangerous to myself and others. this is the kinda mania that landed me in the hospital. only im not drinking. my mind is just really fast right now. and i want to stranggle people when they are in my way. and everyone and everything is in my way right now. i hat efeeling this way. why cant i control it? i should be in control of this. but im not and that maks me even more ragingly pissed off. and bren has been getting on my nerves for weeks. he hasnt even done anything. im not pre menstrual anymore, there is no excuse.
im done bitching for now. i need some xanaxs or something.
im back at work today. it sucks ass. but hey im poor right. so i should stop fucking complaining. im in shut down mode. i feel so deafted. i get like this and then i dont want to bother doing anything. cause what the fuck is the point? its not getting me anywhere. i slept all day. and im off tommorow so ill probably sleep all day again. provided the bitch downstairs doesnt wake me. i had to call the office twice today. they always come up right when she turns it off. so i know they think im crazy. exspecially since i had that episode last year. they act like im lying. yea. i have nothing better to do then call the fucking office all goddanmed day and complain about the whore downstairs. the guy came to my door today and was like "i dont hear anything, and last time i was here i didnt hear anything". go fuck yourself buddy. shes probably sucking your dick for free and thats why you dont ever do anything. trashy goddamned whore. i really need some mood statbilisers. ive been like this for weeks now! and its just getting worse. im going to end up killing someone at this rate.
ok so things arent really that bad. im probably just a raging bitch, but i cant help it. i just have absolutly no patients right now. im trying, i really am. as much as it doesnt seem like it. im just so pissed off. good thing im managing tonight. i dont have to talk to anyone. and its almost over. i really dont want to take mood stabilizers again. but if im not pregnant, which hopefully im not. then this isnt going to go away without any mood stabilizers. i dont want to get use to a new drug again. they fuck you up so bad. but i m affraid im becoming dangerous to myself and others. this is the kinda mania that landed me in the hospital. only im not drinking. my mind is just really fast right now. and i want to stranggle people when they are in my way. and everyone and everything is in my way right now. i hat efeeling this way. why cant i control it? i should be in control of this. but im not and that maks me even more ragingly pissed off. and bren has been getting on my nerves for weeks. he hasnt even done anything. im not pre menstrual anymore, there is no excuse.
im done bitching for now. i need some xanaxs or something.