Midnight Rantings
My honey is so sweet to me.
My sister (K) was having a crisis of her own and did not want to be alone so he went to LaCrosse to get her.
I was in no condition to be romping around.
She did everything but beg me to come spend the night at her house but to be all honest there is nothing like your own toilet bowl when you are not feeling well, lol. tmi, sorry.
I usually never actually throw up, I just feel like it.
It was hard telling her no especially with her being so persistent but I had to take care of me. I did what I could and opened the door to my home.
Later my hubby made grilled pork chops, veggies (with a brown sugar glaze) and potatoes. It was pretty good but of course in the end I paid for it.
If I did not eat every time I felt nauseous I would never eat. I try to eat light but sometimes you just need "real" food.
Last night was a rough night, emotionally. I think I did a good job keeping it to myself.
My sister did a good job bringing enough drama with her. I love her but I dont know how she lives like that. I was pretty proud of myself not taking it on.
I got a lot of embroidering done. It is my goal to finish this lap quilt for mom (H). for Mothers day. That gives me a couple of months to finish it. embroidering is relaxing for me.
I say that it was a rough night last night because I was literally frustrated to tears with feeling sick. Some days I deal with it better than others.
I do have to go in and get a mammogram done and haven't because honestly I am afraid of what they are going to say. I am struggling with the what ifs and worst case scenarios....
I have been lactating for a long time months, maybe a year and have never had children. This is how they diagnosed the brain tumor I have. It is sitting on near my pituitary gland and is affecting my hormones.
I have been taking a drug to regulate my prolactin (breast milk hormone) and the it has leveled out but I am still lactating. It is a lot less but it is still coming. I do have to squeeze slightly now where as before I was soaking shirts. The endrocrinologist said that it would dry up with time.
Lately in my left breast the discharge or what was milk like turned to a clear fluid. so he sent me to another doctor. She did a breast exam and said she thought everything was ok. She only ordered the mammogram, cat scans and dye tests as a precaution. I cannot afford tests that are not absolutely needed so I plan on going back to the endochrinologist and talking to him about it.
I suppose I broke to tears because I am just starting to accept that I have a brain tumor and now these complications are starting to gently roll in like possible optical nerve damage and now breast problems.
I want my breast ducts to dry up so badly and to not be so tender.
I think that the crying helped me release a lot. It has been a while.
On the upside whie I was emobroidering, I decided to show my husband my progress. He said it was almost as beautiful as i was. Now if that dont melt a persons heart.
The night before last he put his hand on my knee and told me that he loved me.
We have had our problems and find ourselves in marriage counseling. It is helping so much. We have been married ten years and it is nice to get this sort of attention from him and I think he means it. I really do feel loved. You know I really couldnt ask for a better husband.
Beans is snuggled into my knee and I have to be up in a couple of hours so I suppose I should try and go back to bed.