(no subject)
I had one of the few real talks with my dad today. I mean, I've talked with him about problems before, but not life talks often. I've had many minor blow-out's where I've been all "I need to quit work," but today at work was a bit of a breaking point. Of the select tasks I do at work, the one I've been doing on and off the past couple of weeks is the most tedious and mind-numbing that I do. I mean... it's hard to explain how much of a joke this task is and then compared to how much I value myself and my time and knowledge. So, I called with what started out as another "I need to quit work" call. I told him I just need one person to reinforce my want to quit and that's all it would take. (I need to note now that by 'quit,' I mean, 'put in my two weeks notice.') However, my dad was either not listening at points or couldn't concentrate because mom and sister wouldn't STFU in the background. So, I grew increasingly pissed and he could tell and said he'd call back.
He ended up calling back and I had to explain how frustrating it is when I value myself so much more. How I have no desire to even think about looking for another job when I already don't like this, etc. He didn't say "I think you should quit," but he didn't seem as out-right "STFU and go to work" as he usually did.
It also finally clicked with me that I think my OCD is actually a problem and that's where a lot of this work frustration is really coming from. While I would say I had OCD personality (which means it doesn't affect your life, more or less), I'm starting to think I have straight up OCD. I introduced the idea that I think I genuinely need to seek some sort of professional help for it. Normally, I would say that that's a bullshit idea, but I'm thinking I really might have to. Oddly enough, my dad started to agree with that and he thinks he might be a problem too, which is the first time I've heard him even acknowledge it. Now, for all I know, he could have just been saying this to be the voice that would convince me to do what it is I want to do, but with the constant reinforcement I need, he knew I wouldn't do it without someone else saying it.
So:
1) I'm looking into my insurance and seeing what I am able to do to get help with my OCD (that doesn't require prescription medication, because I am refusing that)
2) I may have decided that I need to quit this job and just fucking go.
This could be an interesting end of the year.
He ended up calling back and I had to explain how frustrating it is when I value myself so much more. How I have no desire to even think about looking for another job when I already don't like this, etc. He didn't say "I think you should quit," but he didn't seem as out-right "STFU and go to work" as he usually did.
It also finally clicked with me that I think my OCD is actually a problem and that's where a lot of this work frustration is really coming from. While I would say I had OCD personality (which means it doesn't affect your life, more or less), I'm starting to think I have straight up OCD. I introduced the idea that I think I genuinely need to seek some sort of professional help for it. Normally, I would say that that's a bullshit idea, but I'm thinking I really might have to. Oddly enough, my dad started to agree with that and he thinks he might be a problem too, which is the first time I've heard him even acknowledge it. Now, for all I know, he could have just been saying this to be the voice that would convince me to do what it is I want to do, but with the constant reinforcement I need, he knew I wouldn't do it without someone else saying it.
So:
1) I'm looking into my insurance and seeing what I am able to do to get help with my OCD (that doesn't require prescription medication, because I am refusing that)
2) I may have decided that I need to quit this job and just fucking go.
This could be an interesting end of the year.