so confused
I really hate people sometimes!! Everyone’s big thing to say to me is "You think you can do what ever you want cuz your in a wheelchair!!" I hate it when people say that to me, it makes me feel more different from everyone than I already do.
Ever since my accident it’s like everyone expects so much more out of me or it could be that I expect a lot more from myself. This accident is something that is always on my mind, I can’t ever shut it out. Pictures of the ICU room floating into my head, along with the Surban that ran me over, the look on people's face, seeing my best friend crying beside my bed while I was trying to breathe, remembering all the pain and what I was thinking, remembering the week of the accident; all the plans I had made. The accident has changed my whole life, changed me as a person, how I look at things, how I feel.
I always feel so empty now. When I’m with my friends and their running around and I’m just sitting there. It’s like I don’t fit in with anyone. I have no energy to do anything now; all I want to do is sleep. No one understands how I really feel, like when I crying over everything or get mad over nothing at all or laugh at something that’s not even funny cuz I think that if I look happy, I’ll really feel happy. It’s like I don’t know how to help myself and I’m trapped in this dark room and no one can reach me.
I know all this sounds depressing and most people don’t want to hang out with someone who is always depressed. But this is how I really feel, I’m so confused, I don’t know who to be. I really need to find myself. That’s why I can’t wait until school’s out for the summer and I have a lot of time to think and not worry about school.
Ever since my accident it’s like everyone expects so much more out of me or it could be that I expect a lot more from myself. This accident is something that is always on my mind, I can’t ever shut it out. Pictures of the ICU room floating into my head, along with the Surban that ran me over, the look on people's face, seeing my best friend crying beside my bed while I was trying to breathe, remembering all the pain and what I was thinking, remembering the week of the accident; all the plans I had made. The accident has changed my whole life, changed me as a person, how I look at things, how I feel.
I always feel so empty now. When I’m with my friends and their running around and I’m just sitting there. It’s like I don’t fit in with anyone. I have no energy to do anything now; all I want to do is sleep. No one understands how I really feel, like when I crying over everything or get mad over nothing at all or laugh at something that’s not even funny cuz I think that if I look happy, I’ll really feel happy. It’s like I don’t know how to help myself and I’m trapped in this dark room and no one can reach me.
I know all this sounds depressing and most people don’t want to hang out with someone who is always depressed. But this is how I really feel, I’m so confused, I don’t know who to be. I really need to find myself. That’s why I can’t wait until school’s out for the summer and I have a lot of time to think and not worry about school.