Masochism (stamina for love)

[strawberryfresh]

It was very sad
to realize
that your treatment toward me
specifically,
was so obviously tied into
the state of your life
and the level of self confidence
you are feeling.

Abundant clarity now
and i pity you.

Older-with so little
in your treasure box
of true romantic experiences.

We were
The best of friends
throughout all of your nice
relationships,
you treated me kindly when
you felt safe with them. Those confident women,
grown and whole.
As though vulnerability
was an all or nothing thing
to make it rounds to all the people in your life
Once it was told it was safe to come out.

Now, I am aware
though, i am lonely for the pieces of you that i thought
i might get to play with again,
you are running circles into your third decade of life
making the same mistakes over and over
and I
am not there
to mop you up when its over and done with.

Project what you think
you need to be
to be loved
She will do the same.
You will dance with glass in between you
the saddest mime act, now in its third showing.
trying desperately to look and feel
the way you've seen people in love, look
and act.
So safely avoiding transparency.
I can still see right through you,

I wish i didn't have walk over glass to see myself
Rolling around in it, this final time around
Making sure something so sparkly and pretty
Could really make me bleed and hurt so badly.
But I did.
And it does.

And i'm no longer your consolation prize in the end,
because
you
do not
deserve
me,
in any form.