well...this is my rant...
so lets see. im finally beginning to face the fact how many friendships ive lost. and i certaintly do not believe they are all my fault. it's not because i spend a lot of time with my boyfriend, and it is not because of my work. some of them have work too, yet they find it in their time to call eachother. they find it in their time to tell eachother everything going on in their life. yes, i used to be called to be invited places, and i wouldnt be able to go. i guess after a while of me not being able to go, the phone calls started diminishing, until now there are practically none. there used to be times when something would happen, and they would call me right away..i always knew everything. well, at least about one of the friends. best friends sure doesnt mean a lot in high school i guess...well maybe it just doesnt mean much at olp. im not quite sure yet. i get absolutely no phone calls letting me know about what happens in their life. no big surprise i guess. i mean, i cant quite say i call them. but when i have, i get no answer. sometimes its just really hard to understand why it happens. tonight is just one of those nights. im sad, depressed, hurt, and a little angry because of those friends right now. i continue being pushed away little by little, until i am sure it will completely end. that complete end will probabaly be graduation. i don't see how there will be much effort to stay in touch then, if there is no effort now.
thats why i enjoyed work more than school. the girls at work became my new friends. i told them everything about my life, we became close. brittany, lindsey, and sara were indeed my new friends. lindsey was only at work though, we never talked outside of it, cuz she was a manager. but we got really close, and talked about a lot of stuff i couldn't even begin to tell the school group. sara was fuckin hilarious, like an amazing girl. we would laugh hysterically at so much stuff. and be such bitches and talk so much shit it was intense. then there was brittany. brittany basically became my absolute closest friend at work. like seriously the friend i was looking for. we talked about everything! i would have to say that in that somewhat short amount of time working with her (compared to the time of my school friends) i got to know her so much, and she basically became who i thought of as my best friend. though i didnt actually 'declare' that, seeing as how she has about 3 best friends already. but we became so close, and i was finally happy to have a girl friend again. but then lindsey and sara got fired, and brittany quit about a week after them. so now i dont ever talk to lindsey except on myspace, and sara i basically never talk to. brittany i still do online and on myspace, and we say we are going to hang out, and i hope we do soon. i need a friend badly. its not even funny.
pretty much i dont know what im talking about right now..just getting feelings out. but i dont even know what to think about those 'best' friends at school anymore. as of right now, my best friend at school is katie, and we just talk in the classes we have together. but this is hard. i hate thinking that..that im being replaced, and slowly pushed away and set aside. you know...a stupid guy that isnt any of their boyfriend's is getting a phone call every night from all of them over in indiana. and ive gotton none. it just kinda hurts i guess. not that i expected one, but i always have a thought deep down that maybe one day ill get a call. i didnt even know they were planning a trip, until ashley was actually in town, and i, for once, hung out with them. and it was what i over heard: "see you in 3 weeks!!! indianaaaa!!!!" once again, didnt think id go to indiana to visit, but it wouldve been nice to be invited. its always nice to be invited. it shows they care.
and she was my best friend first. we talked on the phone for hours about nothing at all. we knew everything about eachother. we were unbelieveably close. and we got in a fight, then we got over it, but i guess it changed everything. as usual. whatever.
thats why i enjoyed work more than school. the girls at work became my new friends. i told them everything about my life, we became close. brittany, lindsey, and sara were indeed my new friends. lindsey was only at work though, we never talked outside of it, cuz she was a manager. but we got really close, and talked about a lot of stuff i couldn't even begin to tell the school group. sara was fuckin hilarious, like an amazing girl. we would laugh hysterically at so much stuff. and be such bitches and talk so much shit it was intense. then there was brittany. brittany basically became my absolute closest friend at work. like seriously the friend i was looking for. we talked about everything! i would have to say that in that somewhat short amount of time working with her (compared to the time of my school friends) i got to know her so much, and she basically became who i thought of as my best friend. though i didnt actually 'declare' that, seeing as how she has about 3 best friends already. but we became so close, and i was finally happy to have a girl friend again. but then lindsey and sara got fired, and brittany quit about a week after them. so now i dont ever talk to lindsey except on myspace, and sara i basically never talk to. brittany i still do online and on myspace, and we say we are going to hang out, and i hope we do soon. i need a friend badly. its not even funny.
pretty much i dont know what im talking about right now..just getting feelings out. but i dont even know what to think about those 'best' friends at school anymore. as of right now, my best friend at school is katie, and we just talk in the classes we have together. but this is hard. i hate thinking that..that im being replaced, and slowly pushed away and set aside. you know...a stupid guy that isnt any of their boyfriend's is getting a phone call every night from all of them over in indiana. and ive gotton none. it just kinda hurts i guess. not that i expected one, but i always have a thought deep down that maybe one day ill get a call. i didnt even know they were planning a trip, until ashley was actually in town, and i, for once, hung out with them. and it was what i over heard: "see you in 3 weeks!!! indianaaaa!!!!" once again, didnt think id go to indiana to visit, but it wouldve been nice to be invited. its always nice to be invited. it shows they care.
and she was my best friend first. we talked on the phone for hours about nothing at all. we knew everything about eachother. we were unbelieveably close. and we got in a fight, then we got over it, but i guess it changed everything. as usual. whatever.