da pants, homie, da pants
pg-13. ot7, slight taecyeon/minjun, nichkhun/wooyoung. 3,245w.
jay park thought he could have the most regular morning by making some coffee until he was proven terribly wrong by the kids he was in charge of.
so one saturday morn’, jaebeom was in the kitchen making a nice jug of coffee when minjun sauntered in with jeans down to his thighs and superman boxers up to his hipbones, all revealed for the show to its stunning glory. now the fan might’ve been screamin’, “PRAISE DA LOOOOORD, HOLLAAAA” at a sight like that but jaebeom was no fan, and he was rubbin’ his eyes real hard, unable to believe such a scene he’d just witnessed. his brain was no liar though, because it replayed the whole thing again in the leadja mind, rolling the tape back to when minjun swung open the door and stuck one leg out in swag fashion, all the way to the end when minjun had waddled, waddled, waddled across the kitchen floor with stern eyes and shit, and then swung the bathroom door close.
nah, jaebeom was on LSD shit. yeah. good explanation.
except then, junho and wooyoung woke up and sat on the high chairs by the kitchen counter, seeking warmth from their coffee mugs that jaebeom readily poured for them like the good umma, when minjun sauntered out the bathroom and performed the same frickin’ waddle back to his room. the kids just furrowed their brows off the curve of their foreheads and now jaebeom knew he couldn’t be the only one on LSD shit. the problem was, they hadn’t had a partay in awhile so where did they ever get the stash of mind enhancers? yeah, see. don’t make no sense, ya know.
the door slammed open with pizazz and the confused kids plus the extremely confused leadja turned heads, anticipating the same sauntering spectacle, ‘cept, now the tall moaning zombie had woken up, and was scratching his lower back while smacking his lips as he entered the kitchen area. so there was the sauntering embarrassment’s roommate. he must’ve woken up from the contagiously embarrassing swag.
“water you starin’ at,” taecyeon mumbled, adjusting his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose, as if that were more important than fixing his mussed up hair. junho and wooyoung turned their chins back down into their steaming coffee mugs in synchronized disappointment and jaebeom just gave taecyeon the most cryptic three blinks. “and why’re you guys so quiet?” taecyeon asked bewildered, grasping for jaebeom’s coffee cup at the same time, but jaebeom nudged the cup away by an inch with the back of his hand, just as taecyeon’s fingertips barely brushed the handle. “yah,” taecyeon whined. he scooted his chair up closer against the counter so he could attempt to jack jaebeom’s coffee again.
in the process of it, taecyeon’s body weight began to slip towards junho and now junho scowled sourly and jabbed taecyeon’s ribcage with his elbow. “‘the fuck you doin’ up right now? go back to sleep, you asshat.”
“that’s ‘cause you don’t know how to walk to the kitchen without having your ass weigh down your footsteps,” taecyeon countered, and now the zombie was alert and threatening. junho’s mouth dropped open and his nostrils flared like a hot bull and taecyeon gave him the signature sneer accompanied with the signature wagging eyebrows just to provoke junho further, the signature taec-style kind of way. wooyoung snorted immediately. that made junho spin around and shove wooyoung off the high chair just as fast as jaebeom made a manly squeal to hide his coffee when taecyeon thought the diversion would steer jaebeom’s attention away from it. goddamnit. alas, poor kid wooyoung landed on the floor with a thud and his high chair clunked and rattled as it fell too, and poor zombie taecyeon didn’t manage to snatch the coffee away from jaebeom. yet.
the loud commotion had caused nichkhun to rush into the kitchen real quick to see what was wrong, but then slumped his shoulders when he saw wooyoung on the floor, hugging his high chair, whimpering a pretend sob and junho kicking wooyoung’s shins lazily while sipping at his coffee. now taecyeon had placed his glasses on top of jaebeom’s nose and that made nichkhun laugh.
“hey--” nichkhun began. but jaebeom held out his hand.
“kiddies,” jaebeom said firmly and junho stopped kicking wooyoung. that didn’t stop taecyeon from standing and leaning across the counter. “nuh uh,” jaebeom pushed the cup further away and taecyeon sighed in exasperation. now jaebeom’s hand made the ok-go sign towards nichkhun.
“hey, jay,” nichkhun greeted. “nice glasses.” he looked like no prince in the morn’, hell far from it, which for some reason drove wooyoung to curl up and stifle his hysterical laughter with a chair leg in his mouth. nichkhun shot a da fuq? look at wooyoung.
