Felt like a LiFeTiMe.....
so im sitting here tonight and i get a phone call from danielle. she was having a bad night and i was trying to make her feel better. Im pretty sure i failed becuase there is nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel better if you don't know what is wrong! oh man do i wish that were the case with me! ik whats wrong and i can't fix it cuz you don't want to, or you don't care enough to! the more i talked to danielle the more i realized that i can't keep doing this to myself. ik it sounds sad and all but i can't let people in anymore. whenever i get close to someone it lasts for a while and it is amazing. then without any notice or hint of whats coming, im dropped. dropped flat on my face and there you went speeding away to busy to notice me there! i know i lost my best friend a month or so ago but do you? do you know you lost yours? the better question would be, was i ever? ik you told me i was and you told me i meant so mush to you but i find that hard to believe. its not like i can make you miss me or realize you need me just as much as i need you. what you need is a kick in the ass for letting your whole life fall around you and drop me at the same time! i came to the conclusion tonight that i just need to let you go and except that i made a mistake i swore i would never make. i misjudged how geniune you were and didn't c the disaster waiting to happen. the funny thing is i can't get mad at you. no matter what you go a week or more without a word then call me when you need something and boom im back to erica my best friend, one of those friends you want to be around forever! i just miss us so much. and ik it sounds like im making you out to be my boyfriend but don't get me wrong, you were my best friend and i never thought for one second that you of all people would leave me when i need you. idk anymore! i can't do this! i just need to have friends and my family and not care about anyone long enough for them to hurt me like youve hurt me soooo many times this past month or so. there are no words for you anymore i jsut hope you get your shit straight soon becuase maybe, just maybe i won't be there to help you when you fall flat in the mud this time!