Weekend
"When I was in rehab, they taught me that too often we let the way others view us affect how we view ourselves. They take out their insecurities on us which could lead to us feeling down. To kick the negative outlook on our own selves we need to define ourselves and not let others opinions shape our definition of ourselves." -Chris Moltisanti, The Sopranos
OK, so he prob didn't say that quote in that many words but you get the picture of what i'm trying to say. I saw it last week and forget the quote. But that's the subject of this entry. Cuz honestly, before i really heard that i would let the way others would view me and let that affect how i felt about myself. Leading to myself feeling like a shitty person and that i suck and that i'm a dick and whatnot. And this didn't really happen until this semester.
So, basically, there's some people in this house who make me feel like i'm an asshole or i suck or i'm a terrible person (using "some people" to generalize, not all). So it's kinda been going on since october. They'll make me feel like i'm an asshole or not as much of a person as them. Whether it be that i'm smarter that them, better looking than them (seriously), i can go to class, care about the work i do, not cheat on girls, go to the gym, etc. Because they feel insecure a bout their own appearence, their inability to go to class and do basics to pass a class, or whatever, they feel the need to put me down. It's like, "well i suck, so let's put down George, cuz he won't really fight back and it will make me feel better about myself, even though he's been nothing but nice to me since i've met him." So that has been going on since the sox were playing the yanks in october and i def let it get me down bigtime. Actually convice myself that i wasn't a good guy and shit like that. I mean, it's unfortunate that they have to take out those insecurities on me but if that's their choice that's perfectly fine. It's just different now since i heard that quote.
Basically, i know who i am, i look at myself and go...well, i have a good gpa (not gonna flaunt it), i work out, i'm a good looking guy, i'm a nice guy, i don't be a dick to people unless i feel it is warranted, so how am i this shitty person? Well i'm not and i know that now. I work hard and i'm a good person. I mean, it's cool to joke around with people but just doing it to have yourself forget about your insecurities is kinda lame. And sure, it could be a person's personality to do it which i told myself, but when you look at how others get treated and how you get treated and how it differs you start to wonder. i def think that's kinda shitty. So now it's basically like say what you want "people" but it's not gonna affect my opinion of myself because i don't value what you say at all. I never had this problems with any other friends in the past, it seems this semester with these "people" they think it's cool to shit on me. Pretty fucking lame. Another reason i wish i had stayed an RA and that i didn't take a break from the people who have been with me since like day 3 of college (i know, i made a lot of mistakes).
So basically, go ahead and be shitty to me cuz i don't give a fuck, cuz i know i'm a better person that you perceive me as cuz of how i define myself now. So go ahead and call me dumb, let's compare gpas or just have a contest to see who can get up and go to a class at 930 more than 3 times a semester (2 for exams). Just cuz i go to the gym and care what i look like don't give me shit...cuz seriously, if you like doing that to people i think something is wrong with you.
Like i said, joking around is one thing, being a complete fucking asshole to someone is another.
I miss freshman, sophomore, and junior year...good thing i have a second senior year.
OK, so he prob didn't say that quote in that many words but you get the picture of what i'm trying to say. I saw it last week and forget the quote. But that's the subject of this entry. Cuz honestly, before i really heard that i would let the way others would view me and let that affect how i felt about myself. Leading to myself feeling like a shitty person and that i suck and that i'm a dick and whatnot. And this didn't really happen until this semester.
So, basically, there's some people in this house who make me feel like i'm an asshole or i suck or i'm a terrible person (using "some people" to generalize, not all). So it's kinda been going on since october. They'll make me feel like i'm an asshole or not as much of a person as them. Whether it be that i'm smarter that them, better looking than them (seriously), i can go to class, care about the work i do, not cheat on girls, go to the gym, etc. Because they feel insecure a bout their own appearence, their inability to go to class and do basics to pass a class, or whatever, they feel the need to put me down. It's like, "well i suck, so let's put down George, cuz he won't really fight back and it will make me feel better about myself, even though he's been nothing but nice to me since i've met him." So that has been going on since the sox were playing the yanks in october and i def let it get me down bigtime. Actually convice myself that i wasn't a good guy and shit like that. I mean, it's unfortunate that they have to take out those insecurities on me but if that's their choice that's perfectly fine. It's just different now since i heard that quote.
Basically, i know who i am, i look at myself and go...well, i have a good gpa (not gonna flaunt it), i work out, i'm a good looking guy, i'm a nice guy, i don't be a dick to people unless i feel it is warranted, so how am i this shitty person? Well i'm not and i know that now. I work hard and i'm a good person. I mean, it's cool to joke around with people but just doing it to have yourself forget about your insecurities is kinda lame. And sure, it could be a person's personality to do it which i told myself, but when you look at how others get treated and how you get treated and how it differs you start to wonder. i def think that's kinda shitty. So now it's basically like say what you want "people" but it's not gonna affect my opinion of myself because i don't value what you say at all. I never had this problems with any other friends in the past, it seems this semester with these "people" they think it's cool to shit on me. Pretty fucking lame. Another reason i wish i had stayed an RA and that i didn't take a break from the people who have been with me since like day 3 of college (i know, i made a lot of mistakes).
So basically, go ahead and be shitty to me cuz i don't give a fuck, cuz i know i'm a better person that you perceive me as cuz of how i define myself now. So go ahead and call me dumb, let's compare gpas or just have a contest to see who can get up and go to a class at 930 more than 3 times a semester (2 for exams). Just cuz i go to the gym and care what i look like don't give me shit...cuz seriously, if you like doing that to people i think something is wrong with you.
Like i said, joking around is one thing, being a complete fucking asshole to someone is another.
I miss freshman, sophomore, and junior year...good thing i have a second senior year.