“hey, yourself,” jaebeom answered belatedly. his mind was elsewhere since he stood there like a badass statue, staring at minjun’s bedroom door, waiting, waiting like a hawk. his coffee was still untouched but almost touched (by taecyeon.) nichkhun found himself the coffee jug and poured himself a nice cup of it, at which the action itself seemed to have escape taecyeon’s brilliant gorjass mind. junho busied himself with the spoon in his drink, licking and slobbering it up and wooyoung continued to cradle his chair on the ground.
“what are you doing?” nichkhun asked in english. taecyeon moaned longingly and jaebeom went all tightlipped for some reason.
“you’re in korea. speak korean,” junho sniped in, like he was grossed out there was even such a language called english. he glared daggers at nichkhun but nichkhun shrugged like he didn’t give a shit and two cents.
“you jellyyyyy?” taecyeon prodded junho with a pretentious english accent, nose sticking up high and mocking some hyena’s laugh. “you learn our language and then you’ll be part of the elites, ya knowwww.”
“yah!” wooyoung called out from the floor. “you can’t change your birthplace! you’ll always be from my town!”
“yeah,” nichkhun said, using his cup of coffee to point at taecyeon’s face. he rubbed it in and taecyeon couldn’t take it. “you’re still korean and you know it,” nichkhun grinned, shimmying himself over to the counter where he swayed the cup full of coffee under taecyeon’s nose. taecyeon rose up from his chair like lightening, snapping his jaws but nichkhun had moved away fast enough before taecyeon could even get a hair on it. taecyeon only moaned with exaggeration and made grabby hands at nichkhun and jaebeom because he so desperately wanted the coffee and they weren’t giving it to him. junho smirked and leaned in at taecyeon, sticking out his tongue. aw, hell. that was the last straw.
“listen. if you don’t give me any coffee right now, i’m gonna suck the coffee off of junho’s tongue,” taecyeon threatened, squinting his eyes at jaebeom and nichkhun and baring his pearly white piano teeth like an angered kitty about to throw a tantrum. nichkhun spit out his drink and jaebeom unflinchingly took the spray that colored the back and shoulder area of his white sweatshirt poop brown, persistently staring at minjun’s door. junho yelped in disgust and the attempt to swing a punch at taecyeon’s symmetrical, aesthetically pleasing face had junho toppling backwards from his chair and all they could hear was junho’s whale screech and wooyoung’s snorting laughter again (which was then stifled with the chair leg once again.)
“junho,” wooyoung said in a flat tone, after removing his teeth from the chair leg. “taecyeon won’t do it.”
“bitch, that wasn’t even directed towards you,” junho mumbled as he began to get up from the floor, but wooyoung’s legs circled around junho’s neck and locked junho onto the floor. he tried to fight it but he knew it was useless, wooyoung refused to let junho move a single inch.
“stay,” wooyoung commanded. “and you don’t even know how khun does it.” junho grunted in annoyance, like as if he wanted to even know.
oh, but, taecyeon, boy, did he want to know. taecyeon glanced at nichkhun with eager eyes, but nichkhun looked away with a secretive smile on his face, as he sipped from his cup. “what did ~you~ do?” taecyeon asked, suddenly interested in wanting to absorb the juicier way of creeping someone the hell out. it was called getting a leverage, if taecyeon wanted to say it so eloquently. on the other hand, nichkhun only shrugged in response, his body language declaring all but get on my level, bruh.
“one time,” nichkhun began in a monotonous, narrating tone, his free hand suddenly hitching up the hemline of his pants just an inch up over his boxers. “i stole wooyoung’s underwear.”
junho made a retching sound and wooyoung cried out, “see what a piece of shit he is!” taecyeon air-kicked them to shut them up, but it wasn’t like he could reach those two kids on the floor.
“of course, he wanted it back, since it was his last pair. i told him to find a snake and suck on it.”
that seemed to break whatever stupor had jaebeom stuck in that baddass statue hawk mode, made jaebeom to move more than muscle because he literally jumped and did a double-take glance on nichkhun from head to toe. “you did what?!” jaebeom exclaimed incredulously. he shielded himself by crossing his arms like an “X” over his chest, each hand on the curve of each pectoral. nichkhun and taecyeon howled in laughter as junho’s face burned up scarlet, which he hid with the sleeve of his gray sweatshirt. wooyoung tightened the grip he had on his chair and gagged embarrassedly.
