hobart
so. i'm kinda stressing out. this summer has been a constant rollercoaster of ups & downs with bart. the distance by itself makes me lose my feelings for him, which i am thankful for, but then other times, when i talk to him, it's back to where i started. i will be the first to admit that this boy has me wrapped around his finger, and it sucks. i have convinced myself that it will all be over when i leave for london. that's 4 and a half months away from the united states. i won't have my cell phone, which means that he can't contact me via text like we are used to. i suppose we could stay in touch over aim, but he's never on. so i dunno, i was hoping that it would be the end when i leave (at least i think it's the best thing for me).. but lately he's been talking about the future. and making many references to "us" when i come back. so it's kind of throwing me off, and i hate it. i honestly hate how much i care about bart. i don't want to lose him, and in the perfect world we would be together. however, the world isn't perfect and neither is he. he would only hurt me again, and i don't think i can withstand any more pain.
and i'm terrified bc i feel like it could come any day now. any mention of another girl in his life would just kill me. and i know there are other girls. bc i know him, and i'm not stupid. like for example, i texted him maybe 20 minutes ago, and my only thought due to his lack of response is that he's with another girl. and it's not a great feeling. i really don't want to do this anymore. i want to be with him, but i really can't deal with it. so hopefully florida will be a happy (as can be) ending to our relationship. either that, or he will miracuously change his ways. which won't happen, so i guess i'll have to talk myself into the first plan.
and i'm terrified bc i feel like it could come any day now. any mention of another girl in his life would just kill me. and i know there are other girls. bc i know him, and i'm not stupid. like for example, i texted him maybe 20 minutes ago, and my only thought due to his lack of response is that he's with another girl. and it's not a great feeling. i really don't want to do this anymore. i want to be with him, but i really can't deal with it. so hopefully florida will be a happy (as can be) ending to our relationship. either that, or he will miracuously change his ways. which won't happen, so i guess i'll have to talk myself into the first plan.