(no subject)
I absolutely LOVE Fiona Apple. On Thursday night I had one of "those" nights, ya know the ones when nothing seems to go right? well I just went in my car turned up Fiona and eas literally screaming the lyrics..."this mind is body and this voice cannot be stiffled by your deviant ways." UGGGH, how are those not the most amazing lyrics? By themselves words are words. Yes they are powerful, ironic, and cutting, but her voice adds heart behind them. It's hoarse and angry...and I LOVE it! And the song criminal is the anthem of every drunken hookup I regret. It seems like the lyrics in that song paralell the conversation I have with myself in my mind as I try to justify it. "I've been a bad bad girl..."
Throughout the entire year I was looking forward to summer. Being with the girls once again, laying by the pool, the sunshine, the diet coke, the tanness, but now I'm having a change of heart. Now I party 3 nights a week and get elegantly wasted with fun friends, somewhat attractive guys, and then go pass out in my dorm room-life is good. The drama is minimal and the goodtimes and drunken memories never seem to end. The "A" word, Alex is almost never uttered and when it is it's probably because I brought it up. Being back with old friends and reminded of Alex constantly will be an emotional landmine field, I'll never know when I'll break down. Occasionally I will go to bed longing and sometimes shed a drunken tear or two but I'm immediately snapped out of it when Taylor makes another hilarious joke or me and Natalie continue to be up to no good. Being back with old friends will only leave me vulnerable, sometimes it is sooo nice to not have to worry about bumping into him or worry about being asked about him.
Throughout the entire year I was looking forward to summer. Being with the girls once again, laying by the pool, the sunshine, the diet coke, the tanness, but now I'm having a change of heart. Now I party 3 nights a week and get elegantly wasted with fun friends, somewhat attractive guys, and then go pass out in my dorm room-life is good. The drama is minimal and the goodtimes and drunken memories never seem to end. The "A" word, Alex is almost never uttered and when it is it's probably because I brought it up. Being back with old friends and reminded of Alex constantly will be an emotional landmine field, I'll never know when I'll break down. Occasionally I will go to bed longing and sometimes shed a drunken tear or two but I'm immediately snapped out of it when Taylor makes another hilarious joke or me and Natalie continue to be up to no good. Being back with old friends will only leave me vulnerable, sometimes it is sooo nice to not have to worry about bumping into him or worry about being asked about him.