“did he find the snake?” taecyeon asked nichkhun with eyes as big as tennis balls. nichkhun moved his chin in the direction of wooyoung. taecyeon took the hint and redirected the question to the boy on the floor. “hey, wooyoung, did you find a snake to suck on?”
wooyoung immediately clenched his teeth so hard onto the chair leg until teardrops fell out of his eyes.
“mommy jaeeeeebeom, look at what taecyeon did!” junho tattled. taecyeon’s face muscles did the hey! you li’l snitch! face and before he could counter, junho used his foot to knock his own standing chair into taecyeon’s knees.
“you sit your ass down and shut your trap right now, ok taecyeon, before i have to whip your ass for asking too many questions,” jaebeom reprimanded him when he saw wooyoung cry.
“hey!” taecyeon cried out at jaebeom’s scolding at the same time he felt the pain shocking his knees from junho’s chair. “you should be yellin’ at khun there, he’s the freak.” taecyeon rubbed his hands over his kneecaps and hissed.
nichkhun’s caterpillar brows were raised. “i’m the freak? you should look at wooyoung, he’s the real freak.” to further accentuate the freakiness, nichkhun’s eyebrows did the worm dance.
wooyoung immediately unclenched his teeth from the chair leg and yelled, “YAH!” and then he seemed to realize that everyone’s eyes were on him now. he snuggled the chair as close as he could while trying to hide behind it, but chairs didn’t make a good cover.“i can... suck real good,” he murmured softly, “really, really good.”
at that, nichkhun covered his face quickly with his mug by downing whatever the rest was in it, taecyeon’s jaw dropped to the ground, junho made a high pitched squealing noise and jaebeom slammed his hand across the counter. “THAT’S IT, KIDDIES.”
just right then, minjun sauntered out his room again and all four heads in the kitchen turned and followed his waddle-waddle movement through the room.
“yo, yo, yo, mah homies, ya’ll seen chansung ‘nywhere?” minjun half-greeted, half-asked them as he waddled past them, his pants on the verge of falling down straight to his ankles.
“uh, no,” junho answered from the ground.
“SHHHHH,” wooyoung hushed him by stuffing a socked foot into junho’s mouth and consequently muffled junho’s scream. taecyeon took the opportunity to snatch jaebeom’s coffee and he was friggin’ successful at it, (point for taecyeon, and one giant bazooka hole for jaebeom, YEEHAW) and he gulped it down in a matter of a few seconds. nichkhun stuck his cup between his teeth and let it hang there, his face still burning red thinking about snakes.
minjun didn’t seem to get the answer he wanted so he shrugged and kept sauntering his way, right back into the bathroom. he came back out minutes later with a lollipop in his mouth (where the fuck did the lollipop come from?), and those four confused heads just followed right with him as he made his slow way back into his room. shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, went minjun’s slow steps. then a few minutes after that, minjun came back out with a couple of empty boxes where he tossed them in the trash and completely missed because he didn’t want to waddle all the way to the trash bin. he waddle back into his room. then, he came back out, sauntered-waddled at the snail pace to the coffee jug and poured some coffee, only to remember that he still had the lollipop in his mouth, so he held onto the cup as taecyeon drooled at the sight of it, and kept walking, knowing that there were four pair of eyes onto him. theeeen, he came back out again, heading to the bathroom when finally, jaebeom had the guts to say, “‘ey.”
minjun ignored him and thus, taecyeon broke into laughter. junho scooted himself across the floor, closer to taecyeon so he could kick him in the shins and nichkhun choked on his saliva when his eyes met wooyoung’s and wooyoung deliberately licked his lips so damn slow nichkhun went tomato-red. wooyoung did the take again, but this time licking his wet lips until a silver line of saliva dripped down his chin and then he sucked it back in real quick, bit his lip while smirking and raising his brows seductively, then ran his tongue so wet across the teeth marks on the chair leg before breathing loud and hot and slipping his tongue back into his mouth where he sucked in his cheeks tight until he let it all out with a wet pop.
nichkhun shoved his fist into his mouth and tried to reclaim the air he lost from the heat suffocating him so much so that he had to hide behind the leadja. jaebeom squinted in the direction of minjun.
finally, minjun exited the bathroom and made eye contact with all four of them, and he grinned. “how’s it going, hot stuffs?” he said, adjusting the lollipop to the other cheek.
“hot stuff?” taecyeon asked in a nasally tone.
“aw, fuck no,” junho quipped, his face all grossed out, he facepalmed.
“could be worse,” wooyoung said, glaring at nichkhun.
