Weird Workout
Ok, so i'm at the gym today, just listening to Thursday on the mp3 player and such while doing the decline press when the weirdest thing happened. I was myself again. I hadn't felt the way that i felt since right before spring break last year. It was really weird. It was almost like a "hey dude, u're back...where the hell were you and why did u go away for so long?" I felt like myself and started thinking about how i didn't act like myself at all for the past year. I mean seriously, let's think about this-
1. George rejects southwest and thinks orchard hill is the best thing since sliced bread
2. George is content with not working out or giving a fuck what he looks like (though that was only till august)
3. George takes school way too seriously.
4. George takes being an NSP HC WAY TOO seriously.
5. George decides living in a hole in the ground with no heat is a good idea.
So, as for one...Southwest is the best and that's it man. If i do go back to campus and RA next year it's gonna have to be there or i'll go crazy. 2. well, that's been handled. 3. Also, been handled. 4. I can't go back and make changes, though i wish i could. 5. self-explanitory.
I just kinda took a look at myself since last march and it was ridiculous. What the hell was i trying to prove/do? I mean, wow...holy shit.
The whole house thing too made me think of my mother when she said to me before i signed the lease "i don't like the person you're becoming". And she was right. I was becoming a bad person. And yes, she said that cuz she was frustrated and wanted me to be an RA again but honestly, my whole personality started to change. For some reason it seemed like everything had to be "proven" to people and i couldn't be myself at all. I was this other person. I mean NSP made me stressed and that was one thing. But when i felt like i was my "old self" this fall, i wasn't. I was some carbon copy weird fucked up version that was trying to live the life of a 30 year old buisnessman at 20 years old. I took shit too seriously, i'm still young. And it was all unnecessary shit. I mean, i even found the sga interesting...what the fuck??? SGA is a fucking waste of money...never done shit for me or anyone i know since i've been here.
It was weird, and the funniest part was at the end of the Thursday CD when the song I1100 comes on i don't even know what he's mumbling but i'm doing the triangle on the cable machine and it sounds like he's saying "and the robot starts to fade, i wonder why he changed..." It was fucking weird. So i kinda took that as a sign and realized i've been a robot, some sort of built machinery on top of myself these past 10 months. Not George some different guy...i mean at times i've been me but they've been few and far between moments. But as i heard that song, i felt like everything was just coming off of me, all the shit, all the heartache, everything i hate about everything right now, just went away. And i began to wonder why i changed...
And honestly, there was no good explanation. Maybe it was a dramatic change of scenery that got me trying to be something i'm not (actually, that is what it was), but regardless, it's not good explanation for me to change who i was.
Then I started reflecting and thinking of my grandmother. What would she have thought of me? She prob would be disappointed in a lot of the things i did in this time. And that's kinda how i'm looking at things right now...what would she think? And she would want me to be happy, and i've been feeling a lot happier after writing all this down recently. It's an outlet. But right now i just feel so good (aside from being sick) and i feel like 10 tons has been taken off of me. I'm not something i'm not anymore, i'm back to being George. It's a relief and I'm happy. I like this entry a lot.
I'm back.
1. George rejects southwest and thinks orchard hill is the best thing since sliced bread
2. George is content with not working out or giving a fuck what he looks like (though that was only till august)
3. George takes school way too seriously.
4. George takes being an NSP HC WAY TOO seriously.
5. George decides living in a hole in the ground with no heat is a good idea.
So, as for one...Southwest is the best and that's it man. If i do go back to campus and RA next year it's gonna have to be there or i'll go crazy. 2. well, that's been handled. 3. Also, been handled. 4. I can't go back and make changes, though i wish i could. 5. self-explanitory.
I just kinda took a look at myself since last march and it was ridiculous. What the hell was i trying to prove/do? I mean, wow...holy shit.
The whole house thing too made me think of my mother when she said to me before i signed the lease "i don't like the person you're becoming". And she was right. I was becoming a bad person. And yes, she said that cuz she was frustrated and wanted me to be an RA again but honestly, my whole personality started to change. For some reason it seemed like everything had to be "proven" to people and i couldn't be myself at all. I was this other person. I mean NSP made me stressed and that was one thing. But when i felt like i was my "old self" this fall, i wasn't. I was some carbon copy weird fucked up version that was trying to live the life of a 30 year old buisnessman at 20 years old. I took shit too seriously, i'm still young. And it was all unnecessary shit. I mean, i even found the sga interesting...what the fuck??? SGA is a fucking waste of money...never done shit for me or anyone i know since i've been here.
It was weird, and the funniest part was at the end of the Thursday CD when the song I1100 comes on i don't even know what he's mumbling but i'm doing the triangle on the cable machine and it sounds like he's saying "and the robot starts to fade, i wonder why he changed..." It was fucking weird. So i kinda took that as a sign and realized i've been a robot, some sort of built machinery on top of myself these past 10 months. Not George some different guy...i mean at times i've been me but they've been few and far between moments. But as i heard that song, i felt like everything was just coming off of me, all the shit, all the heartache, everything i hate about everything right now, just went away. And i began to wonder why i changed...
And honestly, there was no good explanation. Maybe it was a dramatic change of scenery that got me trying to be something i'm not (actually, that is what it was), but regardless, it's not good explanation for me to change who i was.
Then I started reflecting and thinking of my grandmother. What would she have thought of me? She prob would be disappointed in a lot of the things i did in this time. And that's kinda how i'm looking at things right now...what would she think? And she would want me to be happy, and i've been feeling a lot happier after writing all this down recently. It's an outlet. But right now i just feel so good (aside from being sick) and i feel like 10 tons has been taken off of me. I'm not something i'm not anymore, i'm back to being George. It's a relief and I'm happy. I like this entry a lot.
I'm back.