(no subject)
i know its been forever since i've updated, i've kind of found this really pointless when i'm this busy, but its helpful once in a while even when no one comments. well all thats really happened is my 16th birthday and guys lax games. today there was one against eleanor roosevelt and we lost 6-7 =( so steve was really pissed so he made everyone run suicides after the game. oh and by the way i was standing in the pouring rain and wind and freezing cold for like 3 hours so that sucked, and i'm still cold and i didn't get home til like 8 and i haven't done any of my homework but i'm not going to anyways so fuck it all. friday night was really bad. i sat in my bathroom crying until 2 in the morning and had a pile of tissues annd i was wrting in like my hand journal from like last year, it was really pathetic. now it's like a re-inactment but i'm not in my bathroom but i'm typing this cuz i don't want to talk to anyone. i'm eating a lot of ice cream because i figure i'm gonna get fatter than i am right now and i'm crying and i'm typing this, yeah. fun stuff. not really. my parents are like so fucking pissed at me for one stupid chem quiz which i completel,y forgot to take so my teacher gave me a 0/35. but i mean i got good grades on all the other stuff so i don't see why its THAT big of a deal, and its not like a purposely tried to miss it to get a 0, i mean i forgot can't i just make one damn mistake in my life?! and chase missed it also which i didn't even know, and his parents aren't giving him all this fucking crap. and then my parents think we leike planned it out together to not take it, i mean honestly what the fuck that is the most retarded thing ever. they are acting as if my life depends on this quiz and i won't get into college or do anything e lse right by messing up once. like i've messed up before and they've never cared so much, like what is wrong with them. i feel another breakdown kind of thing coming like the one i had earlier in the year, i have no intention on going to some classes, like my breakdown earlier in the year which means i'll not be caught up in classes and people will fucking tell tom yoder the assistent principle that i'm a cutter which is the studpiest thing i have ebver heard, like whoever told him seriously has issues and can go die in a fucking hole. i haven't actually talked to people about everything thats going on because i don't know why. i can't tell my parents. i can't tell my sister. i feel like i can't tell my friends. i feel like sometikmes i can't even finish a story or something, all i told them on satuday at dinner was how i just sat in my bathroom crying friday nnight, no one asked why it was just kind of like "oh thats sooo sad." and then move on. i wonder if me not switching was a bad choice, it might not be too late. i think everythin thats been going on is kind of a warning signal for me that i have to take so once i finish this i'm calling my dad and telling my mom that i would like to switch. i'm sorry for my friends at gds who are reading this but if you did read this please please please don't bring it up untill i do, because i know when i will say it and when the time is right. tonight i want to switch but maybe over the night i'll change my mind, i'm not sure yet so just don't spread stuff around. a lot more is goiong on, some things i can't even explain. i feel like a live 2 separate lives. theres just me that pretends a lot of the time, but then theres me inside where i feel completely different but no one would ever know.