“yeah,” nichkhun shot back, “could be.” he glared back at wooyoung.
jaebeom squinted further.
minjun slicked up his mouth with a wide, cheshire grin. “whazzup wit y’all’s mood? who’s bangin’? park j-sizzle, you bangin’? ‘ey, taecster homie, what you bangin’? what ‘bout chu, anakhunda? or chu, youngsucka? ‘n’chu, hoe-jizzle? y’all’s a-bangin’?”
more like, they were all stunned.
minjun shrugged. “‘ey, can’t blame da hot stuff righ’ here, ‘cause yolo, ya know what i mean. but i ain’t seen banana pants ‘round. y’all lemme know if ya seen him.” minjun peaced himself out by moon-waddling in the direction back to his room.
taecyeon thew jaebeom’s empty coffee cup at jaebeom’s head to wake up him out of his trance and completely missed, but it hit the cupboard behind them and jaebeom bolted up from his daze and gave the angriest look he could muster at taecyeon. learning quickly from nichkhun, taecyeon shrugged coolly, throwing a thumb behind him to direct jaebeom’s attention the main thing. the leadja understood it right away.“‘ey,” jaebeom called out to minjun.
“yessuh, j-sizzle?” minjun answered with the lollipop stick bouncing around in his mouth, nodding at jaebeom, followed by a half-assed salute. now the pants were hanging so dangerously low, any vibration of a movement could have had the pants plummeting to the ground.
“‘ey. i like superman, but not on your ass, which, by the way, is calling me to pants you. so you either pull up your pants or you walk around with your pants down.”
taecyeon wolf-whistled, junho groaned in disgust, wooyoung bit into the leg chair, and nichkhun busied himself with cleaning up the coffee cup shards. minjun just froze, mouth falling open so wide jaebeom could chuck a bowling ball into it, and the lollipop dropped to the floor with an anticlimactic clink.
silence.
taecyeon looked at each and everyone’s faces, before resting on minjun’s shocked pale face with the epiphany dawning on him that it was up to him to do something about this awkward silence. “I CAN HELP WITH THE PANTSING!” taecyeon sung loudly to break the tension. minjun realized that was his cue to run, but the moment he turned, he fell face-flat onto the ground due to his low dipping pants and everyone howled in laughter.
minjun got up but fell again, and then got up and that was when taecyeon leapt off his chair and pranced his handsome way over to minjun, taking his sweet time as minjun yet again, stumbled and fell, his hands frantically trying to pull his pants up.
the sound of glass shards entered the trash bin as nichkhun finished cleaning up the rest of it and he spun around quickly. nichkhun slow-clapped. “that’s my boy! that’s my boy, taec!”
wooyoung rose up from the ground, yelling out, “TAEC, IF YOU NEED HELP WITH THE SUCKING--” nichkhun lunged from halfway across the kitchen and cupped wooyoung’s wet mouth, the both of them fell straight to the floor with nichkhun on top of wooyoung.
junho screeched and got away, just as chansung dashed into the kitchen with terror stricken eyes.“hyung! hyung! jaebeom hyung! did you give LSD to taec hyung?! he’s got minjun’s pants in his mouth, thinking it’s his breakfast!” chansung cried out.
wooyoung had managed to push nichkhun’s hand away. “NOT ONLY DO I DO SNAKES, BUT I ALSO DO BANANAS.”
junho screamed in the background (from his room where he locked the door shut), chansung gaped and jaebeom just stared at chaotic hullabaloo everything like he had no fucking idea what to do.
nichkhun sat up, only straddle wooyoung and turned to jaebeom. “hey j-sizzle, would you approve if i pantsed youngsucka?”
junho screamed in the background yet again, and chansung zipped away from the kitchen and out the front door.
“oh my god,” jaebeom whispered at the fiasco in front of him. “what have i done?!”
taecyeon appeared by doorway of minjun’s room, sure enough, with the superman boxers in his mouth. “youff thinkff thisff iff aff conffiraffy.” jaebeom gave him the look and taecyeon promptly pulled out the boxers out of his mouth. “conspiracy. i said conspiracy.”
wooyoung let out a low breezy moan and taecyeon cackled at the two going at it on the floor. “hey jay, do you wanna--” taecyeon couldn’t finish his invitation when a half naked minjun, from the waist down, came up from behind him tarzan-yelling. minjun threw his arm over taecyeon’s big mouth and dragged him back into the room and slammed the door close. they heard junho’s scream once again and jaebeom just couldn’t take it anymore. he was out into the wind as soon as he heard a loud pop-and-squelch sound.
