Onward...
I'm still trying to surface from this funk, but I will admit I am loving all the time with my kids. Evenings have been much more pleasant because I'm not tired and overwhelmed with everything needing to be done at once.
Caleb took me away to a fabulous hotel room last weekend--it was nice to relax with him, have dinner with no hurry, and go window shopping where *I* wanted to go. It was a themed suite on the far end of the hotel, in an octagonal "tower". We stayed here last year for a getaway as well--that time on the second floor Captains Quarters. This time we were in Stoney's Beach House on the first floor. There was a huge two person jacuzzi tub--Caleb took the provided body wash, opened it up, and put it right next to the jets! I've never seen so many bubbles :). Our stay was capped off with a streaker on our floor as we were getting ready to check out--staff was madly patrolling the halls, trying to find him. Streaker's shoes and shirt had been abandoned right outside our door. As we left we saw a burly, bearded staff member standing guard just outside our door, in front of the snack machine/ice machine room. We were thinking the streaker must have been cornered in there, and the staff member probably wouldn't have let us pass that way if that had been the way towards the hotel exit. As we headed to our car, police cars were pulling in. It all made for a good laugh, anyway.
...and a lamp that I found disturbing...
Monday was a slap in the face--my disability claim is on hold because of the incompetence of state workers who misplaced important personal papers--but I am trying to just breathe and find out what I need to do next. I will admit, the no job thing eliminates many questions regarding my physical status (how will I get through another work day? How will I quit if I need to?), but it hurts personally just the same. My case being on hold is frustrating to the extreme though--the accident insurance is quickly running out and I still hurt all.the.time. The muscles in my right forearm were freaking out last night and the ache was intense. My ribs are in and out so much I've wondered if they're being played like the keys of a piano. Then there's my leg, the start of it all--I never know how it's going to feel. HOWEVER as long as the thoracic outlet symptoms keep quiet I press on (and it is these that made my job so iffy anyway, though I kept this to myself and prayed I didn't drop anything expensive).
So this week it's me and Elsa and the head/chest cold I picked up. Joshua and Sadie will come home after school and there will be homework, no TV (because they are grounded), dinner, and play practice. We will make a run to LaPlata and I'm thinking there's a rented movie in my future along with a fuzzy blanket and hot apple cider tonight after everyone is in bed. Caleb heads to Ottumwa for ASE tests so I probably won't see him much tonight. I may spend a couple hours with some paperwork at his shop, too, along with laundry and house work today.
Thanksgiving is just a couple weeks away and I'm starting to let myself look forward to seeing my Shelby. I'm hoping she'll be onboard for a beauty shop trip to play with haircolor while she's home--she dyed her hair black in September, using permanent color rather than temporary like I suggested, and it really is way too harsh on her. I don't care if she wants to have dark hair, but a warmer color would really be so much more flattering (not to mention make her blue eyes POP!). My inlaws will drive over from Wyoming, too, and I am looking forward to spending time with them. It will be nice, not having any commitments (JOB) to worry about and be able to fully enjoy just visiting.
Caleb seems to think I can do whatever I want now (job wise), even go back to school and find a new direction. This all sounds great, yes, but there is the almighty dollar worry as well as wondering what I can do that is of worth with my limitations (srsly, my arms keep me from doing a lot). Should I push ahead and keep going like I was before? Should I lay low and hope that maybe my body can heal for a season? I am so confused about the direction in which I should aim my energy.
I would like to just focus on my family, my home, and myself for a while. It feels like so much has been neglected recently and that focusing on these things might just give me the "reset" that I need.
I will close with some happy pictures from a bonfire and one of the kids in their Halloween costumes:
Sadie & Elsa
Caleb
Joshua & Sadie, caught unaware
Elsa & puppy friend
Cousin Kiki, enjoying a S'more:
Sadie & friends playing under a table
Our Halloween--Dorothy, Eskimo, & Link (from Zelda videogame)
Caleb took me away to a fabulous hotel room last weekend--it was nice to relax with him, have dinner with no hurry, and go window shopping where *I* wanted to go. It was a themed suite on the far end of the hotel, in an octagonal "tower". We stayed here last year for a getaway as well--that time on the second floor Captains Quarters. This time we were in Stoney's Beach House on the first floor. There was a huge two person jacuzzi tub--Caleb took the provided body wash, opened it up, and put it right next to the jets! I've never seen so many bubbles :). Our stay was capped off with a streaker on our floor as we were getting ready to check out--staff was madly patrolling the halls, trying to find him. Streaker's shoes and shirt had been abandoned right outside our door. As we left we saw a burly, bearded staff member standing guard just outside our door, in front of the snack machine/ice machine room. We were thinking the streaker must have been cornered in there, and the staff member probably wouldn't have let us pass that way if that had been the way towards the hotel exit. As we headed to our car, police cars were pulling in. It all made for a good laugh, anyway.
...and a lamp that I found disturbing...
Monday was a slap in the face--my disability claim is on hold because of the incompetence of state workers who misplaced important personal papers--but I am trying to just breathe and find out what I need to do next. I will admit, the no job thing eliminates many questions regarding my physical status (how will I get through another work day? How will I quit if I need to?), but it hurts personally just the same. My case being on hold is frustrating to the extreme though--the accident insurance is quickly running out and I still hurt all.the.time. The muscles in my right forearm were freaking out last night and the ache was intense. My ribs are in and out so much I've wondered if they're being played like the keys of a piano. Then there's my leg, the start of it all--I never know how it's going to feel. HOWEVER as long as the thoracic outlet symptoms keep quiet I press on (and it is these that made my job so iffy anyway, though I kept this to myself and prayed I didn't drop anything expensive).
So this week it's me and Elsa and the head/chest cold I picked up. Joshua and Sadie will come home after school and there will be homework, no TV (because they are grounded), dinner, and play practice. We will make a run to LaPlata and I'm thinking there's a rented movie in my future along with a fuzzy blanket and hot apple cider tonight after everyone is in bed. Caleb heads to Ottumwa for ASE tests so I probably won't see him much tonight. I may spend a couple hours with some paperwork at his shop, too, along with laundry and house work today.
Thanksgiving is just a couple weeks away and I'm starting to let myself look forward to seeing my Shelby. I'm hoping she'll be onboard for a beauty shop trip to play with haircolor while she's home--she dyed her hair black in September, using permanent color rather than temporary like I suggested, and it really is way too harsh on her. I don't care if she wants to have dark hair, but a warmer color would really be so much more flattering (not to mention make her blue eyes POP!). My inlaws will drive over from Wyoming, too, and I am looking forward to spending time with them. It will be nice, not having any commitments (JOB) to worry about and be able to fully enjoy just visiting.
Caleb seems to think I can do whatever I want now (job wise), even go back to school and find a new direction. This all sounds great, yes, but there is the almighty dollar worry as well as wondering what I can do that is of worth with my limitations (srsly, my arms keep me from doing a lot). Should I push ahead and keep going like I was before? Should I lay low and hope that maybe my body can heal for a season? I am so confused about the direction in which I should aim my energy.
I would like to just focus on my family, my home, and myself for a while. It feels like so much has been neglected recently and that focusing on these things might just give me the "reset" that I need.
I will close with some happy pictures from a bonfire and one of the kids in their Halloween costumes:
Sadie & Elsa
Caleb
Joshua & Sadie, caught unaware
Elsa & puppy friend
Cousin Kiki, enjoying a S'more:
Sadie & friends playing under a table
Our Halloween--Dorothy, Eskimo, & Link (from Zelda videogame)