and that was the day jaebeom swore he would never mother five crazy kids ever again.
jay park thought he could have the most regular morning by making some coffee until he was proven terribly wrong by the kids he was in charge of.
so one saturday morn’, jaebeom was in the kitchen making a nice jug of coffee when minjun sauntered in with jeans down to his thighs and superman boxers up to his hipbones, all revealed for the show to its stunning glory. now the fan might’ve been screamin’, “PRAISE DA LOOOOORD, HOLLAAAA” at a sight like that but jaebeom was no fan, and he was rubbin’ his eyes real hard, unable to believe such a scene he’d just witnessed. his brain was no liar though, because it replayed the whole thing again in the leadja mind, rolling the tape back to when minjun swung open the door and stuck one leg out in swag fashion, all the way to the end when minjun had waddled, waddled, waddled across the kitchen floor with stern eyes and shit, and then swung the bathroom door close.
nah, jaebeom was on LSD shit. yeah. good explanation.
except then, junho and wooyoung woke up and sat on the high chairs by the kitchen counter, seeking warmth from their coffee mugs that jaebeom readily poured for them like the good umma, when minjun sauntered out the bathroom and performed the same frickin’ waddle back to his room. the kids just furrowed their brows off the curve of their foreheads and now jaebeom knew he couldn’t be the only one on LSD shit. the problem was, they hadn’t had a partay in awhile so where did they ever get the stash of mind enhancers? yeah, see. don’t make no sense, ya know.
the door slammed open with pizazz and the confused kids plus the extremely confused leadja turned heads, anticipating the same sauntering spectacle, ‘cept, now the tall moaning zombie had woken up, and was scratching his lower back while smacking his lips as he entered the kitchen area. so there was the sauntering embarrassment’s roommate. he must’ve woken up from the contagiously embarrassing swag.
“water you starin’ at,” taecyeon mumbled, adjusting his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose, as if that were more important than fixing his mussed up hair. junho and wooyoung turned their chins back down into their steaming coffee mugs in synchronized disappointment and jaebeom just gave taecyeon the most cryptic three blinks. “and why’re you guys so quiet?” taecyeon asked bewildered, grasping for jaebeom’s coffee cup at the same time, but jaebeom nudged the cup away by an inch with the back of his hand, just as taecyeon’s fingertips barely brushed the handle. “yah,” taecyeon whined. he scooted his chair up closer against the counter so he could attempt to jack jaebeom’s coffee again.
in the process of it, taecyeon’s body weight began to slip towards junho and now junho scowled sourly and jabbed taecyeon’s ribcage with his elbow. “‘the fuck you doin’ up right now? go back to sleep, you asshat.”
“that’s ‘cause you don’t know how to walk to the kitchen without having your ass weigh down your footsteps,” taecyeon countered, and now the zombie was alert and threatening. junho’s mouth dropped open and his nostrils flared like a hot bull and taecyeon gave him the signature sneer accompanied with the signature wagging eyebrows just to provoke junho further, the signature taec-style kind of way. wooyoung snorted immediately. that made junho spin around and shove wooyoung off the high chair just as fast as jaebeom made a manly squeal to hide his coffee when taecyeon thought the diversion would steer jaebeom’s attention away from it. goddamnit. alas, poor kid wooyoung landed on the floor with a thud and his high chair clunked and rattled as it fell too, and poor zombie taecyeon didn’t manage to snatch the coffee away from jaebeom. yet.
the loud commotion had caused nichkhun to rush into the kitchen real quick to see what was wrong, but then slumped his shoulders when he saw wooyoung on the floor, hugging his high chair, whimpering a pretend sob and junho kicking wooyoung’s shins lazily while sipping at his coffee. now taecyeon had placed his glasses on top of jaebeom’s nose and that made nichkhun laugh.
“hey--” nichkhun began. but jaebeom held out his hand.
“kiddies,” jaebeom said firmly and junho stopped kicking wooyoung. that didn’t stop taecyeon from standing and leaning across the counter. “nuh uh,” jaebeom pushed the cup further away and taecyeon sighed in exasperation. now jaebeom’s hand made the ok-go sign towards nichkhun.
“hey, jay,” nichkhun greeted. “nice glasses.” he looked like no prince in the morn’, hell far from it, which for some reason drove wooyoung to curl up and stifle his hysterical laughter with a chair leg in his mouth. nichkhun shot a da fuq? look at wooyoung.
“hey, yourself,” jaebeom answered belatedly. his mind was elsewhere since he stood there like a badass statue, staring at minjun’s bedroom door, waiting, waiting like a hawk. his coffee was still untouched but almost touched (by taecyeon.) nichkhun found himself the coffee jug and poured himself a nice cup of it, at which the action itself seemed to have escape taecyeon’s brilliant gorjass mind. junho busied himself with the spoon in his drink, licking and slobbering it up and wooyoung continued to cradle his chair on the ground.
“what are you doing?” nichkhun asked in english. taecyeon moaned longingly and jaebeom went all tightlipped for some reason.
“you’re in korea. speak korean,” junho sniped in, like he was grossed out there was even such a language called english. he glared daggers at nichkhun but nichkhun shrugged like he didn’t give a shit and two cents.
“you jellyyyyy?” taecyeon prodded junho with a pretentious english accent, nose sticking up high and mocking some hyena’s laugh. “you learn our language and then you’ll be part of the elites, ya knowwww.”
“yah!” wooyoung called out from the floor. “you can’t change your birthplace! you’ll always be from my town!”
“yeah,” nichkhun said, using his cup of coffee to point at taecyeon’s face. he rubbed it in and taecyeon couldn’t take it. “you’re still korean and you know it,” nichkhun grinned, shimmying himself over to the counter where he swayed the cup full of coffee under taecyeon’s nose. taecyeon rose up from his chair like lightening, snapping his jaws but nichkhun had moved away fast enough before taecyeon could even get a hair on it. taecyeon only moaned with exaggeration and made grabby hands at nichkhun and jaebeom because he so desperately wanted the coffee and they weren’t giving it to him. junho smirked and leaned in at taecyeon, sticking out his tongue. aw, hell. that was the last straw.
“listen. if you don’t give me any coffee right now, i’m gonna suck the coffee off of junho’s tongue,” taecyeon threatened, squinting his eyes at jaebeom and nichkhun and baring his pearly white piano teeth like an angered kitty about to throw a tantrum. nichkhun spit out his drink and jaebeom unflinchingly took the spray that colored the back and shoulder area of his white sweatshirt poop brown, persistently staring at minjun’s door. junho yelped in disgust and the attempt to swing a punch at taecyeon’s symmetrical, aesthetically pleasing face had junho toppling backwards from his chair and all they could hear was junho’s whale screech and wooyoung’s snorting laughter again (which was then stifled with the chair leg once again.)
“junho,” wooyoung said in a flat tone, after removing his teeth from the chair leg. “taecyeon won’t do it.”
“bitch, that wasn’t even directed towards you,” junho mumbled as he began to get up from the floor, but wooyoung’s legs circled around junho’s neck and locked junho onto the floor. he tried to fight it but he knew it was useless, wooyoung refused to let junho move a single inch.
“stay,” wooyoung commanded. “and you don’t even know how khun does it.” junho grunted in annoyance, like as if he wanted to even know.
oh, but, taecyeon, boy, did he want to know. taecyeon glanced at nichkhun with eager eyes, but nichkhun looked away with a secretive smile on his face, as he sipped from his cup. “what did ~you~ do?” taecyeon asked, suddenly interested in wanting to absorb the juicier way of creeping someone the hell out. it was called getting a leverage, if taecyeon wanted to say it so eloquently. on the other hand, nichkhun only shrugged in response, his body language declaring all but get on my level, bruh.
“one time,” nichkhun began in a monotonous, narrating tone, his free hand suddenly hitching up the hemline of his pants just an inch up over his boxers. “i stole wooyoung’s underwear.”
junho made a retching sound and wooyoung cried out, “see what a piece of shit he is!” taecyeon air-kicked them to shut them up, but it wasn’t like he could reach those two kids on the floor.
“of course, he wanted it back, since it was his last pair. i told him to find a snake and suck on it.”
that seemed to break whatever stupor had jaebeom stuck in that baddass statue hawk mode, made jaebeom to move more than muscle because he literally jumped and did a double-take glance on nichkhun from head to toe. “you did what?!” jaebeom exclaimed incredulously. he shielded himself by crossing his arms like an “X” over his chest, each hand on the curve of each pectoral. nichkhun and taecyeon howled in laughter as junho’s face burned up scarlet, which he hid with the sleeve of his gray sweatshirt. wooyoung tightened the grip he had on his chair and gagged embarrassedly.
“did he find the snake?” taecyeon asked nichkhun with eyes as big as tennis balls. nichkhun moved his chin in the direction of wooyoung. taecyeon took the hint and redirected the question to the boy on the floor. “hey, wooyoung, did you find a snake to suck on?”
wooyoung immediately clenched his teeth so hard onto the chair leg until teardrops fell out of his eyes.
“mommy jaeeeeebeom, look at what taecyeon did!” junho tattled. taecyeon’s face muscles did the hey! you li’l snitch! face and before he could counter, junho used his foot to knock his own standing chair into taecyeon’s knees.
“you sit your ass down and shut your trap right now, ok taecyeon, before i have to whip your ass for asking too many questions,” jaebeom reprimanded him when he saw wooyoung cry.
“hey!” taecyeon cried out at jaebeom’s scolding at the same time he felt the pain shocking his knees from junho’s chair. “you should be yellin’ at khun there, he’s the freak.” taecyeon rubbed his hands over his kneecaps and hissed.
nichkhun’s caterpillar brows were raised. “i’m the freak? you should look at wooyoung, he’s the real freak.” to further accentuate the freakiness, nichkhun’s eyebrows did the worm dance.
wooyoung immediately unclenched his teeth from the chair leg and yelled, “YAH!” and then he seemed to realize that everyone’s eyes were on him now. he snuggled the chair as close as he could while trying to hide behind it, but chairs didn’t make a good cover.“i can... suck real good,” he murmured softly, “really, really good.”
at that, nichkhun covered his face quickly with his mug by downing whatever the rest was in it, taecyeon’s jaw dropped to the ground, junho made a high pitched squealing noise and jaebeom slammed his hand across the counter. “THAT’S IT, KIDDIES.”
just right then, minjun sauntered out his room again and all four heads in the kitchen turned and followed his waddle-waddle movement through the room.
“yo, yo, yo, mah homies, ya’ll seen chansung ‘nywhere?” minjun half-greeted, half-asked them as he waddled past them, his pants on the verge of falling down straight to his ankles.
“uh, no,” junho answered from the ground.
“SHHHHH,” wooyoung hushed him by stuffing a socked foot into junho’s mouth and consequently muffled junho’s scream. taecyeon took the opportunity to snatch jaebeom’s coffee and he was friggin’ successful at it, (point for taecyeon, and one giant bazooka hole for jaebeom, YEEHAW) and he gulped it down in a matter of a few seconds. nichkhun stuck his cup between his teeth and let it hang there, his face still burning red thinking about snakes.
minjun didn’t seem to get the answer he wanted so he shrugged and kept sauntering his way, right back into the bathroom. he came back out minutes later with a lollipop in his mouth (where the fuck did the lollipop come from?), and those four confused heads just followed right with him as he made his slow way back into his room. shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, went minjun’s slow steps. then a few minutes after that, minjun came back out with a couple of empty boxes where he tossed them in the trash and completely missed because he didn’t want to waddle all the way to the trash bin. he waddle back into his room. then, he came back out, sauntered-waddled at the snail pace to the coffee jug and poured some coffee, only to remember that he still had the lollipop in his mouth, so he held onto the cup as taecyeon drooled at the sight of it, and kept walking, knowing that there were four pair of eyes onto him. theeeen, he came back out again, heading to the bathroom when finally, jaebeom had the guts to say, “‘ey.”
minjun ignored him and thus, taecyeon broke into laughter. junho scooted himself across the floor, closer to taecyeon so he could kick him in the shins and nichkhun choked on his saliva when his eyes met wooyoung’s and wooyoung deliberately licked his lips so damn slow nichkhun went tomato-red. wooyoung did the take again, but this time licking his wet lips until a silver line of saliva dripped down his chin and then he sucked it back in real quick, bit his lip while smirking and raising his brows seductively, then ran his tongue so wet across the teeth marks on the chair leg before breathing loud and hot and slipping his tongue back into his mouth where he sucked in his cheeks tight until he let it all out with a wet pop.
nichkhun shoved his fist into his mouth and tried to reclaim the air he lost from the heat suffocating him so much so that he had to hide behind the leadja. jaebeom squinted in the direction of minjun.
finally, minjun exited the bathroom and made eye contact with all four of them, and he grinned. “how’s it going, hot stuffs?” he said, adjusting the lollipop to the other cheek.
“hot stuff?” taecyeon asked in a nasally tone.
“aw, fuck no,” junho quipped, his face all grossed out, he facepalmed.
“could be worse,” wooyoung said, glaring at nichkhun.
“yeah,” nichkhun shot back, “could be.” he glared back at wooyoung.
jaebeom squinted further.
minjun slicked up his mouth with a wide, cheshire grin. “whazzup wit y’all’s mood? who’s bangin’? park j-sizzle, you bangin’? ‘ey, taecster homie, what you bangin’? what ‘bout chu, anakhunda? or chu, youngsucka? ‘n’chu, hoe-jizzle? y’all’s a-bangin’?”
more like, they were all stunned.
minjun shrugged. “‘ey, can’t blame da hot stuff righ’ here, ‘cause yolo, ya know what i mean. but i ain’t seen banana pants ‘round. y’all lemme know if ya seen him.” minjun peaced himself out by moon-waddling in the direction back to his room.
taecyeon thew jaebeom’s empty coffee cup at jaebeom’s head to wake up him out of his trance and completely missed, but it hit the cupboard behind them and jaebeom bolted up from his daze and gave the angriest look he could muster at taecyeon. learning quickly from nichkhun, taecyeon shrugged coolly, throwing a thumb behind him to direct jaebeom’s attention the main thing. the leadja understood it right away.“‘ey,” jaebeom called out to minjun.
“yessuh, j-sizzle?” minjun answered with the lollipop stick bouncing around in his mouth, nodding at jaebeom, followed by a half-assed salute. now the pants were hanging so dangerously low, any vibration of a movement could have had the pants plummeting to the ground.
“‘ey. i like superman, but not on your ass, which, by the way, is calling me to pants you. so you either pull up your pants or you walk around with your pants down.”
taecyeon wolf-whistled, junho groaned in disgust, wooyoung bit into the leg chair, and nichkhun busied himself with cleaning up the coffee cup shards. minjun just froze, mouth falling open so wide jaebeom could chuck a bowling ball into it, and the lollipop dropped to the floor with an anticlimactic clink.
silence.
taecyeon looked at each and everyone’s faces, before resting on minjun’s shocked pale face with the epiphany dawning on him that it was up to him to do something about this awkward silence. “I CAN HELP WITH THE PANTSING!” taecyeon sung loudly to break the tension. minjun realized that was his cue to run, but the moment he turned, he fell face-flat onto the ground due to his low dipping pants and everyone howled in laughter.
minjun got up but fell again, and then got up and that was when taecyeon leapt off his chair and pranced his handsome way over to minjun, taking his sweet time as minjun yet again, stumbled and fell, his hands frantically trying to pull his pants up.
the sound of glass shards entered the trash bin as nichkhun finished cleaning up the rest of it and he spun around quickly. nichkhun slow-clapped. “that’s my boy! that’s my boy, taec!”
wooyoung rose up from the ground, yelling out, “TAEC, IF YOU NEED HELP WITH THE SUCKING--” nichkhun lunged from halfway across the kitchen and cupped wooyoung’s wet mouth, the both of them fell straight to the floor with nichkhun on top of wooyoung.
junho screeched and got away, just as chansung dashed into the kitchen with terror stricken eyes.“hyung! hyung! jaebeom hyung! did you give LSD to taec hyung?! he’s got minjun’s pants in his mouth, thinking it’s his breakfast!” chansung cried out.
wooyoung had managed to push nichkhun’s hand away. “NOT ONLY DO I DO SNAKES, BUT I ALSO DO BANANAS.”
junho screamed in the background (from his room where he locked the door shut), chansung gaped and jaebeom just stared at chaotic hullabaloo everything like he had no fucking idea what to do.
nichkhun sat up, only straddle wooyoung and turned to jaebeom. “hey j-sizzle, would you approve if i pantsed youngsucka?”
junho screamed in the background yet again, and chansung zipped away from the kitchen and out the front door.
“oh my god,” jaebeom whispered at the fiasco in front of him. “what have i done?!”
taecyeon appeared by doorway of minjun’s room, sure enough, with the superman boxers in his mouth. “youff thinkff thisff iff aff conffiraffy.” jaebeom gave him the look and taecyeon promptly pulled out the boxers out of his mouth. “conspiracy. i said conspiracy.”
wooyoung let out a low breezy moan and taecyeon cackled at the two going at it on the floor. “hey jay, do you wanna--” taecyeon couldn’t finish his invitation when a half naked minjun, from the waist down, came up from behind him tarzan-yelling. minjun threw his arm over taecyeon’s big mouth and dragged him back into the room and slammed the door close. they heard junho’s scream once again and jaebeom just couldn’t take it anymore. he was out into the wind as soon as he heard a loud pop-and-squelch sound.
and that was the day jaebeom swore he would never mother five crazy kids ever again.